Teeming with Life

I went out to the car a few minutes ago and it sounded like a rainforest outside!!! Birds everywhere, each trying to chirp over the others. The day today is incredibly bright – the air is comfortable, and the leaves have barely begun to change. The air feels like fall but the look tells you that every living thing is wide awake. Its odd how in just a few days that will all begin to change as fall begins to seriously set in.

This morning was funny – I woke up with a headache, the boy had a sore throat, and the hub is plagued by allergies. Sitting around the breakfast table this morning, we probably looked like a scene from “Leave it to Beaver”, if the Cleavers had spent the prior night partying at Graceland! :-O

Today is the hub’s birthday. I have to confess that both my mom and I forgot! Luckily, she has an AmEx gift card in her purse, so she just had to buy a card. She dropped it off at the house this morning as she dropped her dogs on the way to Georgia. I skipped kickboxing last night to do a little last minute shopping. I was in luck! I found season 6 of “Star Trek: Deep Space 9” (we only have 1 episode left to watch in season 5) AND a boxed set of fans’ favorite top “Klingon” episodes (the hub loves Klingons). It has 2 or 3 shows from each of the 4 Star Treks (nothing from Enterprise). I got 5 cards, one from me, one from the boy, and one from each of the dogs. Each card is perfect for each dog. I made season 6 from people and the K collection from the dogs! We are going out to Sagebru$h for dinner – I checked out their menu online and have a game plan.

I’ve also bought single servings things of flavored salmon & tuna for the weekend, I have some string cheese, mom is getting grapes & bananas, and we’re taking sandwich fixings for Saturday. Sunday will be dicey, but I think Saturday will be fine.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but I work in a call center (not on the phone). Its kind of interesting as there is a sort of “chicken or the egg” principle at work here: the phone staff is disproportionately overweight. I mean, really overweight. I know that NC is a “fatter” than average state, but this is even more so. I wonder if the job is the cause, or it’s a job overweight people gravitate to because it is so sedentary? Maybe both.

I bring this up because the truth is, my work environment is part of what keeps me on the fitness path. I’ve seen co-workers have WLS and lose weight, but I’ve also seen co-workers become more overweight with time. One lady I used to work with now comes into the building pushing her oxygen tank. That’s an extreme example, but it’s an “in your face” reminder that being overweight has medical consequences. Yeah, we all know that, but seeing it up close brings it home. She’s a nice lady, but she’s killing herself with food. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I realize that I must sound like a broken recode here at time – struggle, get up, fall, struggle, get up…. and on and on. But really, what options do we have? I don’t know that I’ll ever have it all figured out, but I can’t stop working on it. I guess I am my own ultimate “do it yourself project! ha ha ha

Have a good one!

This day, every day

Yesterday I didn’t want to go to the gym. It’s not that I didn’t know that I’d have a good time once I got there (which I did) or that I didn’t realize that I’d feel great driving home (which I did), it was knowing that as often as I go to the gym, as often as I get up and walk, I still feel like a cow. Mooo.

You know how people sometimes talk about how other folks sabotage their efforts to lose weight? Well, I sabotage my own efforts. (Like that’s news!) I didn’t want to go because I felt like I’d put the effort in, and then I’d undo it at some point in the week by overeating. In short, I felt defeated by flab.

But I wasn’t defeated yesterday. I got up and did my 2 miles, I had an awesome session at the gym, and I didn’t put too much food into my mouth. And I felt very good. And I won’t be defeated today either. I guess I’m nervous because we are going to be out of town all weekend, which means 6 meals eaten on the road, in restaurants. Scary. I am trying to plan ahead. I know there will be one “free” meal, eaten at our favorite Italian restaurant - which just happens to be located in Williamsburg, across the road from Busch Gardens. I also know lunch Sunday will be tough because it will be eaten in the park, and it’s all but impossible to find healthy, reasonably portioned fare inside the amusement park. I can pack a lunch for Saturday, breakfast isn’t too difficult – that just leaves dinner Sunday (maybe we can hit a Cracker Barrel) and the dreaded ”S” word – snacks. Send me strength!

My great aunt & mom came over for dinner last night. It was her last visit before heading back to Georgia tomorrow. It’s a bit like having my grandma back – I’ll miss her.

Because the boy was on restriction all weekend he didn’t get to watch any tv unless it was something we just happened to be watching, which is how he got hooked on season 5 of “Star Trek: Deep Space 9”. Something our whole family can agree on – amazing!

Well, I have nothing profound to say – my husband got down my fall decorations yesterday, but I was too lazy to put them up. But today is another day. :-)

End of the week – Party!!!!

Gotta say I’m glad this week is over. It’s been a doosy!

Hub and I had a situation earlier in the week where another couple (well, the wife) basically picked a fight with hub bad enough to end the friendship. The root cause is jealousy. It really stinks and we’re both angry & upset – this totally came out of left field. We have a lot of mutual friends, who have made it plain (to them) they need to resolve the issue themselves. This could make things a bit awkward at some of our medieval stuff. It makes me sad – I hate to see grown people act so immature.

I did pretty well despite the stressful situations, and managed to post a half pound loss. Yay!!! Now I am really fired up. I’d like to go to kickboxing tomorrow morning, but am torn between that & lifting weights. Of course, I could always go to kickboxing and then lift later in the day. Or lift this afternoon. Hmmm…. I have a long (4 mile) run scheduled for Sunday. Good times!

I get a very good (free) motivational e-newsletter from Tom Venuto. I really recommend it – even though his focus is on the weights, it has a lot to offer even for folks that aren’t so into the lifting. If you google his name, you’ll get to his site.

On another note, things calmed down on my yahoo group. It’s a great group of ladies – small, so not a lot of traffic, but very supportive. If you are looking for a small, low volume group to you to provide some support in your fitness journey, I would recommend it. Drop me an email, and I’ll put you in touch with the moderator.

Hub is doing yard work and working on his (and the boy’s) armor this weekend. I will be happily puttering about my house. I have so much to do I know I won’t be able to squeeze it all in. But I plan to enjoy every minute of it!

I will leave you with this thought, courtesy of Tom V.:

“Successful people TAKE ACTION! They are testing things, they are doing things, they are in almost perpetual motion! Unsuccessful people are always “thinking about it” creating plans, preparing, getting things ready, or god forbid, waiting until “the time is right” such as “until new years,” “when finals are over,” "after vacation" or “after the kids go back to school.”

14 focused on 14

It was kind of ironic – when I got on the scale last Friday I realized that there were 14 weeks left in the year and I had 14 pounds to get back to where I was. Pretty sad. I’d like to say my goal is to get back there by year end, but I don’t think that’s possible. My goal is to focus on behaviors that will move the scale, and achieve the best results I can while staying sane. I’m hoping that if I can focus & see some real results for those 14 weeks, I’ll be excited enough to keep it up. Hey, I was in basic training nearly that long, right??? Actually, now it’s only 13 and a half. Ha!

So, here’s the plan:
1. Plan my food and stick to it. Give myself a small snack after dinner, but don’t turn it into “license to munch.”

2. Limit my free meals. These are slipping again. I’ve decided to limit my free meals and dole them out for each half pound lost, with a cap of 3 in a week. I know, food as a reward for losing weight. Maybe cheese dip can provide incentive. I’m willing to try.

3. I’ve buddied up with a friend and have promised to report my food & exercise, and how close I stuck to my plan. Even if all she does is delete it, I’ve shared it.

In the interest of full disclosure, here is a recap of yesterday and the plan for today:
Yesterday:
am: 2 mile walk/run
b: spinach/crab quiche
s: cottage cheese & berries
l: boca burger on a slice of white wheat, homemade veggie soup, salad
s: 2 slices ff bologna, orange
pm: 25 minutes on the treadmill (200 cal burned according to the machine)
d: lentil soup
s: ff sf chocolate pudding

So, I stuck to my plan. One day down, 6 months to go! Woo hoo! (Ugh :-)

Here's today:
am: 2 mile walk/run
b: spinach/crab quiche
s: cottage cheese & berries
l: boca burger on a slice of white wheat, homemade veggie soup, salad
s: 2 slices ff bologna, orange
pm: lift weights
d: beef noodle casserole
s: ff sf chocolate pudding

Yesterday was not a good day. For one, I really hate waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes when the hub has agreed to wash them. And its happening more frequently. We talked yesterday afternoon, and he didn’t realize how much he was slacking. So hopefully that will get better. Then we had system issues at work. I left a yahoo group I’ve been in for over 4 years (I was a founding member) because a woman on the list sent an email intended to be personal where she pretty much slammed a couple of us. “You do have to watch what you say there-- we have a few-- that do not believe in extra marital affairs-- etc. So sometimes watch what you say.” There was more, but you get the idea. Nice, huh? And the topper was that hub had taken the day off to move his mom (yes, she got a full time job at a storage unit place – apartment included – about an hour away) and after spending the day moving her, he got to fill up the moving van before he turned it in. You know we paid for it. Is she a winner or what?

But, you know what? I feel a heck of a lot better today. I have fresh music on the MP3 player. The boy was in a good mood this morning. Things with the hubster are on an upswing (always nice!), and I just feel like I’m getting a handle on life, the universe, .. everything. Ha! But you know what I mean. I was in a total funk last night, I think I used it all up. I hope so!

Have a good one!

Starting fresh

Things are looking much better today, for a few reasons.

Hub and I sat down and talked. Like a lot of couples, we sometimes get so caught up in the day to day, we fail to take the time to sit down and really talk. Even though we let things go longer than we should, we do make time and really talk about things honestly. That's not easy for either of us though. :-)

So, things are looking much better. We're having some issues with the boy putting the effort into school that he should be, so we've had to tighten up the screws a little bit and get more strict about how much time he needs to spend studying. He's not happy, but he didn't freak out either when we set down the new rules.

I spent the weekend going way overboard foodwise. I've also sat down some stricter rules for myself about my diet and exercise. I think part of my unhappiness is that I have not been really taking care of myself the way I should so I feel guilty and not up to par physically either. But I have a plan to work on that.

I guess this weekend was about mapping out strategies for dealing with issues on many fronts. That's not always easy, but its necessary.

Just wanted everyone to know that I'm okay. I come here to vent & let off steam, and then I pick myself up & keep going. Anyway, feeling a lot more positive today.

Take care you guys!

How to diet, yet remain fat

Today’s title is ripped off from fatcyclist’s blog, where I found a pretty interesting post with that title.

Fat C. wrote a post about various diets he had tried, how much weight he’d lost, and how much weight he regained when he went off the diet (hence the name of his blog I guess).

That’s very different than my experience of the past 3 years or so. Convinced that diets don’t work, I’ve tried instead to “change my lifestyle.” This has been partly successful – I’ve been able to make exercise (cardio and weights) a regular part of my life. We may part ways for a bit – but I know we are forever linked together. I cook at home on a regular basis, and we all eat a homemade lunch and breakfast. Sure, there are weeks where we may go out twice (gasp!), but that’s now the exception. I eat more fruits and vegetables, and overall I believe my diet is healthier.

BUT. But I do not eat few enough calories to lose weight consistently – or even to maintain the loss I’d achieved. I was thinking on the drive in this morning how much I hope that I haven’t gained weight this week because the number on the scale last week hurt my heart. I remember how frustrated I felt when I was stuck at 150.5, and how badly I wanted to see the 140s. And now I’d be happy if I could see 150.5 by the end of the year. But I go home and eat chips & salsa & beer because it’s the only thing I can do to make myself feel better right now. And I just want to sooth myself because my heart hurts and I can’t really talk to anyone (except here) and I’m thinking how tomorrow night I have to sit down and talk about this stuff with my husband. Stuff we’ve been avoiding all week and how I really don’t want to, but I’m a grown-up and we can’t ignore things that won’t just magically go away – they’ll eat at our relationship. But who enjoys cleaning infection out of a wound? It happens in relationships – its normal and you have issues and you deal with them and move on and that’s life but it sure isn’t the fun part of life. And it’ll feel so much better if I think about it with an order of jalepeno poppers from Sonic.

So my lifestyle is much healthier, but it isn’t a lifestyle that leads to weight loss and if I really want to lose weight maybe I need to think about the dreaded ‘d’ word.

Time to move some metal

First off, thanks for the kind words – as always. This isn’t the kind of blog that gets a lot of traffic or a lot of comments, but I find a lot of support here. I appreciate it very much.

Right now my feelings are very raw and all in a jumble. The only way I feel like I can handle them is to hide behind some cheese dip and a frosty cold beverage. Sigh. I know that isn’t the best way, but right now I feel like I need a little time to create a little distance before I can get on with the work of dealing with the things we obviously need to address. It always comes down to my husband’s inability to communicate his feelings. I don’t know how to change that. I may not be able to. But we can’t keep having the same problems over and over. The cycle has to be broken – he agrees, but it doesn’t happen.

After work yesterday I just couldn’t stand the thought of going home right away, so I went shopping. This was probably a mistake. I bought a pair of jeans – size 14. Gross. I’m down to one pair of jeans that fit, and I can’t get through the winter with one pair of jeans. I also bought a shirt (on clearance) – a nice white one to wear to work, 3 pair of shoes (for Pennsic – they were like $7 apiece!), and a dozen washcloths. Those were $3.40! I have a thing for white washcloths – my theory is how do I know my face is clean if I’m using a colored washcloth? Hey – I used to only be able to use white towels also. I blame the Army for my towel weirdness.

I went home & ate Mexican for dinner. I feel like poo – I didn’t exercise at all yesterday, and I slept in this morning. The boy & I have a dermatologist appointment this afternoon – I’m hoping that after that I can squeeze in a trip to the gym at some point this evening. I feel like I’ve totally derailed even though its only been 1 day and Monday dinner. And I worked out Monday. I’ve got to baby step my way back to my good habits. They are like a rock. So why do I let go when I get stressed?

Inadvertent hiatus

I didn’t mean to not post for days on end, it just happened. I was dead tired Friday, plus busy at work then busy at home. I was gone from 6 am to 10 pm Saturday, then went to a friend’s house Sunday. So it was very busy. Food wasn’t too bad – until yesterday.

I went to the gym after work & had a really great lifting session. I went home all happy & pumped up, with a great dinner planned. Hub and I had a really bad fight. Really bad. One of those where there isn’t a lot of shouting, but you feel like the foundation of your marriage has just experienced an earthquake. First I couldn’t eat, then I couldn’t stop. I had a small pizza for dinner. Light cheese, not all the crust, but an entire small pizza. And 2 beers. It tasted like crap, and I ate every bit of it just so I could stop feeling for just a few minutes.

Right now I feel tired (needless to say, I didn’t sleep so hot) and thoroughly defeated.

It’s my blog and I’ll whine if I want to!

While singing the praises of creatine, I snuck the down side in and no one even noticed. Creatine works its magic (in part) by drawing water into the muscles. Extra water = extra???. Yup, the scale was up 2 pounds. Ouch! I know its just water, and that water is helping me feel better and lift better, but as paranoid as I am about the freaking scale right now, that hurt.

I was all ready to finish the week out on a high note, but no. Hub wanted a beer last night, which meant he wanted company drinking a beer. When I said no, he badgered. I told him straight up that I was tired and one would be too many and 12 wouldn’t be enough. I warned him. Remember that T-shirt “Instant a$$hole. Just add alcohol.”? Yeah, that was me last night. There went my free night. Jinkies. I ate a bunch of crap, and woke up this morning feeling defeated. Like I’ll never be able to lose weight, I’ll always be a slave to food, and I had a headache to boot.

I am only working a half day today – I have loads to do this afternoon since I’ll be out of town both days this weekend (on 2 different road trips). It’s gonna be a busy one. At least I won’t have a lot of time to lay around and eat crap.

Fall?

The past couple of days have been overcast & rainy – giving us a brief hint of fall. Tomorrow we’re back to sunny & 80, but for yesterday & today its low 70s & cloudy. I had the perfect dinner planned for yesterday – baked pork chops, sweet potatoes, and creamed spinach. Even my son said “This is the perfect dinner for today.” Some days it’s the little things that make me happy.

I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. My legs were still pretty sore from kickboxing, so I left my leg exercises off and did the rest. I was shocked at how much stronger my upper body was! I upped weights and/or reps on everything. Was it because I left off the leg exercises? I dunno, but I was pleased. It felt awesome. Then I went home, had a hot bath, & fixed supper.

I must’ve been tired last night because I totally slept through my run time this morning. Not I “decided not to get up”, I mean I never even noticed I was supposed to wake up – I just slept. Well, I guess that means I needed it. I had planned to take this afternoon off anyway, so I guess maybe I’ll walk 2 miles. It’s going to be cool enough.

Things are still going well with exercise & food. My only gripe is that I wish this felt normal. It feels good, but I keep waiting for the shoe to drop. I want to throw the shoe away!

Promise made, promise kept

Can I just take a moment to say how much I didn’t want to go to kickboxing yesterday? (Of course I can – it’s my blog. Ha!) I mean really. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. But I got in my car, called a friend, called hub. He was sympathetic “Yeah, I know how you feel. But go.” So I drove past my first exit, then my second, and that’s all the exits there are for our town – I was committed! It was hard, and I was tired, but I was truly glad I went. I had a light supper and that was plenty. It’s like I told myself in the car, if I had gone home, what would I have done? Eat? Yeah, probably. Going was the better option for sure.

This morning’s mantra was “feet on floor.” I was tired, but I got in a good 2 mile run. It’s been super busy here today (I got here early. Not only my boss already here, but he was already on the phone with HIS boss!). So the day has flown by. In short, things are going well.

Do I want to lift weights this afternoon? Heck no! What would make a good bribe? The promise of a nice long tub? Getting tomorrow afternoon off? Must. Go. To. The. Gym.

The weird thing is I have fun when I get there, so why don’t I ever want to go? Mystery of the ages people.

Be in the now

I was thinking as I was running this morning about how often when I am exercising, my mind is on the 43 things I will be doing after I work out. On the weekend I'm thinking about when I'll finish my run, what time I'll get out to the grocery, how long the shopping will take, etc etc. Weekday weight lifting sessions are filled with what time I need to finish to pick up th eboy to get dinner done... you get the idea.

I feel like I'm cheating myself in my workouts - instead of putting the most into my workout, my brain has already moved on to the next thing. I know that during the week I need to set limits so that I'm back by 6, but when I leave the house I generally have a good idea of how far I can go and get home on time.

Today I lifted weights after work. I only looked at my watch once. I didn't promise to pick up the boy - as a matter of fact I was so tired after my workout that I called hub and asked him to take care of that. To get the most out of my workout, my brain needs to be there as well as my body. I don't promise that I will always be this mindful, but I'm trying.

My workout was awesome - I really pushed myself and it felt great. I ran 2 miles this morning - mostly running, and that was good too. I had a beer both Saturday and Sunday nights, but other than that, my food was pretty decent this weekend. I'm working on it. :-)

Well, that's about it.

Hello

Hmmm... I am in the mood to munch, so I am posting here instead. So far this has been a nice weekend. Friday we cleaned up the house some, so that we could go out of town for the day Saturday. We got up yesterday morning, went to the gym and lifted weights, then came home, packed the car, & headed out. We had a nice day, although it was very hot. As much as I love spring & summer, I'm looking forward to cooler weather.

My workout yesterday morning was excellent! I'm not sore, and I really pushed it hard. My 2 free meals were Thursday and Friday evenings, both of which I overdid a bit. But yesterday was fine, and today has been okay so far. I was scheduled for a 5 mile run this morning, but the heat really took it out of me yesterday. I walked 2 miles instead - I will either do my run tonight or in the morning - it depends on how I feel.

We did teambuilding at work Friday, although our boss had a couple of meetings at the office. I have the feeling that we are going to have a very busy week! This presentation is turning in to a 2-headed hydra. I am looking forward to it being over I must admit, although it has been a great opportunity and challenge.

Well, I am going to go. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

“Anger is a gift.” – graffiti by the side of Pla-de-Beret.

Rant on.

I was so pissed off this morning! Here’s the deal: my neck is still hurting and my PMS is killing me and I’m working hard and I feel like poo…. I go home last night and while hub is taking the boy to tkd I make a nice supper. They get home and immediately get into a big fight – the boy is upset that hub has set out mouse traps (we have a mouse that is getting from the garage into the kitchen.) He asks me to pick up some of those “humane” traps with the one way door, which I do since I had to stop by W-M on the way home anyway. They had one, so I bought it. The hub refuses to put it out or take down the spring traps. The boy gets all upset (he loves all animals) and goes to his room, crying. So dinner is ruined, I feel like crap. I eat and head for the tub, after which I had a beer (just one – I went to the store and bought just one) and finished off the pint of lowfat Haagan-Daz coffee ice cream. Hub meanwhile spends the evening watching tv, talking to friends on the phone, and emailing. What do I wake up to this morning? If you guessed a filthy kitchen you’d be right. I totally lost it. I cook, and he’s supposed to clean, but “he didn’t feel like it.” I packed my lunch & left – no breakfast made for anyone, no lunches packed. The boy can buy it and hub can pack his own damn lunch. Oh yeah – and the mouse? He’d avoided the spring traps for days, but was in the humane trap in under an hour.

Rant off.

I had an awesome (anger fueled) run this morning. I flirted with the idea of sleeping in, then told myself I could “just walk”. By the time I left the house I needed to run harder than a race horse. Two miles later, I was sweaty, panting, and my calves were cramping up. Good times.

Other than last night, food is going fine. I won’t be in the office tomorrow, so I weighed today – I was down half a pound. I would’ve liked more, but it’s a start.

From bodybuilding.com: “So, what is creatine? Our bodies naturally make the compound, which is used to supply energy to our muscles. It is produced in the liver, pancreas, and kidneys, and is transported to the body's muscles through the bloodstream. Once it reaches the muscles, it is converted into phosphocreatine (creatine phosphate). This high-powered metabolite is used to regenerate the muscles' ultimate energy source, ATP (adenosine triphosphate). Creatine's ability to enhance energy reserves in muscles comes from its muscle protein synthesizing action, while minimizing protein breakdown. This occurs because creatine has the awesome effect of super-hydrating muscle cells with water. It enhances muscles' growth too-making muscle fibers bigger and stronger.” That says it better than I could.

Well, back to the salt mine. Have a good one.

Ahhhh, the magic of creatine

I don’t take a huge number of supplements, but I am willing to try something new. Several folks have recommended creatine to me, so I ponied up the cash and ordered a bottle off bodybuilding.com. I have to say I’m impressed. I went to the gym yesterday and lifted pretty hard – I did my best to kick my own a$$. But I’m not sore today. I slept pretty hard, which is typical after a good weight session, but no soreness. Hurray!

I got up this morning and walked for 2 miles. I ran pretty hard yesterday plus lifted, so I decided to keep it light today. So that’s the workout. Tonight is more sewing.

Food is about the same as yesterday, except dinner tonight is baked fish, salad and ??. Rice, maybe.

I hate to even write about it and potentially jinx it, but I’m in a good place right now. Instead of making a bunch of charts and checking them, I’m trying to slowly change my habits. Getting up is easier this week, and I did a lot more at the gym. Food is much better. I’m still planning out my meals, but I’m pretty much just taking everything one day at a time. I’m afraid if I start setting up a bunch of fancy charts for myself, I’ll set some impossible goal & then freak out when I don’t achieve it. I have a ramp-up plan, but no hard timeline around it – just ramping up a bit more each week until I’m at my exercise target. I am adding a mile a week to my long run – I did 4 miles this past weekend. Baby steps, right?

It’s in the rain (my run that is)

I previewed my first workout DVD from Netflix – “Crunch Bootcamp”. It was pretty decent and would make a good sub for a trip to the gym. Not sure it would be a good sub for a run IMO. Anyhow, I still don’t have the tv set up, nor do I have a good cardio DVD. Yesterday morning I skipped my run due to rain, opting to do it in the afternoon. It wasn’t raining and it was cooler, but it was pretty muggy. I did for 4 miles, mostly walking. This morning I was kinda cranky when I realized it was raining again, but I opted to run in the rain. I did 2 miles, mostly running. It wasn’t too bad – I had on a hat. My shoes got pretty squishy, but only on the top. The bottoms of my socks were dry, so I wasn’t worried about blisters. This morning felt like a really good run. I took my MP3 player, and as I came into the final cool down stretch, what song came on? Enya’s “It’s in the rain” from her new CD. Who says god doesn’t have a sense of humor? ;-)

Eats are going pretty good – although I really wanted to nosh last night while sewing. I wonder if the urge to snack after supper will ever go away? Here’s today’s food for the curious:

B: 1 egg, 1 egg white, ½ c oats with a bit of whey protein and mixed berries
S: cottage cheese and mixed berries
L: part of a steak, vegetable soup, salad
S: shredded chicken with bbq sauce, grapes
D: Family is having chicken casserole and green beans. I think I’ll make the casserole a side, and have chicken, a small serving of casserole, and green beans.

Here’s wishing you all runs as fun as mine was today!

Mixed bag

Food was better this weekend, exercise wasn’t. We were out of town all day Saturday, and had guests all weekend. I woke up to run this morning, but it was pouring. Must get hub to set up tv for workouts.

I am either going to run or go to the gym & do some cardio this afternoon. I have done something wonky to my back/neck, so no lifting today. Food is planned for the week – I’ve just go to stick to it.

October 17, 2003

Why is that date important? That's the last time I weighed as much as I did when I stepped on the scale this morning. 162 pounds. Ouch. I very much want to beat myself up right now, but that won't help I guess. I made a promise to myself I'd never get above 160 again, but I blew right by it. I'm very, very upset.

At least I got on the scale this morning. At least now I know where I am. I want to lose 13 pounds in 17 weeks. I can do this. I WILL do this. I don't want to keep ignoring my body. I don't know whether I should be comforted or discouraged by the fact that there is no end to this thing called keeping healthy. I admit, right now I'm leaning toward discouraged.

I will not use this as an excuse to pig out this weekend. I will not!!!!!!!

Aren't I crafty?

Rainy day.

We are getting thunderstorms here. Which I totally love, except they make me want to sleep! I was pathetically tired last night – I went to bed at 9:30, and slept until after 6! :-O I woke up so stiff and sore – even though I did so little, I overdid it at the gym. I’m going back this afternoon – all I can do is work through it.

So I’m feeling a little discouraged on the exercise front, but I keep telling myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and jumping back into my routine isn’t going to happen. Oh well, still slugging along.

I have a ton of stuff to do at the office today – 2 meetings plus a lot of stuff for my boss. Yesterday we found out our weekend company is coming Friday night rather than Saturday morning. That’s great, but it means less time to get everything in order, you know? Luckily, hub will have the day off tomorrow so he can clean, then all I have to do is pick up here and there when I get home. Tonight I need to finish up some sewing for our medieval thing this weekend so I can get my sewing toys all picked up.

Well, that’s about all I know today.

Wireless baby!!!

I am sitting in my easy chair in my living room, watching the last half of alame sci-fi movie on the tv, plugged into nothing in the world, typing on my thinkpad. How freaking cool is that??? technology rocks.

Done nothing but sewing this evening, so I'm feeling pretty relaxed. Don't worry - I promise to wash my face with my new super good for my skin face wash and brush my fangs before turning in early. I'm still stiff, and 5 comes mighty early.

Um yeah, it’s like that

Oh. My. God. I went to the gym yesterday afternoon. The nice thing about not keeping track of your workouts or food is that you are able to delude yourself into a false sense of complacency. I have no idea when I last went to the gym - I quit writing the date at the top of the page. According to the way my muscles feel today after that wimpy workout yesterday, it’s been at least 6 or 7 years! I decided to do one circuit of my total body routine. I take small breaks between exercises, but run through the whole thing once, and then back through again. Not so much yesterday. I’ve lost a lot of ground. :-( SO, my weight lifting plan is this: Do a total body circuit twice a week. Do the circuit one time through this week and next, then for 2 weeks go through the circuit twice. After that, I should be ready to split my routine into upper and lower body. Right now I need to work everything lightly a couple of times per week to build back up.

Hub went to the gym this morning and did basically the same thing. He was shocked at how inflexible he was. So we both clearly have a lot of work to do.

This morning I just walked. I ran yesterday plus lifted, and I stayed up a little too late. So I went ahead & got up (I have to get back on schedule!) and walked for 2 miles. I’ll get there – it’s just gonna take a while.

I feel a lot like the Goodyear blimp shoved into a pair of brown capris today. Eating yesterday was on track, so what’s up with that??? Oh well, stay the course.

I think I have a tentative workout schedule planned:

M-F a.m. run and/or walk
Sat or Sun a.m. long run
M & Thu afternoon lift weights
T afternoon kickboxing

I’d like to add one more kickboxing in there, but that’s my goal for the next couple of weeks. That adds up to 9 workouts and I will give myself one “pass” per week. So my goal is 8 of those 9. Yes, I require a lot of exercise. And I’d rather work out twice a day rather than one really long time.

I am so freaking sick of tuna – I’ve had to absolutely choke down my afternoon snack the past couple of days. Maybe if I cover it in bbq sauce??? Tuna is a mainstay of my diet. I eat 5 or 6 times per day with three of those here at work, so I rely heavily on cheap & convenient sources of protein like tuna and cottage cheese. Maybe deviled eggs? But those are only good fresh – sounds like a lot of work. Hmm. I know some folks do protein shakes, but I much prefer not to drink my food. I wind up feeling deprived. Need to think about this one.

I hate the spots on my face. The wrinkles on my forehead don’t bother me too much, but I really hate the spots. I’m considering going to the doctor for a peel. Thoughts?
Well, that’s all I got. Have a good one!

p.s. I’ve posted my pennsic photos on my yahoo photo site – they are under “Pennsic 35.” I haven’t posted my cool craft projects yet though.

This house is clean!!

No, not of poltergeists – I got rid of the cheese dip and 2 beers that were lurking in the fridge. Okay, it wasn’t a healthy dinner exactly… In any case, the crap is out of the house – I threw the taco chips in the trash this morning. I got up and ran, and I have my weight training log so I can write out what I’m doing at the gym this afternoon. This is very much going to be a baby step, one day at a time process for me until I get back into my routines. Food during the day is under control, I’m back waking up at 5 am, and I have healthy dinners planned for the week.

I stayed up until nearly 10 last night doing cross stitch! It’s so much fun to be doing something like that again – I’m glad I dragged it out. Tonight I have some sewing I want to work on.

It is amazingly muggy here right now – I was a fright when I got back to the house this morning!! Hair all matted to my head, face beet red…. Lots of room for improvement! But I had a good time. I added a bunch of songs to my MP3 player so we could use it in the car – time to get the driving tunes off so I don’t have to skip over them when I run.

I bought a book on the history of the Tour de France to take with me on vacation. I haven’t touched it. I glance at cyclingnews.com and just get sad. I feel a little like a kid who no longer believes in Santa. I don’t know how I’ll feel when the season starts back up next year, but right now I feel like pro cycling has been ruined for me. Which is really sad.

I've updated my weight chart in Excel. Sometimes it gets a little sad to see how long I've been at this, but then sometimes it just reminds me that this is a lifetime commitment and there is no rush.

Goals

I’m back from vacation, the house and garage are cleaned up, and its time to start setting some goals for myself. I haven’t gotten on the scale yet, so I dunno what that will bring, but here are my current thoughts:

1. Weight. There are 17 weeks left in the year. I’d love to finally break the 150 point. That’s a loss of around 10 pounds by year end. That should be doable. More than any specific number, I want to be consistent. To that end, food goals:

2. My big thing at first is to start writing down my food. My planned meals are fine – it’s the extras that kill me – especially in the evenings and weekends. Writing would add a level of accountability. Another big help would be

3. Cut out the beer. Totally for a bit. Vacation saw too much beer – which is fine on vacation but its over!

4. Gym – lift weights twice per week. I can never seem to break into that magic 3 times per week, so I’m gonna quit trying. Instead I plan to focus of 2 good workouts, and maybe a good calisthenics workout on another day to supplement.

5. Running. I’m back at it! I’m slow and still doing mostly walking, but that’s okay. I did 3 miles Sunday and my plan is to build up until I’m doing a long run of 10 miles every weekend. At that point I’ll stop adding distance and start working on speed. No specific run in mind, but I need some structure around my program. That will keep me busy for a bit.

That’s it. Nothing spectacular, but a good start.

I had a very nice weekend. I did a bit of sewing, and I got my cross stitch back out. I haven’t worked on that in years, and it felt really nice. I want to find a good balance between my 2 hobbies of exercise and craft stuff. I tend to do one or the other, but I enjoy both, so I need to balance my time.

Work is very demanding and very busy, but it is also very exciting! I’m feeling more fulfilled in my work than I have in years. I’m tired at the end of the day, but also invigorated, if that makes any sense.

All in all, I give life right now a B+. It would get an A, but (as usual) money is a little tight. A friend invited us out to visit her in Seattle – I wish I could afford it. Oh well, a B+ is mighty darn good!

Change is afoot

I am slowly getting back into a routine. I am waking up at 5 (as opposed to going to bed at 5), and I am walking in the mornings. I am thinking about putting together a calisthenics routine (push-ups, mountain climbers, sit-ups, etc) to compliment going to the gym. We are going back to the gym next week. Unpacking is about halfway done, and we’ll finish this weekend. In short, life is slowly getting back to normal.

And yet… there are some big changes. As I said, we elected to begin doing our medieval recreation stuff with a larger, more mainstream group that has folks closer to home. As a result of that, we’ll be able to be more active. And because we have completed most of our house projects, we have time again to play. So our social/hobby life which has been lacking will be picking back up.

Based on my efforts prior to vacation, my job has morphed into something quite different. I’m at a place I was hoping to be 2 years from now. Instead of just managing small projects, I’ll be running a project office, coordinating efforts & reporting around a large group of projects which will fall under one large strategic umbrella. This is very exciting! And I feel confident that I can handle it.

I still miss the friends I made on vacation. My friend Misha called last night – it was so nice to hear his voice again. After vacation, life seems a bit blah. So I am glad I have some stuff to look forward to at work and at home to help stave off the post vacation blahs.

I am still catching up on blogs and I can’t wait to read about your adventures! So forgive me if I’m not commenting with my usual regularity. And I am putting a structured running program in place in the next couple of weeks – I’ll keep you posted!

With a song in my heart

I returned to the office to find that I had met my annual goal for re-engineering saves in my absence (my boss fought for me on my big project). I now have the luxury of working on a much larger, more strategic project. Pretty impressive for 8 months on the job. So, work is good. Make that great.

Hub and I have decided to drop out of the group we had been doing combat recreation with, and go with the more mainstream group most of our friends were already in. That allows us to jettison a lot of stress & baggage – there was a lot of drama in that group. But hub had been a member for 5 years when we met, and I didn’t want to ask him to give it up.

That frees us up to pursue some stuff locally. And our best couple friends decided to leave the belly dance troupe they’d been heavily involved with for the past 2 years as well – which frees them up too. So, we’ll be seeing a lot more of our friends, doing more fun stuff close to home, and don’t have the huge travel commitment of participating in a group based out of Pittsburgh.

We got up and walked a mile this morning (with a couple of stints of jogging for me). That’s not a lot, but the main thing this week IMO is getting back into the routine. The alarm went off at 5 – pretty drastic when you consider last week I was getting home from parties at 3 or 3:30. And food is back to normal which is also good. I introduced the Aussies to marinated mozzarella balls and to cream puffs (both from Costco). I eat lousy at Pennsic – my schedule is whacked, I’m eating out of cans, the food court, whatever folks toss out of their coolers…. But hey, I have 50 weeks to recover.

I was feeling stressed on many fronts when we left for this vacation, I’m feeling so much better – happier & looking forward to fun times with friends. And to running - exercise doesn't seem so much like a chore or punishment any more.

Life is good.

The Pennsic Beer Garden will live forever in my heart

Warning: this is going to be a long post. If you aren't interested in the detail: I had a terrific time, I'm home safe and sound, and I feel more relaxed, focused, and energized than I have in over a year.

Details follow.

First, I have to give some background on pennsic for this to make any sense, so here goes: A group that does medieval recreation started this "war" 35 years ago (the sca). It has been held in the same place for the past 30 of those years. During that time, it has grown into much much more than this group ever imagined, not to mention the group has grown as well. Now, folks come from all over the world. And not just from this one group, but from numerous other groups that do battle recreation of a similar style. and also just folks that just want to come and party with 12,000 or so other folks. It a cross between a ren faire and woodstock, but better organized than either.

Hub was on staff this year, so we stayed with the head of security & his group, over from Australia. They were terrific! We had a total blast camping with them. They were a fun bunch who fought hard and played harder. It was the most relaxed, fun-loving group of folks I could hope to spend 2 weeks with. We set our chairs up in a circle out under a tree, and every afternoon after battle we sat around in the "beer garden", snacking, having a cold beer, & visiting. It was the most fun, relaxed, vacation I've ever had.

The thing I hated most of all in the military was spending 2 years or so sharing all of your life - work, home, and play, with your close friends, only to move away. We don't generally share that much of ourselves with anyone other than our spouse, so those relationships are extremely tight. That was the way I felt leaving this past weekend. We are already going to start tightening our budget to get our finances to where we can pay our new found friends a visit in a couple of years.

I can't wait until next year. It will be a new group of folks, but I know we've fallen in with a great bunch.

Is it vacation yet?

Trying to pull additional data to meet all requirements on 2 projects I am trying to wrap up. Got hit with a big new project that must be done by end of day Friday (I'm leading 3/4s of my boss' team on it. It's pulling together data for my boss' boss to report to her boss and his boss). Got all that? But no pressure...

And of course packing, cleaning, washing laundry, etc etc etc. Oh, and my MP3 player died, and that had to be replaced so I have driving tunes.....

I have gone insane. Luckily the emergency autopilot kicked in so all is not lost. :-)

Ants in my pants

Is it vacation yet???

We got loads of stuff done this weekend. But work was very stressful for the hub Friday, which led to him being a jerk sporadically throughout the weekend. Work is stressful for me today, but nothing taking a spork to someone’s eye wouldn’t cure *smirk*. I better get out of here quick! ;-)

Packing for Pensic – the hilarity commences this weekend!

Every year we go to Pennsic. Every year we leave later than we intend to because my husband cannot leave on time. For anything. In general, we leave roughly 2 - 3 hours later than planned. And really, what is more fun than spending 9 hours in a car? Spending 9 hours in a car wondering if you will have time to set up your medieval pavilion before the sun goes down! Setting one of these suckers up requires a minimum of 2 people (4 is better), tools, rebar or very sturdy iron pegs, 20 poles and associated ropes…. You get the idea. This is an undertaking. And not one you want to start 20 minutes before sunset. But does this ever motivate my husband to do better the next year? Right…

One of the cool things about having the trailer is that even if we can’t totally pack the car this weekend, we can get the trailer loaded. People, there is a real chance we might leave on time next Saturday. Talk about winning the jackpot!

I’ve spent the past couple of days trying to clean the house up so it doesn’t look like the frat house in “Animal House”. Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but the yard was looking scary and so were the dishes. We’ve both done a lot of work to get things under control. This weekend is all about last minute shopping, food prep for next week, and of course, the packing of the trailer.

Never has one woman been so ready for a vacation. Oh, MIL left a voice mail yesterday asking for money. If I did write a novel about this Jack, it would be along the lines of that movie “Army of Darkness.” It’s a horror! It’s a comedy! It’s both! It’ll be funnier when she has moved to the other side of the continental divide! (I wish)

Have a good one – cause it’s Friday!!!! Woo hoo!!! ;-)

The nerve!

Last night my MIL stops by my mom's house. She tells my mom that a neighbor suggested that she could pawn her tv & stereo as a way to get some money (yes, things are that bad). So she asks my mom if she will take the tv and stereo to a pawn shop for her! That woman's nerve knows no bounds!!!!

Gee, I dunno why, but mom said no.....

Oops

I’ve been meaning to post, but life just keeps intervening. Here is a random jumble of thoughts & stuff. Let’s just call it a post, shall we?

I am soooo disappointed that T-Mobile decided to sack Jan. Hot pink finger and toe nails will no longer hold the same meaning for me. But, Landis was a much more human, gracious, generous winner than we’ve seen in years past. Watching him win was a pleasure. Sorry Lance. Also, I loved watching the Tour, but watching that much television is hard work!

Being an all or nothing person means that I’ve been running on 110% with all these crafts projects and I am burned out. So I’m glad they are done! The only thing left is last minute shopping, packing, and some food prep. Preparation is winding down and soon the vacation will commence. Woot!

I left the house super early this morning. It was gorgeous – foggy & quiet. I saw a deer run across Main Street in downtown. How cool is that? It made me happy.

Working on projects like a maniac hasn’t left a lot of time for exercise. I really miss running. I need to set up a running plan when I get home. Until then, exercise is very much a catch as catch can proposition. You know what? I haven’t had time in years (well, ever really) to do the stuff I’ve wanted to do to make my camp not only comfortable, but a place where, when you come & sit down, it feels more like the 12th than the 21st century. With a touch of Conan. ;-) I’ve been able to do that this year. And I am close to having enough clothes! I made myself 3 pairs of pants and 2 new tops this Saturday.

MIL wanted to know if we were going to continue helping her for a couple more months. Isn’t that a hoot???? Uh, no. She needed to come up with $400 or get evicted. Urban Ministries gave her $200 and she’ll be getting a paycheck soon. What a mess. Like watching a head-on collision in slow motion, knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it. But I don’t have any more money to give her, even if I wanted to, which I don’t. She is out of my mom’s thank goodness.

“Bloodrayne” is actually a pretty decent grade B vampire flick. Not enough Billy Zane though. And what was up with that hairpiece? He looked like he had an opossum on his head. He is a man that looks better with less hair.

That’s about all I know. Take care!

The fabric obsession continues, unabated

First: good news on the MIL front! As suspected, she had no intention of moving out of my mom’s place despite having both a job and an apartment. My mom told her how she felt used & told her that she had until Sunday evening to move out, or hub & I would be coming over Sunday afternoon to move her out. Apparently, that lit the much-needed fire under her butt and she is packing up her stuff. Woo hoo!!!!

In addition to watching the saga of Floyd the past couple of evenings, I have also been busy working on a Mongol-esque jacket for a friend for Pensic next month. It is coming along nicely and should be finished up tonight. I’ll take pics.

Saturday is a crazy sewing day, with several projects in the hopper. Sunday is accessories. I am having so much fun! I love doing stuff like this!

All in all, I have to say I am heading into this weekend feeling awesome. And the roadblock on my project at work was removed, so life at the office is happy too. Yay for me!

On how I let my MIL shove me into a vat of cheese dip

Read at your own peril!

Excuse #572 for not getting out of my mom’s house: Her license got revoked. She had let her car insurance lapse and the state revoked her license. She went to court yesterday, and had to pay a $110 fine to get the license back. She hasn’t been able to start her new (part-time) job until she got the license. She hasn’t been able to move anything to the apartment b/c she couldn’t drive. Naturally she didn’t have the money. So the hub and I forked it over, basically so she could get out of my mom’s house. The only reason I agreed to pay that money was so she could get out. Now she is whining that she has to work every day & doesn’t have time to move. So, Sunday morning I will be going over to my mom’s, dragging her fat butt out of bed, telling her what a worthless excuse for a sack of molecules she is, and throwing her stuff onto my mom’s from lawn. Do you think that will make things awkward for Thanksgiving???

I hope it doesn’t come to that, but I have a feeling it very well may. I went home with my blood pressure somewhere in the red zone and my pulse higher than that of a sprinter climbing the Alpe d’Huez. (Did you see my (new) boy Kloden yesterday??? Looking good!!!) So yes, I had nachos (homemade at least), anchovy spaghetti, and a milkshake for dinner. Dessert was a couple of slices of pizza and beer. And some chocolate I found in the cupboard. The only good news was that none of this was in huge portions and it was spread over the course of 4 or 5 hours, so at least I didn’t wake up feeling ill from weird food combos this morning.

I am in such a weird place right now. Some things are going so well. I am getting a lot done to get us ready for our trip and we are very excited. OTOH, exercise has been non-existent this week: I’ve been coming in to the office too early to do any in the morning (well, unless I woke up at 5 but I’ve been sleeping in until 6), and in the evening I am busy, tired, whatever. Name an excuse and I’ve used it. I have this stress and I am not working it off in a healthy way, which I know is making it worse but I’m not doing anything to change my habits!!!! So I feel disappointed with myself, which makes me feel bad, which makes me want to eat.

Sometimes I look back to last summer, or the summer before, and I wonder who that girl was. I seemed more active, more in the groove – and yet objectively I know that a) things were far from perfect then and b) I’ve been in this place for less than 2 weeks. I haven’t gained any (more) weight, but I do need to get a handle on my stress as well as my weight.

All or nothing mentality aside (where it has to be if I want to stop wallowing), here is my plan: after work I will go to the gym and ride the exercise bike for 30 minutes. I can read a book while I do it, which will make it is less boring. Tomorrow I’m not going in to the office until 8, so I can get up and walk. I make no food promises, but I can start with that.

What if this were okay?

Since I wrote that post yesterday, I’ve been thinking and asking myself “What isn’t working about my eating plan?” One thing that isn’t working is my all or nothing mentality. I get trapped into thinking something like “I’ll count tonight as a free night”, which is okay. But then I eat more than I want because I can’t have it tomorrow. Yesterday as I walked into the grocery I caught myself thinking “What if I weren’t on a diet? How would I eat?” Would I still choose the healthy foods I enjoy? Would I live on chocolate chip cookies and beer? I realized that I don’t trust myself to feed myself without self-imposed restrictions. That’s pretty bad.

I eat healthy foods most of the time without really thinking about it – Monday through Friday my daytime eating is on auto-pilot. I have no problems with being tempted by the vending machine because I bring adequate quantities of healthy foods to eat. I have a good breakfast, and then consume lunch and 2 snacks before I leave the office. I go home and eat a healthy dinner. That’s when the entitlement mentality kicks in. I know why I think that food is love, I just don’t know how to not think that way any more. That sets up a bad situation where I need to “rebel” or maybe “reward myself” and my tool of choice is food – always food. Goals are good, but not when they are the cudgel you use to hit yourself over the head. So what if I didn’t beat myself up when I ate a handful of taco chips? If they weren’t forbidden fruit, would they lose their appeal? And even saying “It’s okay to have 5” (or whatever) just turns that 6th chip into the forbidden fruit.

I have no answers. Some days I feel like I’m no farther down this path than I was the day I first started writing in this blog. Other days I think I have come a long way. I am a lot more active than I used to be, and I feel like I eat more nutritious foods. But the weight situation hasn’t improved in quite a while. I think maybe part of the reason for that is I am putting too much pressure on myself in that area.

Things to think about.

Goals: Help or hindrance? And – easily distracted by fabric!

A comment regarding a comment got me to thinking about goals. I think goals are good things. I think my thinking about goals is counterproductive. When I set a goal for myself, there seems to be a lot of negative stuff underneath it. If I set a goal to lose weight, the implied reason I am setting this goal is because I have “let myself go.” I have 8 or so pounds over my lowest weight to lose to get back there. I felt a heck of a lot better 8 pounds ago, but the fact that I keep criticizing myself for gaining means I am stubbornly refusing to lose it! Arguing with myself is a tiring process, and the end result is that I am headed for vacation feeling a lot like a beached whale. Which is a lousy feeling. And it sets up a lot of guilt and general all around feeling lousy about myself kind of emotions. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I focused on healthy eating and fitness without weighing myself. I am terrified that I would blow up without the scale to act as a sort of “governor” keeping my weight from getting too far out of control. I dunno.

Okay – despite the previous paragraph, I had a nice weekend and got a lot of cool stuff done! And I even took pictures! I’ll post a link in the next week or so. I finished the day shade cover – so my square “ez-up” day shade from Northern Tool now looks a lot like a medieval pavilion. I got my painted wall hangings lined and tabs put on them for hanging.

I went shopping for stuff for the trip (of course), and one of the things I bought was one of those cubby-hole kinda things that you hang from the bar in your closet. The one I bought is for shoes. One of the things about living in a tent for two weeks is having places to store your stuff – I mean, yes we have a bed, but we don’t pack chests of drawers or anything. But yes, I do have a clothes rack. So I can hang this from the clothes bar, and we can then store stuff live underwear, socks, etc that you’d keep in a drawer at home. But of course I don’t want just anyone seeing my underwear, so I needed a way to cover the front. Simple enough – all you need is a piece of fabric the size of the front, pinned at the top to attach it. The thing itself folds up accordion style (which makes it perfect for packing), and the fabric can just be folded up. Cut rectangle of fabric – a 5 minute project, right? Sure! Except it has to be nice fabric, and of course I need to hem the edges. And I have all those small pieces of Asian fabric left from that time 6 years ago when I thought I’d try my hand at quilting…. Yeah, 2 hours later I have a hanging which involves something like 20 pieces of fabric – 10 squares with fabric rectangles acting as borders in between and down the sides. A lot like a quilt! And of course it needed to be reversible… and maybe some fringe at the end!! All it takes is a little bit of fabric, and I am off and running!

And of course garb for the event itself (you gotta wear something…) – old stuff needed mending, and new stuff must be made! Last year I spent all my time making new stuff for my son (who had outgrown all his old stuff). This year I get new stuff! Plus I am making a gift for a friend. I started on that yesterday – I made a mend pile, ironed the other stuff, and stacked and prioritized fabric. Fun times!

He!! yes I want some cheesiepoops! – Cartman

Yesterday during the TdF, Lance was recounting his (first?) practice ride up the Tourmalet. He said he was really suffering, and saw graffiti that read “Anger is a gift.” Johann Bruyneel tried to convince him it was a sign!

I’ve been working on a big project at work and the end is in sight. A last minute roadblock happened, and while I dealt with it, it looks like I may not be able to wrap up this month. So I have been feeling frustrated and a bit angry with that, even though I am still very happy in my new job. Unfortunately, while at work I am able to turn that anger into a constructive pushiness, outside the office I’m not quite as skilled. I left work yesterday at the peak of my frustration/anger. I hit the Dollar Tree for some retail therapy. Shopping doesn’t normally do it for me, but 1) everything at the Dollar Tree is a dollar, so I can’t do too much damage to my wallet in there and 2) I was shopping for stuff for vacation, and when isn’t that fun? So, I wandered up and down the aisles, picking up baggies, tin foil, matches, kitchen utensils (I don’t like to take my good stuff from home), that sort of stuff.

After I left, I wanted a milkshake. Recognizing that for what it was, I headed for the grocery. I had to pick up fixings for dinner, and deal with that craving. I picked up a light yogurt smoothie in the hopes that would satisfy. I also had to get something for dinner, which wound up being gourmet ravioli with pesto. While delicious, this dinner had roughly double my normal limit. And did I mention that the smoothie was nasty, so I stopped and picked up beer??? God I am so predictable!

There is a silver lining: I didn’t binge, I counted last night as one of my free meals, and I got up and walked this morning, instead of feeling guilty and sleeping in. Tonight I have a healthy and easy to prepare dinner planned. I am so busy working on projects that I just don’t want to do anything too difficult. I need to bust out the crock pot this weekend!

I made the mistake of discussing the MIL with hub this morning on our walk, which got him all worked up. I don’t know what I was thinking! I could kick myself for bringing it up.

I finished painting my last hanging last night! Tonight I am going to experiment with tea dyeing the fabric to give the whole thing a more “aged” appearance. I want to do a test piece before doing the hangings. After that, I need to put some backing fabric on them, tabs to hang them and I’m done! Having fabric to do costuming is like the first day of summer – the possibilities stretch out before you and seem endless! The end is always a bit sad – yes, you have a big stack of cool stuff you’ve made, but it’s a bit like reading the last page of a beloved book. But you know what? You can always buy more fabric! Bwah ha ha!!!!

Have a good weekend!

“Never mistake motion for action” - Hemingway

I made an awesome dinner last night, which made great leftovers for lunch. Chicken parmesan – baked people! - and I made a great “salad”: chopped one small cuke and 1 small tomato, then mixed together a tablespoon of low fat ranch dressing with some of the juice from a jar of pepper rings (stretches the dressing and adds a great zip!). I had a huge and satisfying lunch! If you want the recipe, let me know. It’s super easy!

Food is fine – the only cold beer in the house is Guinness (blech!), so I wasn’t tempted to have one with the hub last night. I did troll the kitchen after dinner, but all I scored was a piece of toast with a low fat cheese slice. After dinner is generally when I am pissed/grateful that I keep no crap “food” (I use the term loosely) in the house. I am feeling better (thanks to y’alls well wishes! :-), so we walked this morning. I stuck to walking, but we did pick up the pace, so that was good.

If you haven’t, go read fat cyclist’s post regarding stage 9 of the TdF – after watching the stage, I heartily agree with the sentiment – what a snooze fest! I watched the first 2 hours in fast forward! But the mountains start today. I only hope that doesn’t mean they show more of Michael Rasmussen (winner of last year’s mountain jersey) – he gives me the willies.

I worked on my last wall hanging for the pavilion last night – this one is a very complex design, but I am hoping to finish painting it tonight. Due to my cold, I worked on stuff but didn’t really get anything completely finished this past weekend - I haven’t forgotten I said I would take pictures. I have done some really great stuff for the camp this year. We are camping with a group of friends from Australia – I will probably spend the entire 2 weeks asking Bruce to say “Crikey! He’s got me arm!” Hee hee hee. They’re good peeps.

So, food is okay, exercise is coming back. I’d like to really tighten up on food until vacation, but not so much I wind up binging.

Things are not going well on the MIL front. She didn't get the one job she was counting on (which came with an apartment), so now she's pretty much up sh!* creek with no paddle. She didn't sell her car b/c she "didn't see the point", and she got her last unemployment check this week. She hasn't paid her rent and is 2 months behind on her car payment. She is STILL at my mom's (my mom hasn't pushed the issue b/c she's traveling this week & next and needs a pet sitter), but she's getting the boot when mom's back home. She says she can't sleep at the apartment b/c she "can't sleep alone." I guess we'll get her to take care of our house while we're gone, but that's still 3.5 weeks away. Sigh.

We are working on trying to distance ourselves from the situation and not let it cause us so much stress. I don't know if I mentioned it, but hub was beginning to get shingles from the stress! Not good. He had gotten shingles a couple of years ago, so I am trying to make sure he gets plenty of rest, exercise, good food, and MIL-free time.

Blech

I woke up Saturday with a miserable summer cold, and it was all downhill from there until this morning. Needless to say, not a heck of a lot got accomplished this weekend, unless you count watching TdeF and a bazillion episodes from season 4 of Star Trek: DS9 as accomplishments.

I do enjoy working out with my hub. We don't lift weights together, and I sometimes run ahead on our morning outings, but doing it together is fun. And that's not something we are able to do during the school year, so its a summertime treat. :-)

I feel like a huge fat blob, which really isn’t such a hot feeling. I got up and walked a mile this morning – I figured I needed to do something since the only exercise I’d had since Friday was nose blowing. I credit the fact that I feel human today to the hot as hades Korean soup I had for lunch yesterday. Chicken soup is good, but chi ghae is the bomb when it comes to curing the common cold. Any soup that the broth is red cause it has so much hot pepper in it – yeah, that’s gotta kill any nasty germies that might be lurking about!

Anyhow, catching up on blogs, catching up at work, and trying to figure out how to drop 15 pounds before I go on vacation in 3 and a half weeks. Just kidding – kinda. But I would like to at least get back down to my former low – I think I’d feel a lot better. And living outside for two weeks while on vacation, feeling like a fat blob sounds even more uncomfortable than ever.

Run, ride, or lift?

That was the question I posed to my husband last night, as we sat watching the TdF. He opted for lifting, so we hit the gym this morning for a fast-paced upper body workout. Tonight I plan to walk. Tomorrow morning we are riding our bikes 20 miles. I have gobs of sewing planned for the weekend, you’ll get pictures. My celtic knotwork wall hangings are turning out great! They look really spiffy.

I’m off to plan my meals for the weekend so I don’t spaz out – luckily I have some chicken soup I made in the crock pot, so that’ll help.

Have a good one!

Mixed bag

Went to the gym this morning as our walk/run was rained out. Lordie but we’ve been getting the rain. I tried the new Treadmaster. Now I know how the sprinters feel riding up the Alp d’Huez. Five minutes on that thing and my calves were screaming for vengeance, shin splints were setting in, and I was praying lightening would strike the thing so I could stop. I finished my workout on the dreadmill, which felt petty wonderful after the 21st century torture device.

Food is okay, the house is devoid of all but fake beer, and I had a good workout this morning. My newest project is painting decorative wall hangings for our pavilion. I plan to take pictures of all my most recent projects this weekend and get the pics loaded up onto my yahoo photo site. Who knew I was so artsy/craftsy?

I set up a table in my living room so I could paint while sitting with the hub and watching the Tour. I am a happy camper. It feels like years since I’ve really put a lot of time into working on sewing & decorating projects – I’d forgotten how much I enjoy it.

It was funny listening to our friends from Ohio – people from the north are always shocked at how green it is here. It is amazingly green – soft focus and it looks a bit like a jungle. I love that about living here. This really is a pretty part of the country.

Unfortunately, this rainy weather makes me want to putter about the house. I’d love to be outside – running, riding my bike, but the weather has been too crazy the past week or so. BJJ isn’t really a workout per se, although the cardio kickboxing class is very good. BJJ is very frustrating for me – I can’t tell yet if its b/c I’m new and not very good, or if I genuinely don’t like it. I feel like I’m not exercising enough. I’ve set a goal for myself: 20 miles per week walking and/or running. I have a very good 2 mile loop, and 4 miles 5 times per week sounds easy enough. I’m only lifting twice per week (if I’m lucky) – I’m not sure that’s enough. Like I said, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel tweaks coming on.

It was a dark and stormy night

Please feel sorry for the residents of my little town, who had their fireworks ruined last night due to some seriously scary storms that came through. The first one was around 8:30 – right before the fireworks were supposed to start. The sky looked like we had a spotlight in the backyard – at least when lightening bolts weren’t hitting. And hail of course. We just managed to get the boat, grill, and doggie door covered before all “hail” (ha ha) broke loose. Several came through during the night as well. There were limbs all over the back yard and the roads. I love storms, but those were some doozies! About 4,000 houses are without power this morning. Happy 4th indeed.

We did grill out some turkey burgers with my mom and we made more polymer clay. I will be taking photos this weekend – promise!

I’d fill you in on my exercise & eating, but I’m too embarrassed. No binging which is good, but not very good choices either. :-( Daytime eating has been fine, but too much evening snacking – and beer! Luckily THAT is out of the house!! Weather permitting (we may have some more bad storms today), I will get in some exercise tonight. I won’t be driving around if its like yesterday though.

The hub and I never had a honeymoon, and over the years we have discussed doing something fabulous for our 5th anniversary (next May). For a number of reasons, money has been much tighter this year than hoped, so spending a bunch of money on a trip next year seems foolish. I think I’d stress over the expenditure more than I’d enjoy the trip. I asked hub yesterday what he’d think about taking our trip a bit early and heading down to Helen Ga. for the mountain stage of the Tour de Georgia. Helen is this really cool German themed town, with a beautiful wooded river running through it, German restaurants & beer halls, and some nice B&Bs. A nice long weekend plus watching some cycling in person sounds like a blast. Not to mention much less expensive. And he agreed! Woot!

I know I’ve written before about my love affair with CostCo. I found some great “margherita” thin crust pizzas, where half the pizza is less than 400 calories, and its 3 for $10. And I found some awesome teriyaki turkey burgers (which we had last night) – yummy! That’s my idea of summer cooking. Pair that with some corn on the cob & tomatoes from the farmer’s market, and I’m in heaven!

The Tour. Yeah, I’ve been watching. I was so proud of Kessler yesterday. It’s great to see Robbie doing so well, and to see Tom in yellow on his home turf. And boy did George deserve to wear yellow. I bet Floyd is still skeeved about those seconds he lost day one due to a flat! In short, there’s plenty of excitement right now. These are the sprinters’ stages, and they are all there. I think it’ll be a little bittersweet during the mountains. I don’t know whether those cyclists are guilty are not – but the whole thing makes me a bit sad.

July is one of my favorite months of the year – it’s summer, full of great veggies from the market, lots of time with my husband, and the Tour. I watch every day, carefully avoiding all news outlets so the outcome is a surprise. It’s special for me because it’s the only sports event I watch faithfully. And I love it for so many reasons. It makes me sad because this scandal has diminished it in my eyes a bit, and that’s unfortunate because the Tour is probably one of the most spectacular physical feats a human can accomplish and the guys that do it deserve our respect for that accomplishment.

I read a quote the other day “the difference between a rut and a grave is depth”. I chuckled, but you know? I find ruts useful. They keep me plugging along, taking care of myself and my family. Does this mean I’m turning into an old fart?

Happy holiday everyone

Hmmm. Not a lot to say today. I’m hungry. I feel fat. I love the smell of gardenias and fresh peaches – limes smell good too. I love the smells of summer. I think I’ll go eat my peach. I’d planned to eat out with a friend, but she backed out on me. The cafeteria is closed, so do I get by on the snacks I packed plus emergency popcorn in my desk, or do I go out? I feel panicky about not having enough food – hence my hunger. With a bizarre mindset like this, its no wonder I remain overweight.

Hub and I are going to ride our bikes tomorrow morning rather than walk/run. I don’t have a T-Mobile jersey – maybe I can dig up a hot pink t-shirt at least. I was planning to wear my lime green Piggly-Wiggly t-shirt to match the hub, who always wears his bright yellow t-shirt that says “I’m big on the Pig”. You gotta love a grocery store with that name. Our friends from Ohio took a picture of the Piggly at the beach because they thought that it had been made up for a movie – they had no idea that’s an actual grocery chain down here. Too bad they didn’t catch sight of a Winn Dixie. Ha!

Weirdness abounds

This was a very odd weekend. On the one hand, I drank too much beer, did no exercise, and was extremely unhappy about this whole bs “doping” scandal. It’s a scandal alright – a scandal that a person’s career can be ended without producing any evidence. Officials refused to share their evidence with Ullrich’s lawyer. Excuse me? I have no idea whether he is innocent or not, but by treating athletes the way they are, the cycling organization is doing more to tarnish the reputation of the sport that any group of athletes possibly could. (Turn the rant off girl.)

However, I made new valences for my bathroom, got my house all squared away, took the boat out, and just generally relaxed. That felt good.

The dojo is closed until Wednesday, so my mom is coming over after dinner and we are doing polymer clay. Yeah, I need to get back into my “weekday” mode of eating, and not let the weekends get so out of control. That is always so tough for me. But I feel great knowing I am going into July with no house projects! Just stuff for Pennsic. Sweet!

I’m trying not to freak out about the weight – just plugging away one choice at a time. Yeah, I didn’t do so hot this weekend, but that doesn’t mean I can’t eat a healthy lunch today.

In MIL news, she is a psycho. I bet you didn’t now that. She has an apartment, but she’s still at my mom’s. She called the hub to say she feels “excluded”, but then hangs up on him. When he calls to tell her he feels very stressed out & needs space, she hangs up on him again. Then she tells my mom that he hung up on her! Does she think we never talk to each other or what???? She is a loon.

Fitness stuff: Still trying to eat BFL style – several small, balanced meals a day. Hub and I are alternating our morning workouts – lift weights Tue, Thu, & Sun. Walk/run Mon, Wed, & Fri. Dojo for kickboxing Sat am. Dojo in the evenings for as many nights as I can stand – 4 is the ideal, but 3 is cool. 2 isn’t enough. This is 80% food, 19% exercise, and 1% supplementation. Exercise is pretty decent, despite this past weekend. But food needs tightening up.

The fat lady sang, but I missed it.

Confused by the references made by the commentators, I paused the opening prologue to check out cyclingnews.com. I am shocked. I was horrified to discover my hero's career effectively over. Whether he is innocent or not, this was likely Jan's last year. Nearly every major name is cycling has been implicated (GC contenders anyway). It makes me wonder, is Discovery that much better, or that much more clever?

I guess I'll watch, but its with very jaded eyes.

5 weeks until vacation

156.5. I haven't lost the weight from my April vacation, and I still have half a pound to lose from this last one. At least I'm down.

Eating is fine, exercise is still going, although the dojo is closed until Wednesday! Luckily they haven't rolled up the streets yet! :-)

Have a nice holiday and/or weekend!

Progress continues

This morning I climbed up on that damndable ladder for the final time and finished the celtic knotwork in the kitchen (pictures to follow)! It feels awesome to have that project put to bed.

I remain beer free! Although I was sorely tempted last night. We’d turned around to rescue a huge snapping turtle out of the road, and got there just in time to watch another car kill it. We were all very upset, especially the boy. He loves animal so much, and to see something that large get killed up close was very disturbing – for all of us.

Martial arts was good last night – we worked on getting out from under a side mount. I have a bruised knee, a raw elbow, and a bloody toe. But it felt so darn good to be back there. I have no idea why I enjoy this stuff, but I do.

I was whipped this morning! And sore. But I got up and did a very quick run – something is better than nothing, right? I felt too lazy to make my oatmeal for my morning snack, so I grabbed 2 protein bars for my 2 snacks. Even though I don’t like it, I need to go back to the cottage cheese (blech!). It’s a cheap, convenient, lowcal source of nearly pure protein. And I need to be eating “real food” – not bars or shakes. I have a hard time with protein in my snacks – meals are no problem. But who wants to heat up a snack? I’m not that wild about canned chicken (cold chicken breast is okay but it gets old quick), canned tuna gets old, I can only eat so many eggs… Maybe I’ll alternate weeks between the cottage cheese and the protein bars.

Food is going fine. I know because I am hungry. Not starving ever, but when I left the dinner table last night I knew I could eat that same portion of food again. I had plenty, but I was nowhere near full. I wake up hungry. My tummy is rumbling by lunch. I take that as a good sign. I’m not letting myself remain hungry – I’m eating every 2-3 hours. But if you never feel hunger, then you’re probably eating too much IMO.

Unfortunately, the dojo is closed Friday through Tuesday for the holiday. I never even think about this stuff since I work pretty much every holiday except Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was peeved! Luckily I have 24 hour access to my gym, so I can always go there. Ha!

Have a groovy day!

A great run and some great reads

Despite not setting the alarm clock (I can’t believe I forgot!), I woke up at 5:32 am. I woke up the hubster, got dressed, and we hit the road. My husband walks, and that’s not enough of a workout for me. What I’ve started doing is to walk with him a bit, then when I get to my running spot I jog ahead, turn around and sprint back, and then walk a bit. It gets him up and out, we get to talk, and we both get in a workout of sufficient difficulty. It poured yesterday (by the time I got to my car my underwear were wet, and that was with an umbrella!). But this morning it was nice and it felt good to be outside.

I have a couple of links I want to share – these are things I’ve read to day that have inspired me. And VJ had a great new mantra “feed the goal”. Indeed.

Merry Christmas Bob

June's rant

I totally wanted a beer last night, but stuck with my faux Milwaukee. Beer doesn’t feed my goal, it feeds my paunch. Eating is going good. House projects are on track to wrap up this weekend. My head is back and I feel determined.

Have a good one.

Pictures!

Yes, I am a slacker about pictures. But I have finally uploaded my beach pictures from April onto my yahoo picture site. The link is here - select the album "my edisto". There were enough that there was no way I'd try to upload them onto blogger! The picture feature and I seem to be not getting along.

Got up at 5 to go lift weights. I did about 80% of my workout. I failed to eat my piece of ww bread with pb before going to the gym and I was totally ragged. I am going to go back & finish this afternoon, then hit the martial arts studio for cardio kickboxing. Made more progress around the house last night. July is our "prep for Pennsic" month, so I'm trying to wrap up these house projects!

I am feeling less bloated. I admit to being scared to get on the scale, but I will report in on Friday. (Hold me accountable please!). I'm getting back to my happy place. :-)

Food yesterday:
Breakfast: tamale casserole (yes its a healthy & balanced recipe, and yes, I eat weird stuff!)
Snack 1: oatmeal with berries & 1 T chopped macadamia nuts
Lunch: salmon, creamed spinach, 3 bean salad (homemade, so its a healthy version)
Snack 2: protein bar
Dinner: poached chicken breast, chopped tomato & cucumbers, 3 bean salad
post dinner: fake beer, sugar free fudgecicle

Yeah, I still eat crap after dinner, but at least its only about 100 calories worth of crap!

Where’s your head at?

I am feeling so much better! I’ve gotten a lot of stuff done at home and I couldn’t be happier. It’s coming along great. I went to martial arts Saturday morning. I had planned to do 2 classes but only stayed for one – I was exhausted. But it felt good to be back. Ate a little junkier than I wanted Saturday, but Friday was excellent and Sunday was pretty good. All in all, I’d say I feel about 92% of normal (well, what passes for normal with me!).

Other than that, not much to report. I got up at 5 to run, but it was raining hard enough that I chickened out. I guess I’ll be running this evening. I have 7 or 8 projects tom complete over the next several days, but they are small and many can be broken into smaller pieces. I’m a big fan of the “15 minutes at a time” mantra.

I went with my mom and a friend of hers to a gem & jewelry show yesterday. I bought some great beads and 3 rings. The most expensive ring was $12, so I didn’t spend a lot but I had a lot of fun. And I spent time with my mom, and gave hub some quiet time home alone, which he doesn’t get very often.

I am feeling cheerful & optimistic! I think I’m finally caught up on my rest – mental and physical.

Week in Review

The not so good:
Martial arts? Where?
A few too many “I shouldn’t have eaten that!”s early in the week

The good:
Getting up at 5:30 every day.
Going walking.
Eating has improved dramatically the past couple of days.
My stress levels are down.

The very good:
I have gotten so much down around the house! I feel so much better about that. I feel like it is a place I can go & relax again. That’s critical to my emotional well being. So that’s huge – until my house (literal) is in order, it’s all but impossible for me to get my (figurative) house in order.

I may go to a craft show with my mom this weekend – other than that, putter around the house. And go to martial arts of course! I have plenty of healthy food already in the fridge, so that will help prevent poor choices over the weekend.

Have a good one!

Cravings? Not me.

I realized last night I’d made the right decision to give myself until Saturday “off” – from the martial arts anyway. (I have been getting up and walking every morning.) Last night I realized that it was time for bed and I’d never even thought about eating anything after dinner. I ate an appropriate portion of supper, and then went happily puttering about – cleaned the boy’s drawers of detritus and too small clothes, worked on painting in the kitchen, and made a sculpey light switch plate.

I had to laugh at the question in my comments “Why set yourself up to feel guilty?” Hee hee hee! Because silly, I’m a jump-in-at 200%, all or nothing, control freak kinda girl. And if I’m living at the gym, maybe I can whittle away some of this flab. My body is really bothering me. A lot.

Me too, VJ.

First, thanks for the comments. Writing it helped a lot, reading your thoughts helped a lot, and talking to walking buddy at lunch helped too. What I realized is that I don’t want to dread martial arts, nor do I want to view it as a punishment for gaining weight over vacation. And forcing myself to go when I really need some quiet time will only perpetuate the bad cycle I’ve been in the past few days. There are times where you put on the big girl panties and do it, even if its uncomfortable. But it’s a bit like exercising with an injury – you have to know when its okay to run through the pain, and when you need to listen to what your body is saying and stop! Right now my soul is screaming “stop”, and if I don’t give myself a chance to re-charge, then its only gonna get worse.

If it were typical post-vacation trying to get back into a routine, I’d nod, thank you all for the kick in the pants, and go. But it’s a lot more than that. So I’m going to nod, thank you for your thoughts, and give myself until Saturday to rest. I will eat healthy, exercise in the morning, and piddle in the evenings. Saturday morning I’m back to class, and next week I’ll aim to go 3 times: Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday. LouBob’s comment made me realize that yet again I was tripping myself up with my “all or nothing” thinking. Five days a week seemed scary – 3 days isn’t bad, and it gives me a couple of evenings during the week to just relax. I am hoping that after next week, I’ll be ready to ramp up to my 5 days per week target, but if it takes a week or 2, well, I guess the world won’t end.

Thanks again my friends.

Perhaps my big girl panties aren’t missing after all

It never ceases to amaze me how totally out of touch with my feelings & emotions I can be. I’ve figured out what’s going on, but I would like some advice on the best course of action.

While my trip to Florida was fun, it was anything but relaxing. Driving 2,000 miles, sleeping in 4 different places, eating out every meal for a week – fun yes, but not restful. And that would be fine, except with the pressures of a new job, a MIL who is determined to self destruct right in front of us, the usual financial stressors, a week spent in classes and/or meetings 4 entire days last week – it all adds up to a woman who desperately needs time to unwind and decompress.

Right now, if I could do anything I wanted, I’d want to “piddle” (that’s southern for “putz around the house”). Hence my dilemma. Last week was crazy, and this week I desperately want and need a little quiet time. However, that doesn’t align with my vision of how I intended to spend time this summer. I was all excited about martial arts (and I still am), and my intention was to go to classes 5 days a week. It’s now been 3 weeks to the day since I set foot in the studio. This is still pretty far outside my comfort zone, and right now I desperately don’t want to be outside my comfort zone.

This internal struggle has led to a lot of overeating. Guilt because I’m not doing what I “should” (go to martial arts), frustration because my emotional and physical need to just quietly unwind at home is not being met, feeling like I’ve lost my motivation – there’s a lot of internal conflict (on top of everything else!), and I’ve been stuffing it down with food.

Every evening I have found excuses for not going. When I’m at home I’ve been super productive – I’ve gotten a lot of work done in the boy’s room (packrat + normal boy sloppiness = disaster), I’ve made a lot of progress on the Celtic knot work in the kitchen, and I’ve been enjoying playing around with the polymer clay. So – here’s my question: Should I A) give myself a pass on the martial arts for another week and just focus on 1) exercising in the mornings and 2) spending some quiet time in the evenings at home or B) give myself a kick in the pants and go to martial arts?

Curiously unmoved and unmoving

First, thanks for the comments. I haven’t even been reading blogs – I’ve been out of the office since last Monday, and on the web only intermittently at home.

Yeah, diet and exercise have sucked. We got most of MIL’s stuff into the apartment, but she is still at my mom’s. Step 2 is getting her out. She is skating the edges of disaster in a number of ways – employment, financial, her health. It’s tough, but we can’t live her life for her.

An alien couch potato has hijacked my body. I have no idea who this lousy attitude belongs to, but it sure doesn’t feel like me. I find myself curiously uncaring about the crappy food I’m eating. And the gym sounds about as exciting as root canal. I know I have to get my motivation back, but even that doesn’t seem terribly important.

I have found a new love for polymer clay, and spent my weekend sewing and making polymer clay stuff. A nice stress reliever, but it does nothing for my expanding waistline.

Still here

I have been in the office one day this week - the rest I've been offsite at a training class. When I get home, I've been too pooped to get on the computer. It's been a hectic week. I haven't even read blogs! :-O

Hope you all are well. We had a nice time in Florida - the weather was excellent and we had a good time visitng folks. Cuban food is yummy! Key West itself is a bit too crowded & touristy for me. But mom is already planning to go back to peruse all the little shops and galleries. The boy is planning to go back and get his scuba certification. We saw a baracuda as big as me!!

My friend in Miami intoduced us to polymer clay and now we are all hooked. We've been saving our coupons from the craft store so we can get the tools cheaply. I'm not talking cheesey stuff - I'm talking reproducing antique jewelry and creating some gorgeous stuff! Like I needed a new hobby! :-)

Like I said, crazy week. Hub called while I was down in Fla - the boat dealership rented us a boat from a local marina one day over Memorial Day weekend since ours was still in the shop. The marina was claiming we'd hit something and owed them $700 in damages. This is the same place doing the warranty work on our boat, which they quit working on until we gave them the money. Can you say 'extortion'?!?! Needless to say, we refused to pay, and my big linebacker -looking hub had to go up there and threaten them with a lawsut to get our boat back! Argh!

And of course the saga of MIL continues. She got qualified for public housing. Then she blew a bunch of money while we were in Florida, so when we got back she said that she didn't have the money & that she didn't think it was a "good deal" anyway. I told her either she moves in or goes up to Maryland to the rest of the family (I am always the bad cop!) Well, you can imagine how that went over. They have all basically disowned her. Without going into the rest of the drama, let's just say we've all had it and are going out to celebrate Saturday night once she's out of my mom's house!!!

Luckily, I have a quiet weekend planned. I haven't made it back to martial arts, but I've been walking and lifting. My eating still isn't great - eating my stress as usual. But its not totally out of control.

Take care!

Down but not out

I’m only in the office for a couple of hours this morning, and won’t be back here until June 12th. Yippee!

I have lost 1.5 pounds of my previous 4 pound vacation gain. Not so good since I am leaving on vacation again tomorrow! However, I am packing some healthy foods for the trip that will travel well, I am taking my running shoes, and the hotel in Key West has a “fitness facility.” It’s anice hotel, so I hope that includes some kind of weights!

I won’t lie, I’m getting pretty discouraged – my eating is on track, I’m exercising a lot, but what are my options? Stop doing those things and gain weight? I just feel like for as much as I do, I should look better than I do.

On that note…. See ya on the flip side!

That was yesterday, this is today

I wrote that last post yesterday, but couldn't get into blogger.

Slammed at work, slammed at home. My underpants were on right side in, but I left my boxing gloves at home. It's always something. :-)

Food fine, exercise great. May the scale gods be kind to me tomorrow.

Inside out underpants (Thursday post)

So, with the boy out of school I am having to figure out a whole new routine. Weights have been moved to Tuesday and Thursday mornings, with running on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Martial arts are Monday through Thursday evenings, and also Saturday morning. Run or bike ride Sunday morning optional.

As a result of all the rearranging, I am finding myself perpetually running 15 minutes late everywhere I go. Not the panicked kind of late, just a little flustered and scatterbrained. Which probably explains how I found myself in the ladies room at the office this morning, having to turn my underpants right side in.

The irony is that I’ll muddle through this week, only to go on vacation Saturday morning for a week. So I’ll have to start all over when I get back! Agh!

Food is going fine thanks. Sticking with my plan, eating plenty of veggies from the Farmer’s market. It’s hot as heck here, so lunch buddy and I are walking indoors at lunchtime. So far, exercise is feeling good.

I am planning to take some cans of tuna, protein shakes, string cheese, & fruit on our trip next week. I don’t want to find myself unprepared. Yes its vacation, but I don’t want to get derailed. Dinner will be a more relaxed affair. I just don’t want to waste the calories on crap I’m not even enjoying, you know?

Well, time to fly!