Long Post Alert!

This first section is a deep philosophical discussion about exercise. Feel free to skip down to my run re-cap & news if you aren’t interested.

My take on exercise

Chris and Fig both had posts last Friday about making exercise fun. It got me thinking about my own philosophy of exercise – indeed, I spent about 3 hours of yesterday’s run really thinking hard about that subject. I decided to write my thoughts down here. This is how I feel – it’s neither right nor wrong, nor better than anyone’s thoughts. I doubt it’s unique to me either – but this is what I’ve come to feel after 2 years of consistently exercise nearly every single day.

The Korean word “do” (pronounced “dough”) means “way” or “path”. The name “tae kwon do” literally means “the way of the hand and foot”. Like most ancient martial arts, as well as yoga, tae kwon do is about more than just physical prowess. Ancient (and many modern) students of these disciplines were seeking to reach that mind, body, spirit nexus – where the 3 meet – in order to make improvements in all aspects of their lives. Spiritual enlightenment can be achieved through physical conditioning, just as a spiritual activity such as meditation can lead to improved physical well being. Because all 3 aspects of life are innerconnected.

We have a dog named Butchie. Butchie was rescued from the shelter by my mom, who wanted a dog. Butch had been abused, and then he was at the shelter for a long time (past his “expiration date”) because he was so sweet, they hoped he would find a home. Unfortunately, Butch was very destructive when my mom got him, eating her koi pond, storm door etc, until she brought him to us in the hopes that being around another dog (Carmen) would help him settle down. It took Butchie a good 4 -6 weeks to get socialized into our family. He was very bright and eager to please, so really that’s a pretty short period of time. But even after that, he was just a little high strung and suffered from separation anxiety. He would still chew on stuff (or even his paws) if left alone. We quickly learned to keep him supplied with bones, rawhide chewies, rope bones etc. – this gave him an outlet for his anxiety. He has one bone (it’s one of those round ones with a hole in the middle) that he carries around like a child would a pacifier. We call it his “binky bone” because it is his doggie equivalent of a pacifier or blanket.

I am a lot like Butchie. Due to a combination of nature and nurture, I am a fairly high strung individual. Not only do I tend to see the glass as half empty, but I will obsess over how I am going to (single-handedly of course) make sure the glass gets, and stays, full. This is just a part of who I am. Counseling has helped offset some of the “nurture” sources of this, but partly this is natural for me. Like Butch, I need an outlet for this anxiety so I don’t chew on my own paws as it were. I stress, therefore I exercise.

When I first began exercising, it was to lose weight. But that has totally changed for me over the past 2 years. When I read Dave Draper’s weekly newsletter in which he discusses his take on following “the discipline of steel”, I totally understand where he is coming from. This man was a bodybuilding champion before I was born. He looks better today than men half his age will ever look. He views weightlifting as a path – one that leads to a lot more than an awesome physique. When people talk about making exercise fun, I tilt my head as if someone walked up to me and began speaking Swahili. It just doesn’t compute. I’m sure people have fun in church sometimes, but I doubt it’s their primary reason for going.

Indeed, the gym and the running path are a sort of church to me. This is where I go to improve my life’s vessel, to contemplate who I am, to reflect on my choices, to seek emotional well-being and to gain a measure of spiritual enlightenment. I have found all those things and more in the gym and on the road.

Pretend you got a phone call from someone you didn’t know. They said they were going to Chicago and needed directions. Having nothing better to do, you pull out your road atlas in order to help. I bet that before you began spouting off directions, you would ask the person “where are you now?” How can you given them directions if you don’t know where they are coming from? Even if every single person in America were headed to Chicago, they would need to take different roads based on their starting point.

Life is like that. Most of us may headed in the same direction, but we are starting from different places. Exercise isn’t the only mechanism by which I improve myself physically, mentally, or spiritually. But it is one road I use. You may not use this road at all, because you are coming from a different direction. Doesn’t mean we aren’t headed the same place.

Run report

I survived! Saturday I bought groceries and rested. Saturday night was thankfully the first night I didn’t have to sleep with a cough drop in my mouth to keep from coughing. I woke up at 2 am a little nervous, but finally settled back down and got some sleep. I was up at 6:30, washed a Zone bar down with a little diet Pepsi, and with the help of hubby (the best pit crew in the world) I packed my Walkman, Hammer Gel, and CamelBak, stuffed a tissue in my waistband, and took off.

I started out having to slow myself down – the air felt cool & great and I felt like I could run all day! After a couple of miles I removed my jacket – it warmed up quickly. I did the out & back to the cemetery (7 miles), then decided to stick in the neighborhood because it was getting warm and the road was getting crowded. (The neighborhood is a little cooler). The hubby rode his bike, and even jogged a little of my second 2 mile loop with me, so this broke the run up nicely. The first 13 miles were good – the last 2 were rough. It’s funny how whatever your last long distance was, those miles are okay, but the new ones feel like Mt. Everest! And it was getting hot. But with the Hammer Gel I have yet to bonk or to have a post run headache. I went home, rested, bathed, & went out for a well deserved lunch!

My right heel is bothering me a bit. This concerns me because last year I made it up to the 18 mile mark before plantar fascitis forced me to give up on marathon training. I am trying to baby it.

Other Stuff

Food was more this weekend, but not out of control. I don’t want my body to think we’re starving with all the running & the recent loss, so Sunday was a heavy calorie day. I read some of the Zone info again, as well as some of the nutrition section of Arnold’s encyclopedia.

My problem with the Zone is that a) sorry, 1000 calories aren’t enough and b) for me it seems to be a little heavy on the fat & light on the protein. Rather than a 40/30/30 split (40% calories from carbs, 30% each from fat & protein), I think I am going to use a 40/40/20 split, which will give me a little more protein. I will start at 1500 calories and see how that works. I have figured my grams of carbs, protein, and fat, and my next step is to write down all my stuff and see what the nutrition is. Then to juggle it all around until I come up with a Mon – Fri meal plan. Weekends will be a little more flexible, but not completely “off” either. We’ll see how this goes.

And then the heavens parted, and the angels came down & lent a hand

Really, it’s either that or coughing all night burns up a heck of a lot of calories. Cause I’m down 4.5 pounds this week. Granted, I was up 2 water pounds last week, so this really represents a net loss of 2.5 pounds, probably spread over 2 weeks. Put that way, it seems reasonable. But this loss puts me into virgin fat territory people! The lowest weight I’ve seen in .. oh, 4 years or so!?!? Woo hoo! Maybe I am making progress after all!

In other news, I did something to my knee while sitting at work yesterday and now its sore (ah, the joys of getting older), my nose is raw to match my throat, and I generally feel like 5 pounds of crap shoved into a 3 pound bag. TGIF!

Last night the boy and I did make it to the Y – I simply could not lift weights as I feel pretty much like some alien has sucked out all my life force. But we did do a swim – I did a strong 350 yards – 50 yards longer than the tri distance. I am working on picking up speed at this point.

My plan today is to get in another swim and a walk at lunch (I slept in this morning because I didn’t sleep very well last night due to trying to hack up a lung). Tomorrow is a “rest” day – just running errands, shopping, cooking, etc. I have a 15 mile run scheduled for Sunday and there is no room built into my marathon plan for illness, so I plan to suck it up, do my best, and spend Sunday perusing the books I got at the library.

I picked up 4 books at the library yesterday: a Dean Koontz that I love and actually don’t have a copy of, a biography of Lucretia Borgia, and 2 weight lifting books. One is Arnold’s encyclopedia – which is huge! The other I reserved on impulse – it turned out to be a short history of bodybuilding for young people. I read it in about 20 minutes – pretty interesting actually. Gave Joyce Vedral some credit and you don’t read about her much these days, but nothing that could help me with my training program. Maybe reading about lifting weights will help me feel less dead Sunday afternoon! :-)

Jogging in a winter wonderland

I woke up this morning to the most snow we’ve had so far this year (okay, it was maybe an inch). But it was 32 F, so I decided to go running anyway. The first mile wasn’t too bad, then it really started coming down! While I could admire the “Courier & Ives” beauty of the morning, having snow blow into your face and stick to your hair does kind of suck.

The good/bad news was that they changed the format of my son’s tae kwon do test so that it lasted a mere 90 minutes, as opposed to being some kind of marathon endurance test with people feigning illness a la the roman coliseum in order to escape. That meant I had no time to work out. (He passed BTW). No biggie, I was hitting the gym this afternoon anyway. I’ll add weights to my swim, and I’ll try to squeeze in a third swim tomorrow.

In other bad news, I am sick. I have a head cold and feel like my a$$ is dragging. Unless this crap moves into my chest, I’ll just keep mushing on, being sure to eat healthy foods and get plenty of rest. Gah. I make a lousy patient.

What else? Our entire county library system has exactly 13 books on weight lifting. Really, how pathetic is that? Luckily 2 looked really good and a couple more looked like they had possibilities. Also added to my queue were a couple of the Zone books. I am not good at being a food fanatic, religiously sticking to a “regime” – I prefer to consume healthy whole foods in a quantity which allows me to slowly lose weight. But I think I will use this to check & make sure I am getting sufficient quantities of all nutrients. Blech.

I am going out to a business lunch today. Luckily, they chose my suggestion for a place to eat – I know I can have a very yummy and healthy lunch at this place. They focus on seasonal food, so the menu changes regularly, but they always have a good variety of healthy choices. It will even be worth getting out in the snow for.

We have BOOKS

My library has Arnold's bodybuilding encyclopedia, as well as a couple of others that looked good. They are now all in my queue - mwah ha ha!!! While weight training is in a holding pattern for the next month, after the tri my weight routine will be getting a major facelift. So, I have a month to read these books, decide what I like, start planning, and order from Amazon as needed! :-)

Reading about working out gets me so fired up! Just thinking about reading about working out gets me fired up! But not as much as actually doing it!

The beginnings of an idea

So, right now I am in a holding pattern with my workouts until the triathlon is over (Apr 16th). After that, I think I will (temporarily) remove swimming from the mix and add High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) back into the mix. That’ll give me a good balance of endurance with my long runs, high intensity cardio to encourage the extra weight to go away, and I can beef up my weight training a bit at that time as well since HIIT won’t take as much time as swimming.

As far as food I’m at a loss. I am closely monitoring, and I’m thinking about being stricter on my weekends in between long runs. Obviously I want to fuel my body for the long runs, but on those off weekends maybe I can cut back more. I am already planning food for this weekend. My long run is on Sunday, which will encourage me to stay the course Saturday.

Not much else is new. The boy has his brown belt test in tae kwon do tonight, so it will be a long evening. I had a Miller Lite last night, and still came in right at 1500 calories for the day (according to my doctor, my BMR is 1550). Although I missed my walk at lunch, I did walk after supper while the boy was at the tutor, so I got in a 2 mile run and a 30 minute walk yesterday. The walk was hilly!

I am still feeling a little discouraged, but I am not going to go drown my sorrows in a vat of chocolate or anything.

Hope you all have a good day and check out Jack’s awesome pics of his run this past weekend! Why don’t I have running pics? Easy – I’ve not entered a road race in over a decade! Weird, huh? I did take pics of the new haircut – once I get a few more pictures on the camera (probably tonight) I will upload them.

Fit Kids?

Last night I went to the gym to work out. In the weight room, a woman about my age (obviously very fit) was lifting weights with her son. I guess he was in the 13-14 range. He didn’t seem to be having a lot of fun. Anyway, I had a chance to speak with her briefly in the locker room. Turns out she takes him with her to body building contests etc and makes him work out with her. She said he just started football and she thinks lifting will help, although that wasn’t the only reason. She said he doesn’t like it and she has to make him work out. The child was fairly overweight (she wasn’t). I felt really torn – I mean, I applaud what she is doing. But I wonder if he won’t come to feel resentful at being pressured to work out, and eventually rebel by not exercising?

When I was a kid, my dad always told me how important it was to have a physical activity you enjoyed – one that you could continuing doing into adulthood. I sat around a lot of tennis courts, bored while he played. I hated tennis, and he never asked me to play anyway. So I confess to having a certain bias here.

So, how do you encourage your children to enjoy athletic endeavors, without sending them screaming in the opposite direction?
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What is up with blogger? I’m still having trouble posting.
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I took my son to the doctor for a swollen lymph node – doctor said it was due to his cold and not to worry. I think the salt water sinus irrigation will commence this evening. I missed my lunch time walk, so I think I will walk while he is at the tutor’s. That plus a 2 mile run is pretty decent for the day I think.
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I didn’t bring enough food – by 2 pm I had had 600 calories and was starving. I got a side of red skin mashed potatoes from the cafeteria, and put that with my ¾ cup homemade lentil soup (really just lentils, veggies, & water). Even with the potatoes, I am still tracking well with food for the day.

Beaten Down

Yesterday’s eating was great – right on plan. I walked at lunch with my friend. While the boy did tae kwon do, I did a quick upper body workout (1 set each for back, chest, tris, bis, & shoulders – then finished with sets of abs, push-ups & low back hyper extensions mixed together) then went for a great swim. This morning I got up and ran 2 miles.

So why the title? I feel fat. I felt very uncomfortable in my bathing suit last night. I am so tired of these last 15 pounds and I feel like I can’t make progress no matter what I do. I cannot accept being overweight the rest of my life, but nothing seems to make a bit of difference. It makes me tired to think about it. Ideas people!!!

I was so pissed at blogger yesterday – I enjoy leaving comments for people, even if it’s a simple “great job” because we all need encouragement and doling it out is its own reward. And maybe it helps other people as much as it helps me.

Well, I may try for a more in depth post later, let me see if I can at least get this little bit up today without giving myself an aneurism.

Why is Blogger being a poo?

Ugh.

I did 7 miles ….. technically

Clearly I was still recovering from being sick last week! I ran 4 miles Saturday and 3 on Sunday, but I couldn’t do any more either time. So I basically blew off my long 7 mile run this weekend! Oops!

That was all the exercise that occurred. Food-wise I did well, sticking to plan except for going out for Mexican Saturday (not as bad as you might think. Its all home made and 2 of the 3 things I got were not fried and had no cheese. Of course, I also had 2 beers and a donut for dessert). Another side note here: Is it wrong to be a die-hard Dunkin Donut fan when I live less than 10 miles from Krispy Kreme HQ??? Luckily, the Dunkin is not convenient and its not a big trigger food for me. I also had dessert last night – low cal ice cream. It never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel when I eat healthy food. A smarter person might make that connection and eat healthier all the time!

So. a nice relaxing weekend. Beautiful weather to boot. Coming up this weekend: 15 miles. Jinkies!

Actions are Being Taken

Okay, 90 minutes is sufficient self-pity. I ate a can of Campbell's soup for lunch yesterday, and saltines with snacks. Let's face it: extra carbs + extra salt = extra water = extra weight. It's water, stop crying.

To be safe, I have busted out the heavy weapons: a pencil and my pocket notebook. I will write down everything that goes in my pie-hole and count the calories. Take that weight!

On random stuff…

I am probably the only person on the planet that can run 13 miles and have a stomach virus within a week, and still manage to gain two pounds. I hate my f&@king body.

What was up with blogger yesterday?

Thanks for the sympathy. I don’t get migraines often, and this was the second worst one in my life. Thanks goodness for an on site massage therapist – although she is part-time, she was here yesterday afternoon. It helped gets the kinks out of my aching neck!

Glad you laughed Chris. I wanted to leave some pertinent comment, but thought it sounded a little me-centric in retrospect. But hey, what’s more fun than laughing at me right??? *lol*

My husband says my new haircut looks like Maj. Carter on Season 2 of “Stargate”. I’m loving it! Until last April I’ve had very long hair my whole life (even in the Army). I’ve gradually been getting it shorter & shorter. I love where it is now.

Am I one of like 4 geeks in America that watch cycling on OLN? Why don’t they have more coverage? I am Tivo-ing the Paris-Nice race coverage.

Who are you pulling for in the Tour de France this year (if you care)? Lance, right? I guess I am too, but I have to admit I love Jan Ullrich. Poor Jan, always a brides maid, never a bride. And he’s come in second to Lance so many times…. I love him partly b/c he was racing on some team in East Berlin back when I was living there (on the other side of the wall of course), and because he’s dead sexy, and because he’s a kick butt rider. If Lance hadn’t made a come-back, these last years would’ve been Jan’s….. Oh well, might have beens.

Maybe I just won't eat this weekend. I am so sick of this extra weight. I swear.

Workouts are shot for the week

So, Tue am was terrible rain, then pm I took the boy to his tutor. I woke up Tue night with a migraine, then was throwing up yesterday. Spent the day on the sofa. Woke up last night with a still even worse migraine. I'm pretty shaky today. But I packed my can of Campbell's soup & came into work. I won't be working out today either. We'll see how I'm feeling in the morning - I'm just grateful it's a short run this weekend. A mere 7 miles. God.

Not really about working out

Yesterday I was really beat. The boy & I ran, but I couldn’t swim or lift weights. I was still obviously recovering from Sunday’s long run.

To make matters worse, I am not in a great place emotionally. Missing my husband very much , and dreading my half brother’s wedding in May. I am much older than my siblings from my dad’s second marriage, and going to these things makes me feel very alienated. At my sister’s wedding, I wasn’t even seated near the family, let alone with it. Part of me says ‘don’t go’ and the other part wants me to be a bigger person than that. Do you ever reach an age where Grace comes naturally? Heavy sigh.

I failed to make myself breakfast I was so busy washing dishes, so I grabbed a bacon & egg sandwich here. Other than that, eating has been what I brought from home. The part I hate most about PMS isn’t that I turn into a raving lunatic (that’s my husband’s least favorite part!) – it’s that I feel like that girl that ate the gum in ‘Willy Wonka” – ‘overinflated’ best describes it. Please God let this week end soon.

Sometimes life gives you a gift

On a scale of “cat in water” to “fish in water” my swimming has been closer to the cat end of the scale. It’s my fault – once I finished last year’s tri, I just never found the time to swim very much. That is, until a couple of weeks ago when I realized I was doing a tri again in April. Time to drag my butt to the pool!

So, Friday I really didn’t want to exercise after work. Worse, I had to go home & let the dogs out. The sofa was singing its evil siren song. Luckily, I’m not very bright – I convinced myself I was putting on workout clothes and packing a gym bag so I could drive to the store for beer. Hee hee! I drove past the store and to the gym. One victory down! And another was waiting for me in the pool. It was the best swim so far – I managed to swim multiple laps in a row without feeling claustrophobic or weird. Woo Hoo! I may actually be ready for the tri next month. It was a great swim.

Saturday was my rest day and yesterday was my 13 mile run. I have to say it went very well. I ran the first 6 miles on my 2 mile loop in the neighborhood. Then I ran the 7 mile out and back to the cemetery. I hadn’t run it yet this year. The down side was it was later in the day and there was a lot of traffic (must run it earlier). But it was great to be out of the neighborhood and running through different scenery. I had my CamelBak and a fanny pack with my Hammer Gel (have I mentioned that stuff tastes nasty? :-)

After the run, I iced my feet while eating a PB sandwich. Then I took a nice long bath & laid of the sofa (using ice occasionally) and finished watching Saturday’s Tivo-ed SCi-Fi original picture “Skeleton Man”. What a dog of a movie! And the rest of the mini-series “Earth Sea Trilogy”. So, a nice afternoon.

Food was pretty good this weekend. I did indulge my taste buds in some cheese dip Friday night (with ‘light’ taco chips). Thankfully, they seem to have stopped putting the crack in the cheese dip – it’s not quite as tasty as it used to be. I enjoyed it, and then I went to bed!

Thank you very much! (but the scale still sucks!)

Wow. Imagine my shock when my email was chock full of replies to my post, as well as personal messages. Thanks! It’s like I wrote to Lee: sometimes I feel like I am shouting in the forest, but the shouting still helps me, even if no one hears. But it is nice to get feedback - I get so much from the blogs I read. And I am going to check Jack’s out for sure once I read his comment. I really enjoy reading men’s blogs as well. It is amazing how supportive people are of each other! And you read so many discouraging things about losing weight (and keeping it off) in the news - it is refreshing to hear from and about regular folks who are doing just that very thing.

Most people start their weight loss journey as a ‘1’ – some turn into 2s. Some never do. And that’s okay – I wasn’t criticizing at all. Some people hate exercise, do the bare minimum, lose weight, and go on with their life. I wish I didn’t have a body that needed a huge exercise investment in order to lose weight, but that’s the way I am. Luckily, I’ve learned to like it. The funny thing is, I rarely enjoyed exercise when I was in the Army. Eight years of doing something nearly every workday, and not really enjoying it. How sad is that?

There were a few runs in Hawaii I loved when I was stationed there – the Aloha run was a great organized race, and I used to run the course of the Kole Kole half marathon on a regular basis. If you aren’t familiar with the race, the first 5-6 miles winds through Schofield barracks and is very pleasant – the next couple of miles is uphill climbing to the mountain pass on a road that cuts through fairly thick jungle-esque forest. At the top is Kole Kole pass (and a huge 3 story cross marking the pass) that supposedly the Japanese planes flew through on their way to bomb Pearl Harbor. Once you reach the top of the pass, as the Ranger who lived next door once said to me “then someone steps on the back of your shirt.” Boom. You’re headed downhill through the naval magazine. The plants are cactus and the climate is dessert. The trade wind is blowing off the ocean straight at you, and uphill on the other side is looking real good. Since I was stationed at Schofield, we’d run to the top, and then turn around. Much easier. The running in Hawaii was so gorgeous, I enjoyed it in spite of myself! But really, these past 2 years mark the first time in my ENTIRE life I’ve done exercise for pleasure. That is sad.

This week: Mr. Scale sucks – no weight gone. You think I’d be glad I didn’t gain after last Sunday’s binge, but some people just are ungrateful wretches!

Other than Sunday, food has been good. Okay, I ate a sugar cookie yesterday, but besides that…. Okay, I’ll be more focused on the food side of the equation next week. Getting enough rest I have down pat. And hey! Let’s check out exercise this week, where I totally rocked the house!

M: swam
T: ran 2 mi, 30 min walk at lunch, walked dogs 1 mi in evening
W: 2 mi walk, 30 min walk at lunch, upper body weights
H: 2 mi run, swam, walk 30 min at lunch
F: 2 mi walk
Planned:
F: more weights + swim after work, walk at lunch
S: rest day
S: 13 mi run

I know a tad bit more diligence with the food will pay off for sure next week. And considering its PMS week around here, I think keeping my face out of the bag of dark chocolate Dove bites in the freezer was pretty good!

Hope you all have a terrific weekend!

An observation about blogs

I read a lot of blogs. There are some I have read for years, others only for a short time. Most of the blogs I read are weight loss related – either someone losing, or having lost, weight. In general, the weight related blogs I read fall into one of two categories 1) the person hates exercise and only does it to lose weight. She struggles to do it – if this person develops any sort of regular routine, any illness or family situation etc that comes along will totally destroy their routine. Then they’ll start again, struggling to make exercise happen. 2) For this person, exercise has become a way of life. They now exercise for reasons other than weight loss. Eventually their eating will change to support their exercise, whether they are still losing weight or not. Gone are the tv dinners they used for ease of counting flex points, and hello whole foods which support a healthier lifestyle. Where do you fit? I love watching the 1s turn into 2s. That is what has been happening to me, and it rocks.

So, weight training was awesome last night. Supersets rule!

Superset 1:
Db row 30/12 35/10
Db press 25/12 30/10

SS2:
Super pullovers 20/12 (too easy) 25/12
Incline flye 20/12 25/10
Finish these parts with 360s using 10 dbs.

SS3:
Tri kickback 15/10 15/10
Bicep curl 20/4 20/7 (why was I so weak here last night????)

SS4:
Tri overhead press 30/10 35/10
21s 15/10 15/10

Shoulders:
Overhead press 20/10 25/8
Alternating front & lateral raises 12.5/6 ea X 2

3 negative chin-ups

Ran 2 miles this morning. It was cold and my inner whiny brat wanted to argue, but inner drill sergeant kicked her to the curb and got our a$$ outta bed!

Today I noticed that my pants are a little baggy where my tummy used to be more flabby…… Yeah baby!

Do any humans read this stuff? Sometimes I wonder…..

Please Pass Miss Lousy-Mom Cranky-Pants her Machine Gun please.

Here is the deal: I am in a lousy mood. There are a number of possible culprits: a frustrating day at work yesterday, PMS, lack of weight lifting Monday (I swam instead), or possible electrolyte imbalance due to the fact that my dinner went through me like the Jamaican bobsled team (ahem). On the way to work, I found myself fantasizing about a nice day out on a machine gun range.

I was in the Army for 8 years. There was plenty I disliked, but there was a lot I loved. Being a machine gunner is high on that list. Working the machine gun range was a blast, especially if you got to be one of the people at the end of the day helping use up the extra ammo. Really, there is a tremendous primal satisfaction to be derived from putting a couple thousand rounds through a machine gun so fast that the barrel begins to warp (it’s okay – the assistant gunner carries a spare). I was an expert with a machine, and frequently won beer off the foolish Rangers who didn’t think a “girl” could out-shoot them. Heh. Remember, my hobby is putting on medieval armor and hitting people with rattan swords. I am hoping to curb my violent tendencies tonight at the gym, with an upper body workout that will have my muscles begging for mercy – in a good way.

I feel guilty because we went out to dinner last night. I was just emotionally beaten down to the point where heating up a can of soup & making a grilled cheese sandwich sounded like to much d&mn work. How messed up is that? I wanted to relax in the tub, but instead got a running commentary from a 10 year old on the other side of the door about how long I’d been in there. We had also gone out Monday for somebody’s birthday dinner, which means home cooking is sparse around our place this week. This is not typical, and I feel bad about it.

What else? Monday swam. Tuesday ran 2 miles, 30 minute walk at lunch, then we walked the dogs 1 mile last night. Got up and walked 2 miles this morning, even though it was freaking freezing. I got spaghetti for dinner last night, but the half I ate of my meal didn’t seem to hang around for long. I was in the kind of pissy mood that I used to squash with food. I did have a bag of soy chips with some diet pepsi after dinner. This morning I am listening to my world flute relaxation CD, drinking diet cocoa, and hoping this will pass soon. I hate being crabby – it seems like such s waste of time & energy.

I read this blog, and she posted this a few days ago:

“I am ready to just be a woman instead of the large woman. I am ready to be a triathlete instead of the fat chick doing a triathlon. I am ready to be a runner instead of the fat woman out jogging to lose weight.”

That is exactly how I feel.

And now, back to some exercise talk

I didn’t mention it yesterday, but I had the most amazingly mediocre 6 mile run on Saturday. I just totally couldn’t get into it. My attitude was “ho, hum” the whole time. I hate that, but it wasn’t painful either….

I have to make some changes to my workout routine. My swim last week showed me that laying off the swimming for 7 months meant I lost a lot. Well, the tri is in 6 weeks (hello!??! Where has the time gone???). Which means I need to be swimming more. So, gotta juggle things around. I will have to scale back on weight training – I only have X amount of time at the gym and something’s gotta give. It has to be the weights. :-(

Right now my priorities are 1) marathon training 2) triathlon training 3) maintain muscle mass through weight training 4) whatever fun is left over.

Yesterday was a good day food-wise. It’s nice to have things back to normal. I’m feeling better already. I swam last night. Ugly is all I can say……

More on my last post

Chris asked some good questions in his comment on my last post. Rather than tuck the answers away there, I thought I would do a follow up post.

First off, let me say that I have never had an eating disorder. I do occasionally suffer from “disordered” eating. It’s not just semantics – I think many many people suffer from bouts of “disordered eating” from time to time in this country. Just like partying in college doesn’t necessarily make you an alcoholic, but the behavior isn’t good either.

Yes, I have been in counseling in the past to deal with some of the underlying issues. Some of it is there, some of it is just the fact that I have the kind of personality that makes it easy for me to turn to food for comfort. It is something I am very conscious of, but I still get caught in the trap from time to time. Overall I have made a lot of progress, but even with vigilance I still “fall” sometimes. I just move on, since it can’t be undone. But I don’t put it out of my head – I use it as a learning opportunity. Just like practicing a new skill – every mistake teaches me some new things.

When I am going to binge, I prefer beer and dark chocolate and cheese. Yes, I will consume all three pretty much together. Weird. Popcorn is good too, probably because it is one of the few “snack” foods that is allowed to exist in my home.

Econ 101

So, I had a binge yesterday. A series of unfortunate events (being tired, getting caught out in the middle of errands at lunchtime, and a husband that uses food as reward & comfort, for both himself and me) came together, with predictable results. I’m not blaming it on my husband, but he does make it more difficult to stop when these things happen. He means well, but it still makes it tough.

In economics, the phenomenon of why the 6th beer doesn’t taste as good as the first is known as “diminishing marginal utility”. In a nutshell, when you eat something you receive “utility” – pleasure and getting full. With each additional thing you eat, you receive less and less until you stop consuming. Economics presumes “rational” behavior. So, at first glance, a binge appears to be an irrational act. Let’s face it – you do get less and less pleasure from the food the more you eat, and once you are full the food actually begins to make you feel bad. Where is the rationale in continuing to eat?

That’s where it helps to understand “utility” – a made up unit of measure to describe whatever positive “stuff” you get from consuming. Consuming, food, education, books, whatever. You spend time, money, effort, whatever. Most people think the “utility” we get from food is the pleasure of eating as well as fueling up our bodies. Going beyond that point is “irrational” behavior.

The missing component here is that people fail to factor all “utility” into the equation. And the missing utility is what drives a binge. Yes, I felt worse as I consumed too much yesterday, but I also received psychological comfort from the binge. And I also understand that I receive an emotional payoff by being overweight. My fat protects me from certain things. I have come to understand that. That’s why I’ve had to lose weight so slowly – to “sneak” up on it as it were. Inching my way slowly toward my goal weight – like sneaking up on a wild animal in the forest. Trying to make myself comfortable as the scale has slowly edged downward. I still struggle with that, although it is getting better. But binging comforts me emotionally – which is why getting caught out, tired and hungry, with a husband who orders me a second beer is not a good thing. I am too tired to fight at that point.

Luckily, I am getting better at protecting myself from the circumstances that lead to binge behavior. I’ve learned to rest when I get tired and not push myself to just keep going until I am finished. I’ve worked on convincing myself that the 15 pounds of fat are no longer necessary to protect myself emotionally. And I’ve taken it slowly so I don’t get scared off.

My son had a great birthday weekend, with lots of fun activities. But I have to admit, I feel like a very tired stuffed sausage! I want a salad for dinner, and maybe some nice tomato soup. I’m tired of rich food, beer, and anything with sugar. I am ready to get back to normal. And I’m already figuring out how to schedule next weekend so I don’t get so tired out that I am vulnerable again.

Moving Forward

Well, the bad news is I am getting sick. Yesterday the left side of my sinuses was stopped up, and I felt like someone was jamming an ice pick into my left ear. Not good. I went swimming anyway, doing 6 laps. Not a lot, but hey, better than nothing. I slept in this morning – it was cold and I wasn’t sure that would be the best thing. It’s a walk day, so I will walk with hubby later on.

The good news is I dropped 1.5 pounds from last week! I was very glad to see a solid loss. My goal for March is 3 pounds – that a 0.75 pounds a week. That may not sound like great shakes, but I know my body – slower is better and slow is all I ever get in any case. I am still feeling terrific about how on track my eating was last weekend. I know I can do it again!

That’s about all that is new with me. I am doing a 6 mile recovery run tomorrow – I think I’ll do it in the afternoon as its supposed to be cold again tonight. Sunday I plan to do at least a few laps. Lots to do this weekend with the boy's birthday bash going on. He turns the big 1-0 come Monday. He’s such a great kid. I am blessed.

Sleep Away the Pounds

I’ve read several articles lately that have talked about the role of sleep in weight loss. Looks like it isn’t that simple equations of calories in (food) versus calories out (exercise). Weight loss appears to be a 3 legged stool, with the third component being sleep. Without the third leg, it’s tough to balance.

Weight lifters have known about the importance of sleep for a long time. That’s when we really build muscles – while we sleep. We tear them down in the gym. Looks like sleep is also the time our body likes to “take care of business” without any distractions – stuff like regulating our hormones. Gee, those have something to do with weight loss…

I am a girl that needs her sleep. I’m a 7.5 to 8 hour per night person. This morning when I woke up it was pouring, so I treated myself to an extra hour. Nine hours of sleep! What a luxury! And after last night’s lifting session, I bet I needed every second of it!

Yesterday was good for a number of reasons. I ate well, finishing off at 5:30 with a yummy dinner of Chicken Marengo (sautéed chicken in a tomato sauce over a little rice). It’s a “desperation dinner” – I get a lot of my recipes from the desperation dinner column of the local paper, or from the show “30 Minute Meals” on the Food network, or various crock pot recipes (do you see a trend here?). I don’t have a lot of time to cook during the week, but I insist on a home cooked meal 5 nights per week.

I did 2 2 mile runs – one in the morning alone and one in the afternoon with my son. While he did tae kwon do, I did a killer upper body workout. First 2 sets of push-ups to warm up (there ise only 1 kind of push-up, the Army push-up, and it does not involve knees). Then 2 each of 2 exercises for each body part: back, chest, triceps, biceps, shoulders. Then I finished off with negative chin-ups until failure (thanks, Chris, for that idea). I managed 2. I guess that means my workout was good. My muscles were shaking when I was waiting for my son. But no soreness today.

This afternoon I am swimming,

Bulking Up (Your Food)

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend yesterday afternoon. She has made a lot of positive lifestyle changes. I’m really proud of her! But she readily admits she really needs to tackle her weight. I know her family history – growing up in a family where food isn’t considered food unless it’s fried in fatback and the ultimate sin is to throw food away. It’s hard to overcome our childhood messages about food.

But we can overcome those messages and she is working on it. She said she didn’t want to go to her 300 pound doctor for advice on weight loss (who can blame her?). We talked about different things. I told her so many of the diets today boil down to eating lean protein, loads of fruits & veggies, and limiting carbohydrates to complex ones as much as possible. Eating unprocessed foods. And portion control. That’s when she groaned “how can you survive on that little bit of food!” She doesn’t want to starve (who does?). I mentioned I just finished “Volumetrics”, which I think has some great ideas. Really, it’s all about “bulking up” the food on your plate. I’ve been using this trick for a while. Offer a controlled portion, then bulking up the dish with veggies. Adding a box of frozen spinach to soup or manicotti stuffing for example. She latched on to that idea and I hope she’ll look for the book at the library.

It’s been a busy and somewhat stressful week, but I’ve been holding my own on the food front. On the exercise front, all I did yesterday was a 30 minute walk at lunch. I had planned to run after work, but a nasty stress headache nixed that idea. Today I am doing 2 runs and lifting. I am feeling a little puffy – ick! Maybe some clean eating and plenty of exercise today can help cure that little issue!

The Wonder Woman Myth Debunked

Last Friday I read an article on msn.com about “stressed out moms”. The article was talking about women who push themselves in so many areas of their life – particularly to be a “perfect mom”, that they wind up exhausted – too tired to enjoy their kids, their husbands, anything.

I remember what I watched on tv as a little girl: “Wonder Woman”, “Bionic Woman”, even “Charlie’s Angels”. It was the 70s and yes, there was plenty of t&a and gender bias in those shows (go back and watch a few episodes of “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”), but they also sent a very empowering message to little girls. These might not have been the perfect role models, but they were strong women who were (mostly) taking care of themselves. The message was “you can be anything!” and it felt great.

Then along came the 80’s – Oprah and Reaganomics. The American economy was booming. Somewhere along the line the message girls and women received got changed. It was no longer “you can do anything”, it was “you can have everything.”

Did you ever see Steve Martin in the movie “The Jerk”? There is a scene where he has lost everything and he is wandering through the house. He clutches a thermos and says “This is all I need. Just this thermos. That’s all. And that pen. And that….” Pretty soon, he’s carrying so much crap that it is falling out of his arms but he keeps on picking up more. That’s the perfect metaphor for how many people live their lives today.

Have you ever heard the term “subject matter expert”? It’s someone who specializes in knowing a great deal about something. Have you ever known anyone who thought they were a subject matter expert in everything? Weren’t they annoying? But that’s how a lot of people live, women in particular. They honestly think they can be a CEO, a terrific mom, a great triathlete, found their own charitable organization, and still find time to attend the opera and put a gourmet meal on the table every night. And that myth gets perpetuated, so that we are made to feel inferior if we don’t achieve those goals. No wonder these women are exhausted!

It’s all a sham. I’m sorry, but it is. You cannot hold everything in your arms. You can hold several things, but not everything. You can’t be a subject matter expert in everything. It’s a lie. It’s that simple, and that hard.

It is hard to let go of perfectionism. To say “I will never come in first place in a bike race, because having a relatively clean house is also important to me.” Because it means letting go of some dreams, and admitting you have to make choices. It means admitting your own humanity.

Yes Virginia, Stretching is Bad

I have long believed that stretching is not good. Taking a cold muscle and forcing it to stretch has never seemed logical to me. What Jeff said was this "If you have stretches that work for you, fine. But out of the 150,000 people I have worked with, way more have been injured if they stretch versus those who don't." He went on to quote a study which showed that stretching is the #3 cause of injury among runners, among those who stretch it's #1. Personally, I never stretch. Take it for what it's worth.

And then an android took over my body!

Okay, 3 reports for the price of one! The food report, the run report, and the Jeff Galloway running clinic report.

1) An android took over my body. This is the only possible explanation for my eating habits over the weekend. No out of control eating, only 2 beers the entire weekend. Clearly not me! Just kidding. Being focused on other things helped, as did the fact that my long run was on Sunday. That kept me on the straight and narrow Saturday.

Food Friday after work:
1 Miller Lite and a snack bag of soy chips. Large but reasonable dinner at Golden Corral.

Saturday:
B: egg biscuit
S: string cheese and an apple
L: grilled chicken salad, 1 Miller Lite
S: string cheese & half a soft pretzel at Costco
D: homemade chicken pot pie
S: Jr. cheeseburger at Wendy’s

(I realized on the way home from an errand that I was starved. While this wasn’t the very best choice, I wanted something that was a balance of fat, protein, and carbs. And I knew I needed to eat since I had my long run in the morning. I did not want to wake up starving.)

Sunday:
B: Zone bar
S: peanut butter sandwich
L: Jr cheeseburger & small fry at Wendy’s
S: soy chips and water
D: homemade manicotti & salad

While I didn’t always make the very best choice, my portions were good, and I generally avoided empty calories.

2) The run report. Much better this weekend! I ate a whole Zone bar beforehand, and used my Gel every 2 miles. (BTW, this synced up nicely with the recommendations Jeff gave Sunday). After the run (11 miles) I was tired but okay. I had a peanut butter sandwich and took a hot bath (he said cool is much better) and took a half hour nap. Then I got up and got dressed for the running clinic. I was starving again, and had to grab something on the way. The fries were not the best choice, but I was super hungry!

3) The running clinic. If you ever have a chance, I would highly recommend going to one of these! Jeff Galloway was a very nice man. I took home a lot of great information and a renewed sense of motivation. Some highlights: He took us outside and showed up a few running drills. He spent time with each of us analyzing our running form. The class was great. He gave us info on nutrition (great stuff on day of especially), building speed & endurance, stretching (it’s bad!), pedometers.. I could go on & on. I’m sure I’ll drop pieces of info I’ve gleaned as I incorporate the stuff into my running. One great thing we discussed was what do you do with your running program AFTER the marathon (or whatever event you are training for). Anyway, kudos for this program!

Crud

I have somehow lost my email over on the left. Hmm.. Ogg go figure out computer now.... in the meantine, it's bneca@hotmail.com if you want to contact me.

Thanks for the recipe Megan. I really enjoyed Lance's book "Every Second Counts" - it's his second biography, and focuses on his training and riding in the Tour de France. His first book "It's Not About the Bike" (which I am reading now) is about his battle with cancer, getting his mojo back, and starting a family. I really enjoyed the other book, and I stayed up until 10 last night reading this one (that's late for me!). It is very motivational and a great read

Lucky Number 7

Well, Lance has officially announced he'll ride in the Tour de France this year. Very cool. I saw the finish when I was in Paris back in.... 1991? I wasn't into cycling then, it was literally a coincidence that I was in Paris that weekend at all. I am currently reading his first biography "It's Not About the Bike" - I read the second last year. I'm not surprised he came to the NC mountains to get his mojo back. They are pretty special.

Down 1.5 pounds this week. I'm not exactly feeling my mojo, but I'm doing okay. Lifted yesterday - supersets of bis & tris:

paramont machine:
bi: 5/10 x 3
tri: 7.5/10 x 3

db curl (with twist): 15/12 20/10 25/8
tri overhead press: 30/12 35/10 40/8

dips between benches: 25/10 30/10 35/10
21s: 15 lb

I also did my 30 minute walk, a 1 mile run (my walkman batteries died!), and walked the dogs with the hubster. So a pretty active day.

Today I came into work early so I can leave early (flexing your time rocks). Besides the fact that I am way more productive early in the morning, it means more time tonight. I want to do back & chest plus HIIT, then get home to do some tidying up around the house. Not a thorough cleaning, but a start so hubby won't have so much housework tomorrow.

We are heading to the Golden Corral buffet tonight so I don't have to cook. Also on today's agenda is planning the menu for the weekend, and also for next week. Want to make sure I keep plenty of filling veggies in there so I can keep going.

Next weekend is my son's various birthday activities. It's also the weekend I begin to get a shorter "recovery run" between adding mileage. Only 6 miles! Woo hoo! Piece of cake :-)

Time for a break!

Yesterday on the way home, I realized I was just mentally & physically fatigued. So, change of plans - I did get up & walk yesterday (2 miles) plus did my 30 minute walk at lunch, but I took the evening off. The only bad part was that my husband got home late (like, after I went to bed). I didn't want to start a Netflix movie - I wanted to watch "Troy" together. So I trolled the channels (tv sucks, whcih is why I rarely watch it). Boredom = you know what. A little case of overeating! Luckily, there wasn't too much overeating, but I did have a couple too many beers. I really hate the fact that beer makes me feel like caca the next day.

But it's back to normal today. I am looking hard at Krista's new program (see my earlier post). I think it's time to change up my lifting.

Today is chest, back, & low back, plus 2 mile run. Hopefully the hubster will get home in time for us to walk the dogs. It's been very cool to not have to take my son anywhere this week. His tutoring (for reading) will be over the end of this school year, so that halves our after school obligations! woo hoo! He really enjoys tae kwon do, and I am happy to keep taking him as long as he wants to be involved. (Besides, that's my gym time!)

Is summer here yet?

You will work for me!

I realized something this morning while out on my morning walk: I don’t want to be a slave to food – I want food to be a slave to me. Serving my purposes, meeting my needs, fueling my body so I can do the things I want.

So, it’s time for a “flip” in my thinking. I think that has started the past couple of days. Part of the problem is that food has always served as entertainment and reward etc., as well as fuel. I’ve given it too many hats – no wonder it’s running the show. Food is certainly a pleasure – I’m not saying that is wrong. But there has to be a better balance.

The past couple of days I have looked at food as fuel primarily. I’ve been working out harder than usual, and my eating has been more regimented than usual. I’ve added a post workout glass of chocolate milk or a morning serving of soy chips if I’ve needed it – I’ve been getting exercise 4 times a day (2 “exercise” sessions and 2 “pleasure walks”). So I haven’t been starving myself – but I’ve been fueling my workouts rather than holding a “party in my mouth” multiple times a day.

The weekends are the hardest for me. Partly because I work too hard on the weekend and I use food as a reward. And partly because I have conditioned myself to believe that it’s okay to sit in a chair if I am eating, but wrong if I am just sitting there.

Time to work on my thinking.

Yesterday was good: 2 mile run before work, 30 minute walk at lunch, swim after work, ½ mile walk with the dogs & husband after dinner. Food was on plan, with a post swim serving of chocolate milk. Swimming makes me ravenous!

I need to sit down and plan my eating for the weekend. Once again, I have a lot to do, but I have a plan. If I plan my eating now, I should be able to stay on track.

I am wearing my smallest pair of size 14 jeans and they are comfortable. My smallest jeans I own are 10s – I am getting there.

Lifting weights made easy

http://www.stumptuous.com/weights.html Go there, and check out Krista's ideas under "workout for the time poor" in the "what's new?" section. Great ideas! Hmm... May revamp weight workout.....

Empowered

Really, that’s the word to describe how I am feeling today. Lots of good stuff:

Food yesterday was healthy and right on track. I feel it!

I feel like I exercised all day yesterday (in a good way). AM was 2 mile walk, then 30 minute walk at lunch with friend, then the gym after work: weights for legs, shoulders and abs, followed by HIIT on the elliptical. After dinner, hubby & I took the dogs for a ½ mile walk.

A good night’s sleep, followed by a terrific run in the fog this morning.

Oh yeah, and we’re getting about double what I expected on our income tax return. Woo hoo! If all goes well, our credit card debt could be history come June. We still have a home equity line, but it’s not hideous. God knows how good no credit card debt will feel!

Random Monday Stuff

I am glad I signed myself up for that thing with Jeff Galloway. I really want to ask him about my feet. My feet hurt after I run. Like, I had to ice my feet because the bottoms (espeically the heels) were so sore. Is this normal? I don’t want to wind up with plantar fascitis again this year.

My husband loved his gift. I gave it to him Friday night so he could go to class Saturday while I was running. He went to the 9 am class. He ran into the dad of one of our son’s classmates, who was headed in for the 11 am class. I guess Bikram is “manly” yoga.

Besides feeling much more relaxed after yoga (he didn’t even realize how stressed he was until he did that class), I gave him the go-ahead to take his bike in for repairs. It’s going to cost around $400. Ouch! But he will need it for the tri, and he needs to start riding to get ready for the tri, and biking is a big stress relief for him. He even wants to take it out of town with him so he can ride some – which I think is a great idea.

Saturday’s 10 mile run was rough. Beyond rough really. Like, I don’t remember a run that hard, ever. I ate a larger than normal but healthy dinner Friday night. Got up and had half a kashi bar with water. This may have been mistake #1. I can’t eat a whole kashi bar before I run (I get acid reflux), but next week I will switch to a whole Zone bar. A little more, but hopefully not too much. Also, I spilled the iced tea so I had no caffeine! ARGH!

I am still running loops in the neighborhood – hilly and boring, but safe. I set my jug of cranwater and bottle of Hammer gel on the mailbox post, and off I went. The first 2 miles were typical warming up – getting used to the notion of running. The next 2 miles were the best of the run – the sun was coming up and everything was just preternaturally bright. The neighborhood was quiet, the birds were chirping, the air smelled good. At the 4 mile mark I stopped for more water (I always stop for water) plus a potty break & some Hammer gel. Have I ever mentioned how skanky that stuff is? Anyway, the next 2 miles were also good, but by mile 7, I was feeling tired. By mile 8 I was sad. I stopped at the house and used more gel, plus had another potty break. Talking myself out of just stopping for a quick nap on the toilet was hard. I finally convinced myself that if I had to, I could walk the last 2 miles. I actually made it, with only the normal walk breaks.

After the run, I ate a peanut butter sandwich (Rebecca’s suggestion – it does make a great post-run snack!) and took a bath. The hubster got home from yoga and we went to eat at an Indian buffet. I didn’t go overboard, but ate well. Then we went to the bike shop, where I fell asleep in the car for 30 minutes! That’s how long my husband was in there discussing repairs.

I didn’t have a blinding headache, and I did manage to do stuff that day after the run (unlike some days), but I clearly bonked during the run. It’s either my food or the fact that my doctor switched my neurotransmitter supplements so I take more at night. I am adding more pre-run food, will stop every 2 miles for gel next weekend and see if that helps.

On the food front: much better weekend! I had a “free” meal Saturday night – an unplanned trip to a Mexican restaurant. Last night I had popcorn & 2 beers. So, nothing too dreadful. This week is pretty strict. Here’s the plan:

B: smoothie or oatmeal
S: 1 string cheese & veggie sticks
L: salmon or tuna with garbanzos & greek vinegarette. ½ serving of rice-a-roni, and steamed veggies.
S: 1 string cheese & an apple. Cauliflower soup.
D: tv dinner & salad.

I got up and walked 2 miles this morning – hubby walked the first mile with me. I think he is finding his groove back. I hope so!

Be My Valentine

So, I tried calling my husband but he didn't answer the phone. I wanted to let him know I had my own Valentine gift pretty well covered - I found out Jeff Galloway is teaching a half day training session in Winston-Salem. He covers training, eating to burn fat, answers questions, and will help you with your running form. I love his book "Marathon!" and that is my training bible. Love it!

Cybil's evening out

Boy was last night weird. I left work a bit early so I can go to Winston-Salem and buy my husband's Vanetine's gift: a 10 class pass to Bikram Yoga. The man loves it, loves the teacher, and wants to go back. I was considering this as a gift, and then he montioned the other day he'd like to go back. I was so proud of myself for giving my husband a gift that was healthy and won't clutter up the house. "The gift of health" - am I a good wife or what?

So then I'm driving home and said husband calls, so pissed off he sounds like his head is about to explode. His boss had them drive nearly 3 hours away to a job site, but the boss of that job had already called J and told him he didn't need anyone up there till next week. So my husband spent as much time in the car as he did working because his boss screwed up. So, I don't have enough food and he wants a cold beer.

So, I go to the store, purchase extra ingredients so I can double dinner, and a 12 pack. After my wonderful "gift of health" I had 3 beers, chicken and dumplings, and a few token green beans for dinner. The carb bloat is killing me this morning!

No wonder I was up 2.5 pounds on the da*& scale.

Pictures

For the interested (or really bored) I have added a link to my pictures on yahoo. You can see what I look like. And my family, and house, and dogs, and bathroom, and.....

A week without lifting

I didn't plan to take this week off from lifting weights, but my energy level has been so abysmal that that is exactly what has happened.

Next week I plan to lift 3 days and use HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptcal to kick my metabolism up a notch. Time to start working on my last few pounds.

A little more

So, I have time to breathe – but just for a minute.

The weekend was good but weird. I finally unwound a little bit. The run was good, and just sitting around was good too. That’s something I rarely do, and I think I needed it!

I am going to go back to weighing every Friday – every 2 weeks isn’t often enough to keep me on the straight & narrow.

The running is going pretty good. I do need to up my weekday intensity, but I am on track with marathon training. I ran 9 miles this past weekend. I have a 10 mile run planned for this weekend. I have begun using that “goo” to keep me fueled during my runs. That mess is nasty!

It was so awesome to be able to run in shorts & t-shirt this weekend. That taste of spring was (hopefully) enough to keep me going till we get the real thing!

Next week my son has winter break and is going to his grandpa’s for the week. So no after work activities, other than running some much needed errands and hitting the gym. Hopefully I won’t go mental and lay around every evening, drinking beer and eating Chef Boyardee and Little Debbie cakes for dinner. Sometimes I can run amok without supervision. Is that sad or what?

As happened last year when my runs got up into the longer distances, I find myself in this whole “eat to run or run to eat” situation. I don’t fuel properly for running, then justify my crap by the fact that I ran for 4 hours. Can I just blame this part weekend on the Superbowl and move on?

Speaking of which, what was your favorite commercial? I loved the diet Pepsi commercial with Carson that was reminiscent of the opening of “Saturday Night Fever.” Clever. And then followed by the dumbest commercial of the game – that godaddy.com crap. How dumb was that? I tivo-ed the game so I could replay the commercials.

While I was home sick yesterday, Sci-Fi channel showed a marathon of “Buck Roger’s in the 25th Century”. My son is hooked. I wish I looked like that in spandex. Just saying.

Still Here

Home the past 2 days - first with sick son then with sick me. feeling better (more relaxed as an added bonus). Ran 9 miles on Saturday - spent the rest of the day vegging in front of the tv....

Indoor run averted.

Whew! That was a close one! Just as I was leaving work, the clouds were breaking up. It was 35 or so when I got home, and not raining!

The boy ran the first mile with me, then peeled off and I ran the last mile alone.

I have noticed 2 things this week:
1) On runs (or any other cardio) other than my long run, my intensity is not high enough.
2) I have eaten crap after dinner for the past 3 days. Not good.

Maybe I will go back to weighing every week instead of every other week.

Running on the “dreadmill”

So, for the first time this year I have to run indoors. The dreadmill, or the inside track, I get to pick my poison! I’ve been lucky so far this year, but it is yucky and raining pretty hard outside, so I just don’t see an outdoor workout happening.

Our friend Chris came to town & took us out to dinner last night. We went to our favorite Mexican place (now his favorite also!) and ate the owner’s mom’s homemade tamales, grilled cactus, posole, and an amazing sautéed seafood platter. We ate everything “family style”, sharing it around. It was really nice.

I think my funk may be attributed to several things: it’s national water retention week, winter (which I hate), and feeling overwhelmed by stuff at home.

My husband goes away for weekends – sometimes to medieval events without me, sometimes to play D&D, but I have never had a weekend where HE did all the housework. I am having one this weekend (he promised). It coincides with his D&D game (it rotates and this weekend it’s at our house). I am curious to see how much he does. Sometimes I resent that fact, but only I have the power to speak up for myself.

Also, I have made a new rule that my son can’t go away for the weekend to visit his grandparents until a list of chores is complete - it’s all of 10 minutes worth of work, but he is old enough to take on more responsibility. Tonight I am going to do something nice for myself. Hmm, something that doesn’t involve food….

Oh yeah? Well MY dad trains jewish mothers for a living!

Well, he could have. A master at making a person feel like utter crap, he could lay a guilt trip smoother than a road paver lays asphalt.

The really pitiful thing is that I don't think my feelings are that out of the norm (I mean, who doesn't worry about taking good enough care of their kids?) but I was trained to feel guilty if I felt bad.

Discordant

I’ve been a bit unhappy lately. First, I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed fortunate. I live a fairly comfortable middle class existence in the wealthiest country in the world, which means I have time for introspection because I don’t have to struggle to feed my child or worry about rebel insurgents.

There are things I would like to be, that I don’t feel I am. I view myself as an athletic outdoorsy woman, with a bit of euro-funk thrown in. What I look like is a sedentary suburban soccer mom. That bothers me. That’s why I hate being overweight. How I look is not a reflection of how I feel.

And I struggle. With keeping my house clean. With keeping (fairly) healthy meals on the table. We eat out once a week. I fix every other meal we eat. I can’t really afford to buy organic everything. I try to shop at the farmer’s market, buy unprocessed foods, etc. I spend several hours every Sunday preparing food for my family for the week because I can’t do it all during the week.

I find myself stressing over what I haven’t done, what needs to be done, etc. I think I spend too much time worrying about that and not enough time enjoying my family. I should worry less, but I honestly don’t know how to stop. I’ve always been wound pretty tight (as it were), even as a child. I dunno. Anybody tried meditation?

Whipping my Family into Shape

So, yesterday afternoon my son & I went for a 1.5 mile jog - our first to train for our April triathlon (he is doing the running portion). At the gym I lifted weights - legs, shoulders, & abs. It never ceases to amaze me how easily I can work my legs to the point of being sore, but upper body, no way. I dunno if its because lately legs have been getting the short end of the stick, or I don't go really heavy on upper since I don't have a spotter...

This morning, the hubster got up with me and walked a mile - I looped around for 1 more. So, exercise is happening. I wonder if I will ever consider myself an "athlete"????

Oh, food yesterday was excellent! Go me!

Weekend Recap

Friday: Ate my chi ghee and watched “Pumping Iron” in blissful solitude.

Saturday: aka “Angst Day.” Spent my 7 mile run (should have been 8) thinking I should really hurry to the grocery store b/c it was going to the crowded due to impending snow and I really had to hurry home b/c the boy was getting dropped of from a birthday sleepover at 10:45…. I could stand the anguish no longer, thus cutting short my run. My worst fears were realized, as I got to the grocery and half the town was milling about (the other half were randomly driving around) and the shelves looked like locusts had been there. Think the busiest shopping day of the year, and you’ve got a southern grocery store right before snow.

Got home, went to pick up the boy (the mom was going to let the kids stay later but we had things to do), we went to my mom’s & then we all went to CostCo. Bought a couple of things I needed and had lunch, then dropped the boy and mom back at her place and headed to the salon to get my hair cut (love the new style BTW). On the way there it started snowing, so of course everyone slowed down to 10 and began crashing into each other. I got home safely, and spent the rest of the day cleaning, watching some stuff on tivo and dvd, and trying to un-stress from the morning.

Sunday: Got up early to finish the house and cooking. Which I did, but by the time I was finished I was very tired and ticked because the Bess was in full-blown CMD mode (Chihuahua of mass destruction), destroying 2 throw pillows in the living room and peeing on the rug 3 times. So yes, the afternoon ended with a beer & food binge (not good!).

The husband came home from his weekend away to a clean house, hot meal, and very stressed wife!

Going Down

The scale was down 1.5 pounds this week - woo hoo! So, I am making progress in getting that holiday weight off - only 2.5 pounds to "virgin fat territory." I feel good about what I am doing.

What I am having a tough time with is fitting weight training into a marathon training program that doesn't think you are lifting any weights other than maybe upper body once a week. So, gonna skip legs this week (big baby cry here cause I love doing legs) so that I can move them to Monday night - the max farthest from my long run on the weekend.

Busy day, gotta fly.

My hubby loves me

Yes, he does. How do I know? Because he brought me my watch and wedding ring, which I forgot in my haste to get out of the house this morning. Also, because he is working in Fayetteville today, which means he is stopping to bring me bulgogi and kim chee from a yummy Korean restaurant. YUM! I wouldn’t be averse to a nice steaming bowl of chi gae, but I suspect that wouldn’t travel as well as the others. I could happily live on Korean food, and pretty much did when I lived in Hawaii. Well, with plenty of fresh seafood & veggies & sushi….

I slept in yesterday, recovering from the effects of “forgotten purse syndrome”. I never did get in any cardio, but I got a fantastic workout at the gym. I did back, biceps, & low back I did lat pulldowns, db rows, db curls (full motion), and hammer curls. Then did the cybex low back machine – 3 sets of everything. The biceps were a “drop superset”. I did one exercise then the other, both to failure, the decreased my weight and did that again. No resting. Whew! It’s a quick way to kill your arms!

Then I went down the hall to get my son from tae kwon do. The instructor makes the kids do push-ups if they are late. Since it was my fault we were late last night, I offered to do the push-ups. He said “drop and give me fifty” (been a few years since I heard that!). I dropped to the floor & started knocking them out. He couldn’t believe I could do 50 push-ups. The kids were amazed! Hee hee hee. Sometimes it’s the little things that make me glad I’m in decent shape.

Food was also good – I treated myself a Miller Lite as I read the new “Cooking Light” weight loss book – most of the info wasn’t new to a veteran dieter & avid reader like me, but the recipe section is terrific. I will definitely be trying some of those!

I slept in again today (if you call 6 sleeping in, which I do), but that’s cool because my plan was to run this afternoon when it is a little bit warmer. I prefer to run in the morning, but afternoon is okay too in the wintertime. I can’t run well in the heat.

Well, about all I know today.

A terrific lady writes a wonderful blog, but she is taking a break, basically because she has gotten some very hurtful e-mail concerning her blog. I'm always glad when people leave me positive little plugs, and I'm grateful no one has done that to me. Mean people suck.

I’ll laugh about it some-day, just not to-day!

So, I get home last night and realized I left my purse at work. How is this possible? Because I usually put it in my huge-ass work bag, but couldn’t because my 5 year anniversary gift from the company (I chose the binoculars because I thought my son would like them) was in the bag where my purse goes.

So, I drive back to work, grab the purse, take son to the tutor (you know it’s in the opposite direction, right?). We finally get there, and I realize it is now dark and we have left the dogs outside. So, I drop him, drive home, put dogs in warmth, drive back, then drive to the restaurant of his choice, then drive home. To recap: west to get boy, east to get purse, we go west again to tutor, south to go to dinner, northeast to get back home. I drove for 4 hours. How was your evening?

Despite all this, I didn’t do too bad at the restaurant. Yes, I ate some of the chips (it was our favorite Mexican place). But I would have eaten a basket of cardboard at that point, so surely they don’t count. I then had 2.5 of the best homemade steamed chicken tamales ever created, and half of my son’s refried beans. And 1 Miller Lite, strictly for medicinal purposes.

I think we wound up tying each other for the “captain cranky-pants” award, and we both agreed we would laugh about someday, but yesterday wasn’t gonna be that day!

Food:
B: sexed up oatmeal
S: 1 lowfat string cheese and raw veggies with some homemade baba ganoush dip (1 tiny but of olive oil, no tahini)
L: 1/3 of a large sweet potato with cinnamon & splenda, a can of tuna with more raw veggies and 2 T of vinegarette (homemade)
S: 1 lowfat string cheese, 1 orange, 2 dove dark chocolate bites and a cup of my veggie soup (0 pt for you weight watchers out there)
L: 2.5 tamales, half an order of refried beans, uncounted chips, and 1 miller lite

Exercise:
Ran 2 miles – gosh, 22 is so much warmer than 9!

This morning it was a balmy 37, but you do understand why my carcass stayed in the bed until 6 am, right???

Sexed Up Oatmeal

This is what I call my oatmeal. I never liked oatmeal (I can chow down on some grits though). But because I am stubborn and everyone I know kept telling me that oatmeal is the most perfect food on the planet, I kept at it until I figured out a way I like it. Here Goes:

Neca’s “Sexed Up” Oatmeal

Make up a batch of oat groats on the weekend. These suckers take an hour or more to cook, so don’t leave this for Monday morning!

During the week: Make up ½ a serving of old fashioned oats (I do mine in the microwave) – then stir in a half a serving of the oat groats. I can’t eat the groats alone yet – the texture is still a little odd for me. But they are even healthier, so I like to use them. Steel cut oats are a good in between.

Add any or all of the following:
A dash of skim milk
Sugar free pancake syrup
Chopped nuts
Ground flax seed
Wheat germ
Frozen mixed berries (my favorite), raisins, craisins, or dried fruit
A little bit of granola (I buy this in bulk so I can try different flavors and I don’t add a lot because this can be pretty high in calories. So I buy small quantities).

By the time you’ve added that much stuff, you can’t really taste the oatmeal at all! And it winds up coming in around 300 calories a bowl. I try to keep breakfast between 250 and 300 calories so it will hold me until my mid morning snack, but leaves enough calories for the rest of the day.

That's pretty sexed up, IMO. :-)

Good morning!!!!!


Good morning everyone. I am in a very good mood today! For one, I had a great workout at the gym last night. I lifted weights (chest & triceps). I saw a guy doing an unusual chest exercise & I went over & asked him about it. Turns out he is a personal trainer (also retired form the army) - not only did he show me the exercise, but he was very encouraging and told me he's really noticed the changes in my body over the past couple of years. That made me feel good! And the exercise he showed me really added an extra punch to my workout.

For two, this morning I got up to run and my walkman was working! (It wouldn't work when I walked yesterday morning). Either 9 degrees is too cold for it to work, or its slowly dying but it took pity on me this morning and worked anyway. :-) It was a balmy 22 this morning, so both me & the walkman were working better, although I was a little tired from the gym still.

And for three, I ate really well yesterday, which makes me feel much better physically and emotionally. Here's the menu from yesterday:

B: "sexed up" oatmeal, a small cup of diet pepsi, and a glass of cranwater.
S: 1 lowfat string cheese and a bag of raw veggies: carrots, celery, and baby bell peppers.
L : More raw veggies & a can of tuna "marinated" with 2 T of a really great homemade vinegarette, a side of mashed potatoes (I needed some carbs to balance the meal & that's what looked good in the cafeteria!) and a diet pepsi.
S: 1 lowfat string cheese, 1.5 oranges, and a cup of my 0 pt veggie soup.
D: Baked pork chop (YUM!), half a small sweet potato, and braised cabbage.

Hope you all have a great day!

Is this thing still on???

Feel like I’ve been gone forever. Here’s the update on life, the universe, and everything.

1) Exercise. Last Sunday (the 16th) I ran 6 miles, proving I could be on track to do the June marathon. Yesterday was the next time I exercised, needing to run 7 miles to stay on track. I did it, but the week between was clearly not conducive to my physical fitness. I figure I could maybe make the 10 mile mark on sheer willpower, 12 if Freddy Krueger were chasing me with a chain saw.

The run yesterday felt good, despite the cold. This morning’s 2 mile walk did not. Why? When I got home I checked the thermometer and it read 9 degrees. I didn’t know that was a real temperature unless you lived in Canada.

Also, my walkman died. This is very sad because you can no longer purchase a walkman that plays tapes unless it also gets all tv channels and homelinks to your garage door opener and doubles as a dog groomer. This is how they change you a stupid amount of money for what used to be cheap. I guess everybody but us luddites is buying iPods.

2) Thank the gods that the diet Pepsi, pizza, and Miller Lite diet is over. I was seriously beginning to feel like crap. Gee, I wonder why????? I took a page out of Dave Draper’s book (literally) and I am eating much cleaner, although not the tuna and water he swears by.

3) Everything else. Attending a funeral last Monday for a woman my age was hard. Especially a nice and funny woman, who fought breast cancer tooth and nail for 5 years. Add to that the stress of the hubster having to go to a job 6 hours away, picking up the new car (a Kia Sedona – I can’t believe I drive a minivan!), blah blah blah, and it is was just on sucky week. But, life goes on for the living, and I’m getting back to where I want to be.

4) Annual physical. My doctor said I looked great, keep it up, and accept that I may not lose that extra 15 pounds. While I’m relieved it isn’t harming my health, I hate how it makes me feel. I really hate being overweight.

Here

I'm here. Feeling a little better, a little less overwhelmed. I plan on using Dave Draper's tuna diet for 3 days to clean the crap out of my system. No exercise has happened since Sunday. I plan to remedy that this weekend, despite the forecast for snow.

Still Here

Wow.

Saturday I bought a car.
Sunday I spent the day at the hospital with my grandmother.
Monday I went to a funeral in Maryland.

I am wiped.

How to Lose Weight and Eat Crap

Thank God for TOM and dropping water weight. Despite myself, I managed to drop half a pound this week. This has been a truly abysmal week, and I am grateful it is over.

Carmen is home, although she is a little shaky on her feet. She’s doing pretty well, but she obviously doesn’t understand what has happened to her. I hope she continues to improve.

Hubby and I are going to look at minivans tonight – the boy and I went Wednesday night.

I hope this is a nice weekend. I deserve it.

I just want to look good in a pair of jeans

Really. That's all. Is that too much to ask? Oh, to weigh what I weighed when I thought I was fat. Ugh.

Still worried about my dog, but hopefully she will be coming home today.

Not Much to Say

I don't really have a lot to say. I took my dog to the vet this morning - she has basically had the doggie equivalent of a stroke. She is 11 years old. She has been through all kinds of things with me, and has been with me longer than my husband. She has been such a loyal companion and friend. I hope she is better - she is staying overnight at the vet. He says they can bounce back from these things, but I know her age will be a factor in her recovery. 11 is pretty old for a german shephard.

The second time around

Who says the third time is a charm? I think it’s the second time around. I have found my goal. Last year, I tried to run a marathon, but foot trouble messed up my planning. Not this year. I have found the perfect race. Click here: http://web.infoave.net/~runrbike/bhmbform.htm

And be sure to read the waiver here: http://web.infoave.net/~runrbike/BHMB_Entry.htm

All over the page

Lord, my moods are moving quicker than a ball on a racquetball court. First feeling good about something, then the next 10 minutes are spent turning said accomplishment into nothing. But hey, that kind of thinking made my 3 mile run/walk fly by this morning!

I hate PMS. Like last night, I felt like the Michelin Man. I felt like my stomach was so huge (yes, I am bloated) that I was embarrassed to go to the gym. That is just sad. When my son said, “I’d sorta like to just hang out & watch a movie tonight”, I nearly turned the car around. Lynn’s post from yesterday was the only thing that kept me driving to the gym.

I got to the gym and worked out – biceps and triceps and 20 minutes (hard minutes!) on the elliptical. I went heavy on the weights, finishing my tricep overhead press with the 40 pound dumbbell. Woo hoo. I had also done my usual 30 minute walk at lunch.

But I still felt crappy because I had pizza for dinner. Son & I went out, I ordered a medium anchovy pizza, thin crust, light cheese. This was better than the buffet, but still…. I ate 3 pieces and took the rest home. I had one more piece when I got home from the gym, and then packaged the last 2 up for his lunch today. What I really wanted to do was scarf down the remainder of the pizza, washed down with a couple of cold ones. At least I didn’t do that!

I got up this morning and went out for a run/walk. I made it 3 miles, running at a pretty good clip for the running parts. I ran all the segments I was running this summer, and even ran to the top of the last hill before cooling down, rather than stopping at the bottom and walking the rest of the way. So then I spent my cool down thinking about the fact that even though I finished a tri last year, I don’t feel like a “triathlete”, and even though I got up to 18 miles, I don’t really think I’m a runner since I make pretty liberal use of Jeff Galloway’s walk breaks – my runs sometimes feel more like walks with run breaks. In other words, my athletic effort is not serious and I’m no athlete. (Thanks dad for ruining my self esteem as a child. It’s real difficult to re-build). I hate feeling fat.

Realistic Resolutions

I find myself guilty of jumping on other people’s bandwagons, in an attempt to get to my goal, preferably by yesterday. Amazingly enough, adopting a plan not your own doesn’t work. What has worked for me for the past three years (of admittedly slow weight loss) has been to limit potions, putting nothing off limits, and exercising as much as I can fit in without going insane.

I lost a pound last week, eating chocolate and drinking beer. By not doing too much of either, but enough so that I didn’t need to binge on anything. And exercising a lot! Seven hours of exercise, plus a couple of doggie walks thrown in there. I don’t write down what I eat, but I do plan out my meals and I know what calorie range they fall in. I have a little “wiggle room” so that if I want a skinny cow or a couple of dark chocolate chunks from the freezer, I can have them.

I am feeling good, glad to be back in a routine.

Still Hanging in There

Not much new. Eating is better since a run-in with an additional 600 calories Tuesday night! I am not sure what to expect on my weigh-in, but I need to get a baseline. That will happen tomorrow morning.

I have exercised an average of 1.5 hours a day for the past 4 days. Granted, that has been spaced out, generally in 30 minute blocks, but still, that’s pretty good!

I showed a new guy at the gym how to use some of the equipment. Me, doling out weight training advice. Amazing.

Next week I’m going back to the breakfast smoothies from the Fat Flush Plan (cranberry juice, fozen berries, flax oil). I plan to do a big pot of ‘0 point’ soup again – I’m thinking a version of borscht. Not sure about lunches. I am also thinking about doing a gall bladder cleanse.

Nothing too exciting here. My son helped me wash dishes & do laundry. A plus side of hubby out of town is that my son is taking more responsibility with helping out. He also announced that we are beyond kissing. Sigh.

A Stepford Wife Checks In

Let’s take yesterday as an example. You know that Walgreen’s commercial about the fictional town called “Perfect”? Well, yesterday was a “perfect” day. I was productive at work. I worked out (walked, elliptical, and weights) and ate no more than 1300 calories. I flossed my teeth and washed my face with real face cleanser stuff. I unloaded and re-loaded my dishwasher. I read to my son. You see? Perfect!

Unfortunately, I felt like some weird Stepford wife had inhabited my body. Isn’t Sylvia Plath more interesting than June Cleaver? Where’s the drama, the edge to a day like yesterday? Come on, is that boring chick really me? Isn’t getting a little soused & eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s more fun??? I don’t think I’m hooked on the food – I think I’m hooked on that stupid platitude “Only boring women have clean houses.” What is wrong with a clean house? What’s wrong with routine? Why can’t June have as much fun as Sylvia? Why can’t I be a content woman somewhere between the extremes?

I Will not Call this “The First Day of…”

Because it isn’t. I’ve been doing this a long time. I am starting the new year with a clean house, organized jewelry (so I may actually wear some!), and a refreshed attitude. I wish I could say I stuck to my plans this weekend, but I didn’t. Done can’t be undone, all I can do is move forward and make today a little better on the ol’ fitness front. I have my gym bag, I have my food planned through Friday night, and hubby and I made a pact to only eat out once a month until we have paid off our AmEx. I doubt we’ll make it, but maybe setting that goal will get us to eat out less often anyway! I’ve been slacking on the “cooking on the weekend” front. I cook all week and by the weekend I am tired.

The Scale delievered my Reality Check

The good news is that I maintained since the last time I weighed 2 weeks ago. The bad news is that I had gained 5.5 pounds - this means that gain is genuine and now must be lost. Ugh. At least I know, I have a plan, and I have bounced back from bigger gains that this before. I have lost weight for 3 years now - appallingly slow, but I have posted a net loss every one of those years, and when I do gain some back, those gains get smaller as I get better at catching myself.

I won't lie - it's still frustrating to know how far I have to go given how long I've been at this.

Plans include: laying off the sauce for January - at least! A cup of soup with dinner every night this upcoming week. I'll make a batch of my own version of WW 0 point soup - chicekn broth, various veggies, a can of tomatoes, blended with my immersion blender to make it nice and thick. That should help with dinner time portion control.

Year In Review

It's that time of year to review the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The good:
1) lost weight
2) completed triathlon
3) trained for marathon - got up to 18 miles before pesky injury ruined my plans!
4) won bench press competition
5) went down a size

The bad:
1) STILL not at goal weight
2) didn't do marathon

The ugly:
1) back fat - thank goodness that's nearly gone!

I weight tomorrow so I'll post then how the numbers break down. I have some goals for next year, including losing more weight, and setting a fitness goal (marathon attempt #2? 100 mile bike race?) I'll decide soon.....

Weather Makes a Difference

The weather has given me a break - warm (relatively) and sunny. I walked yesterday evening when I got home, and it was a pleasant 45 when I walked at 5:30 this morning. Gotta soak up some sunshine while it's available!

Eating yesterday was on track, as was exercise. Today I had a big salad with my pumpkin soup for lunch and used honey mustard dressing. I'd forgotten how much I like honey mustard - it's been a while. So that's my new dressing for now. Given a couple of decent dressings, I can be a salad eating fool! :-)

I just got an email from a friend, complaining about the fact that she sees others people's crap food and craves it, even though she knows it'll make her feel like dog poop. Boy can I relate to that! I know what my body does well on, yet still crave the garbage that makes it feel so bad. No logic there, just human nature I guess. But for today, I am eating well & feeling good.

What Wagon?

Wouldn't it be really cool if I could go for 48 hours of healthy eating? Why did I decide to drive by and see if our favorite Mexican place had opened back up? Why did I leave my comfy chair at 7:15 to drive out for cheese dip, chips, and beer? Sometimes I feel like such a loser, and I'm not talking about weight here people!!!!!!

The Best Breakfast Ever! And, The Chihuahua Oppression Society

I made the yummiest breakfast today! ½ c old fashioned oats - cooked, plus 1 T chopped pecans, 1/8 c maple & pecan granola, ½ a small box of raisins, a dash of sugar free pancake syrup, and milk. Wow! Who knew oatmeal could be so good?

I am dog sitting for my mom while she is out of town. Her dog Sheba (a llaso apso/daschund mix) is the mother of her dog Lulu and our dog Bess. Mom got Sheba from a student who was moving. Turns out she had gotten out just long enough for a romantic interlude with the neighborhood Chihuahua and she was pregnant when my mom got her. She is a wonderful dog, and little (maybe 15 pounds). Hre puppies were total cuties, and we got one, my MIL got one, and my mom kept one – we gave 2 others away). SO, I had my 2 big dogs, plus 3 little ones underfoot last night. I have dubbed them “the Chihuahua oppression society” because they will run around in a pack, all trying to sit in your lap at the same time! They were so funny, although getting off to work this morning was a pain!

I slept in this morning even though I went to bed at 9:30 – I forgot how tired you are after a really good weight lifting session! Last night was chest & back – oh my! Today I have walked from the first floor to the fourth & then back to the second every time I’ve gone to the cafeteria for water (I work on the first floor and the cafeteria is on the 2nd). I figured walking to the top & back down was a painless way to add in a little exercise. I also walked for 30 minutes with a co-worker. I am headed to the gym for some cardio tonight, but am going to hold off a day before I do more weights.

Food was pretty good yesterday:
B: oatmeal with granola, milk, pecans, and blueberries
S: 1 lowfat string cheese, carrots, & celery
L: pumpkin & black bean soup
S: broccoli casserole, 1 lowfat string cheese, a tangerine
S: 1 lowfat string cheese
D: Lean Cuisine chicken fried rice (with extra diced turkey breast), 2 c hot & sour soup, and I ate the D^%* crunchies the Chinese place gave me with the soup!

Exercise yesterday:
3 miles walk/run (mostly walk!)
weight lifting

Back to “Normal”

Or whatever passes for it in my family! :-) We had a very nice holiday – the usual stress of course, but also some very nice stuff. Like my mom giving me my grandmother’s wedding ring set (in the original box) which my granddad had given her when my mom was 9. I cried on that one!

I hit the gym a couple of times last week – going first thing on Thursday and Friday mornings. And I didn’t get too crazy with the food, thankfully.

But today is back to normal. I’m at work. My son is with his grandparents for the week and hubby is working out of town, so I get to indulge my inner gym rat and go to the gym every day. I made a big pot of homemade soup to eat for lunches, and dinners are Lean Cuisines with a side salad & some extra protein in the form of leftover turkey breast. I have my food all planned out, packaged, and as excuse free as I can make it.

Of course the meatball subs in the cafeteria looked good! But I have frozen turkey meatballs, some Newman’s Own pasta sauce I got on sale, and 2% mozzarella in the freezer. I’ll make my own Saturday night for dinner, and I bet they’ll be much better!

I plan to weigh on Friday so I can see how much I’ve lost this year (even single digits are progress). I got up this morning and went 3 miles – with some stretches of running thrown in there. I’ve been very slack on the running front, and it felt good! And I got to use the white fleece jacket and armband light my hubby got me for when I’m out before sun-up. I have such a great family! :-)

We are going to a party Friday night and I know I will indulge in crap food and alcohol. But I’m eating clean until then and getting right back to it after the party. I am very excited and focused and that feels so good!

Not Much to Report Here

Yesterday was fine food-wise, but exercise didn't happen. The boy & I made Christmas gifts together (home made soaps and Chai mix). I did get up and walk 3 miles this morning though. I'm off the next couple of days. Have a great holiday (whatever holiday you celbreate this time of year) to anyone who might be reading!

“I Can’t do Everything, but I do Everything I Can”

I had a strange exchange with my son in the car this morning on the way to school. He realized that he had forgotten his gloves. Without thinking, I handed him mine and told him he could use them (luckily they were plain grey gloves). He said “Thanks mom. It must be stressful, always making things right for me.” And I answered, “I’m your mom, that’s my job. I can’t do everything, but I do everything I can.” He is such a sweet child – sometimes I think I make my needs a little too known, and sometimes make him feel guilty for things he shouldn’t. He is so sensitive to my feelings, in a truly caring way.

Then I got to thinking about what I had said, and thought “Wouldn’t it be great if I could really apply that simple phrase to all areas of my life?” Think about it.

“I can’t do everything.” Accept that the house won’t be perfect 24/7, that the budget won’t always line up as well as I’d would like (but that doesn’t mean we’re headed for bankruptcy court!), and that I probably won’t be a world class athlete by the time I hit 40.

“I do everything I can.” Do I? DO I give 100% into whatever it is I am doing, whether it be a workout, or eating healthy, or walking the dog, or sitting on my butt watching a tivo-ed “Puppetmaster” horror flick? Do I enjoy the moments, and give it my best? Do I make choices that move me closer to my goals? Or are my goals not really goals at all – are they just day dreams? Which do I want them to be? Do my actions line up?

I know this won't happen all the time (I can't do everything!), but maybe I can move to being more conscious about the choices I make.

Weird Weekend

Overall, it was an odd weekend. I was super stressed Saturday, to the point that I cancelled my hair appointment because jusy thinking about going freaked me out. I felt like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack all day. Weird, and not good.

Sunday I felt better. I have decided a couple of things:

1) I have to figure out a way to get better (meaning, more stress relieving) cardio. I felt so much better when I was running a lot, even if I was incredibly slow. It was 9 degrees this morning, which is a little cold for running in this southern girl's book. But the gym doesn't cut it for me when it comes to stress relieving cardio. Gotta make a plan.

2) Gotta cut out the beer. I have mixed feelings about this one, but really - it's a lot of empty calories I don't need. It doesn't get me closer to what I want to be (in shape!) and besides, it makes me feel bad the next day. Even a little bit.

Glad I've Watched My Diet So Carefully!

Cause I'm up 1.5 pounds! Crap crap crap. Ugh!!!!!!!

Better to Cave a Little than a Lot

All the symptoms were there yesterday: fatigue, stress, and a sense of being deprived. Anyone who’s tried to lose a few knows where that deadly combination leads – to the food trough! (Moo!).

So, I tried to avert disaster by letting off the brakes just a little. I picked up the boy, and we used a coupon to have Mexican food. I ate chips & salsa. We split an order of cheese dip, I had a taco and a chicken enchilada, and lastly a nice big beer (22 oz!). I felt wonderful after. Then I went to the gym!

Last night was (sorta) leg night – with my gym time curtailed I’m trying to squeeze in weight training and some cardio in one session. So I did a little legs (3 sets each of smith squats and leg presses), followed by some low back and ab work. Then 20 minutes on the elliptical. So, a good workout!

Today I am back on track. We have a holiday lunch today (turkey etc). I plan to have white meat, green beans, dressing, and a small piece of the dessert I brought in (a crumb cake). I bought the box of crumb cake mix a couple of weeks back. When they asked people to bring in desserts, I figured it was the perfect excuse to get it out of the house! If I can’t lose weight, maybe I can fatten up my co-workers….. heh heh heh

Today I plan to walk at lunch and my mom is picking up the boy, so I am going to cruise by the gym for a little cardio. It was 19 degrees outside this morning. I’ll get up to walk the dog (the other big dog) tomorrow. But since I had a chance to hit the gym today, I decided to stay out of the cold.

Tomorrow I have a half day off to finish up a bit of last minute shopping. Then I’ll hit the gym, pick up my son, and we’ll go home and work on homemade gifts to go in our gift bags.

Wound A Little Tight

I am beginning to feel hints of stress around the fringes, but I’m keeping it together pretty well. I realized last night Fox’s tutor needs her gift tomorrow since he won’t see her again until the new year, and we haven’t made the chai mix yet (but we will tonight). House needs a quick 1 hour going over, which will happen tomorrow. Friday we will make soap. Gifts are almost all wrapped – it’s mostly just the house never got a good cleaning this weekend and all we’ve been doing this week is a holding action. I am a clean freak, I swear I’ve got mild OCD! Yesterday was a good day on the weight loss front, with food & exercise both good!

Food:
B: Oatmeal with chopped pecans (just a few!), soy eggnog, & cinnamon, 2 slicesof lowfat spam
S: 1 lowfat string cheese & celery & carrots
L: hamburger soup & a lowfat crescent roll
S: 1 lowfat string cheese & an apple & 1/2 a grapefruit
S2: slice of spam & half a roll (120 calories total)
D: chicken & spinach enchilada casserole
S: sugar free jello with lowfat cool whip

Exercise:
walked 3 miles in the morning, plus 30 min at lunch

This morning I only walked 1 mile because I walked our dog Butchie. He needs exercise too!

I am thinking that Friday night is going to involve beer & cheese dip. I know I know, but I figure if I plan it that’s better than letting this boil over. Plus I have some baked chips to keep it from being too hideous!