The Lady or the Tiger

The past couple of days have been rough. Do you ever feel depressed, and then feel guilty for feeling depressed because you have no real reason? I mean, yah, my husband doesn’t have a job Monday. That’s part of the stress of having your own business. We have money in the bank to tide us over for a little bit until something comes in. But I’ve never gotten used to it.

Anyway, I feel guilty for feeling depressed. I mean, we have our health, a house, blah blah. I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way, which then makes it worse. Yesterday, I just gave in. I denied myself nothing. I had a breakfast burrito from Sonic, chocolate off a co-worker’s desk, a bag of Wow Doritos (A small snack bag), Japanese for dinner, and beer after. And today I feel done with that.

I love to eat. I love food. I love the taste of hot cheese dip, washed down with an ice cold beer. But I hate what it does to my body. I hate how it makes me feel like less of a person after. It’s just some food. Why does it have so much power over me?

I didn’t work out last night. I didn’t run this morning. Don’t worry – I walked twice yesterday and today is weights and step class. But still. I feel like I am letting myself down. Days I overeat I look back on and feel that they are wasted. I hate that.