Neca’s Wacky Weight Loss Scheme (tm)
So, I was down an incredible half a pound this week! You know, the one I gain every other week, and lose on alternate weeks? Ugh.
Hubby is taking a job out of town for the next few weeks, coming home mid-week. So, that gives me 3 nights per week alone, where I can eat simply, not cook, and work out more.
So, here’s my wacky weight loss scheme for while he’s away:
1) Plan all my meals, using some tv dinners and pre-portioned leftovers. Eat within my calorie range.
2) Exercise more.
3) Move snack night to when he’s home, and avoid snacks the other nights.
4) Plan stuff to keep me busy (as needed).
5) Spend a lot of time soaking in the tub.
Think it’ll work?
Friday, July 16, 2004
Thursday, July 15, 2004
This is an update?
Nothing too exciting to post, but I wanted to check in. Tuesday I had my after dinner snack (even though its planned, it still makes me feel guilty). Yesterday eating was good – although I did substitute my mixed nuts at my afternoon snack for Oreos. Oh well. 6 oreos won’t kill me I guess.
I did not go to the gym yesterday (it was leg & shoulder day). Hubby & I went shopping! We are going on vacation in August. I realize, camping (with no electricity, in a tent) for more than a week with 13,000 other people is not “fun” for most people. Especially since during the hottest part of the day, several thousand of those people will be donning medieval style armor to participate in the world’s largest medieval battle re-creation – for 5 of those days. But its our vacation.
Anyway, we needed stuff for camp – table top tikis, new water carriers (they have running water but its too nasty to shower in, let alone drink!), a stand for our camp stove, a new “grill” top to put over the fire. Mmmmm – meat cooked over a fire. I can’t wait!
Have I ever mentioned how I met my husband? We both do medieval battle re-creation. Kinda like civil war re-enactment, but ours is full contact – and we are making the battle up as we go rather than “acting out” a specific scene from history. Complete with armor, costumes, medieval pavilion (think the camp in LOTR without the cool painting). Love it, although I do demand a “real” vacation at least every other year. (For the record, that involves white sandy beaches and foofy girl drinks)!
Just trudging along – headed in the right direction, just moving awfully slow I feel like.
Nothing too exciting to post, but I wanted to check in. Tuesday I had my after dinner snack (even though its planned, it still makes me feel guilty). Yesterday eating was good – although I did substitute my mixed nuts at my afternoon snack for Oreos. Oh well. 6 oreos won’t kill me I guess.
I did not go to the gym yesterday (it was leg & shoulder day). Hubby & I went shopping! We are going on vacation in August. I realize, camping (with no electricity, in a tent) for more than a week with 13,000 other people is not “fun” for most people. Especially since during the hottest part of the day, several thousand of those people will be donning medieval style armor to participate in the world’s largest medieval battle re-creation – for 5 of those days. But its our vacation.
Anyway, we needed stuff for camp – table top tikis, new water carriers (they have running water but its too nasty to shower in, let alone drink!), a stand for our camp stove, a new “grill” top to put over the fire. Mmmmm – meat cooked over a fire. I can’t wait!
Have I ever mentioned how I met my husband? We both do medieval battle re-creation. Kinda like civil war re-enactment, but ours is full contact – and we are making the battle up as we go rather than “acting out” a specific scene from history. Complete with armor, costumes, medieval pavilion (think the camp in LOTR without the cool painting). Love it, although I do demand a “real” vacation at least every other year. (For the record, that involves white sandy beaches and foofy girl drinks)!
Just trudging along – headed in the right direction, just moving awfully slow I feel like.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Yesterday’ food:
I’m not a big poster of food lists, but I like to every once and a while.
B: 2 slices fat free bologna on whole wheat (only 80 calories and it tasted so decadent) I have no idea why I was craving bologna sandwiches.
S: 2 low fat string cheeses and a nectarine
L: salad with grilled chicken breast and a hard roll (no butter). Half a cookie. (I had to go to a luncheon, so this is really excellent)
S: nectarine and 1 oz mixed nuts
D: Weight Watchers enchilada casserole and ½ c refried beans
That’s it, plus walked an hour and lifted weights (chest & back).
I’m not a big poster of food lists, but I like to every once and a while.
B: 2 slices fat free bologna on whole wheat (only 80 calories and it tasted so decadent) I have no idea why I was craving bologna sandwiches.
S: 2 low fat string cheeses and a nectarine
L: salad with grilled chicken breast and a hard roll (no butter). Half a cookie. (I had to go to a luncheon, so this is really excellent)
S: nectarine and 1 oz mixed nuts
D: Weight Watchers enchilada casserole and ½ c refried beans
That’s it, plus walked an hour and lifted weights (chest & back).
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Fine Line Between Urination and Dehydration
Well, I ran the farthest I’ve ever run in my life this weekend – 15.7 miles. I can’t believe it.
So, the run redux:
First 7 miles were normal, by the 10.5 mark I was a little tired, by the 12-ish mile point, I was beginning to be really tired. At 14 mile mark I wanted to hang a right and walk the 50 yards to my driveway. I turned left to do the last 2 miles. Realizing I was out of liquid (and it was getting hotter and more humid by the second), I cut off a cul de sac and cruised on home. The last 1.7 miles were horrible. But I did it.
I took all the recommendations to heart: more food & water before, used gel at the 7 mile point (my, but that stuff is a special kind of nasty!), and drank and ate quickly after. That peanut butter sandwich was a slice of heaven.
After I collapsed into my chair with water and my sandwich, my hubby comes in and says “I’m taking you out to breakfast. Don’t worry – you can go just like you are.” I busted out laughing and said “I can’t put shoes back on my feet.” That was man speak for “I wanna go out to breakfast so I’ll make it look like I’m treating you.” My response was wife speak for “no”.
Men. On the plus side, he rode his bike and stuck with me quite a bit to help me pass the time. That was great. He’s a sweetie.
Overall the weekend was pretty nice. I worked like a dog Saturday, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc so that I could do nothing after my run Sunday – which is exactly what I did. I napped, bathed, picked up when the mood struck, and watched movies. Very nice.
Today is weight training at the gym. Which reminds me – I had the weirdest dream about lifting weights. I dreamed I was at the Y lifting weights with this guy. He’s someone I see at the gym, but I don’t know him. So it wasn’t really him – just someone that looked like that, if that makes any sense. Anyway, in the dream he is telling me how much progress I’ve made – he’s really dissecting the muscle growth (which is true) and complimenting me on the progress. And I have made loads of progress in the muscle development/ weight training department. Then he looks at me and says “Now you need to love yourself enough to stop over eating and take care of yourself – lose the weight and be the best you you can be.” Wow.
Well, I ran the farthest I’ve ever run in my life this weekend – 15.7 miles. I can’t believe it.
So, the run redux:
First 7 miles were normal, by the 10.5 mark I was a little tired, by the 12-ish mile point, I was beginning to be really tired. At 14 mile mark I wanted to hang a right and walk the 50 yards to my driveway. I turned left to do the last 2 miles. Realizing I was out of liquid (and it was getting hotter and more humid by the second), I cut off a cul de sac and cruised on home. The last 1.7 miles were horrible. But I did it.
I took all the recommendations to heart: more food & water before, used gel at the 7 mile point (my, but that stuff is a special kind of nasty!), and drank and ate quickly after. That peanut butter sandwich was a slice of heaven.
After I collapsed into my chair with water and my sandwich, my hubby comes in and says “I’m taking you out to breakfast. Don’t worry – you can go just like you are.” I busted out laughing and said “I can’t put shoes back on my feet.” That was man speak for “I wanna go out to breakfast so I’ll make it look like I’m treating you.” My response was wife speak for “no”.
Men. On the plus side, he rode his bike and stuck with me quite a bit to help me pass the time. That was great. He’s a sweetie.
Overall the weekend was pretty nice. I worked like a dog Saturday, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc so that I could do nothing after my run Sunday – which is exactly what I did. I napped, bathed, picked up when the mood struck, and watched movies. Very nice.
Today is weight training at the gym. Which reminds me – I had the weirdest dream about lifting weights. I dreamed I was at the Y lifting weights with this guy. He’s someone I see at the gym, but I don’t know him. So it wasn’t really him – just someone that looked like that, if that makes any sense. Anyway, in the dream he is telling me how much progress I’ve made – he’s really dissecting the muscle growth (which is true) and complimenting me on the progress. And I have made loads of progress in the muscle development/ weight training department. Then he looks at me and says “Now you need to love yourself enough to stop over eating and take care of yourself – lose the weight and be the best you you can be.” Wow.
Friday, July 09, 2004
The Drama Never Stops
We now interrupt this regularly scheduled fitness blog for a rant about my dysfunctional family. There is not “fun” in this dysfunction, please stop reading if you aren’t interested and come back Monday when I will let you know how my long run went.
Still here? God knows I wish I weren’t. You know, hubby & I are going to some counseling so we can get help working through our differing views on money, confrontation, and anger. Our marriage is a good one, but new, and we want to keep it on the right path. So, we are working together, learning new things about each other, and drawing closer than we were before.
Therapy can also be a very painful time, as you examine old hurts in order to better understand (and help your partner understand) why you hold some of the beliefs you do. It’s like pulling the scabs off stuff you normally don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on.
So, with scabs pulled off, vaguely depressed in a non-directed way, concerned about hubby who is trying to finish a very stressful job – who comes along to pour a little salt on those open wounds? My grandma, who writes my mom a letter (received yesterday), stating that she is cutting all ties with us both and never wants to see or hear from either of us again.
As my mom said, “Well. There goes 38 years of friendship.” (For the record, this is my dad’s mom).
I could go into an in depth analysis of the 3 generation manipulative, psycho, craziness that goes on on that side of my family, but what’s the point? Way to go grandma, you just alienated the only 2 people you had not already estranged, or been estranged from. Or maybe she already felt that way and hadn’t said so (which I believe). God knows she’s always had this weird passive-aggressive, talking behind your back to other family members mojo going on.
And because all of this stuff is so near the surface, this is affecting me a lot more than it normally would. I know my grandma for what she is, and I know a little of how she got to be that way (not that it is okay, just that I understand a little). And this wouldn’t bother me so much if I hadn’t made such an effort in the last couple of years (after the death of my mom’s dad) to get closer to her. Given that my other grandmother is in end stage Alzheimer’s, she’s the only grandparent I have left.
I realized that both my dad and his mother always made their affection conditional. They loved me if I were “good” (i.e. did what they told me). I remember my dad and his wife giving me a hard time about how much I was eating as a young pre-teen/ teen-ager, reinforcing my belief that I wasn’t worthy of love unless it was based upon my looks or behavior.
No wonder I have such a screwed up relationship with food.
We now interrupt this regularly scheduled fitness blog for a rant about my dysfunctional family. There is not “fun” in this dysfunction, please stop reading if you aren’t interested and come back Monday when I will let you know how my long run went.
Still here? God knows I wish I weren’t. You know, hubby & I are going to some counseling so we can get help working through our differing views on money, confrontation, and anger. Our marriage is a good one, but new, and we want to keep it on the right path. So, we are working together, learning new things about each other, and drawing closer than we were before.
Therapy can also be a very painful time, as you examine old hurts in order to better understand (and help your partner understand) why you hold some of the beliefs you do. It’s like pulling the scabs off stuff you normally don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on.
So, with scabs pulled off, vaguely depressed in a non-directed way, concerned about hubby who is trying to finish a very stressful job – who comes along to pour a little salt on those open wounds? My grandma, who writes my mom a letter (received yesterday), stating that she is cutting all ties with us both and never wants to see or hear from either of us again.
As my mom said, “Well. There goes 38 years of friendship.” (For the record, this is my dad’s mom).
I could go into an in depth analysis of the 3 generation manipulative, psycho, craziness that goes on on that side of my family, but what’s the point? Way to go grandma, you just alienated the only 2 people you had not already estranged, or been estranged from. Or maybe she already felt that way and hadn’t said so (which I believe). God knows she’s always had this weird passive-aggressive, talking behind your back to other family members mojo going on.
And because all of this stuff is so near the surface, this is affecting me a lot more than it normally would. I know my grandma for what she is, and I know a little of how she got to be that way (not that it is okay, just that I understand a little). And this wouldn’t bother me so much if I hadn’t made such an effort in the last couple of years (after the death of my mom’s dad) to get closer to her. Given that my other grandmother is in end stage Alzheimer’s, she’s the only grandparent I have left.
I realized that both my dad and his mother always made their affection conditional. They loved me if I were “good” (i.e. did what they told me). I remember my dad and his wife giving me a hard time about how much I was eating as a young pre-teen/ teen-ager, reinforcing my belief that I wasn’t worthy of love unless it was based upon my looks or behavior.
No wonder I have such a screwed up relationship with food.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
We met my sister & her boyfriend at the baseball game last night. The weather was great – not humid & a nice little breeze, and the tickets were free.
I had a very small dinner, so I could have half a chili dog and half a beer at the game. Other than a couple of my son’s nacho chips, that was it. Last year when we went, I was crabby as heck b/c they were sold out of hot dogs, not to mention miserably hot and muggy! *lol* This year was much better.
Did shoulders and a light leg workout yesterday. On the weeks where my long run is really long, I am going to start scaling back my leg workout. I’ll do a heavier workout on the in between weeks. Sonja was cool with this – she doesn’t really like doing legs the way I do.
Tonight is biceps & triceps. I am really seeing a difference in my arms – they are coming along nicely. I am running 16 miles this Sunday. Have I mentioned that already? Have I mentioned that these long runs are becoming daunting emotionally as well as physically? I am really pushing myself way out of my comfort zone now. I guess that’s why I wanted to do this thing in the first place.
Sometimes when I get down about my still poochy belly (which feels like its even poochier than normal as of late) or my jean size, I remind myself how much I’ve done – the bench press competition, the triathlon, running the longest distance I’ve ever run in my life.
Did I mention there is a local kid’s triathlon series local to me? My son is going to become a triathlete in his own right this summer. Sharing an enthusiasm for competition, watching him get excited about this stuff – that almost means more to me than any of the stuff I’ve done on my own. I’m so proud of him!
We met my sister & her boyfriend at the baseball game last night. The weather was great – not humid & a nice little breeze, and the tickets were free.
I had a very small dinner, so I could have half a chili dog and half a beer at the game. Other than a couple of my son’s nacho chips, that was it. Last year when we went, I was crabby as heck b/c they were sold out of hot dogs, not to mention miserably hot and muggy! *lol* This year was much better.
Did shoulders and a light leg workout yesterday. On the weeks where my long run is really long, I am going to start scaling back my leg workout. I’ll do a heavier workout on the in between weeks. Sonja was cool with this – she doesn’t really like doing legs the way I do.
Tonight is biceps & triceps. I am really seeing a difference in my arms – they are coming along nicely. I am running 16 miles this Sunday. Have I mentioned that already? Have I mentioned that these long runs are becoming daunting emotionally as well as physically? I am really pushing myself way out of my comfort zone now. I guess that’s why I wanted to do this thing in the first place.
Sometimes when I get down about my still poochy belly (which feels like its even poochier than normal as of late) or my jean size, I remind myself how much I’ve done – the bench press competition, the triathlon, running the longest distance I’ve ever run in my life.
Did I mention there is a local kid’s triathlon series local to me? My son is going to become a triathlete in his own right this summer. Sharing an enthusiasm for competition, watching him get excited about this stuff – that almost means more to me than any of the stuff I’ve done on my own. I’m so proud of him!
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
I Hate Shopping
Yesterday morning I was griping about not having enough decent clothes for work. It is true: I'm in one of those weird in between stages. I am able to wear (nice) shorts to work, which is great in the heat & humidity we are experiencing now. Unfortunately, except for 3 pair, my shorts fall into one of the following categories: too small, threadbare, or hand me downs from my mom that look like they are left over from the 80's - so not my colors or fabrics.
So yesterday, my husband gives me some money and asks me to please go shopping. It was so sweet, and I did have time after work yesterday. Unfortunately, while innocently sitting at my desk someone attached a hose to me and blew me up. Me & my swollen belly went to Kohl's. There, it either didn't fit or looked like something your grandma would wear on a carnival cruise. Oh god.
Next I went to Wal-Mart. Yes I did. I found 2 pair of capris that are okay. They are comfortable - mostly b/c they are 1/2 a size too big, but the next size down was a little tight. I didn't spend a lot of money, but add that to my existing shorts and couple of sundresses and I should make it through the summer.
My head is not in a good place today. I was feeling good about my body, and that shopping trip blew it. Feeling sad, I used part of the money to feed hubby & me pizza and beer for dinner.
Ugh.
Yesterday morning I was griping about not having enough decent clothes for work. It is true: I'm in one of those weird in between stages. I am able to wear (nice) shorts to work, which is great in the heat & humidity we are experiencing now. Unfortunately, except for 3 pair, my shorts fall into one of the following categories: too small, threadbare, or hand me downs from my mom that look like they are left over from the 80's - so not my colors or fabrics.
So yesterday, my husband gives me some money and asks me to please go shopping. It was so sweet, and I did have time after work yesterday. Unfortunately, while innocently sitting at my desk someone attached a hose to me and blew me up. Me & my swollen belly went to Kohl's. There, it either didn't fit or looked like something your grandma would wear on a carnival cruise. Oh god.
Next I went to Wal-Mart. Yes I did. I found 2 pair of capris that are okay. They are comfortable - mostly b/c they are 1/2 a size too big, but the next size down was a little tight. I didn't spend a lot of money, but add that to my existing shorts and couple of sundresses and I should make it through the summer.
My head is not in a good place today. I was feeling good about my body, and that shopping trip blew it. Feeling sad, I used part of the money to feed hubby & me pizza and beer for dinner.
Ugh.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
My Bike has missed me
And I have missed it. I rode my bike twice this week – Saturday and yesterday after the gym. I know I’m not a “serious cyclist”. I have a little cruiser (with a wide seat). But its fun to ride around. Someday I might have enough money to afford a real rode bike (and lessons on how to use the sucker!). In the meantime, I’ll just ride around on my little mongoose, happy to be getting some exercise.
My 7 mile run Sunday was good, and I ran 3 this morning. Mostly it was nice to just hang out with my husband this weekend. We did some serious talking today, but not over the weekend. We just focused on hanging out. I am eating some weird things – but I am eating what sounds good. I am watching my portions though. Like last night, I had spaghetti (1 cup) with anchovies and garlic. This is one of my favorite childhood meals. I’ve eaten it 5 times in the past week. Weird, I know. But if I crave it, then I can have it for dinner. Every night if I want. For the record, I also had leftover grilled veggies, so it wasn’t an unhealthy meal. Giving myself permission to eat has been interesting. The funny thing is, instead of pigging out, I’m feeling more in control than I was before when I was trying to be all strict about my food.
I am going to the dr tomorrow to get the results of my thyroid test. I’m anxious to see what she has to say.
And I have missed it. I rode my bike twice this week – Saturday and yesterday after the gym. I know I’m not a “serious cyclist”. I have a little cruiser (with a wide seat). But its fun to ride around. Someday I might have enough money to afford a real rode bike (and lessons on how to use the sucker!). In the meantime, I’ll just ride around on my little mongoose, happy to be getting some exercise.
My 7 mile run Sunday was good, and I ran 3 this morning. Mostly it was nice to just hang out with my husband this weekend. We did some serious talking today, but not over the weekend. We just focused on hanging out. I am eating some weird things – but I am eating what sounds good. I am watching my portions though. Like last night, I had spaghetti (1 cup) with anchovies and garlic. This is one of my favorite childhood meals. I’ve eaten it 5 times in the past week. Weird, I know. But if I crave it, then I can have it for dinner. Every night if I want. For the record, I also had leftover grilled veggies, so it wasn’t an unhealthy meal. Giving myself permission to eat has been interesting. The funny thing is, instead of pigging out, I’m feeling more in control than I was before when I was trying to be all strict about my food.
I am going to the dr tomorrow to get the results of my thyroid test. I’m anxious to see what she has to say.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Post Weekend
Well, it was a nice weekend. We cooked out with our neighbors. We did grilled vegetables and a couple of those "beer can chickens". Let me tell you, that chicken was incredible! It was so juicy and tender - yum! I am hooked! My mom made pasta salad and the neighbors brought homemade banana ice cream. It was a very nice meal and we had a great time.
I am back at work today - its very quiet, and doesn't even feel like work :-)
I am still reading Geneen Roth's books. I'm nearly done with "Breaking free from compulsive eating" and then have "Why Weight? A guide to breaking free from compulsive eating" to read still. I am finding her books very useful.
Instead of trying to control what I'm consuming, I'm focusing on feeling my feelings as I eat. It has been pretty enlightening. I have given myself permission to eat, which has been a bit scary. But I haven't stuffed myself the way I've always been afraid I would either.
I maintained last week, and right now I'm okay with that. Until I understand what I am getting from eating & being overweight, I'm happy to work on understanding and just maintain my weight.
I did not make healthy choices this weekend, and I really paid attention to how those made me feel. I rode my bike 7 miles Saturday and ran 7 miles Sunday. I could tell my performance suffered. Next weekend I am running 16 miles and I know I cannot do that if I've eaten crappy or consumed alcohol the day before. But by recognizing that, I don't feel like I'm laying down strict rules or depriving myself by eating healthy the day before. I know I have to plan better next weekend, and I feel okay with that.
More & more I'm finding that this isn't about losing weight, for me its about getting in touch with feelings I didn't know existed. That will lead to a healthier me, inside & out.
Well, it was a nice weekend. We cooked out with our neighbors. We did grilled vegetables and a couple of those "beer can chickens". Let me tell you, that chicken was incredible! It was so juicy and tender - yum! I am hooked! My mom made pasta salad and the neighbors brought homemade banana ice cream. It was a very nice meal and we had a great time.
I am back at work today - its very quiet, and doesn't even feel like work :-)
I am still reading Geneen Roth's books. I'm nearly done with "Breaking free from compulsive eating" and then have "Why Weight? A guide to breaking free from compulsive eating" to read still. I am finding her books very useful.
Instead of trying to control what I'm consuming, I'm focusing on feeling my feelings as I eat. It has been pretty enlightening. I have given myself permission to eat, which has been a bit scary. But I haven't stuffed myself the way I've always been afraid I would either.
I maintained last week, and right now I'm okay with that. Until I understand what I am getting from eating & being overweight, I'm happy to work on understanding and just maintain my weight.
I did not make healthy choices this weekend, and I really paid attention to how those made me feel. I rode my bike 7 miles Saturday and ran 7 miles Sunday. I could tell my performance suffered. Next weekend I am running 16 miles and I know I cannot do that if I've eaten crappy or consumed alcohol the day before. But by recognizing that, I don't feel like I'm laying down strict rules or depriving myself by eating healthy the day before. I know I have to plan better next weekend, and I feel okay with that.
More & more I'm finding that this isn't about losing weight, for me its about getting in touch with feelings I didn't know existed. That will lead to a healthier me, inside & out.
Friday, July 02, 2004
Little Orphan Diary
What can I say? Life gets busy, and my poor diary gets left sitting. On the weight front, I maintained this week. I can’t say this was a week “deserving” of a loss, my eating was very so-so, and exercise was minimal. Once again I’ve been using food to cover up emotions. I’m working on that.
The other thing I’m working on is being kinder to myself. It’s okay to miss a run or have a beer – its really not the end of the world. But I act like I just went out & murdered some puppies when I “slip” – like hello, that’s life. Chill out. Keep the momentum going in the right direction & you’ll get there. You’re supposed to enjoy the journey – it’s the only one we get.
I make no promises about this weekend, other than to do the best I can, try to spend some quality time with my husband, and enjoy myself in ways that don’t involve food.
What can I say? Life gets busy, and my poor diary gets left sitting. On the weight front, I maintained this week. I can’t say this was a week “deserving” of a loss, my eating was very so-so, and exercise was minimal. Once again I’ve been using food to cover up emotions. I’m working on that.
The other thing I’m working on is being kinder to myself. It’s okay to miss a run or have a beer – its really not the end of the world. But I act like I just went out & murdered some puppies when I “slip” – like hello, that’s life. Chill out. Keep the momentum going in the right direction & you’ll get there. You’re supposed to enjoy the journey – it’s the only one we get.
I make no promises about this weekend, other than to do the best I can, try to spend some quality time with my husband, and enjoy myself in ways that don’t involve food.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Is anyone home?
Well, after an extra long (4 day) weekend and a busy day catching up yesterday, I’m here.
First, the 14 mile run went well. I had a nasty headache after, and was sore a couple of days, but the run itself went well and I am amazed that I did it!
Eating was not great – being on the road, eating weird times in weird locales made it tough. And I did some emotional eating.
I finished one of Geneen Roth’s books – it was her first one, “Feeding the Hungry Heart” I think. It was good, and I’ve started another “Breaking Free of Compulsive Eating.”
I still don’t know whether I am eating to deal with stress, eating out of habit, or eating to prevent myself from losing more weight. That’s an important question, but right now I still haven’t discovered the answer.
Well, after an extra long (4 day) weekend and a busy day catching up yesterday, I’m here.
First, the 14 mile run went well. I had a nasty headache after, and was sore a couple of days, but the run itself went well and I am amazed that I did it!
Eating was not great – being on the road, eating weird times in weird locales made it tough. And I did some emotional eating.
I finished one of Geneen Roth’s books – it was her first one, “Feeding the Hungry Heart” I think. It was good, and I’ve started another “Breaking Free of Compulsive Eating.”
I still don’t know whether I am eating to deal with stress, eating out of habit, or eating to prevent myself from losing more weight. That’s an important question, but right now I still haven’t discovered the answer.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Why I choose to sabotage myself all the freaking time
There are two things major issues I need to consider:
1) emotional eating - why does this happen? Oh, its happened on and off for years - I eat from loneliness, stress, boredom, for comfort etc. Sometimes I am able to link the eating with a very specific event or emotion, and other times not. I think I have simply become accustomed to eating while watching tv. I am considering trying an experiment next week of no tv weekday evenings and see what happens.
2) fear of losing weight. When was the last time I was a good weight? How did I feel about myself? How did other people treat me? What was my lifestyle? In answering these questions I realized that while I want to go back to that weight, I do NOT want to go back to that life! ha ha ha Are the two linked in my head? How do I un-link them? Or is it fear of failure? "I'll never be able to achieve the body I want even if I lose the weight, so I won't lose the weight." I need to give myself permission to not have a "perfect" body even if my weight is good. (I'm not sure that last one is a problem but its something to consider).
For some people it seems as simple as becoming aware of what they are eating, and cutting back. I wish it were that simple for me.
There are two things major issues I need to consider:
1) emotional eating - why does this happen? Oh, its happened on and off for years - I eat from loneliness, stress, boredom, for comfort etc. Sometimes I am able to link the eating with a very specific event or emotion, and other times not. I think I have simply become accustomed to eating while watching tv. I am considering trying an experiment next week of no tv weekday evenings and see what happens.
2) fear of losing weight. When was the last time I was a good weight? How did I feel about myself? How did other people treat me? What was my lifestyle? In answering these questions I realized that while I want to go back to that weight, I do NOT want to go back to that life! ha ha ha Are the two linked in my head? How do I un-link them? Or is it fear of failure? "I'll never be able to achieve the body I want even if I lose the weight, so I won't lose the weight." I need to give myself permission to not have a "perfect" body even if my weight is good. (I'm not sure that last one is a problem but its something to consider).
For some people it seems as simple as becoming aware of what they are eating, and cutting back. I wish it were that simple for me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Size 12 jean shorts
I am wearing size 12 jean shorts today. I’ve worn size 12 slacks etc for a while, but have been stuck in size 14 jeans for what feels like all eternity. Until today.
I have big hips. So, if something fits my waist it’s too tight in the hips. If the hips fit, the waist is generally loose. But today these are comfortable. :-)
In a way I feel unworthy since I have gained 2 pounds, but I’ve jumped right back into good choices and am trying to make (healthy) food I really enjoy.
I did arms yesterday (biceps & triceps) and ran 30 min on the treadmill. If feels so much harder than it does on the road. I skipped abs – Sonja cut out a couple of minutes early and I just didn’t do them on my own.
Nothing profound here today. Except that I checked a couple of books by Geneen Roth out of the library – I’ll let you know what I think.
I am wearing size 12 jean shorts today. I’ve worn size 12 slacks etc for a while, but have been stuck in size 14 jeans for what feels like all eternity. Until today.
I have big hips. So, if something fits my waist it’s too tight in the hips. If the hips fit, the waist is generally loose. But today these are comfortable. :-)
In a way I feel unworthy since I have gained 2 pounds, but I’ve jumped right back into good choices and am trying to make (healthy) food I really enjoy.
I did arms yesterday (biceps & triceps) and ran 30 min on the treadmill. If feels so much harder than it does on the road. I skipped abs – Sonja cut out a couple of minutes early and I just didn’t do them on my own.
Nothing profound here today. Except that I checked a couple of books by Geneen Roth out of the library – I’ll let you know what I think.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Better
This weekend was better. I didn’t rely on food. I had two after dinner snacks, but ate good meals. So, while not perfect (I would like to limit that to 1 snack, but we’ll see how this went), it is more in line with how my eating needs to be. I scared myself a little when I quickly reverted to my old “stuffing it all down with food” ways.
My run was good. I am doing 14 miles this Friday. Oh my God.
This weekend was better. I didn’t rely on food. I had two after dinner snacks, but ate good meals. So, while not perfect (I would like to limit that to 1 snack, but we’ll see how this went), it is more in line with how my eating needs to be. I scared myself a little when I quickly reverted to my old “stuffing it all down with food” ways.
My run was good. I am doing 14 miles this Friday. Oh my God.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Gone Camping
I’m headed out pretty soon. My son is on vacation with grandma and the hubby & I are going camping this weekend – just the two of us. I am really looking forward to being alone without any distractions for a time. Just to talk & walk & be out in nature.
He has agreed to be more supportive about my eating habits. Last night is a pretty good example – he broke one of my favorite wine glasses, so he goes to the store & picks up beer and a large soft pretzel to apologize. To that end, we are packing only healthy food for our trip. If I’m not back here Monday, you know I didn’t survive the diet Pepsi withdrawal!
I’m headed out pretty soon. My son is on vacation with grandma and the hubby & I are going camping this weekend – just the two of us. I am really looking forward to being alone without any distractions for a time. Just to talk & walk & be out in nature.
He has agreed to be more supportive about my eating habits. Last night is a pretty good example – he broke one of my favorite wine glasses, so he goes to the store & picks up beer and a large soft pretzel to apologize. To that end, we are packing only healthy food for our trip. If I’m not back here Monday, you know I didn’t survive the diet Pepsi withdrawal!
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Why Ask Why?
I’m curious: Is there anyone who gets in their car after a long day at work and thinks to themselves “Hurray! I get to go to the gym!” (besides Dave Draper). Really? Can you teach me that? Ha ha ha
I was walking out to my car yesterday, thinking about how tired I was. My job isn’t physically tiring, but it’s mentally taxing. I was tired. And thinking about going to the gym made me tired. I had no enthusiasm. I realized I never do. But in the last 15 months of going to the gym after work to lift weights, I can’t remember ever just blowing it off (okay, there was 1 month in there I didn’t lift). Even though I’m never very excited, I just go. Why ask why? Just do it. Blah blah blah. And I always remember how good I feel and how much fun I have while doing it – that keeps me going back.
So, another arm workout is in the log book.
I got up to run this morning. Oh my God. I only made it 2 miles. Yesterday was 70 degrees and 93% humidity. This morning was 73 and 93% humidity. I just couldn’t do it – running through a tepid sponge is bad, this morning was just beyond that. As much as I hate it, starting next week my weekday runs are at the gym after my arm workout. I don’t like running on a treadmill. And I will just have to suffer through the long run on the weekends.
I had a snack last night after dinner – I’m guessing around 350 calories. I did it because I was hungry. I generally eat around 900-1000 calories during the day, then dinner is something like a piece of meat (grilled, baked, or sautéed), and 2 vegetables. After I eat I still feel hungry. So I am making a pot of vegetable soup and some sugar free jello next week. I can have a cup of soup with or after dinner, and the jello can be “dessert.” That’s not a lot of extra calories, it’s healthy, and maybe it will prevent me from eating junk after dinner. I refuse to be hungry.
Heather is quitting her diary. I understand her reasons and respect them. Hers was the first weight loss blog I ever read, but her diary is so much more than that. It’s about life, how we treat each other, how we treat ourselves. Sometimes these little pages tossed out there by normal people are well crafted, thought provoking, insightful. That’s why I enjoy them so much. And I love to read about what other people eat. Ha!
(I’d list what I ate yesterday, but it was a totally weird day: hurried breakfast, business lunch, really excellent dinner though (whiting breaded with Japanese panko crumbs and sauteed, corn on cob, zucchini) and the dreaded bad after dinner snack. Ugh.)
I’m curious: Is there anyone who gets in their car after a long day at work and thinks to themselves “Hurray! I get to go to the gym!” (besides Dave Draper). Really? Can you teach me that? Ha ha ha
I was walking out to my car yesterday, thinking about how tired I was. My job isn’t physically tiring, but it’s mentally taxing. I was tired. And thinking about going to the gym made me tired. I had no enthusiasm. I realized I never do. But in the last 15 months of going to the gym after work to lift weights, I can’t remember ever just blowing it off (okay, there was 1 month in there I didn’t lift). Even though I’m never very excited, I just go. Why ask why? Just do it. Blah blah blah. And I always remember how good I feel and how much fun I have while doing it – that keeps me going back.
So, another arm workout is in the log book.
I got up to run this morning. Oh my God. I only made it 2 miles. Yesterday was 70 degrees and 93% humidity. This morning was 73 and 93% humidity. I just couldn’t do it – running through a tepid sponge is bad, this morning was just beyond that. As much as I hate it, starting next week my weekday runs are at the gym after my arm workout. I don’t like running on a treadmill. And I will just have to suffer through the long run on the weekends.
I had a snack last night after dinner – I’m guessing around 350 calories. I did it because I was hungry. I generally eat around 900-1000 calories during the day, then dinner is something like a piece of meat (grilled, baked, or sautéed), and 2 vegetables. After I eat I still feel hungry. So I am making a pot of vegetable soup and some sugar free jello next week. I can have a cup of soup with or after dinner, and the jello can be “dessert.” That’s not a lot of extra calories, it’s healthy, and maybe it will prevent me from eating junk after dinner. I refuse to be hungry.
Heather is quitting her diary. I understand her reasons and respect them. Hers was the first weight loss blog I ever read, but her diary is so much more than that. It’s about life, how we treat each other, how we treat ourselves. Sometimes these little pages tossed out there by normal people are well crafted, thought provoking, insightful. That’s why I enjoy them so much. And I love to read about what other people eat. Ha!
(I’d list what I ate yesterday, but it was a totally weird day: hurried breakfast, business lunch, really excellent dinner though (whiting breaded with Japanese panko crumbs and sauteed, corn on cob, zucchini) and the dreaded bad after dinner snack. Ugh.)
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
The food stops over there.
Well, I haven't been real happy about it, but control has been re-applied to my life. Food was perfect Monday and good yesterday. I lifted Monday, and walked for 55 minutes. Yesterday my run got rained out, but I did squeeze in a 35 minute walk. Today I ran (to make up for yesterday) and am lifting after work.
For the record, Monday's food:
B: optimum cereal w/ berries & soy milk
S: homemade 3 bean salad (with splenda and a little olive oil)
L: salad with a can of tuna & 1/4 c garbanzos
S: a payday
D: "gumbo" - a load of veggies, a chicekn breast, and cajun seasonings in the crockpot. YUM!
S: 190 calories worth (a small single serving bag) of pistachios.
I have to say I felt much better yesterday than I have in a while - maybe cause I was eating healthy food, ya think?
We went out with my mom yesterday, and my options weren't great, but neither was my dinner so I didn't eat much of it. Which meant I had 1/2 a california roll and a light beer when I got home. Today is back on track, eating dinner at home. Sauteed fish, zucchini, and corn on the cob.
My evil right knee (ton ACL) was bothering me some on the run Sunday. We are in denial. It felt okay this morning, but that was just 3 miles. We'll see.
Well, I haven't been real happy about it, but control has been re-applied to my life. Food was perfect Monday and good yesterday. I lifted Monday, and walked for 55 minutes. Yesterday my run got rained out, but I did squeeze in a 35 minute walk. Today I ran (to make up for yesterday) and am lifting after work.
For the record, Monday's food:
B: optimum cereal w/ berries & soy milk
S: homemade 3 bean salad (with splenda and a little olive oil)
L: salad with a can of tuna & 1/4 c garbanzos
S: a payday
D: "gumbo" - a load of veggies, a chicekn breast, and cajun seasonings in the crockpot. YUM!
S: 190 calories worth (a small single serving bag) of pistachios.
I have to say I felt much better yesterday than I have in a while - maybe cause I was eating healthy food, ya think?
We went out with my mom yesterday, and my options weren't great, but neither was my dinner so I didn't eat much of it. Which meant I had 1/2 a california roll and a light beer when I got home. Today is back on track, eating dinner at home. Sauteed fish, zucchini, and corn on the cob.
My evil right knee (ton ACL) was bothering me some on the run Sunday. We are in denial. It felt okay this morning, but that was just 3 miles. We'll see.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Running happens between feedings
Ugh.
Friday is a haze of food. I don't remember what I ate. I don't remember ever eating like Friday before. Ugh. Last night wasn't the best either, but it wasn't like Friday.
Saturday and most of Sunday I ate really well. And I did my 11 mile run Sunday morning. Its beginning to take me a few hours to recover from these things. Not tired - like laying on the sofa beat. Just feeling a little not-quite-all-there. Weird, but nothing scary. I guess running for 2 hours requires some recovery time. Imagine that.
This Sunday I ate half an energy bar and made sure I had gatorade/water mix in my camelbak. The week before I just had water, and no pre-run food. That was tough. I felt much better this week.
The first 3.5 miles were the usual argument with my whiny inner child (who hates running). The second 3.5 I was a goddess, and the final 4 I was a mortal - a little tired and kinda bored (I was running loops in the sub-division at that point). I think next week I'll do the sub-division miles first, then the 3.5 out & back with lots of different scenery.
At least I did that much.
Ugh.
Friday is a haze of food. I don't remember what I ate. I don't remember ever eating like Friday before. Ugh. Last night wasn't the best either, but it wasn't like Friday.
Saturday and most of Sunday I ate really well. And I did my 11 mile run Sunday morning. Its beginning to take me a few hours to recover from these things. Not tired - like laying on the sofa beat. Just feeling a little not-quite-all-there. Weird, but nothing scary. I guess running for 2 hours requires some recovery time. Imagine that.
This Sunday I ate half an energy bar and made sure I had gatorade/water mix in my camelbak. The week before I just had water, and no pre-run food. That was tough. I felt much better this week.
The first 3.5 miles were the usual argument with my whiny inner child (who hates running). The second 3.5 I was a goddess, and the final 4 I was a mortal - a little tired and kinda bored (I was running loops in the sub-division at that point). I think next week I'll do the sub-division miles first, then the 3.5 out & back with lots of different scenery.
At least I did that much.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
You make your own destiny
Maybe that sounds a little melodramatic, but Diet Chick made a good point a couple of days back: each moment we are making choices. Those choices influence who we will be in the future. For big decisions affecting our choice of house, career, our retirement fund, its obvious. But the little choices that fly under our radar screen (a second buffalo wing at the leadership conference) add up to have some pretty big cumulative effects.
Its all about choices. Lately, mine have been mixed. I did have a 200 calorie after dinner snack last night, but I did pass on a second buffalo wing or meatball at the conference yesterday afternoon. Those two choices probably “cancelled” each other out, more or less. But do all the little choices I make add up to improving my health & fitness or not? Lately the answer feels like a draw.
I did life weights yesterday. I did swim 500 yards after. Today I took 2 walks at work: 25 minutes and 30 minutes (I moved my run to tomorrow). I am lifting this afternoon, and packed my suit for another swim. As my friend Heather says “Something Every Day.” That’s where I’m at. Not every choice can be “perfect” – whatever that is. Not every choice can be the best. You can’t pass up a second buffalo wing unless you had one in the first place. But my choice not to have a second was a good one.
All I can do is just focus on the moment – making good choices in the here and now. The cool thing about the little choices that fly under our radar screen is that alone, each is pretty painless. But together, they can take us a long way.
Maybe that sounds a little melodramatic, but Diet Chick made a good point a couple of days back: each moment we are making choices. Those choices influence who we will be in the future. For big decisions affecting our choice of house, career, our retirement fund, its obvious. But the little choices that fly under our radar screen (a second buffalo wing at the leadership conference) add up to have some pretty big cumulative effects.
Its all about choices. Lately, mine have been mixed. I did have a 200 calorie after dinner snack last night, but I did pass on a second buffalo wing or meatball at the conference yesterday afternoon. Those two choices probably “cancelled” each other out, more or less. But do all the little choices I make add up to improving my health & fitness or not? Lately the answer feels like a draw.
I did life weights yesterday. I did swim 500 yards after. Today I took 2 walks at work: 25 minutes and 30 minutes (I moved my run to tomorrow). I am lifting this afternoon, and packed my suit for another swim. As my friend Heather says “Something Every Day.” That’s where I’m at. Not every choice can be “perfect” – whatever that is. Not every choice can be the best. You can’t pass up a second buffalo wing unless you had one in the first place. But my choice not to have a second was a good one.
All I can do is just focus on the moment – making good choices in the here and now. The cool thing about the little choices that fly under our radar screen is that alone, each is pretty painless. But together, they can take us a long way.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Shocking News: Food Relieves Stress
Wanna know why people turn to food when they are stressed? Because it works! Ha! I mean, it has unpleasant side effects – weight gain and all that. But hey, its cheaper and more convenient than going down & getting a prescription for Prozac. Besides, does Prozac work as quickly as pretzels? Didn’t think so.
I’m not talking about true depression here. I’m talking about temporary, event related stress. Food helps. While I’m not endorsing this method, I’m not going to criticize you if it helps you get through a rough spot. And I think a giant pretzel and a couple of beers (used occasionally) is better for me than medication. Certainly helped last night, thanks very much.
Having said that, we have agreed to go to a marriage counselor to help us talk out how we deal with money. Let’s just say my husband’s family didn’t offer him many role models for good communication skills. And I’m no saint either. And I would rather work together now when we are having a little conflict, rather than 5 years down the road when we are having a really big conflict. I think of this as an investment in our future.
Here was my day yesterday:
Exercise:
3 mile run. I was tired (maybe it was that 7:40 pm yoga class Monday night), but physically I felt fine. But mentally it was not my best run.
B: egg mcmuffin (no cheese) & diet coke
S: 2 low fat string cheeses
L: big old salad with tuna and garbanzos
S: grapefruit and half a payday
D: homemade “fried rice” with loads of veggies, chicken, and shrimp
S: 2 beers and a giant soft pretzel
There are days I feel so fit, and then there are times…… ugh. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at yoga Monday night. I really do want to lose weight. I know I sabotage myself at times, but I also know that the way I live now is a way I can live forever, compared with “being on a diet”.
Tonight I am swimming after I lift weights. Did I mention Monday’s session was good? Chest & triceps on Monday. Tonight is back & biceps. My shoulders are looking good. Just need to up the old cardio.
Wanna know why people turn to food when they are stressed? Because it works! Ha! I mean, it has unpleasant side effects – weight gain and all that. But hey, its cheaper and more convenient than going down & getting a prescription for Prozac. Besides, does Prozac work as quickly as pretzels? Didn’t think so.
I’m not talking about true depression here. I’m talking about temporary, event related stress. Food helps. While I’m not endorsing this method, I’m not going to criticize you if it helps you get through a rough spot. And I think a giant pretzel and a couple of beers (used occasionally) is better for me than medication. Certainly helped last night, thanks very much.
Having said that, we have agreed to go to a marriage counselor to help us talk out how we deal with money. Let’s just say my husband’s family didn’t offer him many role models for good communication skills. And I’m no saint either. And I would rather work together now when we are having a little conflict, rather than 5 years down the road when we are having a really big conflict. I think of this as an investment in our future.
Here was my day yesterday:
Exercise:
3 mile run. I was tired (maybe it was that 7:40 pm yoga class Monday night), but physically I felt fine. But mentally it was not my best run.
B: egg mcmuffin (no cheese) & diet coke
S: 2 low fat string cheeses
L: big old salad with tuna and garbanzos
S: grapefruit and half a payday
D: homemade “fried rice” with loads of veggies, chicken, and shrimp
S: 2 beers and a giant soft pretzel
There are days I feel so fit, and then there are times…… ugh. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at yoga Monday night. I really do want to lose weight. I know I sabotage myself at times, but I also know that the way I live now is a way I can live forever, compared with “being on a diet”.
Tonight I am swimming after I lift weights. Did I mention Monday’s session was good? Chest & triceps on Monday. Tonight is back & biceps. My shoulders are looking good. Just need to up the old cardio.
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