A first

I started writing this post and then realized that it wasn't a first - it was a second! For the second time since I got serious about losing weight at the beginning of March, I am posting a gain for the week. The other time was when I went on vacation for a week. I was up 2 pounds, and then promptly lost nearly three pounds the very next week.

This week I am up the 1.2 pounds I lost last week. I wish I knew what's going on, but I don't. My eating has been good - I even ate a light dinner last night (a broth based soup) and no after dinner snack. Exercise good, sleep good, stress level fine. So what gives? I honestly have no idea. All I know to do is not give up.

Tonight is our training session at the kettlebell gym - I will let you know how it goes.

Have a good weekend!

Just keep swimming

I've said from early on that daily weighing was helping me and would continue to do so as long as I used the individual days as simply data points and kept my eye on the longer term trends. Easier said than done!

After the weekend, my weight was up about a pound, then Tuesday drifted up another half pound and has remained at that level all week. I am currently 1.2 pounds heavier than last Friday. Sleep is good, exercise is on point, energy level feels good, and food has been tracked even more closely. So what gives?

Last night at dinner I was telling my husband about it and I said "I give up!" He immediately went into "big picture, you've come so far you can't stop now" mode, without realizing what I meant was "I give up trying to understand the vagaries of the scale over the short term" and NOT "I am done with trying to lose weight - order a pizza stat!" Lol.

If I weren't weighing daily, I'd tell you I feel fantastic - I am noticing my clothes feeling looser, I feel light, and my husband pointed out increased muscle definition particularly in my shoulders and back. So what gives?  I have no idea!

Six days is hardly a plateau, so I am not going to get all dramatic. Things are going well and tomorrow we have our first training session at the kettlebell gym. And just for fun, here's a snapshot of the fridge I share with my boss:

As you can see, I am a major fridge hog!! Leftover seafood enchiladas and gobs of produce - the only thing my boss has is the lone Monster on the top shelf! And of course baking soda to keep it all fresh!

Okay, have a good day!!

Hmmm

Two days of tracking more carefully what I eat and reducing my calories by around 200 per day. Up half a pound and very hungry. Lol.

We'll see what happens by the end of the week.

Follow ups from yesterday

I went back and looked at my weight chart - looks like I weighed about 172 when I went to SF. So new (old) jeans are a few pounds away I hope.

Last night's ground beef stroganoff was around 300 calories. I stuck pretty close to what I wrote yesterday and came in around 1500 calories for the day. By lunch I was HUNGRY. The rest of the day I was fine.

Today's food is essentially the same - lunch is dinner leftovers & a salad, tonight's dinner is seafood enchiladas.

Yesterday I did kettlebells, today is elliptical, tomorrow is kettlebells and swim.

Take care.

Incremental goals

Happy Monday! (said no one, ever. lol) I hope you had a good weekend. We had a super nice trip down to the beach to visit friends & family.

Friday I weighed 175.8, this morning I was 176.6. My jeans are too big. I remember on my trip to San Francisco a million years ago I had 2 pair of jeans that I packed - I weighed right around 175 on that trip (I think). My plan is to find those jeans and try them on as soon as I dip below 175 - so there's a nice motivation. And 172 represents 50 pounds gone - another tremendous milestone! So weight-wise, a couple of notable milestones hitting soon.

For my kettlebell workouts, I've reached a point where my workout is equal work to rest (it's been that way for quite some time), with my longest work period being 20 swings - 30 seconds. This week I am bumping up my workout to include a set of 5 intervals which are 40 swings for 60 seconds - so a longer period of continuous work, even though the duration of the workout and number of swings remains the same. So that's another milestone.

Today and tomorrow are teacher workdays and T is off - which is good since he is still feeling under the weather. It's a break for me as well - I am generally in charge of breakfast and lunch and he takes dinner since he gets home first. This morning I only had to fend for myself.

I used my extra time to weigh & measure all my food! After that exercise last week, I decided to try tweaking my caloric intake down some.

AM: 2 cups coffee with half n half and 1 prune: 100 calories
Breakfast: Boiled egg (70 cal), plain Greek yogurt with 1 T each PB2 and cocoa powder, and a stevia packet - 135 calories toppings 1 T each raw oats, muesli, and chopped walnuts (100 calories)
AM snack: cheese stick, 1 mandarin orange (120)
Lunch: homemade chicken pot pie soup (300), salad with homemade ranch (100)
Afternoon snack: 12 almonds & mandarin orange (110)
Dinner: ground beef stroganoff with regular and zucchini noodles, broccoli ??
evening snack: ??

I'll figure the rest out later, but I'm aiming for no more than 400 calories for dinner and 100 calories after - which would put me at 1600 calories for the day. I'll figure it out and see where I land.

Have a good day!

What I'm eating

Okay, Beth - here ya go!

I do track what I eat, but I generally track by virtue of pre-planning and repetition. I do not strictly count calories or macros. I try to eat a "lower" carb diet, and my diet is focused on eating "real food" or "clean eating" as I've sent it called. I sometimes put my stuff in sparkpeople, and I will track if I feel I'm overeating. A lot of times just writing it down is sufficiently mindful.

What I ate yesterday:

Coffee - 2 cups, with 2 T half and half each (80 calories)
1 prune (20 calories)
Breakfast - 2 boiled eggs - 140 calories, stonyfield farm chocolate yogurt (150 calories) with 1 T each whole oats (18 cal), German muesli (33 cal), 1 T chopped walnuts (50 cal)

AM snack; premier protein (160 calories)

Lunch; 2 homemade baked chicken strips (200?) , half cup homemade sloppy joe mix made with ground turkey (150?), tossed salad with 2 T Caesar dressing (120 calories).

Snack: 2 mandarin oranges (80 calories) 12 almonds (70 calories)

Snack: 1/4 c fritos, a slice of cheese - we ate dinner LATE! 160 calories

Dinner: 2 tilapia fillets and a crab cake (I put the crab cake between the fillets and made a stuffed flounder type thing) - tilapia (125 calories plus 190 for the crab cake) coleslaw (100 cal)

That come to 1845 calories, so my take away is I eat a lot of food! According to my fitbit (so take it for what you will), I burn 2350 calories on an average day. So a 500 calorie deficit should get me a 1 pound/week weight loss, which is pretty darn close!

I primarily drink water and unsweetened tea (no artificial sweetener) and my AM coffee - I rarely drink soda and generally will have a beer maybe twice a week.

And I will sometimes have a bite (literally, like a bar will be in my desk a couple of weeks) of dark chocolate after lunch if I want the taste of something sweet.

Thanks - this has been an interesting exercise!

Creeping along

Another sweater was off the island this morning:

(Oh, I was mistaken - the lavender one is Eddie Bauer - I think I paid maybe $2 for it!). The green one is too large as well, but if you can kinda see on the other side of the bed, I have 2 more very similar!

I lost another 1.2 pounds this week. I am happy with what I'm eating - I'm not hungry, I don't feel deprived, and I am steadily losing. So do I try to speed up the process or just keep creeping along?

I hope you have a good weekend!

Lavender sweater in search of a good home

A few years ago I went shopping with my mom at her favorite thrift shop. I found a lavender v neck 3/4 length sleeve cable knit cotton sweater from Talbot's.

A lot like this, but with shorter sleeves and a bit lighter. ANYWAY. It's been a mainstay in my fall wardrobe, but this morning I retired it. Not only is it too wide, but the v is now too low. Good-bye sweater - I will miss you.

About last night. I've been using my kettlebell swing workouts as my primary training for both strength and HIIT - and don't get me wrong, it's working like a dream. I can't imagine ever giving up my swing workouts. Again, if you are interested:

But there are more things you can do with a kettlebell (and I know quite a few of them) but there are a couple I wanted to work on - specifically snatches and turkish get ups. And T seemed interested, so last night we went and had a functional movement screening with a kettlebell instructor. He measures your flexibility and balance using a few simple movements. It was pretty interesting but the results were not surprising - I need to work on both, and so does T to a lesser extent.

After that we did a kettlebell assessment and orientation. T had tried them once but honestly it's better if you get some professional instruction if at all possible. He enjoyed it and we opted to sign up for 5 half hour training sessions as a couple. After that we will decide what we want to do - they offer one one one instruction, small group classes, and open gym. I firmly believe this will push me harder to work on my strength training. At home I have moved up to incorporating a 20 pound kettlbell into my swing routines.

Food has been a bit tighter this week and I am seeing the difference. We are going to the beach this weekend, so I will need to stay focused.

Okay, have a good day!

In between

I am feeling frustrated. I've donated my 2 largest sizes of clothing and I'm getting closer to some old favorites, but I'm not quite there yet. This week I've decided to focus on getting good quality sleep, I've cut back on exercise a bit, and I'm cutting back evening snacking even further. T and I are heading to the kettlbell gym this evening. Step 1 is a functional movement screening and we'll see where we go from there. I am hoping this will help me further along the path. I've come a long way and I am certainly smaller, but I still have a fair bit of weight to lose - I'm guessing around 35 pounds. At the end of the path I want to feel and look healthy, with some nice muscle definition. It'll be spring before I get where I want to be, but the time will pass either way. I might as well be heading in the desired direction, right?

Take care.

The great shoe debacle

I am doing OK in the clothes department, although it's about time to go "shop the guest room" and I need some new yoga pants. But what I could really use is a pair of shoes. If I need to wear business or business casual, I'm set. But if I'm wearing jeans my options are pretty much limited to sneakers, sandals, or crocs. And sandals are out until spring. Today I ended up wearing some backless loafers with socks (which looked kinda dumb) and my shirt really didn't match with the color of the leather. I felt like I'd been dressed by Chuckles the Clown. Or a toddler.

I am alternating elliptical at the gym with kettlebell workouts this week. Normally I would swim tomorrow but I am going to go and early vote instead.

Already?

I can't believe it's Monday already! We went camping with friends, and it was an awesome weekend. T slept very well every night and is feeling much better. We got back yesterday in time to do shopping & food prep and get stuff washed and put away. It's was 34 degrees this morning, so I guess we skipped fall and have gone straight to winter.

I guess I haven't had a lot to say lately, but things are fine. I will probably have a lot more to write after our visit to the kettlebell gym Wednesday evening.

Have a good day!

Well Grr

This morning the scale was up half a pound (grumble), putting my loss this week at 0.8 pounds. I've noticed a trend of a week with 2+ pounds, then 2 slower weeks. Not sure what is going on. In any case, I am going to more closely track my food next week to see if maybe my intake has crept up and I haven't noticed. I am also going to start working with a kettlebell coach, I will keep you posted on that.

Also, it's cold here. I have the space heater in my office cranking.

I hope you have a great weekend!

F.O.F.

I never really exercised until I joined the Army. And I had been in the Army quite a few years before I truly embraced the concept. Early morning workouts were tough - a lot of times I didn't really wake up until I was into mile 3 of a long run. :-) A few years ago I came up with the acronym FOF - "feet on floor." The alarm goes off, and the next thing that happens is my feet hit the floor. Waking up and thinking can occur later.

It's funny, because I love to work out, but if I spend a bunch of time thinking about it I will think of  other things I need to do and I may end up doing something else. If I can get moving in that direction then I will be working out before I even start to think. I try to simply make getting going automatic - if it's 11 AM and I'm at the office, it's time to head to the gym. If I'm working at home, I'm going to the pool.

My workouts aren't as long these days as they used to be, but I'm okay with doing 2-3 half hour workouts in a day rather than longer ones. It's easier to fit it all in. I am thrilled to be able to say that for the most part, I currently have working out set on auto pilot - it happens without a lot of thought or planning because like my food, it's planned out in advance. Not to say the workouts aren't good or intense, but whether it's a "crush it" day or an "I showed up" day, I do the work.

Take care.

YES!!!!

Hallelujah - I am both validated and vindicated, not to mention reassured that I am NOT nuts!! LOL

Last night we went to 3 stores in the hopes of looking at flooring. While we were at Lowe's with my in-laws, we bought a sample tile:

I brought it home and like it okay but wanted to look at more colors, so last night we headed out. Stop one the lady says "Why do you want to use that? Don't you want something like what we have on the floor here?" (Gee, no, plastic fake wood isn't what I'm going for. I already have gorgeous hardwoods in my house and beautiful wood walls in my kitchen.) Stop 2: "Why don't you just rip out and sell all that knotty pine. You could buy a new house with what that stuff goes for!" (Uh, no....). Stop 3: No help, 2 tiles on display - couldn't figure out how to ring up 1 for us to take home as a sample, so they gave it to us. (Too dark.)

By this time it's dark, rainy, and I'm tired. I am tearing up and totally second guessing myself. Everyone so far had indicated that I'm nutso for wanting to use a commercial product in my home. Heck, even my FIL got talked into something completely different when he went to big box to help set up the estimate for us!

So this morning when I spoke with Clark at "Got You Floored" in Greensboro, it was like a breath of fresh air. I told him what I was looking for and he said "You don't happen to live in Ardmore do you?" Uh, no. Then he explained how he has sold VCT to dozens of homeowners there who wanted to maintain the "mid century aesthetic" of their home and had put VCT in their kitchen. So I'm not the only one!!! YES!

In other news, swam and did kettlebells yesterday, elliptical today.

Take care.

Time flies

This weekend went so quickly! Saturday we ended up running a bunch of errands and were gone from the house for over 5 hours. Sunday we were supposed to go to a business meeting, but I was just peopled and erranded out. T went and I opted to stay home and work on laundry, tidying up the house, etc. I still started the week feeling unready. Also, Sunday was cold and rainy and by that evening I wanted to eat all the hot/ cheesy/ spicy things in the world even though I wasn't hungry (but I didn't).

I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but we need to get the kitchen floor redone. Since my FIL used to own a hardware store, T asked him if he knew anyone that did flooring. Which is why someone from Lowe's is coming today to give me an estimate. And when he went to Lowe's, FIL was talked out of what I want and into something I don't, so I have no idea if the folks coming have ever even installed VCT flooring. Le sigh. I do appreciate his wanting to help - really truly I do. Anyway, we'll see how this goes. We are going 2 places this evening to look at flooring.

Here is the look I am going for:

(Note, both these pictures are from retrorenovation.com, which is an awesome resource on all things mid century home related). I like the way it is neutral, looks good next to warm wood tones, and is super durable (and affordable). Not to mention looks like it belongs in a "mid century modest" home.

I was down a pound from Friday, then went up a pound (what the heck!?!) so basically the scale is being a brat. I was feeling run down and opted to take Saturday and Sunday as rest days and was feeling much better for it yesterday. Yesterday I did the elliptical and this morning I went to the Y for a swim.

Breakfasts this week are Greek salads, lunches are leftovers. Snacks include protein shakes, mandarin oranges, and almonds.

Take care.

Well hello fall

Talk about freaky weather! Today is gorgeous - I woke up to 57 degree temps and brisk air without a lot of humidity. It's like we didn't have a tropical storm yesterday! It feels amazing.

I'm down 0.2 pounds this week - LOL. Okay, fair enough. My mission is to tighten up this weekend and set myself up for more success next week.

Have a great weekend

Rain rain go away

We are getting some pretty severe rain up here, so I ended up working from home again today. I tried driving in but the rain and standing water were just too bad. Most of the school systems are closed, except for the one T works for. :-( He got in safely.

Diet and exercise are back on track. I need to remember that if I let stress get to me it is easy to slip back into old habits. The head space I gave to a silly work issue wasn't worth it. Repeat as needed.

Take care.

That was scary

Last night was NOT. GOOD.

I gave way too much head space to a work issue that I allowed to get under my skin. I felt rushed and anxious before & after dinner and then T left to go to band practice. So I ate my feelings. It was scary how easily I slipped back into that mindset.

Today I shared my frustration with a colleague who listened. I'm going to trust that the right thing will get done. I'm not going to allow myself to get into a frenzy over silly things today. And I am going to get back on course.

I was up 1.2 pounds after the weekend, then another 0.6 from last night. Sigh. May spend the week shedding that, which sucks, but is better than adding more to it.

What I'm doing these days

First off, a weight update: down 2.2 pounds from last week, current weight 178 pounds.

Food: I am eating 6 times per day: three meals plus a mid morning snack, mid afternoon snack, and a very small evening snack. I am focusing on getting plenty of vegetables and eating lower in carbs. I do not strictly count calories (or anything), but I do figure out rough amounts. I also will use the food scale  as needed - especially for my evening snack where it would be very easy to eyeball way too much!

Exercise: I have fallen into what I think of as the 4-3-2 plan. I did NOT sit down and come up with this, it just seems to work out this way, and it works for me! Lol I do kettlebells every other day, so some weeks I do 3 workouts and some I do 4. I generally do 2 or 3 elliptical workouts, based on what is going on at work. And I've been getting in 2 swim sessions per week.

Kettlebells are a 25 minute workout, elliptical and swimming are 30 - so that works out to 4.5 hours of exercise. I also take 1 or 2 walks per day while I am at the office. It's a lot of activity, but it's broken up into reasonable chunks. Sometimes I think there are other things I'd like to add in, but this is working for me now and I don't feel trying to pile more on top is realistic right now.

I hope you have a great weekend!

A week of Mondays

Thankfully yesterday got better and today has been okay. I woke up stupid early and never really got back to sleep, so I ended up getting up around 4:30 or so. I have a Red Bull for the drive home - ugh. Luckily dinner is prepared - loaded backed potato soup (made with cauliflower) and a kale salad that just needs to be dressed. So easy for T when he gets home. I will probably just relax this evening and hopefully go to bed at a reasonable (but not too early!) time. I am ready for the weekend!

T's class went to the fair yesterday. He was really nervous but they had a really good time. My husband works in an elementary school in a class for exceptional children. They are good kids but it can be a challenge when some have physical limitations and others are more emotional/mental. Like one of the kids is a runner. Luckily they had a 1 to 1 adult to kid ratio, which made yesterday pretty manageable and enjoyable for everyone.

After waffling back and forth, I booked reservations at a local Brazilian steakhouse for Saturday for our anniversary, so hopefully that will be good.

Me in the morning:

Take care!

Crazy week

Work has been bananas. One thing I can't really get into, but it leaves me trying to fill a void for our team by stepping up in an area I know very little about. But I have the time & inclination, so it's okay. We have 3 major projects and 2 are coming to a head this week, so it's been "pedal to the metal", and of course there are always last minute obstacles.

I've just felt harried. I got up this morning to sign in before I went to swim and discovered I left my computer at work! So 2 1/2 hours in the car to pick it up since I have an appointment this afternoon. Gah! T didn't have enough time to stop for breakfast (which I didn't make before I rushed out of the house prior to brushing my teeth), and he was running late!

So overall: a week of crazy Mondays! Here's to a better rest of the day!!!

Quick weekend

This weekend was a quick down & back to deliver some stuff to mom's place, visit the kids, and see some friends. We took Jordan with us so I could keep her activity a bit restricted. She seems to be on the mend, although she is upset that mom is gone and now she has to eat breakfast early before we leave for the day. She has turned her nose up the past 2 mornings!

Yesterday was one of the Monday-est Mondays on record.

It's our anniversary this weekend and we aren't going anywhere! YES!!!

Friday touchbase

Well huh. Exercise was really good this week: 3 kettlebell sessions, 3 elliptical workouts, and hit the Y twice to swim laps. Food wasn't bad - not perfect, but pretty solid. I'm down a half pound. This happened once before where my weight loss seriously slowed down for a couple of weeks and then picked back up, so we'll see what happens.

Stove was installed. Mom is getting her car repaired after hitting something on the interstate that resulted in 2 flat tires with bent rims (not a good day). Jordan is at the vet - he thinks she may have strained a muscle. So not exactly a banner week at my house, but we're still pressing on.

Jan is coming over to dog sit for the weekend while we run some stuff down to mom's and do a quick visit with the kids & grandpuppies, and take a walk on the beach. I may take the J dog with us if she's still not feeling great in the morning. She's my baby.

This week felt long and hard. I'm glad it's the weekend - have a good one!

Here's my baby:

And a thought for your weekend:

Thursday grumpies

I am in a grumpy mood today. Lots of little reasons I don't feel like bothering to write about. I am working at home today since my new stove is allegedly supposed to be delivered. I did go swim at lunch.

Another milestone crossed (barely)

This morning I was in the 170s - 179.8. Lol! But I'm in there!! I slept better last night, still woke up more often than I have been, but thankfully I was able to get back to sleep. So I am feeling much better today.

I'm in the office today since our new stove is supposed to be delivered tomorrow. Allegedly delivered. T ordered it on the 13th and the whole thing has been a nightmare. Ugh. Wish me luck.

Take care.

It works until it doesn't

I thought I had this insomnia thing figured out: watch evening snacks, limit alcohol, regular exercise. It's been going great - until the past couple of weeks. It's starting to flare up again - to the point that I was sitting in the living room reading a book at 3 AM. Sigh. I was sharing my frustration with my husband this morning and he made a remark along the lines of "well, you know it isn't caffeine" and the light bulb went off in my head.

Since my mom has been staying with us, her snacks and soda have moved in as well. Here is a sampling of my kitchen table:

(This was taken before she bought peanut butter cookies from the grocery bakery).

My mom is a healthy weight and eats her carbs in moderation, but she likes her carbs! lol We don't keep this stuff in the house because we can't keep out of it. Along those same lines, mom keeps diet Pepsi in the house. I can't stay out of that! So yeah, soda consumption has gone way up - to include a glass last night while watching Monday night football. 

So I think the insomnia is partly stress from the hurricane, change of schedule/ routine, and mostly extra caffeine. So I am toughing through today with no extra caffeine support!

Anyway, doing the best to stay the course.

Take care!

Forgetful Friday

Good morning.

Friday got busy and I forgot to post! I lost a half pound last week. Eh, not great but it was a wonky week and my schedule was hosed, so that's okay. This weekend we ran a bunch of errands and didn't get as much done around the house as we would have liked, but that's okay. This upcoming weekend we are caravaning down to mom's with her - she's going to head back hom and we are taking as much of her stuff that's still at our place as we are able.

Hope you have a good week!

Introspection

It can be tough to come out of a bad relationship and then build a new one that is healthy. For one you have that luggage, and for two sometimes you yourself are "guilty" of using past experience to ascribe intent or motivation, or to use behaviors that aren't "fair" if they've gotten you results in the past. When you add the other person's past into that - hoo boy! Sometimes things can get hard!!

T's ex was a master of using tears to get her way. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who cry easily and under a lot of circumstances (happy, sad, angry - all tears). And then you add peri-menopause and you really can get the waterworks!  His reaction to tears is to get angry because he feels like he's being manipulated. My reaction to yelling is to cry or run away because it scares me. This was not a good combination and has led to frustration on both sides. Once we talked about it we were able to understand the dynamic and break the cycle. A very good thing about T is that he can talk about his feelings and he listens. That means that we can change the dynamics.

Recently I'd gotten frustrated and upset about some stuff and I was ascribing motivation - to the point that I drove to work the other day in tears.  Once I had a chance, I closed my door, sat down, and wrote out my feelings in the form of a letter on a piece of paper. I then folded it up, sealed it in an envelope which I stuck in my purse, wiped my face (because of course, tears), and moved on with my day.

It was amazing how just the act of writing those feelings down was a release. And once I had a bit of emotional distance, I had a chance to ask myself if the motivations I assigned were realistic, or were they based on my ex's behavior? Not surprising, the answer was the latter. I realized that a lot of my hurt and anger was due to where I thought T was coming from, not what he was doing - that had nothing to do with me.

It's been good. We've really been able to talk openly and honestly about weight, emotional eating, and how your mind can create causation from correlation. For example: Say a loved one dies near Christmas and going forward, that is always a sad time for you because of the memories. Christmas doesn't make you sad - it's remembering the pain of losing someone that makes you sad, but the two events occurred very close together and become intertwined in your brain.

If you were behaving in a self destructive way the last time you were thin, is a part of your brain afraid that if you lose weight again you will repeat that pattern? Part of what we need to do is recognize that the two things aren't really related even if they happened at the same time. You can lose weight and not engage in negative behavior. T has some pretty negative stuff associated with losing weight and being thinner, and he needs to work on decoupling the two in his brain. He's been holding himself back, and engaging in a bit of sabotage. But by being able to talk, it's not only helped us both, it's helped our relationship.

Being healthy - caring for our bodies in a healthy way (food, exercise, sleep) and getting to a good weight is so tough because there is so much mental and emotional work involved. Almost everyone that has been significantly overweight for a long period of time has to deal with these issues - you can't "white knuckle" the rest of your life. It isn't always easy, but when you can start to unpack that luggage, the way forward is lighter and easier.

Take care.

Accidental fasted cardio

I am working at home today, so I got up and did my usual: took my meds with a cup of coffee, packed T's lunch and fixed his breakfast, then went and packed my swim bag to head to the Y. In the car on the way there I realized that what I hadn't done was drink a quick protein shake before my workout (I like Premier Protein). I often have one for my morning snack, but on days I swim in the morning I drink it first and then have breakfast later on.

Anyway, I have to say that halfway through my workout I was well on my way to "hangry." lol I don't think I'll ever be one of those people that embrace intermittent fasting, but hey - whatever floats your boat. I managed to survive. :-)

A funny thing happened in the bathroom

Today I am wearing my khaki capris (it's still hot as Hades here, and the humidity! Don't get me started. Fall??? Where???). Anyway.  So I went to the restroom, and pulled down my pants (as you do). And then I realized that I am wearing the capris that have buttons and a zipper, but I slid them right off. Ahem. So apparently my capris are too big.

Day has been okay. I was up a pound yesterday morning, down a half pound today. I should really start recording the daily fluctuations just because I am curious. Greek salads for breakfast this week, leftovers for lunch. Tonight we are going out for Mexican since we haven't gone out in a couple of weeks and after being housebound due to yucky weather I think we are all tired of cooking & cleaning the kitchen. My stove died, but a new one is on order. Luckily I have one of those small toaster/ convection ovens that is large enough for a casserole dish, so it hasn't been a disaster. And the stove top works, just the oven died.

Went to the gym today for the elliptical, yesterday was kettlebells. And walks both days. So exercise is continuing to go well.

Oh, Interstate 40:

Anyway - have a good evening!

So far so good

My mom & son obviously won't be able to get home right away since Wilmington is cut off, but we've heard from folks there and everything so far sounds like to damage at their houses isn't too bad. At the end of the day, the family and pets are safe.

We got a lot of wind & rain this weekend, but we came through fine. I worked on a few things around the house. Knowing that Sunday would be the worse day, I got up Saturday and did the grocery shopping before hitting the gym. Sunday I took a day off from exercise. I got a couple of early Christmas gifts - mom bought us a new ceiling fan for the back porch and my son came over and did a couple of things around the house for me. (I'd jokingly asked for a day of "boy servitude!). The new fan is hung and my living room valences have been rehung. I adore my husband, but handyman stuff is not his thing!

Anyway, we're fine, and I'm thankful.

Take care.

Now do it again!! And - where will you be in 15 weeks?

Southerners can be a strange lot. On the one hand, these are the grocery stores in my area (I live 200 miles from Wilmington):

While at the same time, you know, priorities!!!!

(Bojangles is a fried chicken chain, and it's very popular!!)

So, onto today's title. Two important things today. First: I lost 2 pounds this week, bringing my total to 41. While I don't know exactly what my goal weight will end up being, I am guessing around 140 - which means I'm halfway there. I know the next half will be a lot more challenging as well as more rewarding. At some point soon I'm going to need to place more focus on other goals since the weight isn't going to keep going down at its current rate. But right now I'm enjoying what I'm doing, it's working, and I plan on simply staying the course.

When I recorded my weight today in my handy dandy spreadsheet, I was curious - it's 15 weeks until my final weigh in of the year. We are getting to a point in the year when this path gets tough for a lot of people. It's getting cooler, so snuggling up with a big bowl of chili or watching football with all the snacks is on the schedule. Then comes the holiday train - starting with Halloween candy, the big meals, the snacks at work in the break room, the parties. And while less pleasant to talk (and think) about is that for a lot of folks, the holidays can create some pretty significant stress. Whether you're trying to juggle a budget against a wish list, bracing yourself to deal with unpleasant relatives, or just feeling the pressure of being stretched too thin by too many commitments - holidays can be difficult as well.

No matter what you have going on in the final 4 months of the year, the big question is: do you have a plan? Have you considered how you want to handle the challenges that you might face? Sixteen weeks from today, when you get on the scale for the first time in the new year, what will your reaction be? Disappointment in yourself for making poor decisions, pride for having enjoyed the holidays while keeping the focus on the important stuff and not making every interaction about the food?

Like a hurricane, the holiday season gives us plenty of advance notice so we have no excuse not to have a plan. That doesn't mean denying yourself the things you enjoy or trying to white knuckle a diet for the rest of the year! That's not what I mean at all. But if you don't have a strategy then it's easy to allow circumstances to dictate your choices.

It's like when we went camping - I knew that it would be hard to stay low carb and eat a lot of fresh veggies while primitive camping. And I knew there would be food there that I enjoy and is part of the experience for me. So I made room for those things, did my best, and was totally cool with the gain I saw on the scale when I got back home. Then I got right back to what I had been doing. It was literally just a small blip on the chart.

Have a great weekend!

Hurricane prep, and things I wish she knew

Florence is doing the Wobble like she's on a cruise ship dance floor. No idea what we're getting, except it's gonna suck.

Glad my family came inland. We'll deal with everything else on the flip side.

In other news, my stove door fell apart last night, good thing we have a 10% off coupon at Lowe's! Ugh.

A gal I know - a friend but not a close one - posted on fb about how do you motivate yourself to want to lose weight & that she doesn't like exercise & nothing has ever really worked except vanity.

Here's what I would say:

As someone who has spent a fair bit of time in both the "very fit & healthy weight" and "significantly overweight & out of shape" camps, here are my observations:

• Motivation is crap. Are you motivated to brush your teeth? Pay your bills? You probably don't even think of it that way. Those are things you do because you want to keep your teeth and the lights on. Weight loss is tougher because the cause and effect are more loosely tied together. I prefer the term "determination". I don't always want to do the things I do, but I want the results. I know why I want the results I do. And that helps keep me on course. Make a vision board, visualize what you want - every day.
• The good news is you don't have to exercise to lose weight. It helps, but it isn't necessary. Thankfully I love it. As long as you do enough to keep your basic cardiovascular health, you're probably fine - especially in your 30s. Once you get older the story changes. Into your 40s and 50s you should consider some form of weight bearing exercise. What you eat determines the size of your body, how you move determines the composition.
• Luckily I don't like  a lot of pre-made foods, so skipping on store bought cookies in the break room is easy. One goal I set for myself is to try & eat 8-10 servings of vegetables a day. (Good luck!) I love vegetables and I'd rather eat a fantastic Greek salad I brought from home. If you're a good cook, take those superpowers and turn them on vegetables. I don't notice the foods that get crowded out are missing because my lunchbox is so full.
• I have a sign in my kitchen "You can have it all, just not all the time". That's true for anything in life. You can have anything you want to eat. A friend of mine lost over 100 pounds having a glass of wine and a homemade dessert every night. It was important so she made room for it. 
• Don't try to go on a diet. Try to change your lifestyle so that you can live comfortably and achieve your goals and stay there. Identify your non-negotiables and then make it work for you. Personally I don't like the idea of buying a book, following the program, and then stopping. It will take longer but the changes you make will be sustainable. Make your own program.
• I treat my body like a science experiment. I'm a bit of a data nerd, so I like to track & identify the things that work and the things that don't. Like the vegetable goal, it becomes a bit of a game.
• I treat results like feedback. Did I get the results I wanted? What can I change? Repeat experiment. There is no expiration date, it's just my life, so it doesn't matter if I don't hit some paper target this week.
• I set goals based around the things I can control (vegetable consumption, exercise) instead of things I can't (the scale).
• Lastly, it gets easier to tell the world to piss off as you get older. The older I get, the less I care what other people think about my body. I don't worry about how I'll look in the gym. I can happily blow off the helpful guy talking to me about my squat form - I'm quite sure I've got more weight lifting trophies at home than he does. 
• Do it now. It only gets harder, but it never becomes impossible until you're dead.

Okay guys, take care!

Weird week

Work is just weird this week. My boss has family in Wilmington, not too far from my mom. They have 3 houses in a row right on the inter coastal waterway. His aunt is staying put and his brother started hurricane prep Sunday - which is too late! Anyway, we've both been on edge. My family is here - mom is with us, the boy & fam are with a high school friend in Kernersville. Work is preparing to offload work to other shops. The facility has a generator, but people may not be able to get into the office.

Anyway, my anxiety has been very high this week. Exercise has helped some. Scale has been bouncing around, but I honestly don't know why.

Anyway, just trying to stay the course.

Take care.

Falling off the radar

Good morning.  Things here have been kinda hectic - my mom just moved to Wilmington and my son lives in Carolina Beach - so the past couple of days have been spent getting ready to evacuate and figuring out who is going where. Mom is on her way to our place now.

A friend stayed with us this weekend - she was down packing out her mom's apartment. Her stepdad just passed away and since she & her sister both live in Maryland it made sense to move their mom up there.

Saturday we went to an event - I got in my class and my "yard sale" was pretty successful! But it was miserably hot and by the time we got home Saturday night I was done. We showered, had dinner with our friend, and crashed early.

Anyway, count on me to be distracted for the next few days.

Take care.

Keep on keeping on

I wrote yesterday about that pesky half a pound hanging around from the weekend without really going into any detail. This weekend a series of ideas that didn't go together plus unfortunate events added up to going overboard on the carbs. I follow a fairly low carb diet, and the carbs I eat tend to be minimally processed. I try to limit processed carbs in general - not just for weight loss but because they just aren't that healthy. When I do eat them, I try to do so intentionally.

Friday evening we made pita pizzas using the Joseph's oat bran & flax pitas - low in carbs and calories. So higher in salt, but carbs were okay. Saturday night I decided to indulge in the walking taco I never had while we were on vacation. T brought home fritos from the store, and I carefully weighed out a portion. I had a salad and reasonable portions. I used ground turkey for the meat and lower sodium taco mix. So not a great choice, but not really terrible. Because he bought a lot more fritos than we needed, we ended up using fritos instead of a better choice when we had the leftovers for lunch Saturday.

The plan for Sunday dinner was the spicy crab stuffed avocado over on skinnytaste.com - unfortunately the avocados were not good! One wasn't ripe even though it was mushy and the other one was rotten inside. Ugh! I'd been working hard all day & was tired and just wanted a simple dinner. T told me to get dressed and that he was taking me out for a date night. We ended up at a place called Kickback Jack's - a sports bar type place but with a family friendly vibe. He ordered chili and cheese covered tater tots as an appetizer and got me a beer. I had a few tots, then ordered a burger (which I cut in half) and subbed slaw for the fries. Again, not terrible (although he did order me a second beer - and yes, I was giggly at that point!!). I had the rest of the burger minus bun for breakfast the next day. Oh, and then we were running errands at lunchtime Sunday and we stopped at  a place in the town we were in and I had a chili dog. Yes, one regular sized chili dog and a diet pepsi. After lunch I could've eaten another lunch! Lol

In short - processed carbs at multiple meals, not to mention salt! Tuesday I felt ugh - tired and hungry. Yep, sure signs I'd overindulged in carbs. And of course that darn half pound kept hanging on! It would have been easy to overeat (I was hungry!) or to "give up" (I mean, I'd "blown it", right.?). I didn't do either - instead I ate my planned meals: Greek chickpea salad for breakfast (weird I know, I just couldn't face another egg), leftovers for lunch, protein shake for AM snack, almonds and kiwi for afternoon snack. Sunday I went home and had a salad after we were done running around instead of ordering another lunch.This week I was hungry. I was cranky. I was mad at the scale. Oh, and did I mention that I haven't felt like working out all week????

And then this morning I got on the scale and I was down 1.2 pounds from last Friday. Have faith in your plan. Have faith in yourself. Stick with it even when you aren't motivated or excited. Those are the times you will make the most progress, and feel the best about sticking to your long term goals instead of giving in to short term desires.

Missing pants - found!

Ah, the missing capris. I had moved several pair of too large slacks out of my closet to give to a friend and grabbed the capris along with them. So glad I didn't go out and look for another pair! I knew they would turn up, I just hoped it wouldn't be Christmas. ;-)

I'm *still* up a half pound from the weekend - gah. Oh well, keep on keeping on, right?

Take care.

The case of the missing pants

I just want you to know right up front that my house is not a disorganized mess. Actually, we generally keep it pretty darn tidy and neat. Which is why it is a complete mystery to me that I can't find my new black capris!! I wore them to work Thursday. The shirt I wore is hanging neatly in the closet (first wear gets hung back up). Where are the capris? No idea. They were hanging in a wardrobe in my bedroom and this weekend I moved my work clothes back to the guest room where they lived before mom came to stay. The capris weren't there. We looked everywhere - it's liked I came home from work with no pants - but I'm pretty sure that isn't the case! So weird....

I hope you had a nice weekend. Ours was very busy but good. We got ALL of our books organized and now have a large stack to donate. Yay! Hey, so what if we moved in 2 years ago? We got it done!

Anyway, it was a good mix of relaxing and doing stuff. Yesterday we walked downtown and walked around a bit. We walked for nearly an hour! That's the longest T has walked in ages. It was really enjoyable and nice to get out and get moving.

I hope you have a good week!

Exercise week in review

Intentional exercise last week:

Sun: rest
Mon: AM walk, elliptical, weights
Tue: AM walk, elliptical
Wed: swim, weights
Thus: AM walk, elliptical
Fri: AM walk, elliptical
Sat: swim, weights

According to my Fitbit, that totaled 6 hours 5 minutes of intentional exercise, and I accumulated 466 active minutes  (moderate activity done for 10 or more minutes).

This week will be different, the Y is closed today and I'm out of town for the day on Saturday. But we did get up and take a nice walk this morning, so I'm still moving every day.

Take care.

Darn salt!

We went skittering into the weekend with very little in the house for lunch Friday. Since T can't leave the classroom, he got what we had at the house and I was left to scavenge. :-) I ended up at Food Lion - I picked up a bag of shredded lettuce in the produce area and some pre made buffalo chicken salad in the deli. Their buffalo chicken salad is amazing, but pretty high in sodium - according to the label 2 oz has 20% of your daily recommended sodium allowance!! Then we had pita pizza for dinner with turkey sausage and turkey pepperoni - again, salt city. No wonder I'm up a little on the scale this morning. I'll be drinking plenty of water today!!

Anyway, just a quick check in - I hope you have a great weekend!

Long weekend here I come!

Can I just tell you how excited I am about the long weekend???? I have some serious plans for organizing my books and getting ready to yard sale a bunch of my medieval garb at an event next weekend! Work has been stressful this week, which is pretty unusual. And I've allowed some things to become stressful which didn't need to be. So another goal for the weekend is to RELAX.

My exercise goal is coming along well. I'm getting an hour or more each day this week, and the extra is enough to allow me to swim for 30 minutes tomorrow and then be at goal! Yay! I might still take a walk sometime, but I don't *have* to in order to hit my goal. This isn't something I intend to do every week, but it has made me both more aware and more mindful about my intentional exercise. It's been an interesting experiment.

On the weight loss front, I am down 1.8 pounds this week - less than 2 pounds away from the 40 pounds gone mark. Can you believe that!?!?!  Me either! By focusing on each day, the time has flown by and the loss has added up. I have so much more energy and I feel so much better - it is really incredible.

I hope you have a terrific weekend!

Taco Thursday

Today's title is in honor of the fish tacos we are having for dinner tonight - yum!

My day is going well - I walked this morning and did 30 minutes on the elliptical before eating lunch. I made an (allegedly) "spicy" Asian chicken soup for dinner last night. It was .. eh. That recipe is getting voted off the island - it wasn't bad but nothing special.

This is me lately:

I accepted a new position within my medieval organization and just lately not only is it eating my life in terms of time, but in aggravation as well. Ugh. We make things difficult. Ugh. Just ugh. Luckily once our big event is over (well, once reservations close) my life will get easier.

Take care.

Mid week

Weirdly enough, yesterday's walking plus 30 minutes on the elliptical came out to 84 minutes (same as Monday). I took my Fitbit off for swimming this morning (so I will back that 30 minutes out of my 360 minute goal), but somewhere I walked quickly enough to pick up 11 minutes of activity on the Fitbit. Since I am doing weights this afternoon, I will end the day right around 3 hours of activity - right on track to hit 6 hours for the week even if I take Sunday off.  Perfect!

Last night T made hamburger stroganoff & mushroom over shredded cabbage - it was yummy! We had a package of lox in the fridge that needed to be used, so I bought a bag of mini bagels and we've had one with lox & cream cheese and eggs for dinner Monday and then breakfast today. I think we'll do that one more time and call it good on bagels. We've eliminated all pasta and limit grains, beans, and bread. When we do bread we try to use stuff like the sprouted grain bread so I'm not too worried since it isn't the norm.

I am working at home today, Wednesday is my preferred day if my schedule permits. It's a lovely mid week break - the lack of commute means I can go to the Y in the morning to swim plus it gives me time to get caught up on stuff around the house. It sets us up nicely for the weekend. And now that T is back at work it is quiet and lovely. It's nice being around him, but when I work at home and he's home he feels free to interrupt to chat, ask questions, etc. Sometimes it's hard to focus.

I hope you have a good day!

Workout goal for this week

One of the key findings from the National Weight Control Registry: Physical activity. The average participant exercises at a moderate intensity 60-90 minutes per day. Walkers average between 11,000 and 12,000 steps per day. I'm do pretty well with my 10,000 step goal and I'm okay with that since walking is only one component of my exercise.

My challenge to myself this week is to engage in 360 minutes of mindful physical activity: walking, swimming, elliptical, kettlebells. That's 6 hours of activity. That sounds like a lot, but I commute 10 hours on an average work week!

Yesterday I accumulated 84 minutes between the elliptical, weights (kettlebells), and walking, and a bit over 12,000 steps. Not too shabby! So I'm curious to see how this week goes.

Food was fine. Thankfully I had some chicken tikka masala in the freezer (about 3.5 servings) plus a bag of cauliflower rice, so I pulled that out & heated it up Sunday and that's lunches until we get some leftovers built up. :-)

Last night while T was at band I watched "Super Troopers 2" because he had zero interest. I laughed so hard I about fell off the sofa. When it comes to my sense of humor, I think I'm a 12 year old boy at heart - Lol

Have a good day!

Nice weekend

I wasn't looking forward to the time in the car, but we had a great time at mom's. I love her new house! We painted the dining room, entryway, and front door. The door is no longer black, it's now  a lovely beach-y aqua! It looks so happy from the front now. :-)

We also made time to eat some seafood and take a nice long walk on the beach - watching to moon come out over the ocean. It was really, really nice.

The drive home felt long, but the dogs were troopers - I think they were worn out from exploring a new yard! Lol We got home and did shopping, laundry, and general getting ready for the work week. Today the kids are back at school and T is a bit nervous about this year. He's in a new role and isn't quite comfortable for a number of reasons. I hope his day goes well. I got up extra early to make sure we had plenty of time to get out the door - I didn't want him to feel rushed.

This weekend we have a couple of projects to work on around our house that are very exciting - like organizing our books! I know, sad! Ha ha. But seriously, we put them up on shelves without a lot of thought and trying to find anything can be very frustrating. In short, a quiet but hopefully productive long weekend at home.

Have a good day!

Crazy day

Today is a day where I have more work than time, but I wanted to at least check in here. 3.2 pounds gone this week.

I worked straight through lunch but I am now going to close my door, crank the tunes, and grab a quick kettlebell workout.

Score for this week: 3 elliptical sessions, 3 kettlebell sessions (after this one!), 1 swim session. Headed to the beach after work to paint mom's new dining room.

Have a great weekend!

Your mileage may vary

I'm as guilty of this as the next person: reading about a new diet and trying to fit my proverbial round peg into that particular square hole, certain that it's going to be the way to lose some weight. It might even work in the short term, but it never lasts because it doesn't fit my lifestyle, preferences, or maybe even what seems to work best for me! Then I end up quitting. For the most part I have given that up. I eat things I like and don't eat things I dislike. The way I eat now is something I can do in the long term. Ditto for my exercise.

In some ways I treat myself like a science experiment: Do I like this? How does it make me feel? Does this fit with my schedule? The end result is a way of eating and exercising that works for me AND helps me achieve my weight loss and fitness goals.  I will certainly make changes and adjustments as I progress, but for right now I'm pretty happy with what I am doing.

Another thing I've given up on are outcome based goals rather than action or input based goals. I set exercise targets for myself daily, weekly, and longer. Food is a bit different - other than adhering to my plan, I loosely track. My goal is to end each day knowing that I made choices that I can look back on and feel good about. Maybe I really got in a good variety of veggies, maybe I thoroughly enjoyed a beer. As long as my choices were mindful rather than eating to deal with emotions, I can end the day satisfied that I made good choices that help move me toward my goals.

What wasn't working for me was to set weight loss goals. I was getting anxious when I was doing all the rights things but the weight was coming off slower than I had counted on. Not only was it creating stress, I was feeling defeated when in fact I was making progress! It's not that weight loss isn't a primary goal - it certainly is! But I am focusing on controlling my actions, believing that over time I will see the desired results on the scale. Again - figuring out what works for my mindset.

I firmly believe we each need to figure out what works for us and then do that, confidently knowing we will reach our goals with our sanity intact.

I've known all of these things and have tried to practice them for years. The critical difference for me now is that I feel safe. I no longer need to use food to cope with uncomfortable emotions. I still have uncomfortable feelings and I have problems. But both are at a level that I can feel them and face them without the protective barrier of food. Had I gone into life without food in the past, it would have been the emotional equivalent of trying to surf in a hurricane. There may be rough waves out there, but nothing I can't safely navigate.

And once I realized that the waters were safe, I was able to let go of those habits. Trying to break a habit (like emotional eating) if you aren't ready and able to deal with the consequences is like tossing a toddler into the deep end without swimming lessons. Sure, I knew the mechanics of changing a habit. But I had nothing to use in place of the food, and I wasn't in a place emotionally to deal with all of it head on, with no protective barrier. Once I realized that there wasn't anything out there on the other side of the food that I couldn't handle on my own without the food, THEN I could break that habit of emotional eating that was no longer serving me.

We are all different - different issues and challenges, strengths and weaknesses, different needs and wants. Figuring it all out is a time consuming task. And the reality is that something drastic could change and I would have to go back to the drawing board and find a new plan. But for right now, I am in a good place.

I hope you too can find your "good place." 

Another day, more workouts

Today has been my work at home day. Before I started work I went to the Y and swam for 30 minutes. Over lunch I knocked out a kettlebell workout.

Mom and her dogs headed to her new house today. It's awfully quiet around here. I can almost hear myself think! Lol

Volume training with the kettlebell

In addition to the elliptical, I also did a kettlebell workout yesterday. I know there have been a handful of workout DVDs that use a kettlebell, and my Y even has a class that uses them, but my workouts are a bit different. The vast majority of my kettlebell workouts are "high volume". My workout yesterday was 25 minutes long and consisted of variations of 1 hand and 2 hand kettlebell swings. I used a 15 pound bell and in 25 minutes I completed 500 swings. That's a lot of swings! I love my kettlebell workouts. I can get in a fantastic workout in a relatively short amount of time, virtually anywhere, and with literally one piece of equipment. That's hard to beat!

Sometime last week I mentioned I was close to hitting another weight loss goal. This morning I did: 35.6 pounds gone this year! I was concerned about getting back in the groove after vacation, but instead I feel like the break has really given me a second wind! I'm ready to go into the second half of the year as strong as I was in the first.

Take care & I hope you make it a great day!

Monday

Back at the office. I'm tired because I stayed up to watch "Sharknado 6" last night. Don't judge me. Packed lunch & breakfast and snacks. Went to the gym. Everything is fine here. Except the part about Monday. Lol

Back on track

Just a quick note - rather than trying to "make up" for Thursday, I simply got back on track yesterday. I was back down on the scale and feeling good about moving on and not beating myself up.

Have a nice weekend!

Never lie to the blog

There is a Dean Koontz novel where one of the main characters (a guy) has a dog. His philosophy is "never lie to the dog." My weight journaling equivalent is "never lie to the blog. Or the weight tracker."

Yesterday was one of those "really bad, no good, utterly rotten" days. Nothing major, just a series of stressors: the meeting went even worse than I expected (and I expect it to go badly), something on the website was broken for a major client so they were upset (we got it fixed quickly, but still), I hit some button on my phone and couldn't figure out how to reset it, I was overwhelmed with PayPal requests from my volunteer role that eat a lot of time, and of course a car accident pushed my evening commute over the 90 minute mark.I had to pee, so I stopped at a convenience store. And bought a beer. And then later sent the hub out for a second one. And got into some crappy frozen egg rolls that Jan left at my house. I was up 1.2 pounds from yesterday. Gah!

Having said that: I am still down 2.8 pounds for the week (YES!!!), I didn't finish the second beer, and I threw those cheap crappy egg rolls in the trash. Today did not start off great, but I fully intend to make it a better day! Go me!

Nothing big planned this weekend other than operation "continue to reclaim my house".

Take care.

Let that mess go

Do you have anyone in your life that continues to make poor, destructive choices? When you say "Here's a better way" they respond "You are so right! Thank you!" and then keep right on doing that self destructive crap? Yeah, that's Jan.  A few months ago I offered to help because she wasn't remembering to pay her bills on time, her brain is so fuzzy she can't read a bank statement, and her way of dealing with it was to pay what they were about to cut off.

Since we use the same credit union, we set down and I set up her online banking. Once a month we get together and she brings her bills and we sit and pay them. Once we got everything stabilized, I suggested to her that she set aside a small amount for unexpected/ irregular expenses, divide the rest into weekly increments, and use cash. Naturally she's done none of that so she is careening from problem to problem, and running out (or nearly running out) of money for food & medicine near the end of the month on a regular basis. She continues to use her debit card, making poor choices until she is out of money. I checked to make sure that her bills had cleared and yep, she's racked up about $300 in debit purchases in the past 10 or so days, leaving her less than $200 for the next 3 weeks. I called and told her and her response was "Thanks." Ugh, I need to let that mess go!!

I find it ironic that after being apart for 3.5 years & divorced for 2, I'm still coming here to complain about my now-ex MIL! Lol (And by ironic I mean frustrating and aggravating as all!)

I am about to head across town for what I lovingly refer to as the "Thursday morning butt hurt meeting." Sans boss, who is out for the day. After that I will go to the gym, then come back for lunch. We tried a new recipe "deconstructed egg rolls" - it was a low carb bowl full of egg roll innards without the wrap. The recipe we used needed a few tweaks, but we loved the concept and it will be added to our rotation!

In case you need it too:

Retirement Party

I have a swimsuit I've been wearing for quite some time - it was my go to when I was doing water aerobics. Time and chlorine have not been kind to it. Tonight I gave it a retirement party before I went to the Y - into the trash! Lol The funny thing is that I have another swimsuit (the same suit!) I bought and have been "saving." Why do we "save" stuff? Anyway, the stretched out suit is gone and the new one is now in circulation. :-) I knew it needed to happen, but my mom remarking on how bad it looked when we were at the pool Saturday night kinda pushed me over the edge.

After work I went to the Y and swam for 30 minutes - I had the pool to myself. I had some yummy leftover general tso's for lunch (from the skinnytaste website), I made my beloved spicy shrimp and avocado salad for dinner (also from skinnytaste), and for breakfasts I made meatballs of my own creation.

Do you ever make sausage balls? Are they a southern thing? You take breakfast sausage, grated cheddar, and bisquick and make balls out of it. Those things rock my world. Last night I took those 3 ingredients (carefully portion controlling the bisquick & cheese), added a pound of ground turkey, added extra spices, and made meatballs. I also used turkey sausage so they were lower in fat. The flavor was milder of course, but they definitely had that same flavor. Anyway, a really yummy breakfast that is also car friendly.

I ended up taking Sunday off from exercise and only doing my morning walk Monday, so today is double workout day: elliptical and kettlebells. While it certainly counts as exercise, I don't really count my morning walk as exercise, even though we try to do a somewhat brisk pace.

That's all I've got - have a good day!

Stuff

Let's see.....

I think the conversation made a difference! Guess who seems to be re-motivated and just broke through and crossed a big milestone? Hub is down to the 250s - I am so proud of him! A new 3 year low! Speaking of milestones, I'm a pound away from one myself. :-)

I am working at home today - work has been busy but not crazy. I ran to the grocery at lunch to pick up stuff to make breakfasts for the remainder of the week. I plan to go the the Y and swim when I get off work.

Mom and T headed for her new house this morning, each driving a car loaded full of stuff! T may or may not spend the night depending on how he feels. I have plans to do some organizing and hair washing - party at my place!! Lol

That darn inner voice tried saying that we could get so much more accomplished if we skipped the gym..... Uh, no! Going to the gym is a higher priority than putting some crap away that can live on the table another day. Shut up inner voice.

I hope you have a good day.

Road trip!

I have always loved a good road trip. I got the travel bug on both sides of my family, but ever since I got my first car at 20, I've always loved jumping in and going.

Having said that, 3 weekends in a row of multi-state trips is a bit much! After driving across the entirety of Georgia on I-85 yesterday morning (roughly 180 miles), my butt was sore and I was DONE. T called and asked what we were doing next weekend and I quipped "Nothing involving shoes or a car!"

Nevertheless, it was a really good weekend. Alma was feeling good and went out with us for a nice lunch. We took over a cake at supper and all the residents thoroughly enjoyed it, plus there was enough for everyone to have it again for dessert the next day. We stopped by for a short visit Sunday morning before heading back home. It was her 99th birthday and I am so grateful we could be there with her.

On a sadder note, my grandpuppy Lucky passed away in the night. He was having good and bad days and not eating too well, but still managed to wag his tail and be himself. He was a sweet boy and will be missed.

Have a good week.

A tough conversation

Do you find it easier to have serious conversations in person or over the phone? Maybe I am weird, but I find it easier to have potentially emotionally charged conversations over the phone rather than in person. In person it is far too easy for me to let my emotions get out of hand.

So I called my husband this morning and I told him "It's okay if you aren't in the same place as me." Because even though he has faithfully attended a bi-weekly appointment with me for weight loss support, he actions have not supported his stated readiness to lose weight. And I don't want to resent him because I feel like I'm wasting money paying for him to go. And I want him to know I love him whether he is committed to losing weight or not. But he has a lot going on mentally and emotionally right now, and I don't want to add to that.

Officially I am up 2 pounds from my pre vacation weigh in, and that's okay. My eating is back on track and my exercise is mostly on track (I took this week off from weights). I continue to feel calm and confident.

I hope you have a great weekend!

Catching back up

Good news: I slept much better!
Bad news: My alarm was set for 6:30 instead of 5:30. Whoops! Lol

Oh well, I *DO* feel much more rested. :-)

Yesterday I took a couple of walks and did a half assed elliptical workout at the gym. Half assed is better than no assed, so no complaints there. This morning I took a good walk and am hitting the gym after my 10:30 meeting.

Food was back to normal yesterday. I'm needing to be a bit more "on the fly" than I typically am. We got back at 6 PM Sunday, and I was at work 7:30 Monday morning. No real meal plan or grocery trip has occurred - each day has contained a bit of winging it. Luckily I had some stuff in the freezer and a couple of simple ideas.

This morning I got on the scale - I was up 1.8 pounds from my weigh in prior to vacation. Not bad and I feel 95% back on track - that's a better, quicker post vacation getting back on track than I typically experience and after a night of enough sleep, I'm feeling much less overwhelmed.

Sunday is my great aunt Alma's 99th birthday! The plan for this weekend is to drive halfway to LaGrange Friday night after work, finish driving down Saturday morning, and then head back home Sunday morning. I admit I was getting a bit concerned - my mom doesn't drive after dark and as sleep deprived as I have been, driving later Friday wasn't going to happen. Hopefully another good night of rest and I will be up to making the drive tomorrow.

T has his summer opus concert in the park Sunday which I will miss, but he totally understands. Mom is doing some organizing, prioritizing, and packing today with the intent to head to Wilmington Tuesday to begin the moving in process.  We'll head down in a couple of weeks to take more stuff and help her with some painting. As weird as it sounds, her move has motivated me to take a look around our house and do some painting & reorganizing as well!

Take care.

A self fulfilling prophecy

Ugh - I am so tired! I've slept crappy 4 out of the last 5 nights. I am so tired, I seriously considered stopping on my way in to work at a convenience store for a Red Bull. No bueno.

I have been anxious about getting back into my routine - I typically struggle when I get back from a long vacation. Anxiety + exhaustion = bad choices. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Last night I made some poor choices - some serious post dinner snacking. :-( 

I refuse to let this become a downward spiral - I am not going to let 3 bad hours undo 5 months of work!!

So off to the gym! Take care.

Crazy busy

My ex MIL went home after supper last night (and took her dog). The kids were here for dinner last night and left after breakfast this morning (with their 3 dogs). So we are down to us, my mom, and her 3 dogs. Only 5 dogs! Lol.

We're trying to get things washed & put away, T is getting errands and things done, and we're generally trying to get things put back in order. I really don't feel like going out of town - I'm tired y'all. Ugh.

Back

Hello!

Just a quick note to let you know I am back from vacation. We had a lovely time - now the unpacking, washing, and getting back to normal begins! I saw this on Sean's blog the other day and it really resonated with me, so I had parked it with a reminder to share it when I got back.

"Not once have I sat down with a calendar to try to figure out when I'll arrive at some predetermined number. I haven't even stated a particular goal weight, opting instead for a "healthy weight." Who knows what that will be? It doesn't matter how long it takes or when I'll get there because my focus is on today. My goal is to make it through this day with the integrity of my food plan intact and if it's an exercise day, that too. Today is the day. I'm not obsessing about how much time it will take. It will take however long it takes. If I focus on how long it will take to "arrive," I'm suggesting that my efforts will end at some point. And making my daily practice a big priority in my life each day is something I do not plan on ending, ever." - Sean Andersen

Today I am jumping back into my routine - prepping food, hitting the gym, all the usual stuff!

Take care.

Have a good week!

Leaving for a week of primitive camping right after work. Weight held at 189.6, for a loss of 1.6 pounds this week.

Take care!

More of the same

Weight was the same today, which is good because I did have a beer and half an ounce of pork rinds after dinner last night.  We went over to mom's to load up some stuff, and I got teary - it was probably the last time I will ever be inside my childhood home.

I didn't just grow up in that house from the age of 5 - it's the house I came home to when I left he Army and went to graduate school, it's the home I went to when I left Florida and my husband and I split up - it's always been my "go to" safe place, for as long as I've been alive. I have so many memories. But I know it's not about a place, it's about family. But still, it's bittersweet.

My sweet husband went with my ex MIL to the doctor today (let that statement sink in). She was on about 30 different meds, a lot of which she didn't need (and couldn't afford) and one of which it turns out was downright dangerous! She was on a bp med and her bp runs extremely low. Like, near danger low. They switched her from a PA to an MD, and they went over all her meds. She is coming off 8 right away. I am hoping she will start feeling better.

Anyway, just working on packing - I can't believe we are leaving in 2 days!!

Take care.

Nailed it

I was 189.6 this morning! Woo hoo!! I went back and found that the last time I logged a lower weight was May 31, 2013.  YES!

Oh, and I forgot to mention my great workout Sunday! We went to the Y and I elected to swim. No pushing it, just moving my body through the water for half an hour. It felt so good. I love swimming and I know I need to make more time to do it.

Weight loss seems to be a bit better this week. I think I might have dropped my carbs & calories a bit too much. I had maybe 100 more calories yesterday (1400-ish) and 2 carb servings - a low carb pita with breakfast and a half cup of couscous with lunch. I felt strong for my walk and afternoon trip to the gym. I seem to do better with a couple of servings of complex carbs (grain, bean, or potato), but I try to stay away from simple and/or highly processes carbs.

Anyway, hope you have a good day!

Happy Monday

Last week at work before we head on vacation. I think we are mostly ready, but there are still several small things to organize & do.

The last of the large things were moved out of mom's Saturday morning and she & her dogs are staying with us. The sale of my childhood home is scheduled for Friday. She is scheduled to close on the new house in Wilmington next Tuesday. She asked for several repairs and an extension of the due diligence, so far that seems to be going okay. My son & his gf leave for Canada this Saturday.

I've felt really stressed and we were both a little "snappy" this weekend. Anxiety stinks.

I went for a good 30 minute walk this morning and then a vigorous 20 minute workout on the elliptical. Food was fine over the weekend. I was really hoping to be in the 180s when we left for vacation - well ok, I hoped to be around 182. But the 180s would be a big psychological boost for me. This morning I was 190.6. So close! I know it's not a big deal, but that number is an important milestone in my head.

Take care!

Another slow week

Lost 0.6 pounds this week. I know, keep positive, at least it's going down blah blah blah, but .... this seems to be taking foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr................................

Home again, and why now?

We are home from our whirlwind trip to the beach. It was a quick one, but I was able to help out, spend time with the boy, his gf, and the grandpuppies. We did get in 1 walk on the beach - it was stormy on & off the whole time we were there.  No fair! I guess I have to go back next month.

I was reading "Runs for Cookies" this morning. She had a follow up guest post from a gal that lost over 100 pounds. She wrote something to SO resonated with me: "...something just "snapped" within me and I desired to get healthy. I'd realized that the "snapped" feeling was that I was finally feeling safe and loved. Not like anything was ever not safe or that I wasn't loved--but that I was finally able to breathe and had the space to work on me."

YES!

In my last marriage, no, I most certainly did not feel safe and loved. I mean, yes, my mom & son love me and I've been safe enough in the sense that as long as my mom is alive, I will always have a safe place to be if my world crashes down and I need it. But to feel safe in my own home and new relationship? That's taken, what, ... a year and a half or so? And it's not that I didn't trust T, it was a matter of adjusting to a new normal, and the residual trauma fading. And then somehow I've realized that while I certainly have moments of anxiety or stress - and my default is to turn to food in those times, those times aren't constantly, every day. I feel safe enough to let go of the food, and the weight.

There are times (like Sunday) when I feel anxious and want to turn to food. There are times (like Tuesday evening) when I don't make the best choice. But I pick myself up and keep going.

It's good to be home.

Take care.

Tired

Arrived about 2 AM. Tired. It's pouring rain. I need a nap.

We're safe, grandpuppies have been loved on. I will see the beach later. :-)

Figure out what's really eating you

We are headed to the beach after T's band practice tonight. I wish we weren't driving so late. I wish I felt like the house was ready for my ex MIL J to come and dog sit. I wish I had done more on my to do list this weekend...

Read what I just wrote and is it any surprise that last night I could've demolished the contents of a convenience store faster than Godzilla trashes Tokyo?? 

My anxiety was high. I had a half ounce of pork rinds, a sugar free fudgesicle, and a sugar free popsicle before I managed to declare the kitchen off limits. 

Let's try this....

I get to go to the beach and visit my son for a couple for days! Because it's summer, T can get everything ready for our trip while I'm at the office today. I didn't have to get everything for our camping trip totally done this weekend - we aren't leaving until the 27th - we are in good shape. No, I didn't go swim, but I exercised 5 days this week! Sometimes more than once! That's pretty impressive!

Using food to comfort myself is a well ingrained habit. Feeling anxiety is hard - especially when you aren't used to it. Saying how you feel can be tough - especially when your spouse wants to either "fix" it or explain why your feelings aren't logical (well no sh&^. Who said feelings were always logical???).

Like everything else - changes do get easier and you do get better at them with time. But no guarantees it's always easy or that you are always perfect.

I'll leave you with this thought:

To get to where you want to get to in life, you have to be present, and health is a big part of that. - Jeezy