Discordant

I’ve been a bit unhappy lately. First, I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed fortunate. I live a fairly comfortable middle class existence in the wealthiest country in the world, which means I have time for introspection because I don’t have to struggle to feed my child or worry about rebel insurgents.

There are things I would like to be, that I don’t feel I am. I view myself as an athletic outdoorsy woman, with a bit of euro-funk thrown in. What I look like is a sedentary suburban soccer mom. That bothers me. That’s why I hate being overweight. How I look is not a reflection of how I feel.

And I struggle. With keeping my house clean. With keeping (fairly) healthy meals on the table. We eat out once a week. I fix every other meal we eat. I can’t really afford to buy organic everything. I try to shop at the farmer’s market, buy unprocessed foods, etc. I spend several hours every Sunday preparing food for my family for the week because I can’t do it all during the week.

I find myself stressing over what I haven’t done, what needs to be done, etc. I think I spend too much time worrying about that and not enough time enjoying my family. I should worry less, but I honestly don’t know how to stop. I’ve always been wound pretty tight (as it were), even as a child. I dunno. Anybody tried meditation?