Good conversation

 Lots of good conversations have happened in my world this week. Here's a (somewhat) brief rundown:

My husband was diagnosed with bi polar 20+ years ago. At the time the medication options weren't that great - what he took ended up leaving him feel like a zombie so he didn't continue and has been hesitant to try anything since then. His doctor does have him on an anti depressant, but that can actually make his manic episodes worse. Add to that his manic episodes manifest as 1) anger 2) risky behavior, and you have a whole bunch of stuff that has factored into the marriage issues we've been experiencing for 15-16 months now. 

As a condition of our continuing to work on things, I told him he needed to go to individual counseling. He did and she is the one that pointed a lot of the above out and told him to get to a psychiatrist to see about getting his medications right. Getting to see a psychiatrist right now is TOUGH, but he does have an appointment for September. So today I am grateful that my husband has FINALLY seen the light (albeit under a bit of duress) and is seeking both counseling for his own issues as well as being open to pharmaceutical assistance that is much needed.

I spoke with my counselor today. We talked about T and my work situation. We discussed the fact that coming out of a toxic work environment isn't magically healed overnight, but I am finally beginning to feel a bit more normal about things. Work is going well and I am trying and learning and I am feeling hopeful that this will be a good place for me. That in turn leaves me in a place where I can work on creating the kind of life I want for myself.

I'm not 100% sure what that looks like. I do know that I want to spend more time outdoors. I want to go camping and hiking and kayaking. T is looking to possibly getting a 9-5 Monday - Friday job, which would give us time to do some of that stuff together. Whether that works out or not, I'm looking at what I can do in the near term. I've spent too many years treating my wants and needs like a can I keep kicking down the road.

I am also reading some great books. While they are about alcohol, the lessons can be applied to anything you over use/ abuse - food, shopping, internet, whatever. I just finished "Sober Curious" and I just started "This Naked Mind" - both written by women, both about empowering you to make healthy choices for yourself v. saying you are "powerless" over (insert addiction here). That paradigm makes a lot more sense to me.

One powerful thought "addiction is the opposite of being present". Wow. How long have I spent trying to NOT be present in my own life? What would it look like if I lived with intention, where my actions and choices aligned with my values and desires?

Accountability

 I took a vacation from the scale and gained 19 pounds. Even if I watch it go up, I am going back to daily weigh ins. I need the accountability.

I've gotten up early the past 2 mornings and gone out and sat in the hot tub by myself. It may not be as great for my physical health as yoga or kettlebells, but I'm hoping it will help my mental health.

I need to figure out how to create a life for myself that I don't need to use food to escape from.

Lunchtime meet up

 I met my former boss (B) for lunch today. 

I can't remember/find how much of this I posted, so I am including a quick synopsis for background. 

October 2019: My beloved boss that hired me in May 2017 (R), took me to lunch and told me he was resigning. Changes were happening and he didn't like the writing on the wall. He couldn't in good conscience continue to stay in a management position when he disagreed with the corporate direction.

Three members of the team posted for his job and B got it. R left December 31, 2019. I was conflicted and that's when I began casually looking around at jobs. But I liked B, thought she would do a good job, and wanted to support her. I stayed, the pandemic happened, and that accelerated the rapid decline into dumpster fire-dom that was my last company/job.

At some point B was moved into a job where she had no experience and was given no support. I was the only member of the team that stayed on her new team. Enter our 4th CEO in 2 years. He began ousting the existing executive team and bringing in buddies he'd worked with before. At the beginning of April the IT department got a new CIO (chief information officer). Seven or eight weeks ago B told me that CIO was bringing in a buddy to take her job and she was being moved somewhere else. I took vacation, got my current job, and my first meeting with my "new" boss at the old company was also my last as I sent in my resignation letter 30 minutes later. 

As for finding a new role for B? Well, that ultimately turned out to be BS - the Friday I was up in Syracuse she let me know that her position had been "eliminated". Well, never mind it was given to someone else (with a slightly different title) and the job she had actually been doing was not eliminated - they just wanted to get rid of her the way they had so many VPs & up from the "old regime".  She had been with the company over 16 years and was both blindsided and devastated.

Today we met for lunch - 10 or 11 days after the fact. She's still pretty upset but given the tremendous stress she had been under - a new job where she had no clue and no support - I think she is beginning to feel better about things. She is looking, although she's not 100% sure what she wants to do at this point.

In any case, it was good to see her.

Mr husband had an appointment with a counselor today. I think that went well and will be helpful. He is considering switching careers (again). I'm all for what makes him happy.

Weight is a hot mess. Eating is better - most of the time. 

Baby steps.

So far so good

 No exercise other than dog walking (for now), but food is under MUCH better control.

Thank goodness for the dog

 One thing that is helping (a lot) right now is the dog. It's hot and I'm tired and my back hurts, but Pepper wants to walk! We're only doing maybe 3 a day, and I'm trying to stay away from the hottest part of the day. 

Alcohol is voted back off the island (too many empty calories and it brings too many crappy snack friends along with it). I'm not measuring, counting, or anything - I'm just focused on eating reasonable food in reasonable amounts at reasonable times. 

It's a start.

Start where you are

 I have gained 19.1 pounds in 2 months. I (finally) faced the scale today. I weigh 197.4. Work is great, my trip was good, and now it's time to get back to reality.

Ugh.

Confidence

 I am very excited to go up to Syracuse and meet my new team. Having said that, I'm very self conscious about my weight. :-(

I went to Goodwill and bought 20 items of clothing - mostly for the trip. I have a couple of dresses ($5) each, as well as nice tops, slacks, and some jeans ($4 each). I plan to take a bit of a variety of items, but I know that folks do wear jeans in the office, so I feel okay taking a bit of a variety. 

Unfortunately I will not be able to use the YMCA while I am there - due to covid they aren't allowing reciprocity from other Ys outside the area. There is a small fitness center in the hotel at least, and of course I can do stretch of yoga videos on youtube.

I wish I could sound more positive - I have a great new job that I am excited about and I've been learning tons and the company is AMAZING. And I'm so glad I left the dumpster fire that was my last company. And I'm looking forward to T having his second surgery so we can put all of his knee troubles behind us.

I want to live my best life and I'm limiting myself. Why?

Sorry for ghosting....

 Good morning.

We made a quick run up to western PA to check on the camping gear our group has stored up there. It's been sitting untouched for 2 years now in our storage trailer. Everything was in surprisingly good shape! Since we won't be using it until next year, I'm glad we went up.

Sunday I am leaving for a week up in Syracuse for work. Then on the 21st T is having surgery. So all in all things around here are pretty crazy.

Food has been rubbish and exercise has been non existent except for walking the dog (thank goodness for the dog!). I'm pretty unhappy with all of that. I keep telling myself that once we get past the 2 weeks out from his surgery life will get a bit easier. We have joined the Y - both for the pool and the group classes. Food is getting better. 

I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to wear. :-(

Day 3

 I didn't realize that my old company was like working with a bunch of adrenaline junkies on meth until I started at a company where the people and the work seem so ..... sane. How sad is that?

A lot of orientation and at the end of the day I am exhausted! My former title was software project manager, my new title is senior IT project manager. They seem so organized - after coming from chaos I have to keep reminding myself that I can do this! 

How bad was it? My #1 top priority project - a new product launch I was working on? Practically no IT resources available to work on it and no project manager assigned. So yeah.

Just trying to keep my head above water right now, but I know it will get easier.

First day

 Exiting my job job was crazy and sad. They pretty much ghosted me - once I sent in my resignation letter I never got any response from HR asking about things like PTO payout etc, and of course no exit interview. Oh well.

I start in my new in a couple of hours. More to follow!

A change

 I put my 2 week notice in Monday. I feel so much less stressed.

At the beach

Taking a vacation this week to enjoy some family time at the beach.

Take care!

Slow & steady - it may win the race but it's frustrating!

 Another half pound loss this week. Not surprised - not gonna lie, there was some major stress eating last weekend!

I'm doing between an 8:16 and 5:21 intermittent fasting schedule (except the days i fell face first into a pizza) and I am enjoying it. I'm not a big fan of breakfast food anyway, although we did have breakfast for dinner one evening. So mostly I'll have an afternoon snack (yesterday was a bacon & tomato sandwich), a healthy dinner, and maybe dessert or an evening snack. 

It feels easy and I'm not that hungry. Once I get to the point I am finding hunger really distracting, then I'll eat! I still try to make reasonable choices, but I'm not counting calories or weighing anything - which feels very freeing.

Not much going on here for the holiday weekend. A friend from Maryland is down visiting her daughter and is staying with us, so Tim gets another human to talk to! And another friend is coming over after work to grill burgers & watch "Labyrinth" - so yay!

Enjoy your weekend!!

Same old Same old

 This week has been pretty bananas at work so I haven't had a lot of head space for posting. Tim's knee is doing really well (we're going to the gym this afternoon). I've struggled some this week, but the scale is (slowly) moving in the right direction, and I have continued to exercise. So - small victories.

Another work week in the books

 It's not quite the end of the workday, but lunchtime Friday is good progress!!

It's been a frustrating week. We found we need to replace a bunch of our AC ductwork (cha-ching!) and I'm getting a new boss at work. Frustrated & burned out is where I'm at right now. So this weekend is especially welcome.

Take care.

Monday again

 Happy Monday (lol).

Hope you had a good weekend. Ours was ... okay. We were both kinda low energy & cranky. Not sure why, but there you are.

Saturday I opted for a 3 meals day (and an after dinner snack). My eating window was roughly 12 hours and I did NOT snack between meals. Yesterday I used a 6 hour eating window. I had planned to make it 5, but T wanted to go out for a late lunch and I didn't want to sit there & watch him eat. 

Other than that, walking the dog, doing my kettlebells, T goes back for his ortho follow up this afternoon. I'll keep you posted.

Take care!

A science experiment of one

 Good morning and happy Friday! It's been a nutso week. I am going to MAKE TIME for DOWN time this weekend! :-)

A lot of things (except work) have settled out a bit. Tim is doing much better and has graduated to a cane! He is going back to (sort of) doing Optavia (formerly Medifast). I did it the first time with him to see how it worked. He had done it in the past and had a lot of success with it.

Things I liked about it:

• Easy (except dinner)

Things I didn't like about it:

• Expensive
• Not a lot of selection
• Dinner is good, but there is a lot of weighing & measuring.
• I was assured the hunger would go away. IT NEVER DID.

By the end, I was adding a lot of meat & veg just so I wasn't constantly hangry. Not gonna lie, I was miserable. But I gave it a good try.

So color me shocked when I decided to give intermittent fasting a go! I mean, if I'm starving on Optavia then it's gonna be way worse with nothing at all, right??? Wrong!

Let me back up. I've been reading Katie's blog https://www.runsforcookies.com/ for ages. She has tried intermittent fasting in the past and I've always felt like it wasn't for me. I wake up hungry. I hate being hungry. But recently she mentioned in a post about reading (or re reading) a couple of books: "The Obesity Code" by Dr. Jason Fung and "Delay, Don't Deny" by Gin Stephens. I got curious because this isn't something I know much about since I've never really considered it. On a whim I checked them both out of the library. I read Dr. Fung's book first, and I'm glad I did. 

Jason Fung is a kidney specialist who has spent a lot of time trying to help his patients, most of whom have type 2 diabetes & are overweight. This book synthesizes his findings based on a ton of human studies. Even though this isn't an easy read, I'm glad I read it first. Gin's book is a layman's book. She does reference both studies and other books, but had I read it first I might not have been convinced to give this a whirl. 

After reading both books, I was convinced that regulating insulin v. calorie control is a legit (and maybe even healthier) method for losing weight.So this week I have been a study of 1. 

Monday I did basically an OMAD fast (one meal a day). I had dinner at 5:30 and a snack (popcorn) after. Tuesday I ate 3 meals, but like Dr. Fung suggested I did NOT snack throughout the day (I did have an evening snack shortly after dinner - a root beer float made with protein powder). Wednesday I did a "fast 5" (that's a book Gin references) where you have a 5 hour eating window. Mine was from 3-8 - I had a snack, dinner, and an evening snack. Thursday I repeated what I did Monday. The result? I lost 4.6 pounds this week. 

But how did I feel? Pretty good! Yes, I got hungry sometimes. I was the least hungry on the OMAD days, then on the fast 5 day, then on the 3 meals day! Like Dr. Fung said, the hunger came in waves but I kept busy & distracted myself. I drank water, black coffee, & tea throughout the day. I was less hungry eating this way than I was on Optavia.

I am doing OMAD today. Dr. Fung suggests doing OMAD 3 days per week, with 3 meals (no snacks) the other days. Gin (who reminds the reader a billion times that she is NOT a medical professional) says "Here are all these methods. Here's what works for me. You gotta figure out what works for you!" If I am cranky mid afternoon I will pivot and do a fast 5. Anyway, a couple of pictures from Dr. Fung's book.

Have a great weekend!

A lot of catching up to do!

 Good morning.

So, where to begin?

Yes, I bought a car. I purchased a 2007 Nissan Sentra back in 2009. I really loved that car but it was approaching 250K miles on it, and Tim's is approaching 300K. I had been looking around for a while, and decided to go ahead and pull the trigger before the trigger got pulled for me. I went (back) to Carmax, they offered me a decent price for my trade in, and I bought another Nissan Sentra. The reason they had to ship it from Virginia is because I was determined to drive a car with color! I didn't want black, white, or gray. And I wanted a sunroof.

I was able to move my Sunpass from my old car to this one, so mom and I drove it to Georgia to see my great aunt this past weekend. We hadn't been down since December of 2019. Y'all, she is pitiful. The only good thing I can say is that she is in no pain. The gal there said some days she makes sense, but Saturday wasn't one of those days. She pretty much just lays in bed. It was so sad to see her so frail. (The reason we wanted a Sunpass is because FL and NC toll passes work in GA as well and it makes getting through Atlanta easier). 

Tim's surgery went well and the PT guy says he is ahead of the curve. So yay! There has been a lot of this going on around here:

His follow up with the ortho is next Monday, hopefully at that point he will be cleared to do a bit more. He did graduate to a cane, it's supposed to arrive Thursday.

The first day he came home I might have had a meltdown because I felt overwhelmed & incompetent. My in-laws came over a couple of days and mom came up earlier than planned - having family to help out has been awesome. And a dear friend husband and pet sat so we could go to Georgia. 

I was able to finally finish the new valences for my living room - I think they are a lot more cheerful than the old ones.

(Note the styling sheets & towels tossed over furniture. Four dogs for a week is a lot of fur! LOL)

This year has been hard - I know I've said that a lot. There's stuff I haven't gotten into here, and prefer not to. The down side of marrying later in life is that it can be challenging to adapt to something new - you both bring a whole set of baggage. (A really big set, like for an around the world voyage in the 1930s!! lol) And when things are tough you don't have the history (or entropy) to keep you chugging along. There have been a couple of times this year that we very nearly called it quits. Even after months in counseling, we still came pretty close. I think we had a breakthrough a couple of weeks ago. I asked T to reflect on his past relationships and rate how he treats me relative to past wives/ girlfriends. He got pretty quiet and said "I've probably treated you the worst." I told him I thought I was worthy of his best. He agreed.

We are taking a marriage class (in addition to checking in with our counselor once a month or so). It has been super helpful! Obviously we took a break for the surgery but we are back at it, plugging away.

So I guess some good has come out of the bad. That's probably my theme for this past year - looking for the silver linings.

Take care. I've missed y'all.

The other side of surgery

 T's knee replacement went well, but I am pretty swamped just now.

Still hanging in there

 Sorry guys. Between surgery prep and buying a car and work being crazy I've been busy. Yes, I bought a car. Well, I'm buying a car. But it is being shipped here from Virginia so I haven't bought it yet. Pictures when I have it!

A bit better

 This week has sucked, but my food choices have improved somewhat.

That's all I got.

Spoke too soon

 Well, last night was an epic fail. I got to a point during the day (with work), that I just figuratively threw up my hands and threw in the towel.

Today is a new day to make good choices.

Groundhog dog

 Every day I say I want to do better, every day I succumb to the BLTs (bites, licks, tastes). Every day I nickel and dime myself into my weight staying the same. Exercise is pretty good, meals are pretty good, alcohol has been banished (not worth the calories!), but snacks are killing me. 

Weekend

 Every couple of months my husband actually gets a weekend off. Instead of the beach we opted to chill around home. The PRP injection seems to be helping some, but I am afraid we are probably looking at knee replacement in the not too distant future. :-(

I'm sad not to have gone to the beach, but glad T had a chance to be off his feet and catch up on some much needed rest.

Take care.

Disappointed

 I feel like I am still casting about. I weighed for the first time in 2 weeks - down 0.2 pounds. Lol As I've said before, I seem to be doing pretty well at maintenance. 

I was hoping to be in the 160s by my birthday (April 19), but at 176.8 pounds I'm not sure that's doable. having said that, I am going to really focus until then! 

We had talked about going to the beach the weekend, but decided not to. T has to be off his anti-inflammation meds for 5 days after his PRP injection, and let's just say that's been rough. So I think a fairly quiet weekend at home is in order.

Take care.

Tired

 This week has been nuts for both of us at work. If there is a theme, it's been "Everything is on fire." This morning I thought it was Friday. I'm ready to go hide in a tub.

Productive weekend

 Good morning.

My son and his gf (and my grandpuppies!) came this weekend. We knocked a ton of stuff of the to do list, which feels awesome! T and I may head to the beach, or we may take it easy. His work is beyond crazy these days.

Trying to get plenty of movement and keep an eye on my food. Sigh. Again.

Family time

It was really nice to have my mom here. We had a chance to visit and Pepper loves her - and her dogs as well! After she left, he spent the next day or two checking in the guest room. I don't know if he was looking for them or what, but he would go in there and nap! It was too cute.

My son and his girlfriend may come this weekend! I need help with some things around the house and once fishing starts up he is going to be super busy. So that will be nice!

Take care & have a good weekend!

Back

 Good morning.

Been back from vacation for a while, but things here have been hectic! T's job is CRAZY right now, which takes a certain toll on both of us. My job isn't as crazy, but it has its own stresses these days. Currently my mom is here - she has a doctor appointment (she kept her ortho and eye doctor up here rather than switching to new ones). So she's visiting a few days as well. 

We are working with Pepper (the "new" dog). The gal at the rescue has a trainer she works with and Jennifer (trainer) is working with us for free to help get over some potty (marking) issues. He's a sweet guy, but a bit of a project right now! (Just what I needed - not.)

I'm trying to focus on baby steps - right now the exercise bike and weights have fallen by the wayside, but I am walking multiple times a day (thanks Pepper!) and keeping an eye on my food. I realized I didn't record my weight for 4 weeks (I record my weight on Fridays and have for years - although with some gaps). I've been overwhelmed by a lot of things and I am trying hard to prioritize and break things down into manageable tasks/ goals. Self care is a priority - but pushing myself to get more fit isn't necessarily topping my list.

In some really good news, I got my second covid vaccine Friday and my husband got his last Wednesday. So that provides a measure of relief and excitement.

Take care.

Vacation

 Wow! Sorry to be gone so long. T is off for 10 days and I took a few days off as well. We went down to the beach to celebrate my son's birthday. Also his gf's, since hers is 13 days before his! Had a lovely visit and now we are in Helen GA. It's very quiet (off season), and we are just chilling.

T's former ortho basically didn't want to do knee replacement on someone his age (52) unless it got to the point he could no longer work. Believe me, it's not that WE weren't open to surgery, but it was clear that doctor wasn't willing, even though other options weren't working.

Last week we went to a new ortho, who was much more open to the idea. After discussing what has been tried so far, he offered one new suggestion: PRP injections. T has an appointment to try that in a couple of weeks. If that doesn't work, then surgery it is. I know he was very nervous about having surgery, but our quality of life has reached a point that we have to do something. But it's his knees, so HE needed to get to that place mentally.

Anyway, having a lovely time here in Helen. Back soon! 

Take care.

My husband's knees

 My husband is in constant pain from his knees. He's been to an orthopedist, had cortisone shots (first time they helped for a month, next time they helped for 3 days), been to an acupuncturist (helped for a day), been through physical therapy (they recommended he have his knees replaced), and of course tried various pills, gels, foam rolling, accupressure mat, etc. etc. 

Living with constant pain affects everything. It affects my husband's mood and his performance at work. It impacts what we do (and where we go) on vacation. It affects what he can do around the house and yard (very little). It affects our household budget - we've had to outsource the yard work to a service and we are getting an estimate on getting some help around the house.

And it affects my mood. It's hard working a full time job and being primarily responsible for everything around the house - from walking the dogs (he can't), to doing all the shopping (the concrete floors in stores are killer for him), and of course I do the bulk of the housework. It's hard not to be resentful sometimes even though I know that none of this is his fault and he certainly would prefer things NOT be this way!

He is getting a second opinion today. He current ortho basically said "Once you get to the point that you can't work then we'll look at doing knee replacement." Um, no. Not an acceptable answer.

Anyway, that's a big thing going on in my life - and it's something we've been living with for well over a year now. 

Take care.

Good gravy

 Hello!

I never intended to be away so long! Oh my gosh - I bet I have a lot to write if I sit down and think about it. know that I am going on vacation later this week and hopefully will have time to catch up. I have mastered maintenance - ha ha. If only I were near goal weight. :-) New dog is still settling in - it's a work in progress. I was spoiled - I forgot what a big transition that can be!

Still getting out and walking every day! Only 1 day I exercised indoors exclusively in nearly 6 weeks. I hope spring is on the way. It's at least light more!

Take care - back soon! 

Where has the week gone???

 Well, work is still crazy. I had anxiety dreams about work last night!! That's pretty unusual for me. Wednesday I used my lunch hour to do some housework, so I do at least feel better about that. It's been rainy and work has been super busy - I took 2 days off the bike - Wednesday I decided to clean instead and yesterday I donated blood. The dog only got 2 walks on those days as well. But I have kept up with my kettlebells - I'm not doing nearly the volume of work I was before, but I am (slowly) building back up. I was down 2.5 pounds this week. Don't you hate it when the scale bounces around like Tigger??? Lol

Tonight I am making a very "southern" meal - black eyed pea stew (it has greens & tomatoes and is yummy!) and salmon patties. I like beans in general and honestly I think they are a healthy part of our diet - a much better choice than more processed carbs! 

I have Monday off! And boy do I need it. :-)

Take care.

Not much new

 Work is crazy, the house is a mess, I need a vacation.

Here's a funny picture. It's funny because this is me.

Four weeks, and what the actual heck

 I learned a new word this week:

It's been 4 weeks today since I lost my pruppet. It still hurts very much. Having said that, Pepper is beginning to settle in.

I have watched my food this week and significantly ramped up my exercise, so naturally I regained the measly half pound I lost last week. I hate the scale.

Take care.

Finding a new routine

 So the dogs are settling in. There's a bit of jealousy (Susie) and a bit of regressive behavior (Pepper), but that will resolve in time. Susie wasn't the "only dog" for very long, so that will be fine. Everyone knows they are loved. :-)

In an effort to be sure he gets out and gets exercise, Pepper has been getting 3 walks of the half mile loop per day! Susie generally goes once and calls that good. She will likely want to go more/ longer when the weather warms back up. 

So I am walking 3 times per day (although not for long), riding the exercise bike 20-25 minutes, and I have added my beloved kettlebells back in 3 times per week. So go me! A little too much grazing between meals (the perils of working at home), but meals have been solid and evening snacking hasn't been an issue.

I don't want to jinx it, but maybe I've found my groove???

Take care.

Meet Pepper!

So a thing happened this weekend.

Pepper is a 5 year old chihuahua min pin mix. He's been at the foster agency since September of 2017. Prospective puppy parents were either put off my his energy & chihuahua aggression (he can be a brat) or they were much older folks looking for a little potato dog. Foster mom has had this guy out on 3 mile runs, so potato he is not!

We are all adjusting, but he & Susie seem to have really hit it off. Last night I sat on the sofa with tears streaming down my face. Getting a new dog was like admitting Jordan is really gone. (Yes, I know that's irrational.) I have never grieved the loss of a pet like this. But we are a good fit for this guy and I think he will settle in nicely.

Mrs Swan - I did like in Florida for a while! I was transferred down there for work, but ultimately moved back to NC. 

It was a decent weekend - I was just beginning to get a hang of this morning routine when this little guy came into our lives and now I have to figure it all out again! Oh well. :-) I did walk the dogs at butt crack dark thirty and rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes so far today! 

Take care.

Starting the day off right!

 It's interesting to me that no matter how old you are. there are always opportunities to learn new things about yourself. One of my "assignments" last week was to work on establishing a good morning routine. My husband made an astute observation: pre pandemic I left the house before I started work (even on WFH days I typically did something outside) and during the spring & summer I walked in the morning. Now that the weather has turned I'm not getting outside, which has made the transition from home to work pretty blurry.

Monday I got up and walked Susie pretty early - that worked pretty well. Tuesday I didn't due to weather and spent the day in a funk (bad news didn't help). Yesterday I went to the dentist and then took Susie for a walk. This morning I was faced with a challenge: dark + snowy (maybe icy patches) roads. Instead of getting out right away, I climbed on the exercise bike, put "Aerial Africa" on the TV (courtesy of amazon prime), and shouted out upbeat tunes for the google home to play. Twenty minutes later my blood was pumping and I felt like I had had a decent workout. I didn't get outside, but vigorous activity seemed to work pretty well too. I may try to keep doing some yoga, but it clearly doesn't work for me as my morning activity!

Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

Take care.

Down Day

 Monday was a really good day. The sun was out, Susie and I enjoyed a good walk in the morning, I was super productive at work - it just felt pretty good. That evening I got a text from my mom - my son't best friend has cancer. This young man (he's 25) is like a part of our family. He & F went to college together, they were roommates at one point, he's spent holidays with our family, and our families have spent holidays all together (back before covid). 

I just spent yesterday in a funk. Sad for him, missing Jordan, burned out & tired of being isolated. Add to that it was a rainy gray day and my mental state was one of anxiety & exhaustion. I grazed all day and then asked my husband to pick up tacos for dinner. I just couldn't face cooking. I tried all the things I could think of to distract myself, but it just didn't work.

Today is a new day. Susie and I were able to get our walk in. It's cloudy but not raining. We may get snow tonight and then a couple of days of sunny but cold weather. Getting outside and moving didn't change anything - except my mindset.

Keep fighting the good fight y'all.

Better bad choices

 This weekend was an opportunity to put that nugget into practice!

T and I went out to dinner Friday night (grilled salmon, double broccoli, no appetizer). Then in an unplanned move, we met his family at a burger place for lunch Saturday (grilled chicken salad, ate a few bites of the appetizers ordered, took home leftovers). We try to limit our dining out and choose places carefully where we feel relatively "safe" dining, so 2 in 1 weekend was very unusual. Then Sunday T wanted wings for dinner to go with the football. So I made baked wings and a chopped veggie salad to go alongside. I put some grilled chicken in the salad to pump up the protein and limited the number of wings. I was still up a pound after the weekend but really that's not too shabby!

I've struggled finding a morning routine. Today it's supposed to rain with a high of 44. Since it was 42 this morning at 6:30 I decided to go ahead and walk then. Susie did much better walking in the morning. As much as I dislike the cold, I think I just need to suck it up and walk in the morning. I felt much better and managed 3 half mile laps (lately I've only been doing 1). I hope I've set myself up for a successful day.

Take care. 

Glad it's Friday

 It's been a long week. Work has been hectic, I've been sad, but I've been hanging in there. Had a nice loss (2.6 pounds). I hate that I'm starting again, but at least I'm starting again.

I finished watching the documentary on Amazon prime I wrote about:

The movie has 3 sections: nutrition, exercise, and psychology. The real gold (for me) was in the psychology part - I'm going to watch that part again and take notes! One thing one of the folks interviewed said really struck a chord with me "I encourage my clients to make better bad choices." Not perfect - not some crazy strict way of eating you can never adhere to - just improve your choices gradually. Gold. 

I've actually been doing that. I think I mentioned I gave up alcohol (extra calories, and it tends to lessen my inhibitions, which makes it easier for me to over snack), but I missed the taste and ritual. So we've been experimenting with some alcohol free substitutes. Some have been better than others, but it has helped me to make the shift. Anyway, there's a success for the week!

I'm going to make some new valences this weekend. I'll post photos!

Take care.

Hanging in there

 I've made it so far with my 2 baby goals for the week, but it's been tough. Work is crazy, my mom went home and that set off another round of sad. I miss J-dog so much my heart aches. But you know, eating won't bring her back. So I get out and I walk Susie. That's the sum total of the exercise I am doing right now. My mom had the first dose of the vaccine this week. I remind myself that spring is on the way and so are better times.

Take care.

Made it through the weekend

 Accomplished my 2 small baby step goals I established last Thursday:

So go me! Went to the nutritionist Saturday morning. No great revelations - she handed me a sheet for her low carb diet along with amounts of protein to be consumed. We ordered pizza last night for dinner (my mom adores pizza and we have a really good place here.) I only ate 2 pieces and watched my food the rest of the day. As a result I was up 0.2 pounds this morning. I think that's pretty good! I mean, yeah, just getting back on track and ordering pizza.... But hey, moderation!

One other thing I meant to mention in my last post is a movie I started watching on Netflix:

Whether you agree with everything or not, I think it's interesting to listen to "experts" discuss the science & psychology. It's a step to get my head back in the game. I haven't finished it yet, but I've enjoyed what I've seen so far.

Also, I got 20 free days of access to yoga download on my Roku tv. No, I haven't done any yet, but I do have the best of intentions! Lol

My husband got me this:

We used to joke about how much Bolt looked like Jordan (Jordan came first!), so he got me this to commemorate our friendship. I cried big ugly tears. I love it.

Have a good week.

Thoughts and ideas

 So..... lots of stuff.

First: I am so thankful I started counseling pre pandemic. While I was just getting into CPT therapy for my PTSD, working my way through that has helped my relationships and continuing with a counselor even when that was completed has helped me so much. I'm thankful I had that established relationship before all of this. Back in May (I think) T and I started seeing a couple's counselor. The stress of being at home while I tried to work and he was furloughed highlighted some issues  (especially around communication) we were having. We graduated last night!! We had gone down from every 2 weeks to once a month check ins to "email if you need me". I'm so thankful we put in that effort. I thought our relationship was pretty good before, but it is so much better now.

This week has been so hard. I've reached out to friends and family, but I have been grieving in a major way. I had my appointment with Laura yesterday and it was so helpful to hear her say "everyone is eating a sh&^ sandwich these days." (Those were her exact words. Lol).  She helped me set 2 manageable goals for this week: Take Susie for a walk every day and no alcohol. No matter how long or short, getting outdoors will benefit us both. And who needs the empty calories??? If I can't do that this week then I will consider going to my mom's for a few days for a change of venue to help shake things up. If I do it then a trip to Kohls for a much needed new bra (I'm down to 1 non sports bra!) and maybe a wallet if I see one I like. So a doable plan for the week.

Mrs Swan had a terrific post about motivation. So go read it! That whole MAR v ARM (motivation, action, results) v (action, results, motivation) makes so much sense to me. I know that even small steps can help create a positive feedback loop which builds momentum. That's what I am focusing on now. 

My counselor also sent me a link to a planner over on Amazon - The 6 Minute Success Journal It is based on the same concept - taking your big goals and breaking them down into small, repeatable actions. I just started reading it, but I am intrigued by the concept (and the short amount of time required!).

I am still using the calm app, although not daily. And I am going to the nutritionist Saturday morning. I don't expect any great revelations, only some accountability. But with the lockdown some external accountability would be helpful. 

Also helpful is that my husband has a vacation next month! I'm only taking a couple of days - he is using it to rest and to do a few things around the house, but we are going to the beach to visit the family and making a quick trip down to Helen GA to have a couple's getaway for a couple of days for us. I'm so glad he suggested it.

In other words, I'm trying to come at this issue from a lot of angles!

Have a great weekend and take care.

Getting off the struggle bus

 Made an appt with the nutritionist for Saturday. Gotta get my head back in the game. Grieving is okay, falling apart isn't.

What now?

 Somehow I have to figure out how to get back on some sort of track of taking care of myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtjro7_R3-4

So hard to say good bye

 We had to say good bye Friday. After a week of treatments there was no improvement. I am pretty much gutted. We were together over 13 years.

Not so good

 Jordan isn't doing too well. Her kidneys seem to be failing. She's back at the vet today. I'll keep you posted.

True

 I don't typically choose a word of the year, but this year it feels right. A couple of fairly significant crises forced me to examine the things I take for granted. I've come out of 2020 with a stronger sense of what I want, better communication skills, and new coping strategies. All of those things have at times been completely overwhelmed by my levels of stress and anxiety.

I see people all the time (including me!) claim certain things are important to them, but I don't necessarily see them living the priorities/ values they espouse. Certain televangelists make an entertaining example, but we all say things like losing weight, getting fit, saving money (as examples) might be important, but our micro choices don't support those goals. 

For 2021 I want to document my goals and then stay true to them. I want to create habits and align my choices (and micro choices) with the things I've said are important to me.

1. I lost 75 pounds. In 2020 I gained 30 back. I want (at minimum) to get back to where I was.

2. I've begun to work on getting a handle on our budget. In 2021 I want to achieve certain financial goals for myself. A big one is that I would like to replace my car this year.

I have begun decluttering / organizing/ redecorating in my home. I want to continue to do so. I hope that for 2021 our only major house expense is the new gas logs we ordered, but we have 2 small-ish electrical projects I'd like to have someone do as well. I realize that this one is partly beyond my control. 

Happy new year to us all!

New year, same me

 Just wanted to touch base today. I'm doing a lot of thinking about what I hope to achieve next year - in all aspects of my life. Like many of us, this year took me for a wild ride. Some things have definitely improved, others definitely have not. In some areas I feel like I abdicated control and allowed stress & fears to take over. Overall, I want to work on getting better at managing emotions rather than allowing them to manage me!

More to come on that thought. In the interim, stay safe & healthy my friends!

Another Christmas in the books

 Thank you for the kind comments. I invited Jan over to have supper with us this Saturday. I'm not making a huge spread, but I did end up buying a turkey on sale so I'm going to do that, spinach souffle, and mashed cauliflower. She can hang out for a couple of hours and watch a Christmas movie and visit. So that will be nice. Work is a bit slow this week so I am trying to catch up - at work and at home. I feel like this week is a lull in the action - I'm not doing horribly but I'm more focused on walking the dogs & cleaning the house than lifting weights. All that changes nest week.

My son's covid test was negative so we were able to see each other at Christmas!!!! Yes, I know just how fortunate that makes me and my family.

Much love to you all and here's to a brighter 2021!

Just sad

 Well, my son's gf got her results back. Her test was negative. Now she took it just a couple of days after exposure, but so far so good.

My ex MIL isn't doing well. She fell on her porch Tuesday night and fainted. Thankfully a policeman was patrolling through the neighborhood and saw her, otherwise she probably would have frozen to death. Neither of her sons care that she is not competent to care for herself. I try to help her some, but I can't take on my ex MIL, you know? I just feel horrible.

I am sad and stressed. 

What a day

 Good news - I'm down 3 pounds this week. So that's awesome! Bad news - a friend and neighbor of my son's have covid so the boy is going for a test. Sigh. this momma is worried.

Take care & be safe!

Anxious

 

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling more anxiety than usual! LOL Deprived of my 3 main destressors, (the gym, my SCA hobby, seeing friends and family) I have turned to food (and occasionally wine). The combination of increased calories and decreased exercise has of course led to weight gain. This week I've worked to identify (and try) some new methods of dealing with stress.

What's worked (so far):

• I love the calm app! They have a 7 day intro to meditation and I've done 5 days in a row. This is an awesome quick hit.
• Limiting my list. I make myself a daily "to do" list. It's typically stupid long and I end up exhausted or giving up. Either way I feel bad about it. I've decided to limit my list to no more than 5 items. If I get those done and still feel good, I can add 1 at a time.

What might work:

• Lunch yoga doesn't work very well. First thing after a cup of coffee and a small bite to eat seems to work best. Not sure how I feel about Adrienne (I'm doing her 30 day "True" series on amazon prime), but I really need both the stretch and the peace.

What doesn't seem to help:

• My Verilux lamp. Oh well. 

Things I haven't tried:

• Paper journaling
• EFT (emotional focus therapy. aka "tapping")

This morning I woke up and realized no one had put out the recycling. So I frantically ran out into the cold rain to get that done. I was grouchy because T had said he would do it. I was hungry and needed to feed the dogs. I couldn't remember when I had washed my hair so I really wanted a shower. I had an early meeting (8:30). By the time the dogs were fed I had time for yoga or shower. I opted for shower & hair washing. As I said, lunch yoga didn't work great - I think my yoga or kettlebells have to be in the morning before work. I did put on real clothes (with a bra!) and make up. My hair was sort of fixed. That's a HUGE step for me. 

I don't have any answers, but I keep on trying.

Where I am

 Today I went to Goodwill and picked up a pair of jeans and a couple of cute tops. I'm tired of only having yoga/ pajama pants that fit. I'm tired of having a drastically limited selection of shirts to choose from. I'm tired of feeling like my too small clothes are judging me. I'm tired of judging myself for gaining back some of the weight. 

I bought a pair of jeans that fit. I bought a cute holiday fleece top for running around. I am getting out my holiday earrings. I am okay where I am right now. I am going to take care of myself. Today I did 2 laps (1.5 miles), I did yoga, I did day 3 on the calm app. I have made myself healthy food. I did some errands but not too much, and I took a nap when I needed one. 

Take care.

Thank you

 Thank you for your comments! I live in NC, but really cases are crazy everywhere right now aren't they? So I quit the gym - I still haven't bothered to go over to Planet Fitness, but that's on my list for today or tomorrow as well. So yeah, from 3 gym memberships down to none. Thankfully I have a well put together home gym and dogs to walk. I've gained roughly 25 pounds since this started. I don't feel good about that. I do feel good about the fact that every time I donate blood, my covid antibodies test comes back negative. So I just need to keep on doing the things in my control to keep from getting this terrible disease. It's still no guarantee, but it's the best I can do.

In the meantime I'm looking for coping strategies other than food or wine. Sigh. 

If you have an American Express, you can get a year of the Calm App (premium) for free and your next year half off. Offer good through 12/31. There are loads of yoga shows for free on amazon prime. Start a blog! Or a paper journal. I have a verilux sun lamp, although I'm not sure I really need it (it was a gift). My husband is a restaurant manager - he has to be out in public. He's incredibly stressed right now. It's tough. I'm trying to do what I can to not only take care of my own mental and physical health, but to be supportive of him as well.

That's all I got today. Take care of yourselves out there.

Conflicted

 Gyms are open here (for now), although with the new caveat that you must wear a mask while exercising. At first I was excited about getting back into a routine - y'all know how much I love the gym. I was careful and I felt pretty good about it. Now cases are spiking like crazy here and I haven't been in 2.5 weeks. I just don't feel good about it. Maybe I should just cancel for now and try again once things are better under control?

Thoughts?

Need to.....

 Right now my life feels like it's full of "need to"s. I need to walk the dogs, feed myself and my family better, exercise, put up the Christmas tree. What I really "need to" is stop making myself feel badly about all the things I'm not doing/ not doing well and accept where I am right this minute. And maybe take the dog for a walk.

Strategies

 Good morning.

First, I'd like to share an article a friend shared with me: Toxic Positivity To sum it up: It's ok to say you aren't ok! 

I talked through some strategies yesterday: yoga, meditation (Did you know American Express is offering a free year of the calm app to it's cardmembers?), EFT Therapy (a way to destress yourself), blocking a short self care break (or 2!) into the day, journaling, you get the idea. I am going to explore and try some/ all of these and see what clicks for me. 

Yesterday was better - just talking through strategies helped me realize that I am not unique in struggling right now and that there are things I can do to help myself.

Hang in there. :-)

All the stuff

 Thank you for the comment Paula! Yes - covid, the lockdown, the political climate, it's all so stressful & sad and totally uncharted territory. We're all going through stuff - but are being impacted in different ways.

Both my husband and I are making less money now that we were at the beginning of the year. So dealing with work anxiety, financial anxiety, being on top of each other at home. I set up a nicer home office out of the living room so he could watch tv without bothering me, but because his desk is in here as well he feels like he doesn't have a personal space. It's frustrating. 

I've gained 2.5 pounds both of the past 2 weeks. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. I did do a bit better yesterday. That's despite the fact I hit my driver side mirror on the fence backing out of the driveway and broke it. It's going to be $125 dollars I don't really have to take care of that.. Sigh.

Trying to get through the day without getting into the food to deal with it.

Take care.

I'm not okay, you're (probably) not okay either - and I guess that has to be okay

 Hi.

In this case I haven't been posting because I haven't been doing well. Although I don't really discuss it here, I have PTSD. As the lockdown has progressed, my coping skills haven't really kept up and I keep reverting back to previous coping skills (like food). And I feel badly because there are folks who have been MUCH more impacted than me, but minimizing my feelings doesn't help anyone else. 

I sent a note to my counselor and today I am focused on doing things that are caring for myself rather than the house or whatever. I have to make self care a priority, and I haven't been.

Take care of yourselves.

Catching Up

 Been a busy week so far! We opted to do the holiday lights and save the winery - I'm glad we did. We would have been overly tired if we had tried to do both things. We loved the lights. Last minute we decided to take the dogs with us - they loved it! Not just riding in the car, but Susie especially seemed intrigued by the light show. I'm so glad we took them!

I made a quick trip down to my mom's - her birthday is this Saturday but I am not traveling for Thanksgiving, so we celebrated a week early. Food went a bit off the rails but I will just get back on plan! Work has been busy and I am trying to catch up on my house chores, not to mention take advantage of the nice weather to bathe a dog, mow the yard, etc. etc. 

My holiday plans are a very small meal Saturday with just the in-laws and spending Thursday and Friday working on Christmas decorations & watching holiday movies. 

Stay safe & smart!

Never mind

 Okay, I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Not on fire but slow & steady. Since we are going on a date tonight, I did an AM workout. I liked it! Not a time that will work every day, but for today it let me get in a workout, and I am grateful. It is amazing to me how much better I feel when I work out. It's incredible.

We are going to go see a Christmas lights display this evening. Put in some holiday music and just enjoy. I am excited! A local winery is also doing these socially distanced outdoor evenings, so we're packing up the camp chairs and headed to that as well. 

Some things are crazy, but some things are really, really good.

Take care & have a terrific weekend!

Well poo

 So my weight loss seems to have stalled. Blech. We'll see what happens. Headed to see my mom this weekend - before the holiday to avoid traffic and reduce any chance of exposure. I'm keeping busy on house projects and trying to settle in to my new routine of doing a later (less crowded) Cross Fit class. There were 4 people there Monday in a good sized warehouse area, nearest person was a good 20+ feet away.

We are trying some new budgeting software called YNAB - not super intuitive, but so far we are liking it!

Take care - stay safe & smart!

Choices

 I was feeling kind of run down this weekend. As a result, I did some over eating to make myself feel better. Oh well, back in the saddle again.

Like pretty much everywhere, Covid cases are rising here. As much as I enjoy the 4:30 class at the gym it is just too popular. Yes, they take precautions but .. people. I am going to try the 5:30 PM class. The time isn't as convenient, but I understand attendance is maybe half. I need the gym for my mental health, but I need to be smart & safe as well.

I cleaned off the porch & back patio, the beds are mulched, grass mowed, and yard is just about ready for winter. Just need to get shrubs trimmed. 

T's work remains stressful. I do what I can to make things easy for him here at home. But sometimes that just leaves me overwhelmed. I think we're all struggling with balance these days.

Take care.

tired

 Put out mulch today, so I am whipped. Lost 1.5 pounds. Have a good weekend.

Sorry for disappearing!

 

I can't believe it haven't posted in over a week! I'm sorry about that! It's just been kind of boring - T's work is a bit stressful so I'm trying to pick up the slack at home, manage our food - cook really nice dinners since it's the one "meal" we really eat, and juggle work, CrossFit, and manage my stress about the election. You know, nothing special. HA HA HA

Things are going fine with the diet & exercise. I went to the office & packed up my stuff and now have a home office that's a lot more functional here at the house. I have my big monitors etc. We bought a filing cabinet off fb marketplace so T is getting an office upgrade as well. I've also been doing a bit of fall yardwork (raking), putting down weed killer & mulch etc and some holiday sewing. In short, life is going along.

Take care!

Still working the plan

 Headed to CrossFit in a few minutes, but I wanted to check in. The weekend was pretty good, if not very productive. Ah well, nothing wrong with watching movies on Halloween! :-)

We're going along - it's nice to be doing this together and be eating the same things. Makes it easier and more fun. Last night I took a bar and mixed it in the brownie mix and made chocolate/ caramel cookies. One thing is that (like many places) they are having supply issues so the savory foods are more limited. Lots of sweet options available, but I'm just not that into sweets.

Yes, this is a highly processed diet, no I would NOT eat this way long term. But I'm feeling better already. And I continue to take my supplements and put a variety of the lower starch veggies in our diet and use a green superfoods power supplement as well.It may be boring but I don't think I'm going to get scurvy in the next couple of months. Lol

Take care.

Thoughts after 1.5 weeks

 We started Optavia 1.5 weeks ago. We chose it for several reasons I've already written about. My biggest concern going in was being hungry. And I have been hungry at times, but not miserable. And it's generally only a few minutes before i'm supposed to eat again. If it gets too uncomfortable they do have some "snack" options you can use to help tide you over. One thing I didn't expect going in was those few days of having no energy. That is much better! I can't say I'm at 100%, but I'm at 90-95%. And that's with adding in CrossFit. I lost 4.8 pounds this week - 7.8 since I started.

I found a terrific website: http://www.sandyskitchenadventures.com/ which has loads of recipes for our dinner meal as well as "hacks" for the Optavia fuelings. There have been a couple of things we weren't terribly impressed with, but overall the food is pretty good!

Pros:

Easy - you really don't have to do much thinking other than to plan your evening dinner. And you can even order those, although the choices are limited.

Convenient - easy to take "on the go" - whether traveling or to work. Even with no access to a microwave at work, T has a decent variety. If all you had a work was a microwave you could eat anything they offer. Being at home, I can take advantage of some of the hacks (I've taken the instant mashed potatoes and turned them into potato soup or a potato cake for example). 

Helps you learn portion control and educates you about the "hidden" sugars/ carbs/ calories in your food.

Cons:

Cost - at roughly $3/serving (and you eat 5 a day!) it is more expensive than eating at home. But it is cheaper than eating out and/or if you buy a bunch of junk.

Repetition - If you had a LOT of weight to lose and/ or were on this program a long time I think it would get boring. It also limits a large number of foods (like fruit!), which could become difficult over time.

Overall, I'm glad I'm not on this forever! Am I learning anything new? Not really, BUT it is teaching me (yet again) about weighing, measuring, portion control, choosing foods wisely etc. I'd love it if it would stick, but honestly, given everything going on right now I'm not beating myself up too much about it. I still kept off the bulk of my loss (and T kept off a huge chuck of his as well) so I know we can be successful long term when we come off this.

Take care, Happy Halloween, have a good weekend!

So far so good.

 We did our week 1 check in with our coach last night. I typically record my weight on Fridays, bu we started this on a Tuesday (T had the day off and thought it would be easier to start then). In one week he dropped 16 pounds and I dropped 6. Granted the bulk of that is water weight since we are doing a low carb diet, but we are both feeling better already.

The food isn't too bad and it's help me get back to the discipline of not mindlessly eating or eating for reasons other than hunger. I've made some really excellent dinners. T used to turn his nose up at cauli rice & that sort of thing and now he's eating it without complaint!!

You guys, I had been hovering around 160 for a while and then skyrocketed up to 182. I felt miserable and completely out of control. I can give you a list of reasons but one of the big ones is I was tired of going it alone. I am so thankful we are doing this together, I can't even tell you. 

Take care of yourself. I know it's hard, believe me. Big hugs to you all.

What we're doing (and why)

 I have regained a good chuck of weight since the end of March, and my husband has as well. It hasn't been a straight trajectory - I've made an effort. But the combination of no gym, no dress code, no social interaction, and every kind of stress imaginable has made it an uphill battle.

He finally indicated a readiness to lose weight. We aren't always on the same page, but this is something I wanted us to do together. For that reason I told him to pick a diet and I would do it with him for at least 30 days. My rationale was that even if it wasn't the diet for me, at least I would understand how to feed him. Part of our challenge is his schedule at work coupled with the fact that he works in a restaurant. It would actually be a health code violation for him to take home prepared food in! So that meant packaged food for him during the day. 

You guessed it - we're on Medifast (only now it's rebranded Optavia). He has used it in the past and lost 80 pounds. He regained a chunk after he & his ex split, then lost a good chunk, then (with me during covid) regained some. But he knows it works, is doable with his job, and he knows what to expect. Like I said, I agreed to try whatever he wanted for 30 days. We're on day 4. My energy is beginning to make a comeback but I'm still hungry. Having said that, I'm NOT starving and miserable. I will keep you guys posted!

Oh, and I am trying out the local CrossFit gym - I gotta do something for my sanity!

Vacation Recap Part 4

 Day 7 was T's most anticipated day - an airboat ride through the Everglades! After breakfast at Cracker Barrel (don't judge, it was right next to the hotel) we made our way almost all the way across the state on Hwy 41 to Everglades City. Yes, we saw 2 alligators during the ride. It was pretty fun! We grabbed some lunch in Everglades City (I of course had to order alligator!). On the way back we took a road marked "scenic drive" (and it was, but it took longer than expected. lol). We did stop in for a short visit to Big Cypress National Preserve but then made our way back so we would have time to hit Schnebly winery in Homestead. All of their wines are made with locally grown tropical fruits and they are amazing and unique! So that was a blast. I have to say the overall experience wasn't as fun as the last time we went. I think a large part of it was that it was near the end of the day, there were only a couple of people there, and the employee was more interested in his phone than the customers. So bummer. I think this was the night we ate at the Italian place in Homestead (or was that the day before and this was Pollo Tropical??) and then we pretty much crashed out.  It doesn't sounds it, but it was a busy & long day!

Day 8 was tough. Our intent was to see some of Everglades National Park. And we did do a little bit but there is a lot of road construction so we didn't see as much as I had hoped and spent a fair bit of time stopped. We headed out to make a noon lunch date in Sunrise at the beloved Sunrise Pita Grill where we saw a guy my son went to high school with down there. It was great to catch up and we met his lovely 1 year old daughter! Then the plan was to drive to Savannah - a long drive but manageable. We hadn't counted on all the time in the car at the park, the off & on from the turnpike to the restaurant, and then a missed turn left us stuck on the turnpike until practically Orlando! We stopped for a quick bit at a random Panera and pushed on until we arrived in Savannah - tired and CRANKY. We went to bed but we were both so wound up it took quite a while to actually fall asleep.

Day 9 was supposed to be sigh seeing in Savannah, but at this point we were so over tired & ready to be home. So we got up, ate breakfast, and headed home. I kissed my dogs (but not the ground), but man it felt good to be home!

Vacation Recap Part 3

 Days 5 and 6 we didn't have anything booked in advance. We wandered over to the sister property for breakfast, chilled out at the hotel's beach, walked over to El Siboney for an amazing Cuban lunch, then did the trolley for a while. We had dinner at a place called Salute! right by the hotel (again, walking distance for the win) and then did the haunted Key west trolley tour, which was loads of fun!

The next day we lolled around the pool & beach of the Waldorf (the rooms were mediocre and the overall property felt like it needed from refurbishing, but the beach & pools rocked) until time to check out. We stopped in Marathon for another Cuban lunch (not as good but still good) and made our way up to Homestead where we were spending that night. Dinner was Pollo Tropical which is a fave of mine.

Vacation Recap Part 2

 Day 3

I had booked a glass bottom boat tour at John Pennekamp State Park for the afternoon. That morning included a trip to the sandal outlet for shoes for T. Of course I ended up getting a pair as well. :-) Lunch was a sub from Winn Dixie so we could scoot over to the park. The glass bottom boat was awesome! It was a lot of fun, although T did started getting a tiny bit seasick. Dinner that evening was at a Mexican place in Key Largo.

Day 4

This was (for me) the most anticipated day. We headed down to Islamorada to Robbie's for lunch and SNUBA diving (very much like SCUBA but no certification required). Since T isn't certified I thought this would be a good way for him to try it out and see if he liked it. Unfortunately he had a panic attack in the water. :-( It was really a shame since the conditions were perfect. Not only that, but there was a professional photographer on board and he made a short video for us!! After the dive we headed down to Key West, checked in at the Waldorf, and ate an incredible diner on the beach. 

Vacation Recap

 We're back and had a lovely time!!

We thought long and hard before we decided to pull the trigger and take a vacation. I was able to use points & vouchers for all our hotel rooms, which kept costs down. Because the Keys have been very strict about masks & safety and our activities were largely outdoors, we decided the physical risk of potential exposure was outweighed by our mental need for a break

Day 1 of our trip was boring driving. We left home, stopped in Columbia for lunch at a place a friend recommended called Henry's. Sadly she was in quarantine so wasn't able to meet us. After a yummy burger we pressed on, stopping for dinner in Jax at a Cracker Barrel. We had hoped to make Merritt Island and have dinner with my step sister, but it wasn't to be. We didn't even get to her place until nearly bedtime! She is an interior designer and her home is a really cool contemporary design that is reminiscent of art deco - lots of curved walls and glass block. She has some art that is reminiscent of Florida in the 30s and 40s - all in all a lovely and unique home. We had a brief visit before crashing. It had been a long day and what I thought would be the single longest day of driving.

Day 2 was breakfast and a nice visit with Tracey before we pushed on to Morikami Gardens in Del Ray Beach for a lovely stroll and Japanese lunch from their restaurant. Then we were off to Coral Springs to do a drive by of my old house, stop at Costco for booze, and a long visit with my dear friend Ellen. After that we were off to the Mai Kai -- longest running Polynesian show in the US! And while it is a bit cheesy, the band and MC were all from Polynesia and the dances were very well done. It was truly special and a unique experience. After that it was about an hour and a half to our hotel for the next 2 days - the Hampton Inn in Key Largo.

Great buy

 The best money I've spent so far this year is definitely my inflatable hot tub!! Our yard is small so there isn't a place for a traditional hot tub. We are seriously enjoying this one!

"Guests"

I love the term guests. Lol. Yeah, technically. The couple worked for Tim's company and found themselves rather suddenly with no place to stay (they had been staying with a relative). They were trying to save up for a deposit and we agreed they could stay for a week. Then my stepdad died and we were out of town so we asked them to stay on so the house wouldn't be empty. So 7 days turned into 28. I didn't know them until they moved in. They certainly aren't bad people, they are just very different form us. It was hard and let's just say I learned from the experience.

We are going to the Florida Keys. I have a Hilton American Express, so I earn points with my spending. I generally get a free night per year, but I was allowed to roll my last one so I am using 2 free nights plus points for 5 others, then staying with my step sister on the way down. It won't be a cheap trip, but since we aren't paying for any accommodations it won't be super expensive either. I'll post pictures!

I started walking the dogs again and I am slowly getting back to a routine. This year has been so crazy.

Have you guys seen these people on youtube? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmohanMEufw They live about an hour away, but I can so relate! It reminds me that I'm not the only one going slowly insane in the privacy of their own home.

You guys take care.

Baby steps

 Besides my stepdad passing away, work being all over the place, T going to physical therapy, the angst of quitting my beloved gym - did I mention we had a family of 3 staying with us for the last 4 weeks? It was difficult and I may have lost my mind. And liver. 

They moved out Sunday and I am slowly working to reclaim my house, my routine, and my sanity. We are leaving for vacation a week from today. I need it. So very much.

Back

 Well, I am back home and back at work today. I have to figure out a new routine. Between the weather change and the realization that my beloved gym is no longer between work and home, I have to find a new "normal".

Loads to say, but honestly just don't have the focus to write it all out.

Take care. More later.

Friday

 My stepdad passed away last night. He rallied the night before enough to have a crab cake for dinner. :-) That seems perfect. He was an amazing grandpa to my son.

Ugh

I'm using Chrome, so not sure about the not being able to comment thing. It seems to have started with the new interface. Gah.

So my stepdad has been given 48-72 hours to live. I am sitting here in a holding pattern waiting to find out details about service etc. We thought my great aunt was in her final stages, but she got up and started eating and talking so who knows????

I've probably gained a million pounds this week and I don't care. Whatever.

Thanks, and an update

First, thank you for the comments and well wishes. His doctor is running a ton of tests and mentioned things like thyroid, arthritis (RA is an autoimmune disorder!), etc. She's being very thorough and she also took him off his (new-ish) cholesterol medication just in case it was the culprit/ contributing factor.

Yesterday he reported feeling less stressed (I think I mentioned they've changed his responsibilities at work in the event he ends up needing to go out on FMLA), so he has less on his plate there and I think that alone is helping. Yesterday he had to run some supplies over to the Archdale unit since the manager there had forgotten to order to go supplies. T said that made him feel better in a way "Maybe I'm normal and everyone is forgetting stuff!" I told him I was sure there is some truth to that - we are ALL under an incredible amount of stress and just because we are all experiencing it doesn't make it any less real or scary.

For some reason when I go to other people's blogs and want to comment in only says "google account" but won't let me choose me. SO I can't comment on a lot of other folks accounts which I really hate!

I hope you all have a good weekend.

Oh! I was down a pound this week. I'll take it!

Take care.

Change

Well, they sent out the company wide communication regarding our department's re-organization. It said "effective immediately". When my boss left for vacation last week the timing was still TBD. So, the cat is out of the bag. We'll see what happens. I don't expect anything drastic in the short term.

This morning at breakfast T said he didn't remember the details of yesterday afternoon. Y'all, I am scared.

Take care.

Hanging in there

Thanks Paula - I so appreciate your comments! Do you have a blog?

Our new exercise bike arrived! T asked "Did you order this from Ikea?" Lol. Yeah, maximum assembly required. Eh, we'll figure it out.

Here is a picture:

My pictures don't really show a difference, but I can tell you that after drinking a gallon of water (straight water) every day for a week I am feeling a lot less bloated! I also began using a fiber supplement that I really love (it's from a company called Melaleuca) and lets just say I am more regular than I have ever been.

We've figured out a couple of dessert type things for T in the evening to satisfy his sweet tooth (The orange flavored fiber, a cup of pineapple juice, frozen mango. Vanilla protein powder with almond milk, ice, PBFit powder, and then 1 T each of pb and chocolate chips). His diet is getting overhaued as well. And after the doctor visit Monday he is on board. I am back to packing him an afternoon snack and sending a protein shake to work. He may not be making the healthiest choices there, but that's 1 meal a day and he's at least portion controlling.

Take care of yourselves - you only get one body.

Dr visit

My husband's doctor visit yesterday was a mixed bag. The good was we talked about what was going on (brain fog, short term memory issues, and his knees). Yesterday they did an x-ray of his knees (to rule out bursitis) and we have an appointment with mom's ortho for next Monday. She took about a gallon of blood for various tests (including covid antibodies and thyroid).

The not so good: she ran an EKG and he has an enlarged heart. Next week she is doing an ECG to figure out what is going on there. She is also doing a CT scan of his brain to rule out micro strokes and dementia. I'm not gonna lie, I'm concerned. But at least we're getting somewhere.

Please send some good energy our way.

Take care of yourselves.

For the better

Look at me, posting on a Saturday!

Our company bought a bunch of smaller, not doing so great companies. Which would normally make sense but now there are cash flow issues due to that + Corona. The CFO left back in March and I think the board wanted someone more conservative, hence the thing with the CEO. I actually am taking this as a good sign. The re-org will mean some changes to my job I'm sure, just not quite sure what or how. My boss will be the same at least. Not many companies are really hiring right now anyway it seems (at least here), but I'm willing to stick around a while & see how it goes.
I am more concerned about my husband's health issues. I am going with him for his doctor appointment Monday and we'll walk out of there with a plan of action or on the market for a new doctor. She's been blowing this stuff off for months and its only getting worse.

You can read about 75 Hard here if you are interested. I think it has helped me physically - I have cleaned up my diet and I am getting more exercise and water, but its also given me 1) something to focus on and 2) a sense of accomplishment.

Things are not great, but I am feeling a bit more myself at least. I'll take it.

Have a great weekend and take care of yourself.

Happy Friday

I'm not gonna credit drinking a gallon of water with changing my attitude, but I'm sure it helped. They announced the major re-org of our department yesterday (I had advance warning). Oh, did I mention that our CEO was invited to see his way out the door earlier in the week?

And have I mentioned we can now add brain fog to the mysterious leg/ knee pains my husband has been experiencing?

Yeah, TGIF.

Need a change

Y'all, I have been stressed. I don't want to get into all the details, but let's just say I am feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. I need to do something to help me feel like I can control some things, and be successful at some things.

I decided to do 75 Hard. This is more of a mental toughness challenge than a fitness one, although I am quite sure it will improve my health. Again, this is less about the scale and me feeling like I can persevere with some of the stressful stuff in my life right now. 

More to follow.

Yeah, I'm here

 

It's just been stressful. My work, my husband's work, my husband's knee injury, and I just reached a point where it's just been .. too much. I checked out for about a week. I'm scared to get on the scale. I talked to my doctor about getting some medicinal help and I am hopeful that between that and other measures I can get leveled off and back on track.

TGIF

 

Boring title but it's all I got. Weight was up a half pound - we did go out last night so maybe water weight or what I ate or maybe I'm really up. Oh well, that's not bad at all. 

We didn't get much from the hurricane and mom & the boy came through just fine. We have had several thunderstorms this week and the back yard is just super mushy, making mowing pretty difficult.

I'm glad it's nearly the weekend! I've made good progress on my guest room drapes. I'll post pictures when they are done.

Take care!

Hate the new interface

Well blogger put me back to their new template. I really don't like it. Whatcha gonna do?

That was T this morning. To say his work is stressful right now is a massive understatement. I'm doing my best to take care of stuff here so he can unwind as much as possible.

To that end, we bought a hot tub. Because we have a small yard with limited space to actually set one up, we bought a small inflatable one. We got in last night after dinner and it was really nice! I am hoping that will help him relax and help with the stiffness & soreness of standing all day.

My weight has fluctuated some this weekend and I'm still up a pound from Friday, but I lost 2 pounds last week and 1.5 the week before. So my covid 15 is down to the covid 9.

Take care of yourselves. We're expecting to get some bad weather from the hurricane.

When every day feels like Wednesday

Yesterday I woke up and the first thought in my head was to try & figure out what day it was. Especially because my husband has rotating days off, the days really all run together for me. This week he is off Thursday and Friday, so today is his "Friday" and my "Wednesday". It's both nice and frustrating.

Anyway, took care of some boring stuff around here, saw mom off yesterday, and I finished hemming the new curtains for my guest room. Now I need to make the pleats. It's a 50s room so it gets pinch pleat drapes, what can I say? :-)

Anyway, things are going ok. I've started adding an evening walk, which I am really enjoying.

Take care.

Doing ok

Good morning. Just checking in. I'm doing okay - just the same old same old. I have a very long period (5-6 days. Ugh). So when I dropped 1.5 pounds overnight I was relieved that there was a cause for me staying the same even though I had cleaned up my snacking.

Mom came up for a couple of dr appointments, it's been really nice having her here.

Take care!