The Wonder Woman Myth Debunked

Last Friday I read an article on msn.com about “stressed out moms”. The article was talking about women who push themselves in so many areas of their life – particularly to be a “perfect mom”, that they wind up exhausted – too tired to enjoy their kids, their husbands, anything.

I remember what I watched on tv as a little girl: “Wonder Woman”, “Bionic Woman”, even “Charlie’s Angels”. It was the 70s and yes, there was plenty of t&a and gender bias in those shows (go back and watch a few episodes of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”), but they also sent a very empowering message to little girls. These might not have been the perfect role models, but they were strong women who were (mostly) taking care of themselves. The message was “you can be anything!” and it felt great.

Then along came the 80’s – Oprah and Reaganomics. The American economy was booming. Somewhere along the line the message girls and women received got changed. It was no longer “you can do anything”, it was “you can have everything.”

Did you ever see Steve Martin in the movie “The Jerk”? There is a scene where he has lost everything and he is wandering through the house. He clutches a thermos and says “This is all I need. Just this thermos. That’s all. And that pen. And that….” Pretty soon, he’s carrying so much crap that it is falling out of his arms but he keeps on picking up more. That’s the perfect metaphor for how many people live their lives today.

Have you ever heard the term “subject matter expert”? It’s someone who specializes in knowing a great deal about something. Have you ever known anyone who thought they were a subject matter expert in everything? Weren’t they annoying? But that’s how a lot of people live, women in particular. They honestly think they can be a CEO, a terrific mom, a great triathlete, found their own charitable organization, and still find time to attend the opera and put a gourmet meal on the table every night. And that myth gets perpetuated, so that we are made to feel inferior if we don’t achieve those goals. No wonder these women are exhausted!

It’s all a sham. I’m sorry, but it is. You cannot hold everything in your arms. You can hold several things, but not everything. You can’t be a subject matter expert in everything. It’s a lie. It’s that simple, and that hard.

It is hard to let go of perfectionism. To say “I will never come in first place in a bike race, because having a relatively clean house is also important to me.” Because it means letting go of some dreams, and admitting you have to make choices. It means admitting your own humanity.