Why I choose to sabotage myself all the freaking time

There are two things major issues I need to consider:

1) emotional eating - why does this happen? Oh, its happened on and off for years - I eat from loneliness, stress, boredom, for comfort etc. Sometimes I am able to link the eating with a very specific event or emotion, and other times not. I think I have simply become accustomed to eating while watching tv. I am considering trying an experiment next week of no tv weekday evenings and see what happens.

2) fear of losing weight. When was the last time I was a good weight? How did I feel about myself? How did other people treat me? What was my lifestyle? In answering these questions I realized that while I want to go back to that weight, I do NOT want to go back to that life! ha ha ha Are the two linked in my head? How do I un-link them? Or is it fear of failure? "I'll never be able to achieve the body I want even if I lose the weight, so I won't lose the weight." I need to give myself permission to not have a "perfect" body even if my weight is good. (I'm not sure that last one is a problem but its something to consider).

For some people it seems as simple as becoming aware of what they are eating, and cutting back. I wish it were that simple for me.