Since we are flying out of Raleigh at 7:15 AM, we are staying overnight with friends. So after dinner we'll be headed that way. I got up this morning, fed us (protein shakes) and the dogs (kibble & homemade wet food), then threw a load of laundry in the wash and cleaned the kitchen.
I then sat down, balanced my checkbook, paid my bills, and sobbed. I mean loud, wet, red faced sobs. If I had to have a big problem (say, money or a family member with serious health issues) then of course I'd choose money issues any day. It's only money! OTOH, I am faced with some nerve racking choices in oh 30 days or so if something doesn't break. So yeah, big sobs. T has been a trooper and continues to be a source of strength and support.
Then I calmed down and did some ironing and folded the clean laundry so we can pack our suitcase. (We are sharing since it's a short trip and they charge per bag). It's a busy day - gotta get Jordan to my mom's and Susie to the kennel for boarding (she isn't integrated enough into the pack to leave with my mom for 5 days) plus pack up her stuff, pack my stuff, fix supper and give the kitchen one more cleaning, make sure trash is out and nothing in the fridge will spoil etc.
I watched an interesting documentary yesterday called "The Barkley Marathons". They describe it as the "toughest race you've never heard of". And yeah, it sounds unreal tough. And I have no interest in ever attempting it, but the founder of the race made a lot of good points about people trying something and being okay with failing - so many people don't/can't handle failure and this is a race that only 10 people finished in the first 25 years it was run. It's on netflix streaming if you are so inclined.
Anyway, I am not taking a computer so don't expect to hear from me until Monday. Until then take care!
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
Tuesday, January 03, 2017
Well rested
I slept last night - woo hoo! Went to bed around 10:30 or 11 and woke up when T's alarm went off at 7. I let the dog out, then dozed a bit when he took a shower. Then up, fed dogs, got myself dressed & us fed, then took Susie (the new dog) for a walk down the street. She did great on the leash! Susie was at the shelter for nearly 3 months after being picked up as a stray. We're not sure what her story is - she's 2.5 years old and not really house trained. So she's a project dog, but she's smart and sweet and crazy about T.
Here's Susie:
And the dog I've had for 9 years or so, the amazing Jordan J:
We've been having protein shakes most morning. After we used up our tub of Muscle Milk, I checked the nutrition on the protein at Aldi. For 10 more calories a serving, it has nearly double the protein of Muscle Milk. 170 calories and 30 g protein, and the less than $1 per serving. It's not as cheap as eggs, but it's quick and easy and the price isn't bad. I just buy vanilla and if I want a different flavor I add things like PB2 powder, chocolate powder (the stuff you bake with), frozen fruit, etc. Lunch has been generally leftovers from the previous dinner or a cup of soup, salad, sandwich, etc. We are trying not to each out much - hard when you travel, but it's just easier when we are at home. It helps we live in a small town with very few dining options - at least ones we're interested in!
Hope you have a good day!
Take care.
Here's Susie:
And the dog I've had for 9 years or so, the amazing Jordan J:
We've been having protein shakes most morning. After we used up our tub of Muscle Milk, I checked the nutrition on the protein at Aldi. For 10 more calories a serving, it has nearly double the protein of Muscle Milk. 170 calories and 30 g protein, and the less than $1 per serving. It's not as cheap as eggs, but it's quick and easy and the price isn't bad. I just buy vanilla and if I want a different flavor I add things like PB2 powder, chocolate powder (the stuff you bake with), frozen fruit, etc. Lunch has been generally leftovers from the previous dinner or a cup of soup, salad, sandwich, etc. We are trying not to each out much - hard when you travel, but it's just easier when we are at home. It helps we live in a small town with very few dining options - at least ones we're interested in!
Hope you have a good day!
Take care.
Monday, January 02, 2017
My #1 health priority right now
It's not what you think.
One huge down side of all the stress that I've been under is that my insomnia has gotten absolutely out of control. More nights than not I'm awake 2-3 hours in the middle of the night, and that number is usually closer to 3 (sometimes more).
As a result my bedtime and get up time vary weirdly and frequently I wake up like I did this morning, feeling drugged. I occasionally resort to a Tylenol PM, and melatonin (which isn't always effective). There are many things I cannot control (will my house in Florida ever sell, because I really need the money pretty badly), but there are some things I can do that will help. And being well rested makes it so much easier to stick to a diet.
So that is my top priority when I return from Reno. Well, that and talking to my realtor about what I can do to dump the albatross.
One huge down side of all the stress that I've been under is that my insomnia has gotten absolutely out of control. More nights than not I'm awake 2-3 hours in the middle of the night, and that number is usually closer to 3 (sometimes more).
As a result my bedtime and get up time vary weirdly and frequently I wake up like I did this morning, feeling drugged. I occasionally resort to a Tylenol PM, and melatonin (which isn't always effective). There are many things I cannot control (will my house in Florida ever sell, because I really need the money pretty badly), but there are some things I can do that will help. And being well rested makes it so much easier to stick to a diet.
So that is my top priority when I return from Reno. Well, that and talking to my realtor about what I can do to dump the albatross.
Sunday, January 01, 2017
Robo-vac
I got a Bissell robo vac for Christmas. I love it! Here is what the dogs think:
Thankfully no terror or chasing it, just a bit of mild curiosity. It helps that it's surprisingly quiet!
Thankfully no terror or chasing it, just a bit of mild curiosity. It helps that it's surprisingly quiet!
Happy New Year
Weight was down 2.4 pounds this week - go me! We did stay up until midnight last night - T didn't want any champagne and I hated to toss most of a bottle, so I settled for a gin & tonic. :-)
Christmas is all packed up and ready to be put away. I need to find my suitcase and start staging myself for the trip to Reno. I am excited!
2015 was very much about getting over losses and 2016 was about trying new things (some worked, some didn't). 2017 will be about settling in to the things that worked - the new home, new relationship, as well as trying some more new things. While I am looking for work, I am also pursuing the possibility of starting my own business! So something very exciting, challenging, and completely out of my comfort zone! More about that when I discuss the whole job thing that went down this year. It really gave me clarity around what I wanted to do - and what I didn't. So I am grateful for that even though there was also a lot of fear and anger.
I hope 2017 is kind to you all. Take care!
Christmas is all packed up and ready to be put away. I need to find my suitcase and start staging myself for the trip to Reno. I am excited!
2015 was very much about getting over losses and 2016 was about trying new things (some worked, some didn't). 2017 will be about settling in to the things that worked - the new home, new relationship, as well as trying some more new things. While I am looking for work, I am also pursuing the possibility of starting my own business! So something very exciting, challenging, and completely out of my comfort zone! More about that when I discuss the whole job thing that went down this year. It really gave me clarity around what I wanted to do - and what I didn't. So I am grateful for that even though there was also a lot of fear and anger.
I hope 2017 is kind to you all. Take care!
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Wrapping up Christmas
Today T had to ride down to take a look at a site we are thinking of using for one of our medieval events, so I'm home alone. Mom came down and lent a hand - my son and his friend did the final sanding on some mudding they had done. This house had a ton of wallpaper, all from the 1970s or 1980s and totally not my taste. We had a small hallway that needed the walls completely mudded after pulling off the wallpaper and a bathroom where we decided to simply mud the seams.
Unfortunately, the mud my son bought was NOT of the dust free variety. Mom came down and gave me a hand with the cleanup as well as starting to take down Christmas decorations. T and I are flying out to visit with friends in Reno, leaving home Wednesday evening, so I want to have the house clean and the decorations put away before we head out.
Right now things are pretty hectic with the holidays, upcoming vacation, and a new dog who is not yet house trained. We adopted Susie this week from the shelter. She's a 2.5 year old Shepherd mix. T's ex kept their dog and he couldn't bring the cats (I'm allergic and we have a pet door they could have easily gone out). My big dog Mya passed away 3 months ago, and I wanted Jordan to have a companion dog plus I wanted T to have a dog that was "his". Susie adores him, but we have to keep an eye on her to get her trained.
Once we are back we will start tag teaming the gym and for now we are counting calories and making sure we get plenty of veggies, water, etc.
I had a wonderful holiday season - gifts, family, food, being with someone who loves the holiday! My son & his girlfriend came up and it was so nice!
My ex broke up with the woman he was seeing (the one started seeing either 5 minutes before or 5 minutes after he left me) on Christmas day. Which was pretty crappy, especially since she has a 6 year old daughter and B has been in her life for 2 years AND they are locked in to a lease for another 6 months. So yeah, I hate it for the little girl. So, he continues to be the same self absorbed goober. He did agree to pay half the cost of a train ticket so his mom could go up to Maryland to see her sister and grandkids, so he is at least helping her out. I still remain in the mix on that, simply because Jan remains a part of our lives. Ironically, Jan is crazy about T and is so happy for me - so that's nice. :-)
So this weekend is all about getting the house in order before we leave town. We may stay up until midnight but we aren't going anywhere.
Pictures of the house before we moved in:
Back:
Bath 1 (seams are mudded so we can paint over wallpaper)
Bath 2 (wallpaper is removed and bath is repainted)
(Guest room)
(Master bedroom. Sadly, we haven't touched the wallpaper or curtains yet.)
car port and storage area in backyard - which is now fenced in.
Former garage which was converted to a den.
Dining room. This wallpaper is still up.
Three season porch out back.
From the street.
Knotty pine kitchen.
Living room. It's 30 feet long, so we have it set up half as a living area and half with a formal dining table.
Updated pictures to come!
Unfortunately, the mud my son bought was NOT of the dust free variety. Mom came down and gave me a hand with the cleanup as well as starting to take down Christmas decorations. T and I are flying out to visit with friends in Reno, leaving home Wednesday evening, so I want to have the house clean and the decorations put away before we head out.
Right now things are pretty hectic with the holidays, upcoming vacation, and a new dog who is not yet house trained. We adopted Susie this week from the shelter. She's a 2.5 year old Shepherd mix. T's ex kept their dog and he couldn't bring the cats (I'm allergic and we have a pet door they could have easily gone out). My big dog Mya passed away 3 months ago, and I wanted Jordan to have a companion dog plus I wanted T to have a dog that was "his". Susie adores him, but we have to keep an eye on her to get her trained.
Once we are back we will start tag teaming the gym and for now we are counting calories and making sure we get plenty of veggies, water, etc.
I had a wonderful holiday season - gifts, family, food, being with someone who loves the holiday! My son & his girlfriend came up and it was so nice!
My ex broke up with the woman he was seeing (the one started seeing either 5 minutes before or 5 minutes after he left me) on Christmas day. Which was pretty crappy, especially since she has a 6 year old daughter and B has been in her life for 2 years AND they are locked in to a lease for another 6 months. So yeah, I hate it for the little girl. So, he continues to be the same self absorbed goober. He did agree to pay half the cost of a train ticket so his mom could go up to Maryland to see her sister and grandkids, so he is at least helping her out. I still remain in the mix on that, simply because Jan remains a part of our lives. Ironically, Jan is crazy about T and is so happy for me - so that's nice. :-)
So this weekend is all about getting the house in order before we leave town. We may stay up until midnight but we aren't going anywhere.
Pictures of the house before we moved in:
Back:
Friday, December 30, 2016
A little background
I am going to do a couple of brief recaps just to set the stage for where I am now.
I am a member of a non profit which is about recreating and sharing knowledge about the middle ages - everything from making clothing and accessories to armor to combat. I first got involved back in 2000 and T was one of the first people I met. We hit it off immediately - we had so much in common and enjoyed being around each other. We dated for a while but we were both a little afraid of taking our relationship to the next level and didn't realize that our feelings were reciprocated, so we ended up breaking off our relationship. While we remained friends, we gradually drifted apart, he quit the organization and moved on to other hobbies, and I moved to Florida.
Fast forward to January of this year: I was 10 months out from my separation and in October of 2015 his wife admitted to an affair and asked for a divorce. Apparently the marriage had been in trouble for quite some time, but as I can attest - a separation is difficult. In any case - he began reaching out to old friends to build a support group - one of the things that had occurred was that he became isolated from "his" friends, and the joint friends weren't folks he felt he could really talk to. He reached out to me via facebook, and we began chatting.
It quickly became apparent that the chemistry was still there. We spent a LOT of time talking about our goals, our beliefs and values, our priorities: in short, all of the things I never was able to discuss with my spouse! We realized that we were very much in the same place, shared core values and priorities, and that our feelings hadn't changed. Within a month we were dating and when I purchased my house in July, he moved in. He had been wanting to move back to this area (he was about 2 hours away) to be closer to his family - so it was logical as well as being what we both wanted.
We're getting married this year - we know where, who we want there, we haven't picked a time. We aren't in a huge hurry but know that we want to be together and married. Crazy, right? I had reached a point where I was cool with being alone - I still missed the idea being married, but not being married to my husband. being alone was far preferable to being unhappy in a relationship and the dating scene was beyond frustrating. So once I was okay with where I was and wasn' looking - there he was.
I am a member of a non profit which is about recreating and sharing knowledge about the middle ages - everything from making clothing and accessories to armor to combat. I first got involved back in 2000 and T was one of the first people I met. We hit it off immediately - we had so much in common and enjoyed being around each other. We dated for a while but we were both a little afraid of taking our relationship to the next level and didn't realize that our feelings were reciprocated, so we ended up breaking off our relationship. While we remained friends, we gradually drifted apart, he quit the organization and moved on to other hobbies, and I moved to Florida.
Fast forward to January of this year: I was 10 months out from my separation and in October of 2015 his wife admitted to an affair and asked for a divorce. Apparently the marriage had been in trouble for quite some time, but as I can attest - a separation is difficult. In any case - he began reaching out to old friends to build a support group - one of the things that had occurred was that he became isolated from "his" friends, and the joint friends weren't folks he felt he could really talk to. He reached out to me via facebook, and we began chatting.
It quickly became apparent that the chemistry was still there. We spent a LOT of time talking about our goals, our beliefs and values, our priorities: in short, all of the things I never was able to discuss with my spouse! We realized that we were very much in the same place, shared core values and priorities, and that our feelings hadn't changed. Within a month we were dating and when I purchased my house in July, he moved in. He had been wanting to move back to this area (he was about 2 hours away) to be closer to his family - so it was logical as well as being what we both wanted.
We're getting married this year - we know where, who we want there, we haven't picked a time. We aren't in a huge hurry but know that we want to be together and married. Crazy, right? I had reached a point where I was cool with being alone - I still missed the idea being married, but not being married to my husband. being alone was far preferable to being unhappy in a relationship and the dating scene was beyond frustrating. So once I was okay with where I was and wasn' looking - there he was.
I don't have a style.
Insomnia stinks. Just read this article and I thought I'd share it:
http://www.theestablishment.co/2016/07/15/toddler-grandma-style-the-fashion-approach-that-will-set-you-free/
"Why not dress for the second-birthday/retirement party you want your life to be? You have nothing to lose but your self-imposed wardrobe restrictions." Indeed. I haven't had a personal style in years. My style is whatever fits with a side of yoga pants (I have lived in workout clothes for years). Maybe 2017 is the year to figure out my style.
http://www.theestablishment.co/2016/07/15/toddler-grandma-style-the-fashion-approach-that-will-set-you-free/
"Why not dress for the second-birthday/retirement party you want your life to be? You have nothing to lose but your self-imposed wardrobe restrictions." Indeed. I haven't had a personal style in years. My style is whatever fits with a side of yoga pants (I have lived in workout clothes for years). Maybe 2017 is the year to figure out my style.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
A return to blogging (probably)
Well, good morning and happy holidays.
Apparently it's been nearly a year since I updated this thing. Wow. Where did that year go? I can tell you I have crammed a tremendous amount into it!
In the past year I have:
I haven't made fitness or weight loss a priority - mostly it hasn't even been on my radar. But T and I sat down last night and discussed our goals for next year, and we both agreed that weight loss and improved fitness was on both of our lists.
He's been through as much as I have this year, so status quo has been okay as we navigated the rocks and shoals, but now we are both ready to do better. We have begun simply - with maintaining a daily calorie goal and sticking to that. He's dropped about 8 pounds and I've dropped a couple. We did NOT want to wait until January 1 - why not start now if we really want to do this? was our thought process. So we did.
It's been a crazy wonderful, crazy frustrating year. Hopefully 2017 will be a year where we have a chance to regroup and spend less time reacting to what life throws our way and more time making intentional choices.
Take care!
Apparently it's been nearly a year since I updated this thing. Wow. Where did that year go? I can tell you I have crammed a tremendous amount into it!
In the past year I have:
- Gotten a divorce
- Reconnected with an old boyfriend and gotten engaged
- Been laid off
- Bought a house
- Had my house in Florida on the market since April (under contract since May) and it still hasn't sold!
I haven't made fitness or weight loss a priority - mostly it hasn't even been on my radar. But T and I sat down last night and discussed our goals for next year, and we both agreed that weight loss and improved fitness was on both of our lists.
He's been through as much as I have this year, so status quo has been okay as we navigated the rocks and shoals, but now we are both ready to do better. We have begun simply - with maintaining a daily calorie goal and sticking to that. He's dropped about 8 pounds and I've dropped a couple. We did NOT want to wait until January 1 - why not start now if we really want to do this? was our thought process. So we did.
It's been a crazy wonderful, crazy frustrating year. Hopefully 2017 will be a year where we have a chance to regroup and spend less time reacting to what life throws our way and more time making intentional choices.
Take care!
Sunday, January 17, 2016
My neglected blog
Good morning,
It's not that I am unfocused about eating well or exercising, it's just that write now my time and energy are so squeezed, I don't have a lot of either for posting or reading of blogs.
Doing fine - work is going well.
It's not that I am unfocused about eating well or exercising, it's just that write now my time and energy are so squeezed, I don't have a lot of either for posting or reading of blogs.
Doing fine - work is going well.
Thursday, January 07, 2016
Good morning
Just wanted to do a quick check in again. Work is still busy, I expect the days to be long for a while. This weekend we are going to Wilmington to see my son (mom is going with me). I am looking forward to that since he was home for Christmas for such a short time.
Not really reading a lot of blogs - I try to pop in now & again.
Take care!
Not really reading a lot of blogs - I try to pop in now & again.
Take care!
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
Wiped
Just wanted to check in. I get home from work late, eat, and I am wiped out!! I am walking at lunchtime and I do have my kettlebells here at home, but it's definitely going to take me a bit to find my groove. In the meantime I am having a good time! Tired, but good. :-)
Take care!
Take care!
Saturday, January 02, 2016
Lift off
The house is quiet, I'm jamming out to the "Zohan" soundtrack, and it is now COLD here!! :-O But sunny, so the dogs and I will be taking a walk today.
I found a recipe for pumpkin pancakes in Shape magazine I plan to make for breakfasts this week. I'm doing kimchi fried rice for lunches (it's mostly vegetables, I put maybe a quarter cup of brown rice in each serving). Keeping dinners simple since I am wiped when I get home from work and my mom is not into cooking.
Back in September or early October my son and I made about 3 gallons of mead (a honey wine). I plan to get that bottled this weekend, take my mom and MIL to see Star Wars, and I am meeting Janet at the gym for another workout tomorrow. I am signed up for water aerobics for January, so I will be starting that back up.
I am thankful for my job - not only because money is nice but because I like the people and it really consumes a lot of my energy. I did have some moments of anger and sadness at my ex over the holidays, but my energy is a lot more focused on work and on my future - a much better place to be.
It continues to be a journey, but I feel a lot more positive!
Be well!
I found a recipe for pumpkin pancakes in Shape magazine I plan to make for breakfasts this week. I'm doing kimchi fried rice for lunches (it's mostly vegetables, I put maybe a quarter cup of brown rice in each serving). Keeping dinners simple since I am wiped when I get home from work and my mom is not into cooking.
Back in September or early October my son and I made about 3 gallons of mead (a honey wine). I plan to get that bottled this weekend, take my mom and MIL to see Star Wars, and I am meeting Janet at the gym for another workout tomorrow. I am signed up for water aerobics for January, so I will be starting that back up.
I am thankful for my job - not only because money is nice but because I like the people and it really consumes a lot of my energy. I did have some moments of anger and sadness at my ex over the holidays, but my energy is a lot more focused on work and on my future - a much better place to be.
It continues to be a journey, but I feel a lot more positive!
Be well!
Friday, January 01, 2016
Happy New Year!
Here's to a better 2016 and good riddance to darn 2015! :-) Went to bed at 9:30 last night - exhausting week.
Went to the gym this morning, so I started the new year off right! After that I sat down and work on my book keeping. I worked on my budget, reviewed my debt, balanced my checkbook etc. Always a good thing to do periodically.
I have 3 simple goals for this year:
1. lose 60 pounds
2. Become debt free
3. Purchase a home (incurring some more debt, but that will be my only debt)
Simple, not necessarily easy. But very doable.
I hope you achieve your goals this year!!
Went to the gym this morning, so I started the new year off right! After that I sat down and work on my book keeping. I worked on my budget, reviewed my debt, balanced my checkbook etc. Always a good thing to do periodically.
I have 3 simple goals for this year:
1. lose 60 pounds
2. Become debt free
3. Purchase a home (incurring some more debt, but that will be my only debt)
Simple, not necessarily easy. But very doable.
I hope you achieve your goals this year!!
Monday, December 28, 2015
2001
This is my 2001st post. Unbelievable!
Today was a slow day at work, so it was certainly tempting to eat! Luckily I didn't overdo it - I had my food packed. Dinner was a really good veggie lasagna (heavy on veggies, light on noodles). Tomorrow I am going to be riding in one of our trucks all day, so I plan to pack a lunch that doesn't require heating.
It's still really warm here (mid 70s) but stormy. The weather is so weird! I plan to get on the scale this Friday and see how I'm doing.
Have a good day tomorrow!
Today was a slow day at work, so it was certainly tempting to eat! Luckily I didn't overdo it - I had my food packed. Dinner was a really good veggie lasagna (heavy on veggies, light on noodles). Tomorrow I am going to be riding in one of our trucks all day, so I plan to pack a lunch that doesn't require heating.
It's still really warm here (mid 70s) but stormy. The weather is so weird! I plan to get on the scale this Friday and see how I'm doing.
Have a good day tomorrow!
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Ready for the work week
This has been a nice break, and I have another long weekend coming up! Food is all prepped. I'm relaxing for a bit before I head to the gym to work out.
I hope you all have had a nice holiday. take care!
I hope you all have had a nice holiday. take care!
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Happy holidays!
Yep, this week has been as crazy and tiring as I expected. It was a good week and a nice Christmas. There were a couple moments of sadness, but overall really nice.
The weather here has been freakishly warm - in the 70s. I thought we were going to have to turn the AC on! My son set up the hot tub for me yesterday, but I haven't tried it out yet. We didn't give each other a lot of gifts, just a few really thoughtful things. It was a nice day.
Today I need to plan the menu, take a walk in the park, and I think we will go to Star Wars. That's about it!
I hope you all enjoy your holidays and have a nice weekend!
The weather here has been freakishly warm - in the 70s. I thought we were going to have to turn the AC on! My son set up the hot tub for me yesterday, but I haven't tried it out yet. We didn't give each other a lot of gifts, just a few really thoughtful things. It was a nice day.
Today I need to plan the menu, take a walk in the park, and I think we will go to Star Wars. That's about it!
I hope you all enjoy your holidays and have a nice weekend!
Monday, December 21, 2015
Day 1 down!
Well, I survived day 1! It was mostly filling out stuff in HR and orientation, being walked around to meet folks, and having lunch with the management team. There is so much to do at this job. I fully expect it to consume my life for the next few months.
I feel like things are beginning to come together....
I feel like things are beginning to come together....
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Bonus post about counting calories
I might not have time or energy to post tomorrow, so I wanted to share this thought.
I know (and have experienced) that food tracking is pretty important in successfully losing weight. I just don't like tracking throughout the day. I can do it, I just don't like doing it. But I'm not a toddler, and I can do things I don't enjoy. However, I have figured out a way to make it easier for me: I prep my food on the weekend and count the calories as I cook it.
For example: Today I made cottage cheese and oat pancakes. I counted the calories as I added the ingredients, so I know each pancake has roughly 50 calories (some a bit bigger, some a bit smaller). Ditto for my pesto salad, which I made and put into 3 containers. Each serving has around 275 calories. I know the counts for 1 c grapes and 12 almonds (my snack). Since I eat the same thing every day, I know how many calories I have going into dinner each night. This way I only have to figure 1 meal (dinner) and 1 snack (after dinner) every day - the rest of the day is accounted for. Some people would rather have variety - I'd rather have the food prepped and counted.
In short, do what works for you. Set things up so you can succeed.
I know (and have experienced) that food tracking is pretty important in successfully losing weight. I just don't like tracking throughout the day. I can do it, I just don't like doing it. But I'm not a toddler, and I can do things I don't enjoy. However, I have figured out a way to make it easier for me: I prep my food on the weekend and count the calories as I cook it.
For example: Today I made cottage cheese and oat pancakes. I counted the calories as I added the ingredients, so I know each pancake has roughly 50 calories (some a bit bigger, some a bit smaller). Ditto for my pesto salad, which I made and put into 3 containers. Each serving has around 275 calories. I know the counts for 1 c grapes and 12 almonds (my snack). Since I eat the same thing every day, I know how many calories I have going into dinner each night. This way I only have to figure 1 meal (dinner) and 1 snack (after dinner) every day - the rest of the day is accounted for. Some people would rather have variety - I'd rather have the food prepped and counted.
In short, do what works for you. Set things up so you can succeed.
A new beginning
Happy Sunday! In less than 24 hours I will be at my new job. I have a lot of feelings about this. My last job was an 18 month contract - I hoped to get on permanently, but at the same time I wasn't as emotionally invested since I was a contractor. And while there are perks to not being full time, I needed something with benefits since mine and my son's health insurance is through my husband's work, and that won't last forever.
I am excited because the company is much smaller than where I've been in the past (I worked at a major credit card company and one of the largest banks in America) and they treat it like family. My boss works for the president that runs all the companies under the umbrella (I'll work for a subsidiary). It's also a LOT of responsibility. So nervous, but excited.
Last night I ate a side of pasta with dinner. Big mistake. If there is one food that sets me off, it's pasta. I have no idea why! I ate a smallish side portion, and still ended up feeling "nibbly" all evening. I can eat a small serving of the Barilla protein plus, but last night was a reinforcement of why I have to stay away from the regular stuff. I'm not normally sensitive to carbs, but pasta is the exception.
I had a great workout with Janet yesterday. Today I am going for a walk in the park, getting ready for tomorrow, and watching some football. I hope you have a nice day!
I am excited because the company is much smaller than where I've been in the past (I worked at a major credit card company and one of the largest banks in America) and they treat it like family. My boss works for the president that runs all the companies under the umbrella (I'll work for a subsidiary). It's also a LOT of responsibility. So nervous, but excited.
Last night I ate a side of pasta with dinner. Big mistake. If there is one food that sets me off, it's pasta. I have no idea why! I ate a smallish side portion, and still ended up feeling "nibbly" all evening. I can eat a small serving of the Barilla protein plus, but last night was a reinforcement of why I have to stay away from the regular stuff. I'm not normally sensitive to carbs, but pasta is the exception.
I had a great workout with Janet yesterday. Today I am going for a walk in the park, getting ready for tomorrow, and watching some football. I hope you have a nice day!
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Weekend plans
I am meeting with Janet again today for a good workout. I've got food planned for the week and the shopping list made. This weekend will be shopping, food prep, laundry, and getting ready for work. :-)
The realtor I worked with to sell my NC house has moved, but she gave my name to another lady she thinks I will like. I have started looking a bit on my own (online), but she is going to set me up on the MLS so I can start looking at houses! Still a ways down the road, but exciting!
The realtor I worked with to sell my NC house has moved, but she gave my name to another lady she thinks I will like. I have started looking a bit on my own (online), but she is going to set me up on the MLS so I can start looking at houses! Still a ways down the road, but exciting!
Friday, December 18, 2015
Last day
Today is my last weekday of unemployment before I start my new job Monday. I am excited and nervous! Last night I was feeling really sad - I have no idea why. I started eating a second snack, then took myself to bed.
Yesterday I had Janet take my measurements - I will ask her to do it again in a couple of months to see my progress. I don't measure myself, so that will be a neat additional measure of progress.
Today mom and I are hitting a couple of consignment shops (they do furniture and housewares) just to look around. Yesterday I made a tablecloth and valences for mom's kitchen out of some pretty holiday fabric I bought last year. I am thrilled with how they turned out. Today I am making her a tote bag.
I still dream about my ex most every night, so I obviously still have a LOT of unresolved feelings. (Not romantic, these are anxiety dreams!) I miss being married, even if things were pretty bad. I hope that at some point down the road I will meet someone that will be a better partner to me.
But I am spending time with friends, and making time for those connections. On the way to Wilmington last weekend, we stopped in Cary to have breakfast with a good friend and his girlfriend - that sort of thing. While there we stopped by and hung out for a while with a couple I've been friends with for many years and we made plans to see each other again. I know I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, and I am thankful for that.
Yesterday I had Janet take my measurements - I will ask her to do it again in a couple of months to see my progress. I don't measure myself, so that will be a neat additional measure of progress.
Today mom and I are hitting a couple of consignment shops (they do furniture and housewares) just to look around. Yesterday I made a tablecloth and valences for mom's kitchen out of some pretty holiday fabric I bought last year. I am thrilled with how they turned out. Today I am making her a tote bag.
I still dream about my ex most every night, so I obviously still have a LOT of unresolved feelings. (Not romantic, these are anxiety dreams!) I miss being married, even if things were pretty bad. I hope that at some point down the road I will meet someone that will be a better partner to me.
But I am spending time with friends, and making time for those connections. On the way to Wilmington last weekend, we stopped in Cary to have breakfast with a good friend and his girlfriend - that sort of thing. While there we stopped by and hung out for a while with a couple I've been friends with for many years and we made plans to see each other again. I know I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, and I am thankful for that.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Reality Check
So, on Tuesday the trainer (Janet) gave me an assessment to fill out, which asked for my height and weight. I brought it home, filled it out, and this morning got on the scale. Ouch. My guess the other day was correct - I have gained exactly 15 pounds. I am now officially the highest I have ever weighed in my entire life.
I won't lie, I am ashamed, embarrassed, sad, angry.... well, you get the idea. As the saying goes "done can't be undone", but in this case, it kinda can. I can lose the weight.
I am having a hard time writing this - I spent the first years of this blog fretting about losing 10 measly pounds, and now I need to lose 60 or so. Dear lord.
I'd say no time like the present, but trying on my dress pants for work 2 days ago was all the wake up call I needed.
This morning I weighed 210.8.
I won't lie, I am ashamed, embarrassed, sad, angry.... well, you get the idea. As the saying goes "done can't be undone", but in this case, it kinda can. I can lose the weight.
I am having a hard time writing this - I spent the first years of this blog fretting about losing 10 measly pounds, and now I need to lose 60 or so. Dear lord.
I'd say no time like the present, but trying on my dress pants for work 2 days ago was all the wake up call I needed.
This morning I weighed 210.8.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Thank you!
Once again, thank you for the well wishes! I am excited. The work is similar to things I've done in the past, but it's an entirely new industry. So I expect to be brain dead when I get home for the next 6 months or so!
I am still have some rough evenings, but overall things are smoothing out on several levels. The support and love of my friends and family, the knowledge that I have a job with a good company, getting to the gym with the trainer .. it's all helping.
I won't say I'm out of this funk/weight gain ride I've been on for nearly a year (I've gained 15 pounds since the ex left), but I think I've made a lot of progress.
Here's to hoping 2016 is a lot better than this year has been!!!
I am still have some rough evenings, but overall things are smoothing out on several levels. The support and love of my friends and family, the knowledge that I have a job with a good company, getting to the gym with the trainer .. it's all helping.
I won't say I'm out of this funk/weight gain ride I've been on for nearly a year (I've gained 15 pounds since the ex left), but I think I've made a lot of progress.
Here's to hoping 2016 is a lot better than this year has been!!!
Monday, December 14, 2015
Thursday, December 10, 2015
A good day
Another productive day so far. I've run a bunch of errands, gotten my winter work clothes all organized, I'm working on my holiday cards.
Food last night was MUCH better and that felt good! I made a really nice lunch to have for the remainder of the week. I riced a cauliflower, roasted zucchini and onion, and poached chicken breast. I have all that in separate containers. Then I made an Indian style sauce. That way we can both eat it, with or without the sauce, or mix & match with something else. I wanted a lunch that gave me a good 3-4 servings of vegetable, and this does that nicely!
The weather is great (it's supposed to be 70 this weekend), so another walk in the park today. :-)
Have a good one!
Food last night was MUCH better and that felt good! I made a really nice lunch to have for the remainder of the week. I riced a cauliflower, roasted zucchini and onion, and poached chicken breast. I have all that in separate containers. Then I made an Indian style sauce. That way we can both eat it, with or without the sauce, or mix & match with something else. I wanted a lunch that gave me a good 3-4 servings of vegetable, and this does that nicely!
The weather is great (it's supposed to be 70 this weekend), so another walk in the park today. :-)
Have a good one!
Wednesday, December 09, 2015
Thank you
First of all, I wanted to take a moment to thank those of you that take the time to leave a comment. I think it's obvious I'm hardly a big time blogger with a huge following - I write this largely as a therapeutic exercise for myself. But if anyone can relate or takes something away, then I am glad. And I also appreciate your support.
I do pretty well until 7 or so, then I go off the rails if I'm going to. I'm just so tired of it, I feel like a broken record. OTOH, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer yesterday. I ate pretty well (until after dinner). I got a lot accomplished. I've been productive today, and the weather is terrific so I will be taking the dog for a walk later.
The job I interviewed with is checking my references and doing a background check, so one step toward an offer??? Fingers crossed!
Have a good one!
I do pretty well until 7 or so, then I go off the rails if I'm going to. I'm just so tired of it, I feel like a broken record. OTOH, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer yesterday. I ate pretty well (until after dinner). I got a lot accomplished. I've been productive today, and the weather is terrific so I will be taking the dog for a walk later.
The job I interviewed with is checking my references and doing a background check, so one step toward an offer??? Fingers crossed!
Have a good one!
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
Stuck in the middle
Isn't it a Tom Petty song that has the line "The waiting is the hardest part"? Waiting to hear about a job I interviewed for last week, waiting for my recruiter to set up an interview this week, waiting....
It's hard feeling like your life is on hold. I'm trying to do things I can do now, but honestly, my motivation is pretty low. It isn't really even about overeating, it's about not feeling like I have any energy. I just want to sit in a chair and read a book. I want to be in a cocoon.
I did meet a friend for lunch yesterday, I took the dog for a walk in the park, I fixed a healthy dinner. I'm NOT just sitting in a chair, but honestly there are a lot of things I could be doing that I'm not! And I waffle between completely understanding and reading a book, and feeling the need to push myself out the door. So I'm doing a little of both, which I guess isn't terrible.
I'd like to share something I read in the book "50 50" by Dean Karnazes:
"It is so easy to live a life that has been scripted for you by others, to fall into the mire of conformity by following a path that society has laid before you, rather than heeding your own unique calling. Comfort, complacency, routine, the path of least resistance, the easy road - those things are the bane of humankind. It is a disquieting moment when you awaken to realize the trappings of conventionality have created a life for you that is entirely different from the one you wish to live."
Wow.
There are a lot of things I say I want to do, but don't. I use lack of (fill in the blank) as an excuse. I really need to figure out what I honestly want to do, what things I think I SHOULD want to do but don't really, and start. (Cross Fit, kayaking...)
Losing weight is something I actually DO want to do, but am obviously scared of doing. I am scared of the results and I am scared of giving up my emotional dampener.
Life is a terrific place, but it isn't always easy. Right now is tough, and I know I will come out the other side a stronger version of myself if I use the moment to dig deep inside. It's just sometimes I'm nervous abot what I will find.
It's hard feeling like your life is on hold. I'm trying to do things I can do now, but honestly, my motivation is pretty low. It isn't really even about overeating, it's about not feeling like I have any energy. I just want to sit in a chair and read a book. I want to be in a cocoon.
I did meet a friend for lunch yesterday, I took the dog for a walk in the park, I fixed a healthy dinner. I'm NOT just sitting in a chair, but honestly there are a lot of things I could be doing that I'm not! And I waffle between completely understanding and reading a book, and feeling the need to push myself out the door. So I'm doing a little of both, which I guess isn't terrible.
I'd like to share something I read in the book "50 50" by Dean Karnazes:
"It is so easy to live a life that has been scripted for you by others, to fall into the mire of conformity by following a path that society has laid before you, rather than heeding your own unique calling. Comfort, complacency, routine, the path of least resistance, the easy road - those things are the bane of humankind. It is a disquieting moment when you awaken to realize the trappings of conventionality have created a life for you that is entirely different from the one you wish to live."
Wow.
There are a lot of things I say I want to do, but don't. I use lack of (fill in the blank) as an excuse. I really need to figure out what I honestly want to do, what things I think I SHOULD want to do but don't really, and start. (Cross Fit, kayaking...)
Losing weight is something I actually DO want to do, but am obviously scared of doing. I am scared of the results and I am scared of giving up my emotional dampener.
Life is a terrific place, but it isn't always easy. Right now is tough, and I know I will come out the other side a stronger version of myself if I use the moment to dig deep inside. It's just sometimes I'm nervous abot what I will find.
Monday, December 07, 2015
Monday
My weekend wasn't as productive as I would have liked, primarily because I spent Saturday helping a friend finish moving her folks. It was a good cause, but I still need to sort my fall clothes - it's December for pete's sake!
Anyhow, weekend was pretty good. I am meeting a friend for lunch (yeah, I get together with my girlfriends a lot these days!), and I have plenty of time to go and get started on clothes, but .. ugh. I should get up and get moving, but I'm feeling kind of slug-esque. Part of me says enjoy it now since it won't last forever! :-)
But after meeting her for lunch, I am taking a walk and starting on my clothes!
Food is fine and going out really isn't an issue for me.
Have a good day!
Anyhow, weekend was pretty good. I am meeting a friend for lunch (yeah, I get together with my girlfriends a lot these days!), and I have plenty of time to go and get started on clothes, but .. ugh. I should get up and get moving, but I'm feeling kind of slug-esque. Part of me says enjoy it now since it won't last forever! :-)
But after meeting her for lunch, I am taking a walk and starting on my clothes!
Food is fine and going out really isn't an issue for me.
Have a good day!
Friday, December 04, 2015
Better
Got a decent night's sleep. Got up, had a protein shake, fed dogs, got dressed, and started doing chores.
I feel better today. If nothing else, I always pick myself up by my boot straps. I've been very productive this morning and I'm meeting a friend for lunch, which will be nice.
Today is a better day. Take care.
I feel better today. If nothing else, I always pick myself up by my boot straps. I've been very productive this morning and I'm meeting a friend for lunch, which will be nice.
Today is a better day. Take care.
Thursday, December 03, 2015
Hot mess
I hate that phrase, but it seems to be accurate. I do fine a day or 2 and then go off the rails. It's accomplishing nothing except increasing my frustration, yet I stay in the same cycle. It feels like the movie "Groundhog Day". Ugh.
Interview seemed to go well - we'll see what's next.
Thanks you for the comment - I spoke to a friend as well and I am going to go ahead and take care of the small unit.
Yesterday's was my MIL's birthday - she was over here for dinner. She'd just opened her present from me (holiday earrings) when my husband called. She didn't answer. My mom said "He's probably calling to wish you a happy birthday - answer!" He called right back and she answered. He then chewed her out about something this weekend and did NOT wish her a happy birthday (I doubt he even remembered). Ugh.
Because we're still facebook friends, I posted a photo of her and tagged him, knowing he would see it. (I didn't tell her I did it). She left here near tears. He did call her later and wish her a happy birthday. What a jack ass.
Supposed to go to the gym today. :-( I don't wanna!
Interview seemed to go well - we'll see what's next.
Thanks you for the comment - I spoke to a friend as well and I am going to go ahead and take care of the small unit.
Yesterday's was my MIL's birthday - she was over here for dinner. She'd just opened her present from me (holiday earrings) when my husband called. She didn't answer. My mom said "He's probably calling to wish you a happy birthday - answer!" He called right back and she answered. He then chewed her out about something this weekend and did NOT wish her a happy birthday (I doubt he even remembered). Ugh.
Because we're still facebook friends, I posted a photo of her and tagged him, knowing he would see it. (I didn't tell her I did it). She left here near tears. He did call her later and wish her a happy birthday. What a jack ass.
Supposed to go to the gym today. :-( I don't wanna!
Wednesday, December 02, 2015
Doing what you have to do
Went to the gym and worked out with the trainer (I like her), ate pretty good, got a good night's sleep. I have an interview in a couple of hours.
Our stuff is in 2 storage units: a big one that has the furniture and household stuff, and a smaller one that has the overflow and garage contents (mostly his). I'm trying to decide if I want to go ahead and separate that stuff out so it's done, or just wait until I move. It would save me a little money, but mostly it's one more thing I can go ahead and split out. I can't decide.
Okay, have a good day!
Our stuff is in 2 storage units: a big one that has the furniture and household stuff, and a smaller one that has the overflow and garage contents (mostly his). I'm trying to decide if I want to go ahead and separate that stuff out so it's done, or just wait until I move. It would save me a little money, but mostly it's one more thing I can go ahead and split out. I can't decide.
Okay, have a good day!
Tuesday, December 01, 2015
Sadness and stress
I've been feeling sad and stressed. I don't really want to go into all of it, but my husband is supposed to keep us on his insurance until the divorce and I don't think he did, so I think I will probably have to sue him, which will suck.
It's been a crappy week.
I am meeting with a personal trainer today. I wish I could say I was excited about it, all I can say is that I will show up. Right now, showing up is the best I've got.
Grrr.
It's been a crappy week.
I am meeting with a personal trainer today. I wish I could say I was excited about it, all I can say is that I will show up. Right now, showing up is the best I've got.
Grrr.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
"Black" Friday
No, I didn't go shopping. The black was my mood yesterday. I spent the day in my pjs, eating and reading a book. It was bad - I was feeling really sorry for myself.
Today I got up, showered, and started on things I needed to get done. I know this is part of the journey, but that doesn't make it suck less.
I have raised my child into a successful adult (for the most part!), I don't have a husband or anyone depending on me. I need to find my focus and passion - I don't know what that is. That's my mission for 2016.
Take care!
Today I got up, showered, and started on things I needed to get done. I know this is part of the journey, but that doesn't make it suck less.
I have raised my child into a successful adult (for the most part!), I don't have a husband or anyone depending on me. I need to find my focus and passion - I don't know what that is. That's my mission for 2016.
Take care!
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night I was feeling kinda sorry for myself - I guess it's just part of the ride of divorce! Anyway, I got up this morning and went for a walk in the park. The weather was lovely and it was really nice. My son was here for the day, but headed back a few minutes ago.
We had a nice meal, but no going overboard. Since it ended up being just the 3 of us, we had a roaster chicken and sides, but not a huge, over the top meal. I sent most of the leftovers home with my son. That was great, but now it's back to normal.
I hope you enjoyed your holiday!
We had a nice meal, but no going overboard. Since it ended up being just the 3 of us, we had a roaster chicken and sides, but not a huge, over the top meal. I sent most of the leftovers home with my son. That was great, but now it's back to normal.
I hope you enjoyed your holiday!
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Tuesday recap, and holiday prepping
Yesterday was another good day. Walked in the park twice, did my short kettlebell workout twice, ran a bunch of errands. Food was really good:
Breakfast: half a chorizo sausage and 2 eggs with salsa
Snack: pear
Lunch: grilled chicken caeser salad with the dressing on the side
Snack: banana
Dinner: 1 salmon patty, black eyed peas, cucumber and tomato salad, pickled beets and okra
Snack: 4 ritz crackers and a slice of provolone cheese
Snack 2: a slice of melba thin rye with 1 T of hummus (not planned, but I was hungry)
I have a bunch of desk work I have been avoiding that I really need to work on today! Also make the cornbread for the dressing. My son will be home this evening - yay! :-)
Have a great holiday!
Breakfast: half a chorizo sausage and 2 eggs with salsa
Snack: pear
Lunch: grilled chicken caeser salad with the dressing on the side
Snack: banana
Dinner: 1 salmon patty, black eyed peas, cucumber and tomato salad, pickled beets and okra
Snack: 4 ritz crackers and a slice of provolone cheese
Snack 2: a slice of melba thin rye with 1 T of hummus (not planned, but I was hungry)
I have a bunch of desk work I have been avoiding that I really need to work on today! Also make the cornbread for the dressing. My son will be home this evening - yay! :-)
Have a great holiday!
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Yesterday
Yesterday was overall a pretty good day. I walked in the park, went to water aerobics, and ended up doing several chores even though I was pretty tired after that interview! I made a really good homemade spaghetti sauce with ground chicken. I also made zucchini noodles and used those along with a few real noodles.
Thanksgiving has totally changed. My son's friend can't make it down. Then MIL was planning to come over - she got a call Sunday that her brother is in the hospital and is not expected to make it. Originally she & my ex were going to go to Maryland for Christmas to spend with her other son & family. Now they are going up tomorrow and not Christmas (I guess she will be with us for Christmas, which is fine).
So, okay. Brian wants her to drive up to the mountains so they can leave from there. She was so upset she didn't understand the address, so I had him send it to me. I asked my mom "Why am I having my husband send me his girlfriend's address so I can put it into his mother's GPS for her?" I swear, the high road sucks ass. So I had a glass of wine. But no beer and no overeating, so that's an improvement.
MIL doesn't like the girlfriend and thinks her 6 year old is a spoiled brat. Knowing this woman, I'm sure she is. I do care about my MIL and I'm happy to have her around. I just sometimes feel like I still have the worst of my marriage (been trying to get my husband to send me info about next year's health insurance plan has been impossible.), but none of the few benefits. Grrr. It's not forever.
Thanksgiving has totally changed. My son's friend can't make it down. Then MIL was planning to come over - she got a call Sunday that her brother is in the hospital and is not expected to make it. Originally she & my ex were going to go to Maryland for Christmas to spend with her other son & family. Now they are going up tomorrow and not Christmas (I guess she will be with us for Christmas, which is fine).
So, okay. Brian wants her to drive up to the mountains so they can leave from there. She was so upset she didn't understand the address, so I had him send it to me. I asked my mom "Why am I having my husband send me his girlfriend's address so I can put it into his mother's GPS for her?" I swear, the high road sucks ass. So I had a glass of wine. But no beer and no overeating, so that's an improvement.
MIL doesn't like the girlfriend and thinks her 6 year old is a spoiled brat. Knowing this woman, I'm sure she is. I do care about my MIL and I'm happy to have her around. I just sometimes feel like I still have the worst of my marriage (been trying to get my husband to send me info about next year's health insurance plan has been impossible.), but none of the few benefits. Grrr. It's not forever.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Monday
So, I had a job interview this morning. I think it went okay - I should here next week about whether I made the second round of interviews. Fingers crossed.
Getting ready to go to the park for a walk. I have a list of stuff to do but after a 2 hour interview, I am exhausted!
Getting ready to go to the park for a walk. I have a list of stuff to do but after a 2 hour interview, I am exhausted!
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Home again
An uneventful drive back home. Nice to be back. I cannot believe it is the week of Thanksgiving! When did that happen??
I am reaching out to some friends - working on building my accountability team. Seriously. I mean, I am so fortunate - my weight doesn't impair my ability to do much of anything - my health numbers are good. But I don't like th eway I look and I know this isn't good for me.
Ok, nice to be home!
I am reaching out to some friends - working on building my accountability team. Seriously. I mean, I am so fortunate - my weight doesn't impair my ability to do much of anything - my health numbers are good. But I don't like th eway I look and I know this isn't good for me.
Ok, nice to be home!
Saturday, November 21, 2015
In Georgia
We drove down to Georgia to visit my great aunt. She is slowing down .. a lot. And her memory is definitely not as good. I worry because there isn't really anyone here that helps her with her business or anything. Mom pays a lady to come in once a week to give her a good bath, make sure she has stuff she needs, etc. But her kids & grandkids rarely check on her. It's shameful and makes me angry. All we can do is come down periodically, take her out, and have Mona come in once a week. :-(
The weather has been overcast but no rain and not cold, so that's good. We've done the usual: cemetery, thrift and antique shops (limited), take her out to eat. It's been a good visit, but it makes me sad.
I don't think I am ready to date. I'm glad I tried it - I'm not afraid of it any more, but I don't think I'm ready for it. And that's ok.
And then finally: I have so stop the bs and seriously do something about my weight. Baby steps aren't getting it done. I texted the lady that I was training with last winter. She isn't taking clients right now while she undergoes treatment for breast cancer. Geesh. I hate that.
I need to set up some accountability for myself.
The weather has been overcast but no rain and not cold, so that's good. We've done the usual: cemetery, thrift and antique shops (limited), take her out to eat. It's been a good visit, but it makes me sad.
I don't think I am ready to date. I'm glad I tried it - I'm not afraid of it any more, but I don't think I'm ready for it. And that's ok.
And then finally: I have so stop the bs and seriously do something about my weight. Baby steps aren't getting it done. I texted the lady that I was training with last winter. She isn't taking clients right now while she undergoes treatment for breast cancer. Geesh. I hate that.
I need to set up some accountability for myself.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Mid week
I slept really well last night, which was nice. I got up, went for a walk in the park with the dog, swung my kettlebell, then grabbed a shower. I had 2 coupons to K0hls I could stack, so I got a really nice bra for work for $14.
Made myself a nice lunch. Since I am skipping water aerobics tonight to help a friend put together some Ikea furniture, my plan to is repeat this morning's workout again this afternoon.
There are things I am struggling with right now - like, am I really ready to date? I don't know. Sadness (first holidays since split - ugh). Just - stuff. But I'm doing okay with my food and I'm looking forward to visiting Alma this weekend.
I've been busy making soup (I made a really good vegetable yesterday), and eating my vegetables. :-)
Okay, have a good day!
Made myself a nice lunch. Since I am skipping water aerobics tonight to help a friend put together some Ikea furniture, my plan to is repeat this morning's workout again this afternoon.
There are things I am struggling with right now - like, am I really ready to date? I don't know. Sadness (first holidays since split - ugh). Just - stuff. But I'm doing okay with my food and I'm looking forward to visiting Alma this weekend.
I've been busy making soup (I made a really good vegetable yesterday), and eating my vegetables. :-)
Okay, have a good day!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Upcoming
Friday we are leaving for Georgia to go visit my great aunt. We are coming back Sunday, then Monday I have a job interview (wish me luck!). I tried on my interview outfit today - it still looks fine despite having gained some weight since last time I wore it.
I skipped water aerobics yesterday and I paid for it last night in the form of insomnia. Ugh! Note to self: exercise improves sleep. Go to the gym!
Food is still on track!
I skipped water aerobics yesterday and I paid for it last night in the form of insomnia. Ugh! Note to self: exercise improves sleep. Go to the gym!
Food is still on track!
Monday, November 16, 2015
A nice day
The weather here was really nice today. Mom, her friend (the one who's husband recently died) and I went to Replacements Ltd (http://replacements.com/), an antique mall, and lunch. We had a really lovely day. Once we got home, mom and I went for a walk in the park. I need to go swing my kettlebell. Food has been excellent and I am feeling better!
Take care!
Take care!
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Sunday
So it's been a pretty good weekend. Would you believe I have been on 3 dates this week????
Yeah, it's true. Met a guy Thursday night for dinner - very nice guy, zero chemistry. We said thanks and haven't communicated. Lunch yesterday was really fun! We took a walk after - we were both in the Army and had a lot we could talk about. He is going out of town on business and we are planning to see each other when we get back.
Date 3 was lunch today. He was nice, we talked sports - very easy going, no chemistry. Ugh, this is hard! But pleased with yesterday's lunch - we'll see what happens.
It's hard putting myself out there, but I was beginning to get such a complex, I figured the plunge would be good - and it has been! It's also tough because I am currently at my highest weight ever. I've struggled, mightily.
Food and emotional eating have been better this week and I was down 2.4 pounds. Keeping on, keeping on.
Yeah, it's true. Met a guy Thursday night for dinner - very nice guy, zero chemistry. We said thanks and haven't communicated. Lunch yesterday was really fun! We took a walk after - we were both in the Army and had a lot we could talk about. He is going out of town on business and we are planning to see each other when we get back.
Date 3 was lunch today. He was nice, we talked sports - very easy going, no chemistry. Ugh, this is hard! But pleased with yesterday's lunch - we'll see what happens.
It's hard putting myself out there, but I was beginning to get such a complex, I figured the plunge would be good - and it has been! It's also tough because I am currently at my highest weight ever. I've struggled, mightily.
Food and emotional eating have been better this week and I was down 2.4 pounds. Keeping on, keeping on.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
More sun
Another sunny, warm (70s) day. Another day with a few list of tasks, but nothing too bad.
The scale is down a couple of the about 4 pounds I gained on the trip. I'm near my highest weight, which would be more miserable except I am working on changing it. No kettlebells yesterday - I was tired and a bit stiff, so I decided to skip that. I did walk in the park and went to water aerobics.
Today the plan includes water aerobics, walk in the park, and kettlebells. There is no beer in the house, and there are a couple of (relatively) healthy, low cal snacks for evening. I tend to eat a light dinner before class (which is at 7) and then I want a little bit of something when I get home.
After some consideration, I decided to sign up for an online dating service. I haven't dated in over 15 years and I've never used an online service. I was building up a lot of fear of dating, so I decided to sign up and get my toes wet. I don't feel ready for a serious relationship, but I felt now was the time to face that fear. I will keep you posted.
Okay, have a good day!
The scale is down a couple of the about 4 pounds I gained on the trip. I'm near my highest weight, which would be more miserable except I am working on changing it. No kettlebells yesterday - I was tired and a bit stiff, so I decided to skip that. I did walk in the park and went to water aerobics.
Today the plan includes water aerobics, walk in the park, and kettlebells. There is no beer in the house, and there are a couple of (relatively) healthy, low cal snacks for evening. I tend to eat a light dinner before class (which is at 7) and then I want a little bit of something when I get home.
After some consideration, I decided to sign up for an online dating service. I haven't dated in over 15 years and I've never used an online service. I was building up a lot of fear of dating, so I decided to sign up and get my toes wet. I don't feel ready for a serious relationship, but I felt now was the time to face that fear. I will keep you posted.
Okay, have a good day!
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Another gorgeous day!
Well 2 sunny days in a row. Yay!
I forgot to mention, but I wrote up a short and easy kettlebell session for myself. I am doing it each day just to build back up a bit. I will add to it, and once it is long enough I will switch to every other day.
So yesterday I walked in the park with my mom. Nice and easy. Today is more kettlebells and water aerobics. I was feeling VERY snacky last night, but did well.
I have a list of things to do over the next couple of weeks. Everything from washing the dog to organizing fall clothes. Stuff that really needs to be done and I have time, which is nice!
Nothing profound to write, just getting back into a groove. Take care!
I forgot to mention, but I wrote up a short and easy kettlebell session for myself. I am doing it each day just to build back up a bit. I will add to it, and once it is long enough I will switch to every other day.
So yesterday I walked in the park with my mom. Nice and easy. Today is more kettlebells and water aerobics. I was feeling VERY snacky last night, but did well.
I have a list of things to do over the next couple of weeks. Everything from washing the dog to organizing fall clothes. Stuff that really needs to be done and I have time, which is nice!
Nothing profound to write, just getting back into a groove. Take care!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
It was a dark and rainy night
It rained cats and dogs all day yesterday. Luckily there was no thunder which meant there was water aerobics! My girlfriend couldn't make it (she is sick and the doctor told her to hold off a couple of days), but I went! It was nice, once I got my butt out into the cold rainy night.
Food was fine yesterday. I hit Costco and bought a huge bag of organic mixed greens (kale, spinach, chard) for smoothies & salads, a bag of frozen fruit for smoothies, tomatoes, and a rotisserie chicken for dinner and the leftovers for lunch salads.
No water aerobics today, I can't decide if I want to go to the gym or just go walk in the park now that it's sunny! I got a cute haircut and then went and picked up cucumbers and hummus to have for evening snacks this week.
In a move that is NOT at all surprising, my not yet ex has moved in with new girl. More proof they are both crazy. He's looking for a substitute, she's looking for a baby daddy.
I gained 4 pounds on the trip. I'm not surprised, but it's right back to healthy eating and exercise. And looking for a job.
I'm unpacked and my room is cleaned. I've swept the house and I need to do some dishes. Then respond to a few emails, clean my desk, balance my checkbook, etc. etc.
Mood is middle ground.
Food was fine yesterday. I hit Costco and bought a huge bag of organic mixed greens (kale, spinach, chard) for smoothies & salads, a bag of frozen fruit for smoothies, tomatoes, and a rotisserie chicken for dinner and the leftovers for lunch salads.
No water aerobics today, I can't decide if I want to go to the gym or just go walk in the park now that it's sunny! I got a cute haircut and then went and picked up cucumbers and hummus to have for evening snacks this week.
In a move that is NOT at all surprising, my not yet ex has moved in with new girl. More proof they are both crazy. He's looking for a substitute, she's looking for a baby daddy.
I gained 4 pounds on the trip. I'm not surprised, but it's right back to healthy eating and exercise. And looking for a job.
I'm unpacked and my room is cleaned. I've swept the house and I need to do some dishes. Then respond to a few emails, clean my desk, balance my checkbook, etc. etc.
Mood is middle ground.
Monday, November 09, 2015
There and back again
Well hello to anyone who might read this! My son and I are back from our trip across America. It was terrific, I'm so glad we did it.
I stopped writing because honestly, I didn't want to read it. It's been hard. Hard that your husband of 14+ years walks out the door and moves in with another woman without a backward glance. Even if you know he's a jackass, it's still a blow to your esteem. Add unemployment to the mix and you have a cocktail for a tough time.
As they say, tough times don't last, but tough people do. I am ok. I can pay my bills without too much trouble, I have a place to live. I have recruiters helping me look for something. I will find a job. Right now is a good time to take care of myself, and that is what I am focusing on. I have signed back up for water aerobics and I have a friend going with me (my mm just isn't a pool person).
I have a membership to the Y and a house full of healthy foods. I have a list of things I want to get done while I have some time. I won't lie - this sucks. But I can sit around a be depressed or I can use the time. I choose the latter.
I will write more about my trip and what is goin gon in the coming days. For now ... I'm back.
I stopped writing because honestly, I didn't want to read it. It's been hard. Hard that your husband of 14+ years walks out the door and moves in with another woman without a backward glance. Even if you know he's a jackass, it's still a blow to your esteem. Add unemployment to the mix and you have a cocktail for a tough time.
As they say, tough times don't last, but tough people do. I am ok. I can pay my bills without too much trouble, I have a place to live. I have recruiters helping me look for something. I will find a job. Right now is a good time to take care of myself, and that is what I am focusing on. I have signed back up for water aerobics and I have a friend going with me (my mm just isn't a pool person).
I have a membership to the Y and a house full of healthy foods. I have a list of things I want to get done while I have some time. I won't lie - this sucks. But I can sit around a be depressed or I can use the time. I choose the latter.
I will write more about my trip and what is goin gon in the coming days. For now ... I'm back.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Too much time on my hands
Parked in drafts for a couple of days, in the hopes I could be more articulate.
The other night after supper I started feeling anxious, and I realized that I've addressed emotional eating, habit eating, and this one is maybe the final issue that I need to face: boredom eating. (not that those issues are solved, but they've at least had the curtain pulled back and the light of day shined on them!).
You would think people would never be bored - we have so much to do! And I certainly had plenty I could do - chores. But I wanted to do something enjoyable and nothing seemed to fit the bill. I didn't want to bring out a project (too much effort), I couldn't find a book I wanted to read. Eating would be a way to "switch off".
I have loads of things I want to do, but starting feels daunting. I've avoided that most of this week by sticking my nose in a book (thanks to a trip to the used book store), but I can't keep avoiding it.
The other night after supper I started feeling anxious, and I realized that I've addressed emotional eating, habit eating, and this one is maybe the final issue that I need to face: boredom eating. (not that those issues are solved, but they've at least had the curtain pulled back and the light of day shined on them!).
You would think people would never be bored - we have so much to do! And I certainly had plenty I could do - chores. But I wanted to do something enjoyable and nothing seemed to fit the bill. I didn't want to bring out a project (too much effort), I couldn't find a book I wanted to read. Eating would be a way to "switch off".
I have loads of things I want to do, but starting feels daunting. I've avoided that most of this week by sticking my nose in a book (thanks to a trip to the used book store), but I can't keep avoiding it.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
I'm not ok, you're not ok, and that's ok
Hey there. I said that to a friend the other day, in kind of a joking way, but really, it's pretty true!
There's lots of things that I don't feel ok with, and sometimes I feel angry, or sad, or scared. I remind myself that those are normal feelings under the circumstances, and it's ok! I don't have to pretend them away. I don't have to share them either if I don't feel comfortable doing that.
So that's where I am - all the feelings that come with change, positive and negative. I get tired of writing about it at times, I guess you get tired of reading it too!
But I'm doing pretty well. Hope you are too! :-)
There's lots of things that I don't feel ok with, and sometimes I feel angry, or sad, or scared. I remind myself that those are normal feelings under the circumstances, and it's ok! I don't have to pretend them away. I don't have to share them either if I don't feel comfortable doing that.
So that's where I am - all the feelings that come with change, positive and negative. I get tired of writing about it at times, I guess you get tired of reading it too!
But I'm doing pretty well. Hope you are too! :-)
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Still here
It's been a quiet week. I've been feeling low energy, vaguely sad.
The funeral was nice. Mom and I did the food, and that turned out well. It's been a productive weekend, getting a lot of housework done. I have fun plans the next couple of weekends, so I needed to get some stuff done.
I decided to quit my Cross Fit gym for a while - it just feels a bit overwhelming, plus it's expensive and my job is ending in a few weeks. I have my kettlebells at home, and I still belong to the Y. I've been trimming back to my spending.
Not much else to report. Take care!
The funeral was nice. Mom and I did the food, and that turned out well. It's been a productive weekend, getting a lot of housework done. I have fun plans the next couple of weekends, so I needed to get some stuff done.
I decided to quit my Cross Fit gym for a while - it just feels a bit overwhelming, plus it's expensive and my job is ending in a few weeks. I have my kettlebells at home, and I still belong to the Y. I've been trimming back to my spending.
Not much else to report. Take care!
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Change of plans
My son and I had planned to head to the coast this weekend, but he has strep throat. So, no trip for me! Oh well, that gives me time to finish packing stuff up from my last trip!
After reading the book, I've decided to start the (new) Atkins diet - this one has a lot more veggies since it uses "net" carbs. I feel better eating low carb, but I feel like I need more structure, so I hope this will help. Meals are planned accordingly.
I'm still not really back on schedule - I haven't been to the gym since I got back. I just really can't decide what to do about that. Right now it feels daunting, but I have no idea why.
I bought an Atlas so we cna plan our trip across America. I am super excited about that!!!
Anyway, this weekend is going to be about putting stuff away and getting organized. Ugh.
Also, my friend and mentor passed away last weekend. Funeral is next weekend. That's been hard - mom has been helping her best friend (his wife) get things together for the service. They've been together since they were 15. :-(
Take care & enjoy your weekend.
After reading the book, I've decided to start the (new) Atkins diet - this one has a lot more veggies since it uses "net" carbs. I feel better eating low carb, but I feel like I need more structure, so I hope this will help. Meals are planned accordingly.
I'm still not really back on schedule - I haven't been to the gym since I got back. I just really can't decide what to do about that. Right now it feels daunting, but I have no idea why.
I bought an Atlas so we cna plan our trip across America. I am super excited about that!!!
Anyway, this weekend is going to be about putting stuff away and getting organized. Ugh.
Also, my friend and mentor passed away last weekend. Funeral is next weekend. That's been hard - mom has been helping her best friend (his wife) get things together for the service. They've been together since they were 15. :-(
Take care & enjoy your weekend.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Challenge
Yesterday Sean issued me a challenge: In the evening when I begin to enter my "danger zone" (the time of day I'm most likely to overeat), to stop and think about when these habits started, what was going on, and how I felt.
While I've always been an evening snacker, for most of my life it hasn't affected my weight - I naturally built an evening snack into my eating habits in such a way that I maintained a healthy weight. There have been two distinct periods when that was not the case: the first one was when my husband and I were dating and he was still living up in Maryland. The second was when my job was being transferred and causing issues between the two of us. There were so many things going on, but that was one of the biggest.
Clearly stress - particularly relationship stress, is one of the items that pushes me into losing my equilibrium with food.
I had a chance to talk to my husband on this trip about health insurance - one of the issues I have been very concerned about. He reassured me that he will continue to carry my son & me on his insurance for next year. That made me feel better.
My contract is coming to an end in October and money will be tight until I get a new job. It's nice to not have to worry about insurance at least.
Take care.
While I've always been an evening snacker, for most of my life it hasn't affected my weight - I naturally built an evening snack into my eating habits in such a way that I maintained a healthy weight. There have been two distinct periods when that was not the case: the first one was when my husband and I were dating and he was still living up in Maryland. The second was when my job was being transferred and causing issues between the two of us. There were so many things going on, but that was one of the biggest.
Clearly stress - particularly relationship stress, is one of the items that pushes me into losing my equilibrium with food.
I had a chance to talk to my husband on this trip about health insurance - one of the issues I have been very concerned about. He reassured me that he will continue to carry my son & me on his insurance for next year. That made me feel better.
My contract is coming to an end in October and money will be tight until I get a new job. It's nice to not have to worry about insurance at least.
Take care.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Readjusting
Hi there.
I'm still settling back in form vacation. I'm caught up at work - not so much at home! I will write in more detail later - I have a lot of think through. I will say that vacation provided highs and lows, joy and sadness, but mostly gave me a bit more closure than I expected. I feel more ready to move forward and less caught in a tangle of fear of the future. So that's good.
Big hugs!
I'm still settling back in form vacation. I'm caught up at work - not so much at home! I will write in more detail later - I have a lot of think through. I will say that vacation provided highs and lows, joy and sadness, but mostly gave me a bit more closure than I expected. I feel more ready to move forward and less caught in a tangle of fear of the future. So that's good.
Big hugs!
Sunday, August 09, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Packing
Have to finish packing - leaving at noon tomorrow straight from work. No internet, no computer. Have a nice week. Catch on the flip side! :-)
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
No one can take your joy
I have to tell you, I have very mixed feelings about vacation. I love this trip - I always get so excited and its one of the highlights of my year. But not this year. I dread seeing my ex, who has been up there a week. Not because I want him back, not even because I think he'll start anything (at least not overtly). But he's going to want to argue over who gets what of the camping gear. I hate that crap.
I haven't even wanted to pack, but tonight I at least got the clothing together. So, progress.
I'm just stressed about a lot of things: money (just charged my flood insurance), haven't gotten the rent for July and I need it to pay August before I leave, losing a week of pay, looking at being unemployed come late October... And I'm (pretty) sure he is not going to sign us up on his health insurance for next year - even though he is legally obligated to do so. So I'll have to buy it on the exchange and sue him for the money.
So yeah, cash flow problems.
But I am working on getting packed tonight, and I am determined to have fun!
So that's me. I am determined NOT to let him or worry over things I can't control ruin my joy!!!
I haven't even wanted to pack, but tonight I at least got the clothing together. So, progress.
I'm just stressed about a lot of things: money (just charged my flood insurance), haven't gotten the rent for July and I need it to pay August before I leave, losing a week of pay, looking at being unemployed come late October... And I'm (pretty) sure he is not going to sign us up on his health insurance for next year - even though he is legally obligated to do so. So I'll have to buy it on the exchange and sue him for the money.
So yeah, cash flow problems.
But I am working on getting packed tonight, and I am determined to have fun!
So that's me. I am determined NOT to let him or worry over things I can't control ruin my joy!!!
Sunday, July 26, 2015
They didn’t teach shop at the school of science & math
Yesterday, I sat in the parking lot at Lowe’s, wondering how I
ever got to this point.
I was a nerdy kid, and even if they had offered shop class
at the NC School of Science & Math where I attended high school, I’m sure I
wouldn’t have taken it. But they didn’t
and I didn’t. And then I went to
college, where I did help a boyfriend work on his 1969 Mustang Mach 1. And then I joined the Army, where I actually
had to do the maintenance on my own vehicle. Although I admit I wasn’t above baking cookies
and taking them to the mechanics so that they would do most of the work!
But tools? Sure, I’d
help my dad hold a piece of siding or something, but he never really explained
or I never really listened, or a bit of both.
But not too long after I bought my house I met my (not soon enough to
be) ex-husband, and he was a contractor, so problem solved. Until he left and took all the tools, none of
which I knew how to use anyway.
So the other day I found myself looking online for adult
shop classes, but couldn’t find anything locally. My terrier is getting under
the barn (or trying), and cut herself on the wire someone tacked up years ago
as a deterrent. Despite years of asking,
neither my son nor my husband ever bothering addressing the issue.
I decided to solve the problem. So I did what any mature, self-sufficient
woman would do: texted her manly tool wielding girlfriend and asked her if
she’d please come help! But she couldn't
get here till late-ish, so I decided to go to Lowe’s and buy the lattice. Did you know that you can’t really cut wood
lattice very well because it’s stapled together? Did you also know that Lowe’s doesn’t cut plastic? Which is how I wound up in the middle of a
busy Lowe’s with tears in my eyes asking the guy that works there what to do.
He asked me if I had a hacksaw, I said no, my ex took all
the tools and what was a hacksaw anyway?
So he helped me pick out a hacksaw.
I wrestled 4 pieces of 2 x 8 plastic lattice into my Nissan Sentra, and
sat in the parking lot, wondering when exactly I sold my sense of self
sufficiency and independence for the comforts of marriage, and why? Was it necessary?
I bought my first tool. I expect to buy
more. They'll be worth the price because I will be buying back my own
sense of self.
And when my friend K got here? Well, it took some yesterday and till nearly 1 today, but:
The other 3 sides look just as good.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Today
Last night was fine. Ate dinner, then had a piece of chicken for a snack later. Drank unsweetened tea and water only.
Today is super busy, the usual plus getting packed for my trip. And trying to repair the lattice on the barn. My friend K is coming over to help, and I am grateful for that!
Okay, have a good day!
Today is super busy, the usual plus getting packed for my trip. And trying to repair the lattice on the barn. My friend K is coming over to help, and I am grateful for that!
Okay, have a good day!
Friday, July 24, 2015
Where did the week go?
Since I was off Monday, I've been working long days for the rest of the week to make up (most) of the time. AH, the carefree life of a contractor! ;-) Anyway, between getting off work late, son being home in the evenings, and things just being busy here (mom took off for Georgia and I am in charge of the dog pack), I just haven't posted.
My Atkins book arrived - I really like it. I've nearly finished reading it. It's a "new and improved" Atkins, and looks at "net carbs". So basically phase 1 is meats, healthy fats (including dairy), and veggies. The goal for phase 1 is 20 net carbs per day. I am going to start once I get back from camping. Not making excuses, but it is too difficult to work out food when primitive camping to try & figure out carb counts. I will focus on eating healthy, minimally processed. There is actually a produce stand on site!
Did not get the job I posted for - it was supporting our other product and I have NO experience on it, so I wasn't terribly surprised.
My terrier managed to cut herself on some chicken wire trying to get under the storage barn (rabbits & other small animals go under there sometimes). At least that's my working hypothesis. So my friend Kay is coming and we are going to put lattice around the base of the barn. I am going to get it pre cut at Lowe's, so the overall effect is going to be pretty trashy, but it will be effective.
I used to have access to several thousand dollars of really nice power tools. Now I have none. I need to get a few things, and learn how to use them. Sadly, the local community college does not seem to offer an "adult shop" class!
Have a good day!
My Atkins book arrived - I really like it. I've nearly finished reading it. It's a "new and improved" Atkins, and looks at "net carbs". So basically phase 1 is meats, healthy fats (including dairy), and veggies. The goal for phase 1 is 20 net carbs per day. I am going to start once I get back from camping. Not making excuses, but it is too difficult to work out food when primitive camping to try & figure out carb counts. I will focus on eating healthy, minimally processed. There is actually a produce stand on site!
Did not get the job I posted for - it was supporting our other product and I have NO experience on it, so I wasn't terribly surprised.
My terrier managed to cut herself on some chicken wire trying to get under the storage barn (rabbits & other small animals go under there sometimes). At least that's my working hypothesis. So my friend Kay is coming and we are going to put lattice around the base of the barn. I am going to get it pre cut at Lowe's, so the overall effect is going to be pretty trashy, but it will be effective.
I used to have access to several thousand dollars of really nice power tools. Now I have none. I need to get a few things, and learn how to use them. Sadly, the local community college does not seem to offer an "adult shop" class!
Have a good day!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Operation GMST*
Okay, I've been thinking about this for several days now. While it is okay to be somewhat adrift, it is NOT okay to remain in passive mode doing nothing about it for an extended period of time. Navel gazing only gets you so far!
This is a multi-fold plan. Stages, setbacks, lulls, and wrong turns are all okay. Remaining in pitiful pearl mode is not okay.
Number 1: Let's work on a little self compassion. It's not so much an esteem issue as the fact that I always expect unreasonable things from myself. Ordered:
Also, I emailed Blaine at Crossfit and told him I would be back after Pennsic. Working out in a gym with no air conditioning when it's in the upper 90s and the humidity makes it feel like 100+ is not working for me. And I've been beating myself up for not going, but it's making me feel absolutely ill afterward due to the heat. In short, I've been setting myself up to feel worse about myself. STOP it!
Number 2: Health. Yeah, carbs, you gotta go. Ordered:
I love you, but we HAVE to break up. You're just no good for me.
Number 3: Being social, doing things with friends. Being there for them as well as asking them to be here for me. A+. I probably have better, closer relationships with my close girlfriends than I have in YEARS. Friends are important!
Number 4: Doing something important. Am looking into finding 1-2 places I really want to volunteer. I could spare a few hours a month to help someone other than myself (or my friends). And I think I would feel a lot better about me if I did!
Number 5: Hobbies (good point Gwen!). I'm a girl with too many hobbies! :-) But many I can't really indulge in right now since so much of my stuff is in storage. But I'm doing what I can on this front.
Number 6: Stop dreading, start doing. Already talked to my tenant. She hopes to buy the house by the end of the year. I let her know I plan to have it sold by late spring as that is when I intend to look for a house. I hope like anything we can work it out, but I let her know there is an end point at which I will have to move on. Post vacation: start looking for a full time job. :-( I like contracting, but I need something steadier for the next few years.
And the title: Get My S&^% Together. :-) I remain a work in progress.
Take care!
This is a multi-fold plan. Stages, setbacks, lulls, and wrong turns are all okay. Remaining in pitiful pearl mode is not okay.
Number 1: Let's work on a little self compassion. It's not so much an esteem issue as the fact that I always expect unreasonable things from myself. Ordered:
Also, I emailed Blaine at Crossfit and told him I would be back after Pennsic. Working out in a gym with no air conditioning when it's in the upper 90s and the humidity makes it feel like 100+ is not working for me. And I've been beating myself up for not going, but it's making me feel absolutely ill afterward due to the heat. In short, I've been setting myself up to feel worse about myself. STOP it!
Number 2: Health. Yeah, carbs, you gotta go. Ordered:
I love you, but we HAVE to break up. You're just no good for me.
Number 3: Being social, doing things with friends. Being there for them as well as asking them to be here for me. A+. I probably have better, closer relationships with my close girlfriends than I have in YEARS. Friends are important!
Number 4: Doing something important. Am looking into finding 1-2 places I really want to volunteer. I could spare a few hours a month to help someone other than myself (or my friends). And I think I would feel a lot better about me if I did!
Number 5: Hobbies (good point Gwen!). I'm a girl with too many hobbies! :-) But many I can't really indulge in right now since so much of my stuff is in storage. But I'm doing what I can on this front.
Number 6: Stop dreading, start doing. Already talked to my tenant. She hopes to buy the house by the end of the year. I let her know I plan to have it sold by late spring as that is when I intend to look for a house. I hope like anything we can work it out, but I let her know there is an end point at which I will have to move on. Post vacation: start looking for a full time job. :-( I like contracting, but I need something steadier for the next few years.
And the title: Get My S&^% Together. :-) I remain a work in progress.
Take care!
Monday, July 20, 2015
A different version of the same mistake
While different, this week has been as difficult as I've had since the separation. For so much of my life, I've done what a lot of girls who were raised without a strong, positive male influence do: looked to men for affirmation. I thought I was past that, but I realized that no, not really.
I didn't realize how much of my sense of identity and self worth was tied into being a successful employee at a major corporation, making a good home, being a good wife and mother. Now I'm a contractor, living in someone else's home, without a husband, and a grown son who isn't nearly as dependent on me as he once was.
No wonder I'm adrift. It's not just the level of uncertainty. It's the realization that I don't have a good handle on who I am. I feel like my yardsticks for measuring my self worth are gone. I don't know what I do to add value to the world.
So what's next? I have no clue. This last week was a mess. I HAVE to be done with that - it's getting me nowhere. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
I didn't realize how much of my sense of identity and self worth was tied into being a successful employee at a major corporation, making a good home, being a good wife and mother. Now I'm a contractor, living in someone else's home, without a husband, and a grown son who isn't nearly as dependent on me as he once was.
No wonder I'm adrift. It's not just the level of uncertainty. It's the realization that I don't have a good handle on who I am. I feel like my yardsticks for measuring my self worth are gone. I don't know what I do to add value to the world.
So what's next? I have no clue. This last week was a mess. I HAVE to be done with that - it's getting me nowhere. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Still pondering
Hey there. Work was fine, ate what I packed, blah blah. Tonight is water aerobics and food is ready for tomorrow. When I get home from water aerobics I will want something to eat, need to figure out what will make a good snack that I will enjoy.
I'm seriously considering doing a better job of tracking (and limiting) my carbs. I generally stay away from breads, pastas, and other processed foods. But I think I may look into Atkins when I get home from camping. For now I'll tighten down a bit more, but I want to buy the book - or check it out from the library.
I was feeling kinda down today. I plan to start looking for a full time job when I get home from vacation. I enjoy contracting, but I'm not sure right now I can handle the uncertainty. Maybe if the house were sold. That's another thing - after vacation I plan to call my tenant. The lease is up 1 November, I need to know what she's thinking about that. So much to consider - no wonder if feels a bit overwhelming.
I'm seriously considering doing a better job of tracking (and limiting) my carbs. I generally stay away from breads, pastas, and other processed foods. But I think I may look into Atkins when I get home from camping. For now I'll tighten down a bit more, but I want to buy the book - or check it out from the library.
I was feeling kinda down today. I plan to start looking for a full time job when I get home from vacation. I enjoy contracting, but I'm not sure right now I can handle the uncertainty. Maybe if the house were sold. That's another thing - after vacation I plan to call my tenant. The lease is up 1 November, I need to know what she's thinking about that. So much to consider - no wonder if feels a bit overwhelming.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
I don't know how to wind down
Day turned out much better than I thought it might, although I had too much to do. Son woke up happy and well rested, took care of brakes, and relaxed (which he needed). I did food prep, laundry, etc.
I am discovering that food and/ or a beer (or glass of wine) serves as my signal that it's time to wind down. I'm clean, face washed, teeth brushed, supplements taken, and I find myself sitting here thinking "now what?". I need a new signal to tell me to relax. Something to ponder....
I am discovering that food and/ or a beer (or glass of wine) serves as my signal that it's time to wind down. I'm clean, face washed, teeth brushed, supplements taken, and I find myself sitting here thinking "now what?". I need a new signal to tell me to relax. Something to ponder....
Feeling a bit frustrated
Good morning! Can I vent for a moment here? (Of course I can, it's my blog!)
I've raised a pretty good kid if I do say so myself: he's competent, kind, and hard working. I don't take all the credit, and of course at 20 he is still a work in progress, but he's a good kid.
On the plus side is that he is caring and generous. One the negative, it sometimes I feel like I get placed last in his priorities. He is working and saving money to go back to school, but I am subsidizing him somewhat. One thing I recently did was pay the tax & tags on his car. In return, I asked him to do the brakes on my car. The problem is that doing that falls behind working on his stuff and working on his grandpa's house. Well, I can't wait forever for my brakes to get done!
He isn't selfish - certainly less so than your average 20 year old, but I still get frustrated when working on my stuff (for which he gets paid more than he does by his grandpa) is lower priority than everything else! UGH!
I had a nice time yesterday - went out to lunch with my friend, hung out by the pool, then she came over and I fixed supper for everyone (family got home right at supper time). It was a nice day.
I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like this today:
I've raised a pretty good kid if I do say so myself: he's competent, kind, and hard working. I don't take all the credit, and of course at 20 he is still a work in progress, but he's a good kid.
On the plus side is that he is caring and generous. One the negative, it sometimes I feel like I get placed last in his priorities. He is working and saving money to go back to school, but I am subsidizing him somewhat. One thing I recently did was pay the tax & tags on his car. In return, I asked him to do the brakes on my car. The problem is that doing that falls behind working on his stuff and working on his grandpa's house. Well, I can't wait forever for my brakes to get done!
He isn't selfish - certainly less so than your average 20 year old, but I still get frustrated when working on my stuff (for which he gets paid more than he does by his grandpa) is lower priority than everything else! UGH!
I had a nice time yesterday - went out to lunch with my friend, hung out by the pool, then she came over and I fixed supper for everyone (family got home right at supper time). It was a nice day.
I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like this today:
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Happy Weekend!
Good morning! My son & mom headed for the beach Thursday, so I've been home alone. Living with my mom, I really miss my alone time. I'm very grateful we have the kind of relationship where this is working fine, but I am a person that really needs some solitude. They are headed home this afternoon.
Ran errands, went to the gym, blah blah blah. :-) Been an okay week.
Certain things mean summer to me: from childhood it's the sound of cicadas and the smell of tomato plants in the garden. As an adult, I've added watching the tour de France, which I really enjoy. We don't have cable, but sometimes they show it on NBC on the weekends.
This afternoon I am hanging out with a girlfriend over at her sister's house. (She has been doing contract work for the past couple of years and traveling a lot, so she's been just living out of her sister's house). She has a regular full time job now and is getting her own place at the end of the month. Anyway, they live a couple of miles away and have a pool, so yay! :-)
It's funny - I know several people my age who are living with friends and/ or family. I think it's smart, but I also think it's a good indicator of the state of the economy.
I hope you have a good weekend!
Ran errands, went to the gym, blah blah blah. :-) Been an okay week.
Certain things mean summer to me: from childhood it's the sound of cicadas and the smell of tomato plants in the garden. As an adult, I've added watching the tour de France, which I really enjoy. We don't have cable, but sometimes they show it on NBC on the weekends.
This afternoon I am hanging out with a girlfriend over at her sister's house. (She has been doing contract work for the past couple of years and traveling a lot, so she's been just living out of her sister's house). She has a regular full time job now and is getting her own place at the end of the month. Anyway, they live a couple of miles away and have a pool, so yay! :-)
It's funny - I know several people my age who are living with friends and/ or family. I think it's smart, but I also think it's a good indicator of the state of the economy.
I hope you have a good weekend!
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
"Everything I never knew I always wanted"
That title was the title of a post on http://carlabirnberg.com/ (it's a quote from "Fools Rush In" - a very silly enjoyable rom com). I love that quote - it perfectly captures what it is I feel like I need to find - not a person, so much as a passion.
So, today was Cross Fit. I never regret going, but sometimes it is hard to get there. It is hard, and way outside my comfort zone. But I always feel accomplished when I leave the gym.
Work was fine, ate my packed food. Dinner was potato, baked fish, and roasted broccoli. My mom and son are headed to the beach this weekend - I'll be here, dog sitting. Getting together at some point with a friend. I'm very much looking forward to a quiet weekend home alone.
I have an interview tomorrow (with my boss) for a full time position on my team. I don't know what will happen. If I don't get it I will be disappointed, but I know I'll be okay. So, fingers crossed! :-)
Okay, going to take a shower! Take care!
So, today was Cross Fit. I never regret going, but sometimes it is hard to get there. It is hard, and way outside my comfort zone. But I always feel accomplished when I leave the gym.
Work was fine, ate my packed food. Dinner was potato, baked fish, and roasted broccoli. My mom and son are headed to the beach this weekend - I'll be here, dog sitting. Getting together at some point with a friend. I'm very much looking forward to a quiet weekend home alone.
I have an interview tomorrow (with my boss) for a full time position on my team. I don't know what will happen. If I don't get it I will be disappointed, but I know I'll be okay. So, fingers crossed! :-)
Okay, going to take a shower! Take care!
Monday, July 06, 2015
Family, friends, fun & food
Sorry to leave you hanging again - I was busy having a wonderful weekend!!!
A dear friend Kay came for the weekend, my son was here, and a friend of his. We grilled out a bunch, watched movies (including "Independence Day"), and just hung out. It was awesome! I needed that - I really relaxed. :-)
Saturday morning I went to Cross Fit and had a long talk with the owner. I've been feeling frustrated lately - I haven't been sure about my form and feel like I haven't been making progress. He assured my I was doing fine & on track, but said he would also bring it up with the other 2 teachers. I also committed to coming in a practicing my form more, even if I'm not going in to work out. Today after work I went over & worked on my cleans before dinner. I'm going to water aerobics in a few minutes.
Anyway, I'm doing pretty well!
I made a really good recipe for breakfast this week:
Thai style burgers: garlic, ginger, lemongrass & cilantro, topped with an Asian slaw: slaw mix with cilantro, sesame oil & lime juice.
Really good and a nice serving of veggies with breakfast!
Have a good day! :-)
A dear friend Kay came for the weekend, my son was here, and a friend of his. We grilled out a bunch, watched movies (including "Independence Day"), and just hung out. It was awesome! I needed that - I really relaxed. :-)
Saturday morning I went to Cross Fit and had a long talk with the owner. I've been feeling frustrated lately - I haven't been sure about my form and feel like I haven't been making progress. He assured my I was doing fine & on track, but said he would also bring it up with the other 2 teachers. I also committed to coming in a practicing my form more, even if I'm not going in to work out. Today after work I went over & worked on my cleans before dinner. I'm going to water aerobics in a few minutes.
Anyway, I'm doing pretty well!
I made a really good recipe for breakfast this week:
Thai style burgers: garlic, ginger, lemongrass & cilantro, topped with an Asian slaw: slaw mix with cilantro, sesame oil & lime juice.
Really good and a nice serving of veggies with breakfast!
Have a good day! :-)
Friday, July 03, 2015
Then I left you hanging
Good morning.
Just a quick note before I head for work. I've been to water aerobics and Cross Fit this week. I've also done some emotional eating, but I am feeling better. I've got my travel plans sorted out for my trip to Pennsylvania at the end of the month.
On our call Tuesday, Sean asked us to finish the sentence, "When I have lost the weight, I ...". My answer was a bit backward, because my sentence is "When I ..., then I will lose the weight." I've said it before, but I have to deal with the empty place I fill with food. It's not just emotional eating, it's eating to fill that void.
Working on it - sometimes with mixed results, but working on it.
Have a good day!
Just a quick note before I head for work. I've been to water aerobics and Cross Fit this week. I've also done some emotional eating, but I am feeling better. I've got my travel plans sorted out for my trip to Pennsylvania at the end of the month.
On our call Tuesday, Sean asked us to finish the sentence, "When I have lost the weight, I ...". My answer was a bit backward, because my sentence is "When I ..., then I will lose the weight." I've said it before, but I have to deal with the empty place I fill with food. It's not just emotional eating, it's eating to fill that void.
Working on it - sometimes with mixed results, but working on it.
Have a good day!
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