Here in the in between

That is how I feel today. Pudgy and a little “hung over” (in a food way) from putting crappy food in my body for days, coupled with lack of exercise. But the thought of exercise isn’t very exciting either – it’s cloudy & grey & its perfect napping weather. I think I’ll go swim anyway. And go for a walk too! So there!!!

Evil marketing schemes

The microwave at work is right across from the vending machine in our break area. So I find myself staring into the vending machine while I heat up my lunch or soup. Generally, the expression on my face is about the same as it would be if I were looking at the arachnid exhibit at the zoo: curious, but a bit revolted. This is a good feeling to have while peering into a vending machine, IMO. Actually, eating the spiders would no doubt be healthier. But anyway…. Lately I have noticed “limited edition” candy. What???? In the past couple of weeks I’ve been limited edition “inside out” reese’s, white chocolate versions of traditional candy bars, and yesterday “fudge” reese’s pb cups. My theory is that the marketing department has realized that folks trying to lose weight treat calories like a “mad money” allowance. You only get so many, so you try to spend them wisely. Many times I tell myself I don’t have to eat every treat today – I can have this today, but that tomorrow, or next week. It will still be there. But with limited edition candy, they are telling you that you must get it now. The implication is that once it sells out, its gone forever, and you will grow old without ever knowing what a fudge reese’s pb cup tastes like. How evil is that??? (Don’t worry – I didn’t get the stupid things.)

Food was excellent yesterday – I used the old “eat your dinner off a lunch plate” trick – ½ full of broccoli & cauliflower, a small piece of homemade meatloaf (with extra lean ground beef), and about ¼ cup of mashed potatoes. I love homemade mashed potatoes. Yum, and pretty healthy!

Exercise wasn’t quite as good. The boy & I planned to run, but we came in after a mile. It was 83 outside and we got too hot. While he did tae kwon do, I did a little bit of weight lifting (chest & back). I should have gone swimming, but I really didn’t want to. I did a few minutes on the stairmaster instead, and then sat in the last few minutes of his class.

Today I plan to walk this evening and then he & I are going swimming after dinner. I walked at lunch yesterday, but we may have to walk inside today. We’re supposed to get rain for the next 3 days, with cooler but sunny weather for the tri on Saturday.

Dinner is in the crockpot – I checked a couple of crockpot cook books out of the library – I use mine regularly and wanted some new ideas. It has tequila, so I’m sure it will be good. :-O

Little pink dress

I am feeling better today. It helps that my house is clean, I am rested, and I feel ready for the week. The hubster is back at work, so things are getting back to normal.

My weekend was long, which was good. Eating and exercise were pitiful. But you know, I feel so over that. I’m sure it will happen again, but not today. Not even tomorrow. I am feeling strong again. My food for the week is prepped, healthy dinners are planned, and I am running this afternoon with my son! Life is feeling pretty good again.

One of the things I did was to go shopping for something to wear to my brother’s wedding on May 7th. I found an adorable pink dress which I love. Too bad its tight in the hips. I bought it anyway. I have a month to get into the little pink dress. I know, how trivial a goal compared with a marathon. But its cute, and its pink. What is it about lifting weights that makes me feel so girly?

I finished skimming “The body sculpting bible for women”. Think I’m gonna give it a whirl, after I modify their eating plan. Sorry - 1200 calories ain’t gonna cut it.

I’m back.

Tidying Up

I've updated my links to other bloggers. What I had was so old! And I wanted a way to give a shout out to some people that, while I've only found them recently, have helped me immeasurably! And to people like Lee and Lynne and Brenna, that I feel like I've been reading forever, and never get tired of. :-)

Blogging has been so great for me. It's opened up a world of support and information. Lynne amazes me. Any time I start thinking I'm tired during my tri, I'll thinking about her running 50 MILES on the same day. How amazing is that????

I also updated my weight. Only up 2 pounds this week. Betcha 1 is water and 1 is real. Okay, time to move on. I am planning to run 16 miles tonight after supper. Early dinner, then off for a facial. Then come home & run around the neighborhood. I'll let you know how it goes.

Lots to do this weekend, so I am leaving work at 11 to get a head start. I want to get my kitchen clean & my shopping done today. The bathrooms are clean, and I think the hubster can manage the vacuuming. So the house is in good shape. Going to be out of town tomorrow for the day, then Sunday is cooking and mowing the front yard. Then a cookout with neighbors. All I've got to bring is the creamed spinach. :-)

Somewhere in there I want to plan some quiet time to paint my toe nails. And a swim if I can.

Hope you all have a terrific weekend. I plan to come back and be my usual self, as opposed to the negative pod person that has been using my body this week. I know we all have moods, but I really hate being down. It feels like such a waste of time. But I've found that fighting it tends to drag it out - better to ride the wave & get it over.

Where’s Your Head at?

It’s amazing how talented I am at completely disassociating myself with my emotions. I realized something last night as I was pigging out. Something I have been afraid to express because it sounds petty and immature. I resent the fact that my husband is sick (due to stress) and now I am stuck with his work as well as mine. Have I not been shouldering as much of the burden? So, what happens? He gets a week off and I get to cut the grass, clean the house, take the boy to his after school activities, do the shopping, pay the bills, tackle the taxes…… You get the idea.

So, my retreat from my anger and resentment (not to mention guilt over feeling those emotions) has been food. Maybe just the act of acknowledging those feelings by writing it down here will be enough to get me out of this cycle. I am taking time off work tomorrow because there is literally not enough time to do in 2 days all my work plus all my husband’s. I am using my vacation to do housework. And that sucks. I haven’t had any time for myself this week – I didn’t even get to take the hot bath I so badly wanted after mowing the yard. I had to make dinner and then take the boy to tae kwon do.

I am a really miserable right now.

Has Dr. Evil stolen my mojo?

Last night was a mixed bag.

Went home and filled out the taxes (20 minutes people. Why didn’t I do this 2 months ago when I first did them online and found out I couldn’t file them online?). We ate a yummy & healthy dinner out of ye olde crockpot (family loved it!). Then I took the boy to tutoring. While I waited, I walked around the tutor’s neighborhood for a while. It’s an older neighborhood, quiet. I listened to the birds and lawn mowers and dogs. I waved to folks I passed and felt good. It reminded me of when I was a little girl, and my grandparents and I would walk around their neighborhood after supper. After the tutoring, we went home and we went for an easy 2 mile run (it was getting dark and he said he didn’t feel comfortable running at dusk. How hysterical is that?).

Then I went to the dark side. Had a cold beer with the hubby. Decided a little dessert sounded good. Scarfed down a brownie while standing in the kitchen. Fixed myself a brownie with low cal ice cream on top. Had another beer.

WHAT!?!?! Geez Lousie! A) I don’t keep brownies in my house – my mom brought them over and left them so she wouldn’t eat them at her house. Thanks Mom. B) There is a good reason I don’t keep beer in the house except for the weekend. The siren song is too much for me, I’ll admit it. Most people trying to lose weight have trigger foods they can’t keep in the house. Mine are crackers and beer (I’m sure I could think of a few others as well).

Today was trash day. I got up, dumped both cartons of ice cream AND the remaining brownies in the trash, tied it up, and took it out. No guff about throwing away perfectly good food. There is no one in my home who needs that crap. We enjoyed (all of us at one point or another) more than enough of the brownies and ice cream. Out it went. The beer is gone. No more trigger foods in my house, thankfully.

My size 12 jeans still don’t fit despite what I’ve lost. Closer, but no cigar. I told myself a while back I wanted to be at 149 for my birthday (which is April 19). I weighed 151 last Friday, and I haven’t done anything to lower that number since then – quite the opposite in fact. I have just under 2 weeks to lose 2 pounds plus whatever damage I’ve done in the last 4 days.

What do I want? To be fit, yes. To do this triathlon with my family certainly. But I am still overweight. And I want to finish what I started and get to goal. I’ve been waffling in my head, and I realize that the weight needs to be my focus. Not as exciting maybe, but it got to be done. So, I am going to basically stick to what I have been doing, but my long run is going to be in the 12-14 mile range, and I’ll hang out there for a while. Not sure exactly what else, but weight training needs to get more attention.

I’ll keep you posted.

How about "I feel like I suck"?

Like Chris said, I don't suck. I just feel like it right now. :-) Had a great lunch, limiting myself to 2 rolls and 1/3 of my cheesecake. Considering I was sitting next to my "food pusher extraordinaire" co-worker, I was pretty pleased. Also a healthy salad, green beans, and poached fish.

I am just feeling a little overwhelmed and sorry for myself. Hubby doesn't get paid when he doesn't work, so missing this much work is kinda a big deal for us. We won't starve, but still....

I will feel much more positive when 1) I have mailed in my taxes. 2) I've made up my mind where to focus this spring & summer.

I think Chris' post today was on track. While he wrote it about himself, I think is applies to me also. I've been so busy with tri & marathon training that weight loss has stopped being my focus. Gee, do you think my stall might be because of that? I think it's time to put the focus back on weight loss. I can't do a long run this weekend - I already had plans for this weekend I can't back out of. Maybe I should just admit I need to focus on getting in my jeans for a while. Keep running, yes. Keep making it the focus? Maybe not. Does this mean I'm a quitter? I dunno.....

I Suck

Really. I'm so tired of the pity party - 2 days of crappy eating and no exercise. How humiliating. And it's not getting me anywhere I want to go. I am so done with this crap.

I have a luncheon today. I chose a healthy entree (and cheesecake). I am going running with the boy after work today.

I cannot let my husband's being sick screw up my eating & exercise. I think part of it is that I still don't know what to do about my running schedule....

Not what I had planned

Well, my husband has shingles. And he is allergic to the antibiotic they gave him. It was a pretty miserable weekend. I didn't finish my run. I kept checking on him every 4 miles (yes, he was THAT sick). At 12 miles he asked me to please go get him some yogurt.

So, my run schedule is thrown off. Yesterday was a "free day" when it came to food (more like "free for all"). He is feeling enough better that I am no longer freaking out. But he is home for the week - he basically just woke up about 11 or so. He went to bed at 10.

But hey, I ate my healthy pancakes for breakfast! Hope your weekend was better than mine. At least he is improving....

Pleasant Surprise

The scale was kind – up 0.5 pounds. Maybe next week will be water retention week? I seriously contemplated not getting on the scale, but facing the music is easier, and now I’m glad I did. I feel excited about my food plan for the weekend – I feel like it will set me up for scale success next week. I haven’t seen the 140s in 4 years or more – I can feel them right around the corner!

I did run last night, but didn’t make the pool. Post healthy dinner, I took hubby to Prime Care, this time for a rash on his face. They were just closing, but I elicited a promise that he would go this morning. Poor man – he has had a very tough week. He deserves a weekend of D&D!

I made a really great breakfast that I loved! I took some oatmeal, a raw egg, a scoop of protein powder, and mixed. Then added a little instant pancake mix and enough water to make batter. Cooked up my pancakes, and served with frozen mixed berries (thawed), spray butter, and a little sugar free syrup. I feel like I had a decadent breakfast, but really it was pretty darn healthy! I think I’ll cook up a batch for next week. Excellent!

Busy day

Today has gone by quickly, because I have been busy. This is a good thing, since this week has been kinda crappy. I’ve mostly held my own on the food front, done pretty darn good on the exercise front, but I’ve just been tired. Hubby has gotten home late every night for one reason or another, and we are both just bone tired. He is off to play D&D this weekend, and I plan to lounge around as much as possible!

Had a great lifting session last night. Didn’t run this morning though. I thought thunder = rain, so I didn’t, but it wasn’t. Just thunder. Weird. So, I am running tonight. Swimming after dinner perhaps? I’d love to go out to eat, but no. Healthy food is planned, and will be consumed!!! No no, not even a chocolate cookie – I had half of one yesterday! I must weigh tomorrow, and its water retention week, so its gonna be bad enough without a bunch of carb bloat due to poor food choices.

Speaking of which, I ordered a copy of Joyce Vedral’s “Eat to Trim”, a book I got from the library which has some good recipes in it. I tried to make good choices this week, but my food has left me feeling vaguely dissatisfied, which is not good. Must create a better plan for next week.

Tomorrow is Friday, I’m sure to be perkier if for no other reason than that.

Weight

Because Megan asked about it in a comment (and I didn't want to bury the answer to her question): I have lost close to 30 pounds (27.5). It has taken me a while. I did Weight Watchers for a while. I think that can be a great program, and many people have had a lot of success with it. But it wasn't for me. I have lost weight through making a "life style change." My "plan" (or occasional lack thereof) is my own, and therefore I stick with it, changing things as needed. If it were just me I might go through stages of living on tv dinners and Skinny Cow ice cream bars. But I have a family and therefore feel like I should serve real food rather than the trash I would subsist on. Maybe I am selling myself short, who knows?

If you have questions, feel free to ask and I'll be glad to answer. But without a little prodding I'm not sure what to say :-)

Negativity Alert!

I just needed to let off a little steam here, so here goes:

1) Why do I spend so much time cooking? I mean, good Lord! Because of our busy weekday schedule, a lot of my cooking and food prep takes place on the weekend. I spent like 6 hours in the kitchen Sunday. In retrospect, I realize I chose poorly – making several “chopping” intensive meals in one week. But spending 3-4 hours in the kitchen is typical. What do “normal” people do? Eat crap? I used to have hobbies – now I have clean grapes and celery sticks in my lunch box. I want time to sew again!

2) I am tired. Real tired. D&mn tired. Like, I fall into bed every night between 9 and 9:30, freaking exhausted. It is sad when you tell your 10 year old they have to go to bed early because mom can’t stay awake any more. I get up at 5:18 each morning (barring t-storms). I realize 8 hours of sleep is optimal, but I really hate the fact that by 8:30 I am rapidly degenerating into a grouchy b&tch.

Sometimes being fit and healthy seems like an awful lot of trouble & effort, ya know?

As always “change of plans.” The hubster got home late because he had to go to Urgent Care to get a splinter removed from the back of his head. They didn’t get it all – he has to go back this morning. Poor guy. So, the boy & I went to a local pizza parlor. We shared a medium anchovy, extra sauce light cheese. And I mean it was light cheese – a couple of pieces had none! Their hand tossed crust is very good, and on the thin side. The boy also had a salad. Not the healthiest meal on the planet (or the lowest in calories), but not too bad either. We went to tutoring, then went to the Y for a swim. I wasn’t as comfortable as I’ve been feeling lately, but I didn’t drown. It still amazes me that I swim laps. Who would have ever thought? (I just learned last winter.)

We also stopped by the library on the way to tutoring to pick up a couple of books I had reserved. “The Body Sculpting Bible for Women” was in. So far it looks good. I am excited about hitting the gym really hard after the marathon! Have I ever mentioned how much I love lifting weights?

Okay, enough whining!!!!

Challenge Me?

This from Ron Harris’s “Daily Pump”: “Yesterday at my in-laws I had to watch everyone eat slices of this delicious-looking Snickers bar flavored cheesecake, while I had chicken breast and carrot sticks! It's cool though, it's better to get ripped than to stuff your face with crap.”

Wow. I am taking this as a “sign from god”. See, when I read Chris’ challenge yesterday, the whiny inner brat immediately asserted herself. “He wrote that last week. You’ve already bought all your groceries & planned your meals for the week. You have to take the boy places – you can’t change your workout schedule.” I let myself be oppressed by that brat most of the day.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about the challenge. I am always willing to jump on somebody else’s bandwagon. :-) I figured I could use the suggestion “make dinner your smallest meal.” I ate a reasonable portion at dinner, then we went to the gym. I did a little upper body & then watched my son’s tae kwon do practice for a while. So, there was one thing I could incorporate 1) making sure dinner isn’t larger than lunch. Then I thought of another 2) no snacking after dinner. Really not necessary, so why do it?

This morning I was doing my usual 2 mile run and I thought 3) Do the run segments faster, using the walk breaks as recovery breaks. It wasn’t all out my any means, but I ran a much faster pace than I normally do. Not only was I not worse for the wear, I felt really good! I drove in to work, the sun roof open and the “Heavy Metal” soundtrack blasting. Without changing my schedule or buying anything out of the ordinary, I had made 3 tweaks to my routine that I felt would help my fitness and weight loss. Will I cut out post dinner snacks forever? Of course not. But being mindful of it for even a week will help.

So then I read Lee’s response to the challenge. She is modifying Chris’s fruit fast suggestion to a fruit, veggie, cottage cheese only day. I thought to myself “Gee. Just this morning on the run you were thinking about what to plan for this weekend while hubby is out of town.” 4) This weekend I will do a fruit, veggie, tuna only weekend (after my pb&j post-long run). It’ll be just me at home so I won’t need to cook for anyone. I can either use being by myself as an excuse to shovel crap into my hole, or I can use it to help myself along, since I don’t have to fix meals for anyone.

Wrap back around to the quote at the top of the page. Ron is right. Note to self: Pick up necessary items Friday at grocery. Set yourself up for success. Heck, I won’t even have anybody eating cheesecake in front of me – should be easy!

Work fascinates me – I can watch is for hours!

In my case, this old joke would be “Nutrition fascinates me – I can read about it for hours.” Especially while slurping down a cold brewski.

While there was no “out of control” eating going on over the long weekend, it was simply that I ate too much here and there, spread out throughout the days off. Ugh! Back to my routine, I am doing my better. Done’s done, time to move forward.

Exercise however was quite good. Got in a great swim, a nice 7 mile run, the boy & I ran 3 miles together, we did some hiking… So lots of good stuff on that side of the equation!

We watched “Catwoman” last night, which I really enjoyed despite the cruddy reviews.

That’s all for now.

Life in a small town

Something happened to me this morning that reminded me why I like living in a small town. I felt like I was in one of those commercials on the Turner South tv network “This is my south.” I got up early to come into the office for an hour, then meet the boys at Jimmy’s – their favorite breakfast eatery. I had half a peanut butter sandwich with me so I wouldn’t starve for 2 hours, and decided a diet cherry limeade from Sonic would be the perfect thing to wash it down. I had no idea what time they opened – it was a little after 6. I pull up to the drive-thru and I’m looking for the operating hours. The lady says to me, “We aren’t open yet, but if you just want a drink I can take care of that.” So I order my drink and pull around. I explained I wasn’t sure what time they opened & couldn’t find the hours. She replied, ”When Don is working he gets here around 5 so the grill would be all ready by now. I get here at 6, so it isn’t ready yet. But just drive through and I can always get you a drink.” I never did find out what time they open.

Like the IBM commercial says, “Change of plans.” The hubster was going to be home late and grandpa was dropping the boy home for tae kwon do already fed. So I figured I would stop at the cafeteria for some healthy food on the way home & wait for the boy. My mom calls and says “There is a funnel cloud 15 minutes from the northern side of Kernersville. Go home now.” So, I whip the car around and head for home. By the time I get to the cemetery there is a huge wall cloud (anybody that lives in the mid-west probably knows that’s bad – we don’t generally get those here.) and the sky was green (due to all the hail in the clouds). I get home & the dogs & I go to the hall bathroom since it’s in the center of the house and has no windows (we don’t have a basement). We listen to 80 knot winds go whipping around the house and hail (reported to be up to 2.5 inches in diameter) pound the roof. Thankfully it was over in a few minutes. We were all safe and the funnel didn’t touch down. Pictures from Tobaccoville just down the road looked as if it had snowed they had so much hail. Unbelievable. I love a good thunderstorm as much as anyone, but that was a little much!

The boy got home & we went to tae kwon do. I took a nice picture of him getting his brown belt and then I headed out to look for some food. I had a stomach ache and nothing sounded good. I wound up eating fast food (yuck). I feel hung over today, although it’s probably from the Saltine’s I ate right before bed to settle my stomach.

Today is a 3 mile run, a swim, & running errands. Tomorrow is hiking over at Pilot Mountain (remember Mt Pilot in The Andy Griffith show?). This weekend I have an easy 7 mile run plan, and some militant relaxing with my family.

Have a great weekend.

p.s. Yes, Tobaccoville is a real town in NC, just down the road a piece. :-)

Rainy day blah blah blah

I went to the pool last night & swam. In a rare burst of intelligence, I decided to listen to my body this morning. The big honking fever blister I woke up with was a pretty clear sign: fever blisters = stress. So, my body was begging me to slow down! Working out 3 times a day the past 2 days after the long run and on top of being sick was apparently a little excessive, and nature let me know that loud and clear (ouch my lip hurts!!!). So, I slept in this morning.

Today, 1) my hair looks fabulous (I have no idea why, so I cannot replicate this at will), 2) I am ravenous (is that nailed down? no? then pass it over!) and 3) my friend G is back in the hospital. In the past 3 years she has had 3 typs of cancer (she started with breast). I am down about that, and I'm sure she is too. I called her this morning and we may ride over to Durham to see her this weekend - she is in Duke hospital.

It is raining really hard here, but that's okay. I have the next 2 days off, as do the boy & the hubster & the weather is supposed to be gorgeous Thursday & Friday. So it can just get all that rain out of the way today!

I don't know much else. I am getting plantar fascitis again this year. I think I will make an appt to talk to an orthopedist. I am doing everything I've read about in Galloway's book to help it. But I don't want to graduate to bone spurs, so I may actually see a professional. Gag.

Coming into Focus

First of, I am obviously still not over my cold or my run! I did go to the gym last night. I lifted weights (back, chest, tris, bis) and then called it a night, postponing swimming until today. I was exhausted. I managed to go home, fix a simple supper, and clean the kitchen. Then it was a hot bath, a little relaxing, and off to bed by 9:15 for this girl.

I did get up and run 2 really good miles this morning. And the gym will happen tonight. Food was very much on track yesterday. I love that I can have a day of “heavy” eating, and go right back to normal the next day. In the bad old days, one day off plan left me off plan for days. Even if I “planned” to go “off plan”!

I perused another weight training book last night – this one by a guy named Vince Gironda. I had never heard of him, but apparently he’s a fitness guy from the late 50s or so that opened a gym in Hollywood. Arnold endorses a 6 day a week plan (3 day split twice) in the initial muscle gaining phase. Vince says a 2 or 3 day split twice.

I think I may go with the 2 day split twice a week once the marathon is over. Four days a week at the gym is probably about as much as I can handle. Since it will be summer, that will keep my weekends a little flexible. I plan to keep this schedule until school starts – then we’ll see what happens. Arnold’s program emphasizes a lot of heavy compound movements – which is great but you must have a partner to do his workout. If hubby is working in town he has agreed to lend a hand (have I mentioned how wonderfully supportive he is?). So, we’ll see what is up with that.

As far as cardio – HIIT with 2 of those lifting sessions and swimming with the others, at least to start. I will continue doing my walks & runs in the early morning, hitting the gym after work. And my walk at lunch of course. Once the marathon is over, I think my long runs on the weekend will look like this: 15 mile /7 mile /7 mile. A very long run every third weekend will let me keep a pretty high level of distance, but let my weekends be a little bit flexible to accommodate vacation plans.

On the food front, I am going to start with the 1500 calorie, 40/40/20 plan, and modify as needed to keep the fat moving along. The nice thing is my doctor checks my bodyfat every time I go, so I have access to a consistent measurement to let me know how I’m doing in that regard. If the scale isn’t moving, my pants & doctor will let me know whether its because I’m building muscle. :-)

I have found that to prevent a letdown after a fitness accomplishment, it’s helpful to have a completely different challenge waiting in the wings. I am already getting excited about this new program. It is radically different from my focus today, which I think is good. Mixing it up forces your body to improve in order to adapt. Fitness ruts suck.

What’s your next goal?

Long Post Alert!

This first section is a deep philosophical discussion about exercise. Feel free to skip down to my run re-cap & news if you aren’t interested.

My take on exercise

Chris and Fig both had posts last Friday about making exercise fun. It got me thinking about my own philosophy of exercise – indeed, I spent about 3 hours of yesterday’s run really thinking hard about that subject. I decided to write my thoughts down here. This is how I feel – it’s neither right nor wrong, nor better than anyone’s thoughts. I doubt it’s unique to me either – but this is what I’ve come to feel after 2 years of consistently exercise nearly every single day.

The Korean word “do” (pronounced “dough”) means “way” or “path”. The name “tae kwon do” literally means “the way of the hand and foot”. Like most ancient martial arts, as well as yoga, tae kwon do is about more than just physical prowess. Ancient (and many modern) students of these disciplines were seeking to reach that mind, body, spirit nexus – where the 3 meet – in order to make improvements in all aspects of their lives. Spiritual enlightenment can be achieved through physical conditioning, just as a spiritual activity such as meditation can lead to improved physical well being. Because all 3 aspects of life are innerconnected.

We have a dog named Butchie. Butchie was rescued from the shelter by my mom, who wanted a dog. Butch had been abused, and then he was at the shelter for a long time (past his “expiration date”) because he was so sweet, they hoped he would find a home. Unfortunately, Butch was very destructive when my mom got him, eating her koi pond, storm door etc, until she brought him to us in the hopes that being around another dog (Carmen) would help him settle down. It took Butchie a good 4 -6 weeks to get socialized into our family. He was very bright and eager to please, so really that’s a pretty short period of time. But even after that, he was just a little high strung and suffered from separation anxiety. He would still chew on stuff (or even his paws) if left alone. We quickly learned to keep him supplied with bones, rawhide chewies, rope bones etc. – this gave him an outlet for his anxiety. He has one bone (it’s one of those round ones with a hole in the middle) that he carries around like a child would a pacifier. We call it his “binky bone” because it is his doggie equivalent of a pacifier or blanket.

I am a lot like Butchie. Due to a combination of nature and nurture, I am a fairly high strung individual. Not only do I tend to see the glass as half empty, but I will obsess over how I am going to (single-handedly of course) make sure the glass gets, and stays, full. This is just a part of who I am. Counseling has helped offset some of the “nurture” sources of this, but partly this is natural for me. Like Butch, I need an outlet for this anxiety so I don’t chew on my own paws as it were. I stress, therefore I exercise.

When I first began exercising, it was to lose weight. But that has totally changed for me over the past 2 years. When I read Dave Draper’s weekly newsletter in which he discusses his take on following “the discipline of steel”, I totally understand where he is coming from. This man was a bodybuilding champion before I was born. He looks better today than men half his age will ever look. He views weightlifting as a path – one that leads to a lot more than an awesome physique. When people talk about making exercise fun, I tilt my head as if someone walked up to me and began speaking Swahili. It just doesn’t compute. I’m sure people have fun in church sometimes, but I doubt it’s their primary reason for going.

Indeed, the gym and the running path are a sort of church to me. This is where I go to improve my life’s vessel, to contemplate who I am, to reflect on my choices, to seek emotional well-being and to gain a measure of spiritual enlightenment. I have found all those things and more in the gym and on the road.

Pretend you got a phone call from someone you didn’t know. They said they were going to Chicago and needed directions. Having nothing better to do, you pull out your road atlas in order to help. I bet that before you began spouting off directions, you would ask the person “where are you now?” How can you given them directions if you don’t know where they are coming from? Even if every single person in America were headed to Chicago, they would need to take different roads based on their starting point.

Life is like that. Most of us may headed in the same direction, but we are starting from different places. Exercise isn’t the only mechanism by which I improve myself physically, mentally, or spiritually. But it is one road I use. You may not use this road at all, because you are coming from a different direction. Doesn’t mean we aren’t headed the same place.

Run report

I survived! Saturday I bought groceries and rested. Saturday night was thankfully the first night I didn’t have to sleep with a cough drop in my mouth to keep from coughing. I woke up at 2 am a little nervous, but finally settled back down and got some sleep. I was up at 6:30, washed a Zone bar down with a little diet Pepsi, and with the help of hubby (the best pit crew in the world) I packed my Walkman, Hammer Gel, and CamelBak, stuffed a tissue in my waistband, and took off.

I started out having to slow myself down – the air felt cool & great and I felt like I could run all day! After a couple of miles I removed my jacket – it warmed up quickly. I did the out & back to the cemetery (7 miles), then decided to stick in the neighborhood because it was getting warm and the road was getting crowded. (The neighborhood is a little cooler). The hubby rode his bike, and even jogged a little of my second 2 mile loop with me, so this broke the run up nicely. The first 13 miles were good – the last 2 were rough. It’s funny how whatever your last long distance was, those miles are okay, but the new ones feel like Mt. Everest! And it was getting hot. But with the Hammer Gel I have yet to bonk or to have a post run headache. I went home, rested, bathed, & went out for a well deserved lunch!

My right heel is bothering me a bit. This concerns me because last year I made it up to the 18 mile mark before plantar fascitis forced me to give up on marathon training. I am trying to baby it.

Other Stuff

Food was more this weekend, but not out of control. I don’t want my body to think we’re starving with all the running & the recent loss, so Sunday was a heavy calorie day. I read some of the Zone info again, as well as some of the nutrition section of Arnold’s encyclopedia.

My problem with the Zone is that a) sorry, 1000 calories aren’t enough and b) for me it seems to be a little heavy on the fat & light on the protein. Rather than a 40/30/30 split (40% calories from carbs, 30% each from fat & protein), I think I am going to use a 40/40/20 split, which will give me a little more protein. I will start at 1500 calories and see how that works. I have figured my grams of carbs, protein, and fat, and my next step is to write down all my stuff and see what the nutrition is. Then to juggle it all around until I come up with a Mon – Fri meal plan. Weekends will be a little more flexible, but not completely “off” either. We’ll see how this goes.

And then the heavens parted, and the angels came down & lent a hand

Really, it’s either that or coughing all night burns up a heck of a lot of calories. Cause I’m down 4.5 pounds this week. Granted, I was up 2 water pounds last week, so this really represents a net loss of 2.5 pounds, probably spread over 2 weeks. Put that way, it seems reasonable. But this loss puts me into virgin fat territory people! The lowest weight I’ve seen in .. oh, 4 years or so!?!? Woo hoo! Maybe I am making progress after all!

In other news, I did something to my knee while sitting at work yesterday and now its sore (ah, the joys of getting older), my nose is raw to match my throat, and I generally feel like 5 pounds of crap shoved into a 3 pound bag. TGIF!

Last night the boy and I did make it to the Y – I simply could not lift weights as I feel pretty much like some alien has sucked out all my life force. But we did do a swim – I did a strong 350 yards – 50 yards longer than the tri distance. I am working on picking up speed at this point.

My plan today is to get in another swim and a walk at lunch (I slept in this morning because I didn’t sleep very well last night due to trying to hack up a lung). Tomorrow is a “rest” day – just running errands, shopping, cooking, etc. I have a 15 mile run scheduled for Sunday and there is no room built into my marathon plan for illness, so I plan to suck it up, do my best, and spend Sunday perusing the books I got at the library.

I picked up 4 books at the library yesterday: a Dean Koontz that I love and actually don’t have a copy of, a biography of Lucretia Borgia, and 2 weight lifting books. One is Arnold’s encyclopedia – which is huge! The other I reserved on impulse – it turned out to be a short history of bodybuilding for young people. I read it in about 20 minutes – pretty interesting actually. Gave Joyce Vedral some credit and you don’t read about her much these days, but nothing that could help me with my training program. Maybe reading about lifting weights will help me feel less dead Sunday afternoon! :-)

Jogging in a winter wonderland

I woke up this morning to the most snow we’ve had so far this year (okay, it was maybe an inch). But it was 32 F, so I decided to go running anyway. The first mile wasn’t too bad, then it really started coming down! While I could admire the “Courier & Ives” beauty of the morning, having snow blow into your face and stick to your hair does kind of suck.

The good/bad news was that they changed the format of my son’s tae kwon do test so that it lasted a mere 90 minutes, as opposed to being some kind of marathon endurance test with people feigning illness a la the roman coliseum in order to escape. That meant I had no time to work out. (He passed BTW). No biggie, I was hitting the gym this afternoon anyway. I’ll add weights to my swim, and I’ll try to squeeze in a third swim tomorrow.

In other bad news, I am sick. I have a head cold and feel like my a$$ is dragging. Unless this crap moves into my chest, I’ll just keep mushing on, being sure to eat healthy foods and get plenty of rest. Gah. I make a lousy patient.

What else? Our entire county library system has exactly 13 books on weight lifting. Really, how pathetic is that? Luckily 2 looked really good and a couple more looked like they had possibilities. Also added to my queue were a couple of the Zone books. I am not good at being a food fanatic, religiously sticking to a “regime” – I prefer to consume healthy whole foods in a quantity which allows me to slowly lose weight. But I think I will use this to check & make sure I am getting sufficient quantities of all nutrients. Blech.

I am going out to a business lunch today. Luckily, they chose my suggestion for a place to eat – I know I can have a very yummy and healthy lunch at this place. They focus on seasonal food, so the menu changes regularly, but they always have a good variety of healthy choices. It will even be worth getting out in the snow for.

We have BOOKS

My library has Arnold's bodybuilding encyclopedia, as well as a couple of others that looked good. They are now all in my queue - mwah ha ha!!! While weight training is in a holding pattern for the next month, after the tri my weight routine will be getting a major facelift. So, I have a month to read these books, decide what I like, start planning, and order from Amazon as needed! :-)

Reading about working out gets me so fired up! Just thinking about reading about working out gets me fired up! But not as much as actually doing it!

The beginnings of an idea

So, right now I am in a holding pattern with my workouts until the triathlon is over (Apr 16th). After that, I think I will (temporarily) remove swimming from the mix and add High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) back into the mix. That’ll give me a good balance of endurance with my long runs, high intensity cardio to encourage the extra weight to go away, and I can beef up my weight training a bit at that time as well since HIIT won’t take as much time as swimming.

As far as food I’m at a loss. I am closely monitoring, and I’m thinking about being stricter on my weekends in between long runs. Obviously I want to fuel my body for the long runs, but on those off weekends maybe I can cut back more. I am already planning food for this weekend. My long run is on Sunday, which will encourage me to stay the course Saturday.

Not much else is new. The boy has his brown belt test in tae kwon do tonight, so it will be a long evening. I had a Miller Lite last night, and still came in right at 1500 calories for the day (according to my doctor, my BMR is 1550). Although I missed my walk at lunch, I did walk after supper while the boy was at the tutor, so I got in a 2 mile run and a 30 minute walk yesterday. The walk was hilly!

I am still feeling a little discouraged, but I am not going to go drown my sorrows in a vat of chocolate or anything.

Hope you all have a good day and check out Jack’s awesome pics of his run this past weekend! Why don’t I have running pics? Easy – I’ve not entered a road race in over a decade! Weird, huh? I did take pics of the new haircut – once I get a few more pictures on the camera (probably tonight) I will upload them.

Fit Kids?

Last night I went to the gym to work out. In the weight room, a woman about my age (obviously very fit) was lifting weights with her son. I guess he was in the 13-14 range. He didn’t seem to be having a lot of fun. Anyway, I had a chance to speak with her briefly in the locker room. Turns out she takes him with her to body building contests etc and makes him work out with her. She said he just started football and she thinks lifting will help, although that wasn’t the only reason. She said he doesn’t like it and she has to make him work out. The child was fairly overweight (she wasn’t). I felt really torn – I mean, I applaud what she is doing. But I wonder if he won’t come to feel resentful at being pressured to work out, and eventually rebel by not exercising?

When I was a kid, my dad always told me how important it was to have a physical activity you enjoyed – one that you could continuing doing into adulthood. I sat around a lot of tennis courts, bored while he played. I hated tennis, and he never asked me to play anyway. So I confess to having a certain bias here.

So, how do you encourage your children to enjoy athletic endeavors, without sending them screaming in the opposite direction?
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What is up with blogger? I’m still having trouble posting.
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I took my son to the doctor for a swollen lymph node – doctor said it was due to his cold and not to worry. I think the salt water sinus irrigation will commence this evening. I missed my lunch time walk, so I think I will walk while he is at the tutor’s. That plus a 2 mile run is pretty decent for the day I think.
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I didn’t bring enough food – by 2 pm I had had 600 calories and was starving. I got a side of red skin mashed potatoes from the cafeteria, and put that with my ¾ cup homemade lentil soup (really just lentils, veggies, & water). Even with the potatoes, I am still tracking well with food for the day.

Beaten Down

Yesterday’s eating was great – right on plan. I walked at lunch with my friend. While the boy did tae kwon do, I did a quick upper body workout (1 set each for back, chest, tris, bis, & shoulders – then finished with sets of abs, push-ups & low back hyper extensions mixed together) then went for a great swim. This morning I got up and ran 2 miles.

So why the title? I feel fat. I felt very uncomfortable in my bathing suit last night. I am so tired of these last 15 pounds and I feel like I can’t make progress no matter what I do. I cannot accept being overweight the rest of my life, but nothing seems to make a bit of difference. It makes me tired to think about it. Ideas people!!!

I was so pissed at blogger yesterday – I enjoy leaving comments for people, even if it’s a simple “great job” because we all need encouragement and doling it out is its own reward. And maybe it helps other people as much as it helps me.

Well, I may try for a more in depth post later, let me see if I can at least get this little bit up today without giving myself an aneurism.

Why is Blogger being a poo?

Ugh.

I did 7 miles ….. technically

Clearly I was still recovering from being sick last week! I ran 4 miles Saturday and 3 on Sunday, but I couldn’t do any more either time. So I basically blew off my long 7 mile run this weekend! Oops!

That was all the exercise that occurred. Food-wise I did well, sticking to plan except for going out for Mexican Saturday (not as bad as you might think. Its all home made and 2 of the 3 things I got were not fried and had no cheese. Of course, I also had 2 beers and a donut for dessert). Another side note here: Is it wrong to be a die-hard Dunkin Donut fan when I live less than 10 miles from Krispy Kreme HQ??? Luckily, the Dunkin is not convenient and its not a big trigger food for me. I also had dessert last night – low cal ice cream. It never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel when I eat healthy food. A smarter person might make that connection and eat healthier all the time!

So. a nice relaxing weekend. Beautiful weather to boot. Coming up this weekend: 15 miles. Jinkies!

Actions are Being Taken

Okay, 90 minutes is sufficient self-pity. I ate a can of Campbell's soup for lunch yesterday, and saltines with snacks. Let's face it: extra carbs + extra salt = extra water = extra weight. It's water, stop crying.

To be safe, I have busted out the heavy weapons: a pencil and my pocket notebook. I will write down everything that goes in my pie-hole and count the calories. Take that weight!

On random stuff…

I am probably the only person on the planet that can run 13 miles and have a stomach virus within a week, and still manage to gain two pounds. I hate my f&@king body.

What was up with blogger yesterday?

Thanks for the sympathy. I don’t get migraines often, and this was the second worst one in my life. Thanks goodness for an on site massage therapist – although she is part-time, she was here yesterday afternoon. It helped gets the kinks out of my aching neck!

Glad you laughed Chris. I wanted to leave some pertinent comment, but thought it sounded a little me-centric in retrospect. But hey, what’s more fun than laughing at me right??? *lol*

My husband says my new haircut looks like Maj. Carter on Season 2 of “Stargate”. I’m loving it! Until last April I’ve had very long hair my whole life (even in the Army). I’ve gradually been getting it shorter & shorter. I love where it is now.

Am I one of like 4 geeks in America that watch cycling on OLN? Why don’t they have more coverage? I am Tivo-ing the Paris-Nice race coverage.

Who are you pulling for in the Tour de France this year (if you care)? Lance, right? I guess I am too, but I have to admit I love Jan Ullrich. Poor Jan, always a brides maid, never a bride. And he’s come in second to Lance so many times…. I love him partly b/c he was racing on some team in East Berlin back when I was living there (on the other side of the wall of course), and because he’s dead sexy, and because he’s a kick butt rider. If Lance hadn’t made a come-back, these last years would’ve been Jan’s….. Oh well, might have beens.

Maybe I just won't eat this weekend. I am so sick of this extra weight. I swear.

Workouts are shot for the week

So, Tue am was terrible rain, then pm I took the boy to his tutor. I woke up Tue night with a migraine, then was throwing up yesterday. Spent the day on the sofa. Woke up last night with a still even worse migraine. I'm pretty shaky today. But I packed my can of Campbell's soup & came into work. I won't be working out today either. We'll see how I'm feeling in the morning - I'm just grateful it's a short run this weekend. A mere 7 miles. God.

Not really about working out

Yesterday I was really beat. The boy & I ran, but I couldn’t swim or lift weights. I was still obviously recovering from Sunday’s long run.

To make matters worse, I am not in a great place emotionally. Missing my husband very much , and dreading my half brother’s wedding in May. I am much older than my siblings from my dad’s second marriage, and going to these things makes me feel very alienated. At my sister’s wedding, I wasn’t even seated near the family, let alone with it. Part of me says ‘don’t go’ and the other part wants me to be a bigger person than that. Do you ever reach an age where Grace comes naturally? Heavy sigh.

I failed to make myself breakfast I was so busy washing dishes, so I grabbed a bacon & egg sandwich here. Other than that, eating has been what I brought from home. The part I hate most about PMS isn’t that I turn into a raving lunatic (that’s my husband’s least favorite part!) – it’s that I feel like that girl that ate the gum in ‘Willy Wonka” – ‘overinflated’ best describes it. Please God let this week end soon.

Sometimes life gives you a gift

On a scale of “cat in water” to “fish in water” my swimming has been closer to the cat end of the scale. It’s my fault – once I finished last year’s tri, I just never found the time to swim very much. That is, until a couple of weeks ago when I realized I was doing a tri again in April. Time to drag my butt to the pool!

So, Friday I really didn’t want to exercise after work. Worse, I had to go home & let the dogs out. The sofa was singing its evil siren song. Luckily, I’m not very bright – I convinced myself I was putting on workout clothes and packing a gym bag so I could drive to the store for beer. Hee hee! I drove past the store and to the gym. One victory down! And another was waiting for me in the pool. It was the best swim so far – I managed to swim multiple laps in a row without feeling claustrophobic or weird. Woo Hoo! I may actually be ready for the tri next month. It was a great swim.

Saturday was my rest day and yesterday was my 13 mile run. I have to say it went very well. I ran the first 6 miles on my 2 mile loop in the neighborhood. Then I ran the 7 mile out and back to the cemetery. I hadn’t run it yet this year. The down side was it was later in the day and there was a lot of traffic (must run it earlier). But it was great to be out of the neighborhood and running through different scenery. I had my CamelBak and a fanny pack with my Hammer Gel (have I mentioned that stuff tastes nasty? :-)

After the run, I iced my feet while eating a PB sandwich. Then I took a nice long bath & laid of the sofa (using ice occasionally) and finished watching Saturday’s Tivo-ed SCi-Fi original picture “Skeleton Man”. What a dog of a movie! And the rest of the mini-series “Earth Sea Trilogy”. So, a nice afternoon.

Food was pretty good this weekend. I did indulge my taste buds in some cheese dip Friday night (with ‘light’ taco chips). Thankfully, they seem to have stopped putting the crack in the cheese dip – it’s not quite as tasty as it used to be. I enjoyed it, and then I went to bed!

Thank you very much! (but the scale still sucks!)

Wow. Imagine my shock when my email was chock full of replies to my post, as well as personal messages. Thanks! It’s like I wrote to Lee: sometimes I feel like I am shouting in the forest, but the shouting still helps me, even if no one hears. But it is nice to get feedback - I get so much from the blogs I read. And I am going to check Jack’s out for sure once I read his comment. I really enjoy reading men’s blogs as well. It is amazing how supportive people are of each other! And you read so many discouraging things about losing weight (and keeping it off) in the news - it is refreshing to hear from and about regular folks who are doing just that very thing.

Most people start their weight loss journey as a ‘1’ – some turn into 2s. Some never do. And that’s okay – I wasn’t criticizing at all. Some people hate exercise, do the bare minimum, lose weight, and go on with their life. I wish I didn’t have a body that needed a huge exercise investment in order to lose weight, but that’s the way I am. Luckily, I’ve learned to like it. The funny thing is, I rarely enjoyed exercise when I was in the Army. Eight years of doing something nearly every workday, and not really enjoying it. How sad is that?

There were a few runs in Hawaii I loved when I was stationed there – the Aloha run was a great organized race, and I used to run the course of the Kole Kole half marathon on a regular basis. If you aren’t familiar with the race, the first 5-6 miles winds through Schofield barracks and is very pleasant – the next couple of miles is uphill climbing to the mountain pass on a road that cuts through fairly thick jungle-esque forest. At the top is Kole Kole pass (and a huge 3 story cross marking the pass) that supposedly the Japanese planes flew through on their way to bomb Pearl Harbor. Once you reach the top of the pass, as the Ranger who lived next door once said to me “then someone steps on the back of your shirt.” Boom. You’re headed downhill through the naval magazine. The plants are cactus and the climate is dessert. The trade wind is blowing off the ocean straight at you, and uphill on the other side is looking real good. Since I was stationed at Schofield, we’d run to the top, and then turn around. Much easier. The running in Hawaii was so gorgeous, I enjoyed it in spite of myself! But really, these past 2 years mark the first time in my ENTIRE life I’ve done exercise for pleasure. That is sad.

This week: Mr. Scale sucks – no weight gone. You think I’d be glad I didn’t gain after last Sunday’s binge, but some people just are ungrateful wretches!

Other than Sunday, food has been good. Okay, I ate a sugar cookie yesterday, but besides that…. Okay, I’ll be more focused on the food side of the equation next week. Getting enough rest I have down pat. And hey! Let’s check out exercise this week, where I totally rocked the house!

M: swam
T: ran 2 mi, 30 min walk at lunch, walked dogs 1 mi in evening
W: 2 mi walk, 30 min walk at lunch, upper body weights
H: 2 mi run, swam, walk 30 min at lunch
F: 2 mi walk
Planned:
F: more weights + swim after work, walk at lunch
S: rest day
S: 13 mi run

I know a tad bit more diligence with the food will pay off for sure next week. And considering its PMS week around here, I think keeping my face out of the bag of dark chocolate Dove bites in the freezer was pretty good!

Hope you all have a terrific weekend!

An observation about blogs

I read a lot of blogs. There are some I have read for years, others only for a short time. Most of the blogs I read are weight loss related – either someone losing, or having lost, weight. In general, the weight related blogs I read fall into one of two categories 1) the person hates exercise and only does it to lose weight. She struggles to do it – if this person develops any sort of regular routine, any illness or family situation etc that comes along will totally destroy their routine. Then they’ll start again, struggling to make exercise happen. 2) For this person, exercise has become a way of life. They now exercise for reasons other than weight loss. Eventually their eating will change to support their exercise, whether they are still losing weight or not. Gone are the tv dinners they used for ease of counting flex points, and hello whole foods which support a healthier lifestyle. Where do you fit? I love watching the 1s turn into 2s. That is what has been happening to me, and it rocks.

So, weight training was awesome last night. Supersets rule!

Superset 1:
Db row 30/12 35/10
Db press 25/12 30/10

SS2:
Super pullovers 20/12 (too easy) 25/12
Incline flye 20/12 25/10
Finish these parts with 360s using 10 dbs.

SS3:
Tri kickback 15/10 15/10
Bicep curl 20/4 20/7 (why was I so weak here last night????)

SS4:
Tri overhead press 30/10 35/10
21s 15/10 15/10

Shoulders:
Overhead press 20/10 25/8
Alternating front & lateral raises 12.5/6 ea X 2

3 negative chin-ups

Ran 2 miles this morning. It was cold and my inner whiny brat wanted to argue, but inner drill sergeant kicked her to the curb and got our a$$ outta bed!

Today I noticed that my pants are a little baggy where my tummy used to be more flabby…… Yeah baby!

Do any humans read this stuff? Sometimes I wonder…..

Please Pass Miss Lousy-Mom Cranky-Pants her Machine Gun please.

Here is the deal: I am in a lousy mood. There are a number of possible culprits: a frustrating day at work yesterday, PMS, lack of weight lifting Monday (I swam instead), or possible electrolyte imbalance due to the fact that my dinner went through me like the Jamaican bobsled team (ahem). On the way to work, I found myself fantasizing about a nice day out on a machine gun range.

I was in the Army for 8 years. There was plenty I disliked, but there was a lot I loved. Being a machine gunner is high on that list. Working the machine gun range was a blast, especially if you got to be one of the people at the end of the day helping use up the extra ammo. Really, there is a tremendous primal satisfaction to be derived from putting a couple thousand rounds through a machine gun so fast that the barrel begins to warp (it’s okay – the assistant gunner carries a spare). I was an expert with a machine, and frequently won beer off the foolish Rangers who didn’t think a “girl” could out-shoot them. Heh. Remember, my hobby is putting on medieval armor and hitting people with rattan swords. I am hoping to curb my violent tendencies tonight at the gym, with an upper body workout that will have my muscles begging for mercy – in a good way.

I feel guilty because we went out to dinner last night. I was just emotionally beaten down to the point where heating up a can of soup & making a grilled cheese sandwich sounded like to much d&mn work. How messed up is that? I wanted to relax in the tub, but instead got a running commentary from a 10 year old on the other side of the door about how long I’d been in there. We had also gone out Monday for somebody’s birthday dinner, which means home cooking is sparse around our place this week. This is not typical, and I feel bad about it.

What else? Monday swam. Tuesday ran 2 miles, 30 minute walk at lunch, then we walked the dogs 1 mile last night. Got up and walked 2 miles this morning, even though it was freaking freezing. I got spaghetti for dinner last night, but the half I ate of my meal didn’t seem to hang around for long. I was in the kind of pissy mood that I used to squash with food. I did have a bag of soy chips with some diet pepsi after dinner. This morning I am listening to my world flute relaxation CD, drinking diet cocoa, and hoping this will pass soon. I hate being crabby – it seems like such s waste of time & energy.

I read this blog, and she posted this a few days ago:

“I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

That is exactly how I feel.

And now, back to some exercise talk

I didn’t mention it yesterday, but I had the most amazingly mediocre 6 mile run on Saturday. I just totally couldn’t get into it. My attitude was “ho, hum” the whole time. I hate that, but it wasn’t painful either….

I have to make some changes to my workout routine. My swim last week showed me that laying off the swimming for 7 months meant I lost a lot. Well, the tri is in 6 weeks (hello!??! Where has the time gone???). Which means I need to be swimming more. So, gotta juggle things around. I will have to scale back on weight training – I only have X amount of time at the gym and something’s gotta give. It has to be the weights. :-(

Right now my priorities are 1) marathon training 2) triathlon training 3) maintain muscle mass through weight training 4) whatever fun is left over.

Yesterday was a good day food-wise. It’s nice to have things back to normal. I’m feeling better already. I swam last night. Ugly is all I can say……

More on my last post

Chris asked some good questions in his comment on my last post. Rather than tuck the answers away there, I thought I would do a follow up post.

First off, let me say that I have never had an eating disorder. I do occasionally suffer from “disordered” eating. It’s not just semantics – I think many many people suffer from bouts of “disordered eating” from time to time in this country. Just like partying in college doesn’t necessarily make you an alcoholic, but the behavior isn’t good either.

Yes, I have been in counseling in the past to deal with some of the underlying issues. Some of it is there, some of it is just the fact that I have the kind of personality that makes it easy for me to turn to food for comfort. It is something I am very conscious of, but I still get caught in the trap from time to time. Overall I have made a lot of progress, but even with vigilance I still “fall” sometimes. I just move on, since it can’t be undone. But I don’t put it out of my head – I use it as a learning opportunity. Just like practicing a new skill – every mistake teaches me some new things.

When I am going to binge, I prefer beer and dark chocolate and cheese. Yes, I will consume all three pretty much together. Weird. Popcorn is good too, probably because it is one of the few “snack” foods that is allowed to exist in my home.

Econ 101

So, I had a binge yesterday. A series of unfortunate events (being tired, getting caught out in the middle of errands at lunchtime, and a husband that uses food as reward & comfort, for both himself and me) came together, with predictable results. I’m not blaming it on my husband, but he does make it more difficult to stop when these things happen. He means well, but it still makes it tough.

In economics, the phenomenon of why the 6th beer doesn’t taste as good as the first is known as “diminishing marginal utility”. In a nutshell, when you eat something you receive “utility” – pleasure and getting full. With each additional thing you eat, you receive less and less until you stop consuming. Economics presumes “rational” behavior. So, at first glance, a binge appears to be an irrational act. Let’s face it – you do get less and less pleasure from the food the more you eat, and once you are full the food actually begins to make you feel bad. Where is the rationale in continuing to eat?

That’s where it helps to understand “utility” – a made up unit of measure to describe whatever positive “stuff” you get from consuming. Consuming, food, education, books, whatever. You spend time, money, effort, whatever. Most people think the “utility” we get from food is the pleasure of eating as well as fueling up our bodies. Going beyond that point is “irrational” behavior.

The missing component here is that people fail to factor all “utility” into the equation. And the missing utility is what drives a binge. Yes, I felt worse as I consumed too much yesterday, but I also received psychological comfort from the binge. And I also understand that I receive an emotional payoff by being overweight. My fat protects me from certain things. I have come to understand that. That’s why I’ve had to lose weight so slowly – to “sneak” up on it as it were. Inching my way slowly toward my goal weight – like sneaking up on a wild animal in the forest. Trying to make myself comfortable as the scale has slowly edged downward. I still struggle with that, although it is getting better. But binging comforts me emotionally – which is why getting caught out, tired and hungry, with a husband who orders me a second beer is not a good thing. I am too tired to fight at that point.

Luckily, I am getting better at protecting myself from the circumstances that lead to binge behavior. I’ve learned to rest when I get tired and not push myself to just keep going until I am finished. I’ve worked on convincing myself that the 15 pounds of fat are no longer necessary to protect myself emotionally. And I’ve taken it slowly so I don’t get scared off.

My son had a great birthday weekend, with lots of fun activities. But I have to admit, I feel like a very tired stuffed sausage! I want a salad for dinner, and maybe some nice tomato soup. I’m tired of rich food, beer, and anything with sugar. I am ready to get back to normal. And I’m already figuring out how to schedule next weekend so I don’t get so tired out that I am vulnerable again.

Moving Forward

Well, the bad news is I am getting sick. Yesterday the left side of my sinuses was stopped up, and I felt like someone was jamming an ice pick into my left ear. Not good. I went swimming anyway, doing 6 laps. Not a lot, but hey, better than nothing. I slept in this morning – it was cold and I wasn’t sure that would be the best thing. It’s a walk day, so I will walk with hubby later on.

The good news is I dropped 1.5 pounds from last week! I was very glad to see a solid loss. My goal for March is 3 pounds – that a 0.75 pounds a week. That may not sound like great shakes, but I know my body – slower is better and slow is all I ever get in any case. I am still feeling terrific about how on track my eating was last weekend. I know I can do it again!

That’s about all that is new with me. I am doing a 6 mile recovery run tomorrow – I think I’ll do it in the afternoon as its supposed to be cold again tonight. Sunday I plan to do at least a few laps. Lots to do this weekend with the boy's birthday bash going on. He turns the big 1-0 come Monday. He’s such a great kid. I am blessed.

Sleep Away the Pounds

I’ve read several articles lately that have talked about the role of sleep in weight loss. Looks like it isn’t that simple equations of calories in (food) versus calories out (exercise). Weight loss appears to be a 3 legged stool, with the third component being sleep. Without the third leg, it’s tough to balance.

Weight lifters have known about the importance of sleep for a long time. That’s when we really build muscles – while we sleep. We tear them down in the gym. Looks like sleep is also the time our body likes to “take care of business” without any distractions – stuff like regulating our hormones. Gee, those have something to do with weight loss…

I am a girl that needs her sleep. I’m a 7.5 to 8 hour per night person. This morning when I woke up it was pouring, so I treated myself to an extra hour. Nine hours of sleep! What a luxury! And after last night’s lifting session, I bet I needed every second of it!

Yesterday was good for a number of reasons. I ate well, finishing off at 5:30 with a yummy dinner of Chicken Marengo (sautéed chicken in a tomato sauce over a little rice). It’s a “desperation dinner” – I get a lot of my recipes from the desperation dinner column of the local paper, or from the show “30 Minute Meals” on the Food network, or various crock pot recipes (do you see a trend here?). I don’t have a lot of time to cook during the week, but I insist on a home cooked meal 5 nights per week.

I did 2 2 mile runs – one in the morning alone and one in the afternoon with my son. While he did tae kwon do, I did a killer upper body workout. First 2 sets of push-ups to warm up (there ise only 1 kind of push-up, the Army push-up, and it does not involve knees). Then 2 each of 2 exercises for each body part: back, chest, triceps, biceps, shoulders. Then I finished off with negative chin-ups until failure (thanks, Chris, for that idea). I managed 2. I guess that means my workout was good. My muscles were shaking when I was waiting for my son. But no soreness today.

This afternoon I am swimming,

Bulking Up (Your Food)

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend yesterday afternoon. She has made a lot of positive lifestyle changes. I’m really proud of her! But she readily admits she really needs to tackle her weight. I know her family history – growing up in a family where food isn’t considered food unless it’s fried in fatback and the ultimate sin is to throw food away. It’s hard to overcome our childhood messages about food.

But we can overcome those messages and she is working on it. She said she didn’t want to go to her 300 pound doctor for advice on weight loss (who can blame her?). We talked about different things. I told her so many of the diets today boil down to eating lean protein, loads of fruits & veggies, and limiting carbohydrates to complex ones as much as possible. Eating unprocessed foods. And portion control. That’s when she groaned “how can you survive on that little bit of food!” She doesn’t want to starve (who does?). I mentioned I just finished “Volumetrics”, which I think has some great ideas. Really, it’s all about “bulking up” the food on your plate. I’ve been using this trick for a while. Offer a controlled portion, then bulking up the dish with veggies. Adding a box of frozen spinach to soup or manicotti stuffing for example. She latched on to that idea and I hope she’ll look for the book at the library.

It’s been a busy and somewhat stressful week, but I’ve been holding my own on the food front. On the exercise front, all I did yesterday was a 30 minute walk at lunch. I had planned to run after work, but a nasty stress headache nixed that idea. Today I am doing 2 runs and lifting. I am feeling a little puffy – ick! Maybe some clean eating and plenty of exercise today can help cure that little issue!

The Wonder Woman Myth Debunked

Last Friday I read an article on msn.com about “stressed out moms”. The article was talking about women who push themselves in so many areas of their life – particularly to be a “perfect mom”, that they wind up exhausted – too tired to enjoy their kids, their husbands, anything.

I remember what I watched on tv as a little girl: “Wonder Woman”, “Bionic Woman”, even “Charlie’s Angels”. It was the 70s and yes, there was plenty of t&a and gender bias in those shows (go back and watch a few episodes of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”), but they also sent a very empowering message to little girls. These might not have been the perfect role models, but they were strong women who were (mostly) taking care of themselves. The message was “you can be anything!” and it felt great.

Then along came the 80’s – Oprah and Reaganomics. The American economy was booming. Somewhere along the line the message girls and women received got changed. It was no longer “you can do anything”, it was “you can have everything.”

Did you ever see Steve Martin in the movie “The Jerk”? There is a scene where he has lost everything and he is wandering through the house. He clutches a thermos and says “This is all I need. Just this thermos. That’s all. And that pen. And that….” Pretty soon, he’s carrying so much crap that it is falling out of his arms but he keeps on picking up more. That’s the perfect metaphor for how many people live their lives today.

Have you ever heard the term “subject matter expert”? It’s someone who specializes in knowing a great deal about something. Have you ever known anyone who thought they were a subject matter expert in everything? Weren’t they annoying? But that’s how a lot of people live, women in particular. They honestly think they can be a CEO, a terrific mom, a great triathlete, found their own charitable organization, and still find time to attend the opera and put a gourmet meal on the table every night. And that myth gets perpetuated, so that we are made to feel inferior if we don’t achieve those goals. No wonder these women are exhausted!

It’s all a sham. I’m sorry, but it is. You cannot hold everything in your arms. You can hold several things, but not everything. You can’t be a subject matter expert in everything. It’s a lie. It’s that simple, and that hard.

It is hard to let go of perfectionism. To say “I will never come in first place in a bike race, because having a relatively clean house is also important to me.” Because it means letting go of some dreams, and admitting you have to make choices. It means admitting your own humanity.

Yes Virginia, Stretching is Bad

I have long believed that stretching is not good. Taking a cold muscle and forcing it to stretch has never seemed logical to me. What Jeff said was this "If you have stretches that work for you, fine. But out of the 150,000 people I have worked with, way more have been injured if they stretch versus those who don't." He went on to quote a study which showed that stretching is the #3 cause of injury among runners, among those who stretch it's #1. Personally, I never stretch. Take it for what it's worth.

And then an android took over my body!

Okay, 3 reports for the price of one! The food report, the run report, and the Jeff Galloway running clinic report.

1) An android took over my body. This is the only possible explanation for my eating habits over the weekend. No out of control eating, only 2 beers the entire weekend. Clearly not me! Just kidding. Being focused on other things helped, as did the fact that my long run was on Sunday. That kept me on the straight and narrow Saturday.

Food Friday after work:
1 Miller Lite and a snack bag of soy chips. Large but reasonable dinner at Golden Corral.

Saturday:
B: egg biscuit
S: string cheese and an apple
L: grilled chicken salad, 1 Miller Lite
S: string cheese & half a soft pretzel at Costco
D: homemade chicken pot pie
S: Jr. cheeseburger at Wendy’s

(I realized on the way home from an errand that I was starved. While this wasn’t the very best choice, I wanted something that was a balance of fat, protein, and carbs. And I knew I needed to eat since I had my long run in the morning. I did not want to wake up starving.)

Sunday:
B: Zone bar
S: peanut butter sandwich
L: Jr cheeseburger & small fry at Wendy’s
S: soy chips and water
D: homemade manicotti & salad

While I didn’t always make the very best choice, my portions were good, and I generally avoided empty calories.

2) The run report. Much better this weekend! I ate a whole Zone bar beforehand, and used my Gel every 2 miles. (BTW, this synced up nicely with the recommendations Jeff gave Sunday). After the run (11 miles) I was tired but okay. I had a peanut butter sandwich and took a hot bath (he said cool is much better) and took a half hour nap. Then I got up and got dressed for the running clinic. I was starving again, and had to grab something on the way. The fries were not the best choice, but I was super hungry!

3) The running clinic. If you ever have a chance, I would highly recommend going to one of these! Jeff Galloway was a very nice man. I took home a lot of great information and a renewed sense of motivation. Some highlights: He took us outside and showed up a few running drills. He spent time with each of us analyzing our running form. The class was great. He gave us info on nutrition (great stuff on day of especially), building speed & endurance, stretching (it’s bad!), pedometers.. I could go on & on. I’m sure I’ll drop pieces of info I’ve gleaned as I incorporate the stuff into my running. One great thing we discussed was what do you do with your running program AFTER the marathon (or whatever event you are training for). Anyway, kudos for this program!

Crud

I have somehow lost my email over on the left. Hmm.. Ogg go figure out computer now.... in the meantine, it's bneca@hotmail.com if you want to contact me.

Thanks for the recipe Megan. I really enjoyed Lance's book "Every Second Counts" - it's his second biography, and focuses on his training and riding in the Tour de France. His first book "It's Not About the Bike" (which I am reading now) is about his battle with cancer, getting his mojo back, and starting a family. I really enjoyed the other book, and I stayed up until 10 last night reading this one (that's late for me!). It is very motivational and a great read

Lucky Number 7

Well, Lance has officially announced he'll ride in the Tour de France this year. Very cool. I saw the finish when I was in Paris back in.... 1991? I wasn't into cycling then, it was literally a coincidence that I was in Paris that weekend at all. I am currently reading his first biography "It's Not About the Bike" - I read the second last year. I'm not surprised he came to the NC mountains to get his mojo back. They are pretty special.

Down 1.5 pounds this week. I'm not exactly feeling my mojo, but I'm doing okay. Lifted yesterday - supersets of bis & tris:

paramont machine:
bi: 5/10 x 3
tri: 7.5/10 x 3

db curl (with twist): 15/12 20/10 25/8
tri overhead press: 30/12 35/10 40/8

dips between benches: 25/10 30/10 35/10
21s: 15 lb

I also did my 30 minute walk, a 1 mile run (my walkman batteries died!), and walked the dogs with the hubster. So a pretty active day.

Today I came into work early so I can leave early (flexing your time rocks). Besides the fact that I am way more productive early in the morning, it means more time tonight. I want to do back & chest plus HIIT, then get home to do some tidying up around the house. Not a thorough cleaning, but a start so hubby won't have so much housework tomorrow.

We are heading to the Golden Corral buffet tonight so I don't have to cook. Also on today's agenda is planning the menu for the weekend, and also for next week. Want to make sure I keep plenty of filling veggies in there so I can keep going.

Next weekend is my son's various birthday activities. It's also the weekend I begin to get a shorter "recovery run" between adding mileage. Only 6 miles! Woo hoo! Piece of cake :-)

Time for a break!

Yesterday on the way home, I realized I was just mentally & physically fatigued. So, change of plans - I did get up & walk yesterday (2 miles) plus did my 30 minute walk at lunch, but I took the evening off. The only bad part was that my husband got home late (like, after I went to bed). I didn't want to start a Netflix movie - I wanted to watch "Troy" together. So I trolled the channels (tv sucks, whcih is why I rarely watch it). Boredom = you know what. A little case of overeating! Luckily, there wasn't too much overeating, but I did have a couple too many beers. I really hate the fact that beer makes me feel like caca the next day.

But it's back to normal today. I am looking hard at Krista's new program (see my earlier post). I think it's time to change up my lifting.

Today is chest, back, & low back, plus 2 mile run. Hopefully the hubster will get home in time for us to walk the dogs. It's been very cool to not have to take my son anywhere this week. His tutoring (for reading) will be over the end of this school year, so that halves our after school obligations! woo hoo! He really enjoys tae kwon do, and I am happy to keep taking him as long as he wants to be involved. (Besides, that's my gym time!)

Is summer here yet?

You will work for me!

I realized something this morning while out on my morning walk: I don’t want to be a slave to food – I want food to be a slave to me. Serving my purposes, meeting my needs, fueling my body so I can do the things I want.

So, it’s time for a “flip” in my thinking. I think that has started the past couple of days. Part of the problem is that food has always served as entertainment and reward etc., as well as fuel. I’ve given it too many hats – no wonder it’s running the show. Food is certainly a pleasure – I’m not saying that is wrong. But there has to be a better balance.

The past couple of days I have looked at food as fuel primarily. I’ve been working out harder than usual, and my eating has been more regimented than usual. I’ve added a post workout glass of chocolate milk or a morning serving of soy chips if I’ve needed it – I’ve been getting exercise 4 times a day (2 “exercise” sessions and 2 “pleasure walks”). So I haven’t been starving myself – but I’ve been fueling my workouts rather than holding a “party in my mouth” multiple times a day.

The weekends are the hardest for me. Partly because I work too hard on the weekend and I use food as a reward. And partly because I have conditioned myself to believe that it’s okay to sit in a chair if I am eating, but wrong if I am just sitting there.

Time to work on my thinking.

Yesterday was good: 2 mile run before work, 30 minute walk at lunch, swim after work, ½ mile walk with the dogs & husband after dinner. Food was on plan, with a post swim serving of chocolate milk. Swimming makes me ravenous!

I need to sit down and plan my eating for the weekend. Once again, I have a lot to do, but I have a plan. If I plan my eating now, I should be able to stay on track.

I am wearing my smallest pair of size 14 jeans and they are comfortable. My smallest jeans I own are 10s – I am getting there.

Lifting weights made easy

http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html Go there, and check out Krista's ideas under "workout for the time poor" in the "what's new?" section. Great ideas! Hmm... May revamp weight workout.....

Empowered

Really, that’s the word to describe how I am feeling today. Lots of good stuff:

Food yesterday was healthy and right on track. I feel it!

I feel like I exercised all day yesterday (in a good way). AM was 2 mile walk, then 30 minute walk at lunch with friend, then the gym after work: weights for legs, shoulders and abs, followed by HIIT on the elliptical. After dinner, hubby & I took the dogs for a ½ mile walk.

A good night’s sleep, followed by a terrific run in the fog this morning.

Oh yeah, and we’re getting about double what I expected on our income tax return. Woo hoo! If all goes well, our credit card debt could be history come June. We still have a home equity line, but it’s not hideous. God knows how good no credit card debt will feel!

Random Monday Stuff

I am glad I signed myself up for that thing with Jeff Galloway. I really want to ask him about my feet. My feet hurt after I run. Like, I had to ice my feet because the bottoms (espeically the heels) were so sore. Is this normal? I don’t want to wind up with plantar fascitis again this year.

My husband loved his gift. I gave it to him Friday night so he could go to class Saturday while I was running. He went to the 9 am class. He ran into the dad of one of our son’s classmates, who was headed in for the 11 am class. I guess Bikram is “manly” yoga.

Besides feeling much more relaxed after yoga (he didn’t even realize how stressed he was until he did that class), I gave him the go-ahead to take his bike in for repairs. It’s going to cost around $400. Ouch! But he will need it for the tri, and he needs to start riding to get ready for the tri, and biking is a big stress relief for him. He even wants to take it out of town with him so he can ride some – which I think is a great idea.

Saturday’s 10 mile run was rough. Beyond rough really. Like, I don’t remember a run that hard, ever. I ate a larger than normal but healthy dinner Friday night. Got up and had half a kashi bar with water. This may have been mistake #1. I can’t eat a whole kashi bar before I run (I get acid reflux), but next week I will switch to a whole Zone bar. A little more, but hopefully not too much. Also, I spilled the iced tea so I had no caffeine! ARGH!

I am still running loops in the neighborhood – hilly and boring, but safe. I set my jug of cranwater and bottle of Hammer gel on the mailbox post, and off I went. The first 2 miles were typical warming up – getting used to the notion of running. The next 2 miles were the best of the run – the sun was coming up and everything was just preternaturally bright. The neighborhood was quiet, the birds were chirping, the air smelled good. At the 4 mile mark I stopped for more water (I always stop for water) plus a potty break & some Hammer gel. Have I ever mentioned how skanky that stuff is? Anyway, the next 2 miles were also good, but by mile 7, I was feeling tired. By mile 8 I was sad. I stopped at the house and used more gel, plus had another potty break. Talking myself out of just stopping for a quick nap on the toilet was hard. I finally convinced myself that if I had to, I could walk the last 2 miles. I actually made it, with only the normal walk breaks.

After the run, I ate a peanut butter sandwich (Rebecca’s suggestion – it does make a great post-run snack!) and took a bath. The hubster got home from yoga and we went to eat at an Indian buffet. I didn’t go overboard, but ate well. Then we went to the bike shop, where I fell asleep in the car for 30 minutes! That’s how long my husband was in there discussing repairs.

I didn’t have a blinding headache, and I did manage to do stuff that day after the run (unlike some days), but I clearly bonked during the run. It’s either my food or the fact that my doctor switched my neurotransmitter supplements so I take more at night. I am adding more pre-run food, will stop every 2 miles for gel next weekend and see if that helps.

On the food front: much better weekend! I had a “free” meal Saturday night – an unplanned trip to a Mexican restaurant. Last night I had popcorn & 2 beers. So, nothing too dreadful. This week is pretty strict. Here’s the plan:

B: smoothie or oatmeal
S: 1 string cheese & veggie sticks
L: salmon or tuna with garbanzos & greek vinegarette. ½ serving of rice-a-roni, and steamed veggies.
S: 1 string cheese & an apple. Cauliflower soup.
D: tv dinner & salad.

I got up and walked 2 miles this morning – hubby walked the first mile with me. I think he is finding his groove back. I hope so!

Be My Valentine

So, I tried calling my husband but he didn't answer the phone. I wanted to let him know I had my own Valentine gift pretty well covered - I found out Jeff Galloway is teaching a half day training session in Winston-Salem. He covers training, eating to burn fat, answers questions, and will help you with your running form. I love his book "Marathon!" and that is my training bible. Love it!

Cybil's evening out

Boy was last night weird. I left work a bit early so I can go to Winston-Salem and buy my husband's Vanetine's gift: a 10 class pass to Bikram Yoga. The man loves it, loves the teacher, and wants to go back. I was considering this as a gift, and then he montioned the other day he'd like to go back. I was so proud of myself for giving my husband a gift that was healthy and won't clutter up the house. "The gift of health" - am I a good wife or what?

So then I'm driving home and said husband calls, so pissed off he sounds like his head is about to explode. His boss had them drive nearly 3 hours away to a job site, but the boss of that job had already called J and told him he didn't need anyone up there till next week. So my husband spent as much time in the car as he did working because his boss screwed up. So, I don't have enough food and he wants a cold beer.

So, I go to the store, purchase extra ingredients so I can double dinner, and a 12 pack. After my wonderful "gift of health" I had 3 beers, chicken and dumplings, and a few token green beans for dinner. The carb bloat is killing me this morning!

No wonder I was up 2.5 pounds on the da*& scale.

Pictures

For the interested (or really bored) I have added a link to my pictures on yahoo. You can see what I look like. And my family, and house, and dogs, and bathroom, and.....

A week without lifting

I didn't plan to take this week off from lifting weights, but my energy level has been so abysmal that that is exactly what has happened.

Next week I plan to lift 3 days and use HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptcal to kick my metabolism up a notch. Time to start working on my last few pounds.

A little more

So, I have time to breathe – but just for a minute.

The weekend was good but weird. I finally unwound a little bit. The run was good, and just sitting around was good too. That’s something I rarely do, and I think I needed it!

I am going to go back to weighing every Friday – every 2 weeks isn’t often enough to keep me on the straight & narrow.

The running is going pretty good. I do need to up my weekday intensity, but I am on track with marathon training. I ran 9 miles this past weekend. I have a 10 mile run planned for this weekend. I have begun using that “goo” to keep me fueled during my runs. That mess is nasty!

It was so awesome to be able to run in shorts & t-shirt this weekend. That taste of spring was (hopefully) enough to keep me going till we get the real thing!

Next week my son has winter break and is going to his grandpa’s for the week. So no after work activities, other than running some much needed errands and hitting the gym. Hopefully I won’t go mental and lay around every evening, drinking beer and eating Chef Boyardee and Little Debbie cakes for dinner. Sometimes I can run amok without supervision. Is that sad or what?

As happened last year when my runs got up into the longer distances, I find myself in this whole “eat to run or run to eat” situation. I don’t fuel properly for running, then justify my crap by the fact that I ran for 4 hours. Can I just blame this part weekend on the Superbowl and move on?

Speaking of which, what was your favorite commercial? I loved the diet Pepsi commercial with Carson that was reminiscent of the opening of “Saturday Night Fever.” Clever. And then followed by the dumbest commercial of the game – that godaddy.com crap. How dumb was that? I tivo-ed the game so I could replay the commercials.

While I was home sick yesterday, Sci-Fi channel showed a marathon of “Buck Roger’s in the 25th Century”. My son is hooked. I wish I looked like that in spandex. Just saying.

Still Here

Home the past 2 days - first with sick son then with sick me. feeling better (more relaxed as an added bonus). Ran 9 miles on Saturday - spent the rest of the day vegging in front of the tv....

Indoor run averted.

Whew! That was a close one! Just as I was leaving work, the clouds were breaking up. It was 35 or so when I got home, and not raining!

The boy ran the first mile with me, then peeled off and I ran the last mile alone.

I have noticed 2 things this week:
1) On runs (or any other cardio) other than my long run, my intensity is not high enough.
2) I have eaten crap after dinner for the past 3 days. Not good.

Maybe I will go back to weighing every week instead of every other week.

Running on the “dreadmill”

So, for the first time this year I have to run indoors. The dreadmill, or the inside track, I get to pick my poison! I’ve been lucky so far this year, but it is yucky and raining pretty hard outside, so I just don’t see an outdoor workout happening.

Our friend Chris came to town & took us out to dinner last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place (now his favorite also!) and ate the owner’s mom’s homemade tamales, grilled cactus, posole, and an amazing sautéed seafood platter. We ate everything “family style”, sharing it around. It was really nice.

I think my funk may be attributed to several things: it’s national water retention week, winter (which I hate), and feeling overwhelmed by stuff at home.

My husband goes away for weekends – sometimes to medieval events without me, sometimes to play D&D, but I have never had a weekend where HE did all the housework. I am having one this weekend (he promised). It coincides with his D&D game (it rotates and this weekend it’s at our house). I am curious to see how much he does. Sometimes I resent that fact, but only I have the power to speak up for myself.

Also, I have made a new rule that my son can’t go away for the weekend to visit his grandparents until a list of chores is complete - it’s all of 10 minutes worth of work, but he is old enough to take on more responsibility. Tonight I am going to do something nice for myself. Hmm, something that doesn’t involve food….

Oh yeah? Well MY dad trains jewish mothers for a living!

Well, he could have. A master at making a person feel like utter crap, he could lay a guilt trip smoother than a road paver lays asphalt.

The really pitiful thing is that I don't think my feelings are that out of the norm (I mean, who doesn't worry about taking good enough care of their kids?) but I was trained to feel guilty if I felt bad.

Discordant

I’ve been a bit unhappy lately. First, I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed fortunate. I live a fairly comfortable middle class existence in the wealthiest country in the world, which means I have time for introspection because I don’t have to struggle to feed my child or worry about rebel insurgents.

There are things I would like to be, that I don’t feel I am. I view myself as an athletic outdoorsy woman, with a bit of euro-funk thrown in. What I look like is a sedentary suburban soccer mom. That bothers me. That’s why I hate being overweight. How I look is not a reflection of how I feel.

And I struggle. With keeping my house clean. With keeping (fairly) healthy meals on the table. We eat out once a week. I fix every other meal we eat. I can’t really afford to buy organic everything. I try to shop at the farmer’s market, buy unprocessed foods, etc. I spend several hours every Sunday preparing food for my family for the week because I can’t do it all during the week.

I find myself stressing over what I haven’t done, what needs to be done, etc. I think I spend too much time worrying about that and not enough time enjoying my family. I should worry less, but I honestly don’t know how to stop. I’ve always been wound pretty tight (as it were), even as a child. I dunno. Anybody tried meditation?

Whipping my Family into Shape

So, yesterday afternoon my son & I went for a 1.5 mile jog - our first to train for our April triathlon (he is doing the running portion). At the gym I lifted weights - legs, shoulders, & abs. It never ceases to amaze me how easily I can work my legs to the point of being sore, but upper body, no way. I dunno if its because lately legs have been getting the short end of the stick, or I don't go really heavy on upper since I don't have a spotter...

This morning, the hubster got up with me and walked a mile - I looped around for 1 more. So, exercise is happening. I wonder if I will ever consider myself an "athlete"????

Oh, food yesterday was excellent! Go me!