Where has the week gone???

 Well, work is still crazy. I had anxiety dreams about work last night!! That's pretty unusual for me. Wednesday I used my lunch hour to do some housework, so I do at least feel better about that. It's been rainy and work has been super busy - I took 2 days off the bike - Wednesday I decided to clean instead and yesterday I donated blood. The dog only got 2 walks on those days as well. But I have kept up with my kettlebells - I'm not doing nearly the volume of work I was before, but I am (slowly) building back up. I was down 2.5 pounds this week. Don't you hate it when the scale bounces around like Tigger??? Lol

Tonight I am making a very "southern" meal - black eyed pea stew (it has greens & tomatoes and is yummy!) and salmon patties. I like beans in general and honestly I think they are a healthy part of our diet - a much better choice than more processed carbs! 

I have Monday off! And boy do I need it. :-)

Take care.

Not much new

 Work is crazy, the house is a mess, I need a vacation.

Here's a funny picture. It's funny because this is me.

Four weeks, and what the actual heck

 I learned a new word this week:

It's been 4 weeks today since I lost my pruppet. It still hurts very much. Having said that, Pepper is beginning to settle in.

I have watched my food this week and significantly ramped up my exercise, so naturally I regained the measly half pound I lost last week. I hate the scale.

Take care.

Finding a new routine

 So the dogs are settling in. There's a bit of jealousy (Susie) and a bit of regressive behavior (Pepper), but that will resolve in time. Susie wasn't the "only dog" for very long, so that will be fine. Everyone knows they are loved. :-)

In an effort to be sure he gets out and gets exercise, Pepper has been getting 3 walks of the half mile loop per day! Susie generally goes once and calls that good. She will likely want to go more/ longer when the weather warms back up. 

So I am walking 3 times per day (although not for long), riding the exercise bike 20-25 minutes, and I have added my beloved kettlebells back in 3 times per week. So go me! A little too much grazing between meals (the perils of working at home), but meals have been solid and evening snacking hasn't been an issue.

I don't want to jinx it, but maybe I've found my groove???

Take care.

Meet Pepper!

So a thing happened this weekend.

Pepper is a 5 year old chihuahua min pin mix. He's been at the foster agency since September of 2017. Prospective puppy parents were either put off my his energy & chihuahua aggression (he can be a brat) or they were much older folks looking for a little potato dog. Foster mom has had this guy out on 3 mile runs, so potato he is not!

We are all adjusting, but he & Susie seem to have really hit it off. Last night I sat on the sofa with tears streaming down my face. Getting a new dog was like admitting Jordan is really gone. (Yes, I know that's irrational.) I have never grieved the loss of a pet like this. But we are a good fit for this guy and I think he will settle in nicely.

Mrs Swan - I did like in Florida for a while! I was transferred down there for work, but ultimately moved back to NC. 

It was a decent weekend - I was just beginning to get a hang of this morning routine when this little guy came into our lives and now I have to figure it all out again! Oh well. :-) I did walk the dogs at butt crack dark thirty and rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes so far today! 

Take care.

Starting the day off right!

 It's interesting to me that no matter how old you are. there are always opportunities to learn new things about yourself. One of my "assignments" last week was to work on establishing a good morning routine. My husband made an astute observation: pre pandemic I left the house before I started work (even on WFH days I typically did something outside) and during the spring & summer I walked in the morning. Now that the weather has turned I'm not getting outside, which has made the transition from home to work pretty blurry.

Monday I got up and walked Susie pretty early - that worked pretty well. Tuesday I didn't due to weather and spent the day in a funk (bad news didn't help). Yesterday I went to the dentist and then took Susie for a walk. This morning I was faced with a challenge: dark + snowy (maybe icy patches) roads. Instead of getting out right away, I climbed on the exercise bike, put "Aerial Africa" on the TV (courtesy of amazon prime), and shouted out upbeat tunes for the google home to play. Twenty minutes later my blood was pumping and I felt like I had had a decent workout. I didn't get outside, but vigorous activity seemed to work pretty well too. I may try to keep doing some yoga, but it clearly doesn't work for me as my morning activity!

Anyway, that's all I've got for today.

Take care.

Down Day

 Monday was a really good day. The sun was out, Susie and I enjoyed a good walk in the morning, I was super productive at work - it just felt pretty good. That evening I got a text from my mom - my son't best friend has cancer. This young man (he's 25) is like a part of our family. He & F went to college together, they were roommates at one point, he's spent holidays with our family, and our families have spent holidays all together (back before covid). 

I just spent yesterday in a funk. Sad for him, missing Jordan, burned out & tired of being isolated. Add to that it was a rainy gray day and my mental state was one of anxiety & exhaustion. I grazed all day and then asked my husband to pick up tacos for dinner. I just couldn't face cooking. I tried all the things I could think of to distract myself, but it just didn't work.

Today is a new day. Susie and I were able to get our walk in. It's cloudy but not raining. We may get snow tonight and then a couple of days of sunny but cold weather. Getting outside and moving didn't change anything - except my mindset.

Keep fighting the good fight y'all.

Better bad choices

 This weekend was an opportunity to put that nugget into practice!

T and I went out to dinner Friday night (grilled salmon, double broccoli, no appetizer). Then in an unplanned move, we met his family at a burger place for lunch Saturday (grilled chicken salad, ate a few bites of the appetizers ordered, took home leftovers). We try to limit our dining out and choose places carefully where we feel relatively "safe" dining, so 2 in 1 weekend was very unusual. Then Sunday T wanted wings for dinner to go with the football. So I made baked wings and a chopped veggie salad to go alongside. I put some grilled chicken in the salad to pump up the protein and limited the number of wings. I was still up a pound after the weekend but really that's not too shabby!

I've struggled finding a morning routine. Today it's supposed to rain with a high of 44. Since it was 42 this morning at 6:30 I decided to go ahead and walk then. Susie did much better walking in the morning. As much as I dislike the cold, I think I just need to suck it up and walk in the morning. I felt much better and managed 3 half mile laps (lately I've only been doing 1). I hope I've set myself up for a successful day.

Take care. 

Glad it's Friday

 It's been a long week. Work has been hectic, I've been sad, but I've been hanging in there. Had a nice loss (2.6 pounds). I hate that I'm starting again, but at least I'm starting again.

I finished watching the documentary on Amazon prime I wrote about:

The movie has 3 sections: nutrition, exercise, and psychology. The real gold (for me) was in the psychology part - I'm going to watch that part again and take notes! One thing one of the folks interviewed said really struck a chord with me "I encourage my clients to make better bad choices." Not perfect - not some crazy strict way of eating you can never adhere to - just improve your choices gradually. Gold. 

I've actually been doing that. I think I mentioned I gave up alcohol (extra calories, and it tends to lessen my inhibitions, which makes it easier for me to over snack), but I missed the taste and ritual. So we've been experimenting with some alcohol free substitutes. Some have been better than others, but it has helped me to make the shift. Anyway, there's a success for the week!

I'm going to make some new valences this weekend. I'll post photos!

Take care.

Hanging in there

 I've made it so far with my 2 baby goals for the week, but it's been tough. Work is crazy, my mom went home and that set off another round of sad. I miss J-dog so much my heart aches. But you know, eating won't bring her back. So I get out and I walk Susie. That's the sum total of the exercise I am doing right now. My mom had the first dose of the vaccine this week. I remind myself that spring is on the way and so are better times.

Take care.

Made it through the weekend

 Accomplished my 2 small baby step goals I established last Thursday:

So go me! Went to the nutritionist Saturday morning. No great revelations - she handed me a sheet for her low carb diet along with amounts of protein to be consumed. We ordered pizza last night for dinner (my mom adores pizza and we have a really good place here.) I only ate 2 pieces and watched my food the rest of the day. As a result I was up 0.2 pounds this morning. I think that's pretty good! I mean, yeah, just getting back on track and ordering pizza.... But hey, moderation!

One other thing I meant to mention in my last post is a movie I started watching on Netflix:

Whether you agree with everything or not, I think it's interesting to listen to "experts" discuss the science & psychology. It's a step to get my head back in the game. I haven't finished it yet, but I've enjoyed what I've seen so far.

Also, I got 20 free days of access to yoga download on my Roku tv. No, I haven't done any yet, but I do have the best of intentions! Lol

My husband got me this:

We used to joke about how much Bolt looked like Jordan (Jordan came first!), so he got me this to commemorate our friendship. I cried big ugly tears. I love it.

Have a good week.

Thoughts and ideas

 So..... lots of stuff.

First: I am so thankful I started counseling pre pandemic. While I was just getting into CPT therapy for my PTSD, working my way through that has helped my relationships and continuing with a counselor even when that was completed has helped me so much. I'm thankful I had that established relationship before all of this. Back in May (I think) T and I started seeing a couple's counselor. The stress of being at home while I tried to work and he was furloughed highlighted some issues  (especially around communication) we were having. We graduated last night!! We had gone down from every 2 weeks to once a month check ins to "email if you need me". I'm so thankful we put in that effort. I thought our relationship was pretty good before, but it is so much better now.

This week has been so hard. I've reached out to friends and family, but I have been grieving in a major way. I had my appointment with Laura yesterday and it was so helpful to hear her say "everyone is eating a sh&^ sandwich these days." (Those were her exact words. Lol).  She helped me set 2 manageable goals for this week: Take Susie for a walk every day and no alcohol. No matter how long or short, getting outdoors will benefit us both. And who needs the empty calories??? If I can't do that this week then I will consider going to my mom's for a few days for a change of venue to help shake things up. If I do it then a trip to Kohls for a much needed new bra (I'm down to 1 non sports bra!) and maybe a wallet if I see one I like. So a doable plan for the week.

Mrs Swan had a terrific post about motivation. So go read it! That whole MAR v ARM (motivation, action, results) v (action, results, motivation) makes so much sense to me. I know that even small steps can help create a positive feedback loop which builds momentum. That's what I am focusing on now. 

My counselor also sent me a link to a planner over on Amazon - The 6 Minute Success Journal It is based on the same concept - taking your big goals and breaking them down into small, repeatable actions. I just started reading it, but I am intrigued by the concept (and the short amount of time required!).

I am still using the calm app, although not daily. And I am going to the nutritionist Saturday morning. I don't expect any great revelations, only some accountability. But with the lockdown some external accountability would be helpful. 

Also helpful is that my husband has a vacation next month! I'm only taking a couple of days - he is using it to rest and to do a few things around the house, but we are going to the beach to visit the family and making a quick trip down to Helen GA to have a couple's getaway for a couple of days for us. I'm so glad he suggested it.

In other words, I'm trying to come at this issue from a lot of angles!

Have a great weekend and take care.

Getting off the struggle bus

 Made an appt with the nutritionist for Saturday. Gotta get my head back in the game. Grieving is okay, falling apart isn't.

What now?

 Somehow I have to figure out how to get back on some sort of track of taking care of myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtjro7_R3-4

So hard to say good bye

 We had to say good bye Friday. After a week of treatments there was no improvement. I am pretty much gutted. We were together over 13 years.

Not so good

 Jordan isn't doing too well. Her kidneys seem to be failing. She's back at the vet today. I'll keep you posted.

True

 I don't typically choose a word of the year, but this year it feels right. A couple of fairly significant crises forced me to examine the things I take for granted. I've come out of 2020 with a stronger sense of what I want, better communication skills, and new coping strategies. All of those things have at times been completely overwhelmed by my levels of stress and anxiety.

I see people all the time (including me!) claim certain things are important to them, but I don't necessarily see them living the priorities/ values they espouse. Certain televangelists make an entertaining example, but we all say things like losing weight, getting fit, saving money (as examples) might be important, but our micro choices don't support those goals. 

For 2021 I want to document my goals and then stay true to them. I want to create habits and align my choices (and micro choices) with the things I've said are important to me.

1. I lost 75 pounds. In 2020 I gained 30 back. I want (at minimum) to get back to where I was.

2. I've begun to work on getting a handle on our budget. In 2021 I want to achieve certain financial goals for myself. A big one is that I would like to replace my car this year.

I have begun decluttering / organizing/ redecorating in my home. I want to continue to do so. I hope that for 2021 our only major house expense is the new gas logs we ordered, but we have 2 small-ish electrical projects I'd like to have someone do as well. I realize that this one is partly beyond my control. 

Happy new year to us all!

New year, same me

 Just wanted to touch base today. I'm doing a lot of thinking about what I hope to achieve next year - in all aspects of my life. Like many of us, this year took me for a wild ride. Some things have definitely improved, others definitely have not. In some areas I feel like I abdicated control and allowed stress & fears to take over. Overall, I want to work on getting better at managing emotions rather than allowing them to manage me!

More to come on that thought. In the interim, stay safe & healthy my friends!

Another Christmas in the books

 Thank you for the kind comments. I invited Jan over to have supper with us this Saturday. I'm not making a huge spread, but I did end up buying a turkey on sale so I'm going to do that, spinach souffle, and mashed cauliflower. She can hang out for a couple of hours and watch a Christmas movie and visit. So that will be nice. Work is a bit slow this week so I am trying to catch up - at work and at home. I feel like this week is a lull in the action - I'm not doing horribly but I'm more focused on walking the dogs & cleaning the house than lifting weights. All that changes nest week.

My son's covid test was negative so we were able to see each other at Christmas!!!! Yes, I know just how fortunate that makes me and my family.

Much love to you all and here's to a brighter 2021!

Just sad

 Well, my son's gf got her results back. Her test was negative. Now she took it just a couple of days after exposure, but so far so good.

My ex MIL isn't doing well. She fell on her porch Tuesday night and fainted. Thankfully a policeman was patrolling through the neighborhood and saw her, otherwise she probably would have frozen to death. Neither of her sons care that she is not competent to care for herself. I try to help her some, but I can't take on my ex MIL, you know? I just feel horrible.

I am sad and stressed. 

What a day

 Good news - I'm down 3 pounds this week. So that's awesome! Bad news - a friend and neighbor of my son's have covid so the boy is going for a test. Sigh. this momma is worried.

Take care & be safe!

Anxious

 

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling more anxiety than usual! LOL Deprived of my 3 main destressors, (the gym, my SCA hobby, seeing friends and family) I have turned to food (and occasionally wine). The combination of increased calories and decreased exercise has of course led to weight gain. This week I've worked to identify (and try) some new methods of dealing with stress.

What's worked (so far):

• I love the calm app! They have a 7 day intro to meditation and I've done 5 days in a row. This is an awesome quick hit.
• Limiting my list. I make myself a daily "to do" list. It's typically stupid long and I end up exhausted or giving up. Either way I feel bad about it. I've decided to limit my list to no more than 5 items. If I get those done and still feel good, I can add 1 at a time.

What might work:

• Lunch yoga doesn't work very well. First thing after a cup of coffee and a small bite to eat seems to work best. Not sure how I feel about Adrienne (I'm doing her 30 day "True" series on amazon prime), but I really need both the stretch and the peace.

What doesn't seem to help:

• My Verilux lamp. Oh well. 

Things I haven't tried:

• Paper journaling
• EFT (emotional focus therapy. aka "tapping")

This morning I woke up and realized no one had put out the recycling. So I frantically ran out into the cold rain to get that done. I was grouchy because T had said he would do it. I was hungry and needed to feed the dogs. I couldn't remember when I had washed my hair so I really wanted a shower. I had an early meeting (8:30). By the time the dogs were fed I had time for yoga or shower. I opted for shower & hair washing. As I said, lunch yoga didn't work great - I think my yoga or kettlebells have to be in the morning before work. I did put on real clothes (with a bra!) and make up. My hair was sort of fixed. That's a HUGE step for me. 

I don't have any answers, but I keep on trying.

Where I am

 Today I went to Goodwill and picked up a pair of jeans and a couple of cute tops. I'm tired of only having yoga/ pajama pants that fit. I'm tired of having a drastically limited selection of shirts to choose from. I'm tired of feeling like my too small clothes are judging me. I'm tired of judging myself for gaining back some of the weight. 

I bought a pair of jeans that fit. I bought a cute holiday fleece top for running around. I am getting out my holiday earrings. I am okay where I am right now. I am going to take care of myself. Today I did 2 laps (1.5 miles), I did yoga, I did day 3 on the calm app. I have made myself healthy food. I did some errands but not too much, and I took a nap when I needed one. 

Take care.

Thank you

 Thank you for your comments! I live in NC, but really cases are crazy everywhere right now aren't they? So I quit the gym - I still haven't bothered to go over to Planet Fitness, but that's on my list for today or tomorrow as well. So yeah, from 3 gym memberships down to none. Thankfully I have a well put together home gym and dogs to walk. I've gained roughly 25 pounds since this started. I don't feel good about that. I do feel good about the fact that every time I donate blood, my covid antibodies test comes back negative. So I just need to keep on doing the things in my control to keep from getting this terrible disease. It's still no guarantee, but it's the best I can do.

In the meantime I'm looking for coping strategies other than food or wine. Sigh. 

If you have an American Express, you can get a year of the Calm App (premium) for free and your next year half off. Offer good through 12/31. There are loads of yoga shows for free on amazon prime. Start a blog! Or a paper journal. I have a verilux sun lamp, although I'm not sure I really need it (it was a gift). My husband is a restaurant manager - he has to be out in public. He's incredibly stressed right now. It's tough. I'm trying to do what I can to not only take care of my own mental and physical health, but to be supportive of him as well.

That's all I got today. Take care of yourselves out there.

Conflicted

 Gyms are open here (for now), although with the new caveat that you must wear a mask while exercising. At first I was excited about getting back into a routine - y'all know how much I love the gym. I was careful and I felt pretty good about it. Now cases are spiking like crazy here and I haven't been in 2.5 weeks. I just don't feel good about it. Maybe I should just cancel for now and try again once things are better under control?

Thoughts?

Need to.....

 Right now my life feels like it's full of "need to"s. I need to walk the dogs, feed myself and my family better, exercise, put up the Christmas tree. What I really "need to" is stop making myself feel badly about all the things I'm not doing/ not doing well and accept where I am right this minute. And maybe take the dog for a walk.

Strategies

 Good morning.

First, I'd like to share an article a friend shared with me: Toxic Positivity To sum it up: It's ok to say you aren't ok! 

I talked through some strategies yesterday: yoga, meditation (Did you know American Express is offering a free year of the calm app to it's cardmembers?), EFT Therapy (a way to destress yourself), blocking a short self care break (or 2!) into the day, journaling, you get the idea. I am going to explore and try some/ all of these and see what clicks for me. 

Yesterday was better - just talking through strategies helped me realize that I am not unique in struggling right now and that there are things I can do to help myself.

Hang in there. :-)

All the stuff

 Thank you for the comment Paula! Yes - covid, the lockdown, the political climate, it's all so stressful & sad and totally uncharted territory. We're all going through stuff - but are being impacted in different ways.

Both my husband and I are making less money now that we were at the beginning of the year. So dealing with work anxiety, financial anxiety, being on top of each other at home. I set up a nicer home office out of the living room so he could watch tv without bothering me, but because his desk is in here as well he feels like he doesn't have a personal space. It's frustrating. 

I've gained 2.5 pounds both of the past 2 weeks. I didn't go to the gym at all last week. I did do a bit better yesterday. That's despite the fact I hit my driver side mirror on the fence backing out of the driveway and broke it. It's going to be $125 dollars I don't really have to take care of that.. Sigh.

Trying to get through the day without getting into the food to deal with it.

Take care.

I'm not okay, you're (probably) not okay either - and I guess that has to be okay

 Hi.

In this case I haven't been posting because I haven't been doing well. Although I don't really discuss it here, I have PTSD. As the lockdown has progressed, my coping skills haven't really kept up and I keep reverting back to previous coping skills (like food). And I feel badly because there are folks who have been MUCH more impacted than me, but minimizing my feelings doesn't help anyone else. 

I sent a note to my counselor and today I am focused on doing things that are caring for myself rather than the house or whatever. I have to make self care a priority, and I haven't been.

Take care of yourselves.

Catching Up

 Been a busy week so far! We opted to do the holiday lights and save the winery - I'm glad we did. We would have been overly tired if we had tried to do both things. We loved the lights. Last minute we decided to take the dogs with us - they loved it! Not just riding in the car, but Susie especially seemed intrigued by the light show. I'm so glad we took them!

I made a quick trip down to my mom's - her birthday is this Saturday but I am not traveling for Thanksgiving, so we celebrated a week early. Food went a bit off the rails but I will just get back on plan! Work has been busy and I am trying to catch up on my house chores, not to mention take advantage of the nice weather to bathe a dog, mow the yard, etc. etc. 

My holiday plans are a very small meal Saturday with just the in-laws and spending Thursday and Friday working on Christmas decorations & watching holiday movies. 

Stay safe & smart!

Never mind

 Okay, I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Not on fire but slow & steady. Since we are going on a date tonight, I did an AM workout. I liked it! Not a time that will work every day, but for today it let me get in a workout, and I am grateful. It is amazing to me how much better I feel when I work out. It's incredible.

We are going to go see a Christmas lights display this evening. Put in some holiday music and just enjoy. I am excited! A local winery is also doing these socially distanced outdoor evenings, so we're packing up the camp chairs and headed to that as well. 

Some things are crazy, but some things are really, really good.

Take care & have a terrific weekend!

Well poo

 So my weight loss seems to have stalled. Blech. We'll see what happens. Headed to see my mom this weekend - before the holiday to avoid traffic and reduce any chance of exposure. I'm keeping busy on house projects and trying to settle in to my new routine of doing a later (less crowded) Cross Fit class. There were 4 people there Monday in a good sized warehouse area, nearest person was a good 20+ feet away.

We are trying some new budgeting software called YNAB - not super intuitive, but so far we are liking it!

Take care - stay safe & smart!

Choices

 I was feeling kind of run down this weekend. As a result, I did some over eating to make myself feel better. Oh well, back in the saddle again.

Like pretty much everywhere, Covid cases are rising here. As much as I enjoy the 4:30 class at the gym it is just too popular. Yes, they take precautions but .. people. I am going to try the 5:30 PM class. The time isn't as convenient, but I understand attendance is maybe half. I need the gym for my mental health, but I need to be smart & safe as well.

I cleaned off the porch & back patio, the beds are mulched, grass mowed, and yard is just about ready for winter. Just need to get shrubs trimmed. 

T's work remains stressful. I do what I can to make things easy for him here at home. But sometimes that just leaves me overwhelmed. I think we're all struggling with balance these days.

Take care.

tired

 Put out mulch today, so I am whipped. Lost 1.5 pounds. Have a good weekend.

Sorry for disappearing!

 

I can't believe it haven't posted in over a week! I'm sorry about that! It's just been kind of boring - T's work is a bit stressful so I'm trying to pick up the slack at home, manage our food - cook really nice dinners since it's the one "meal" we really eat, and juggle work, CrossFit, and manage my stress about the election. You know, nothing special. HA HA HA

Things are going fine with the diet & exercise. I went to the office & packed up my stuff and now have a home office that's a lot more functional here at the house. I have my big monitors etc. We bought a filing cabinet off fb marketplace so T is getting an office upgrade as well. I've also been doing a bit of fall yardwork (raking), putting down weed killer & mulch etc and some holiday sewing. In short, life is going along.

Take care!

Still working the plan

 Headed to CrossFit in a few minutes, but I wanted to check in. The weekend was pretty good, if not very productive. Ah well, nothing wrong with watching movies on Halloween! :-)

We're going along - it's nice to be doing this together and be eating the same things. Makes it easier and more fun. Last night I took a bar and mixed it in the brownie mix and made chocolate/ caramel cookies. One thing is that (like many places) they are having supply issues so the savory foods are more limited. Lots of sweet options available, but I'm just not that into sweets.

Yes, this is a highly processed diet, no I would NOT eat this way long term. But I'm feeling better already. And I continue to take my supplements and put a variety of the lower starch veggies in our diet and use a green superfoods power supplement as well.It may be boring but I don't think I'm going to get scurvy in the next couple of months. Lol

Take care.

Thoughts after 1.5 weeks

 We started Optavia 1.5 weeks ago. We chose it for several reasons I've already written about. My biggest concern going in was being hungry. And I have been hungry at times, but not miserable. And it's generally only a few minutes before i'm supposed to eat again. If it gets too uncomfortable they do have some "snack" options you can use to help tide you over. One thing I didn't expect going in was those few days of having no energy. That is much better! I can't say I'm at 100%, but I'm at 90-95%. And that's with adding in CrossFit. I lost 4.8 pounds this week - 7.8 since I started.

I found a terrific website: http://www.sandyskitchenadventures.com/ which has loads of recipes for our dinner meal as well as "hacks" for the Optavia fuelings. There have been a couple of things we weren't terribly impressed with, but overall the food is pretty good!

Pros:

Easy - you really don't have to do much thinking other than to plan your evening dinner. And you can even order those, although the choices are limited.

Convenient - easy to take "on the go" - whether traveling or to work. Even with no access to a microwave at work, T has a decent variety. If all you had a work was a microwave you could eat anything they offer. Being at home, I can take advantage of some of the hacks (I've taken the instant mashed potatoes and turned them into potato soup or a potato cake for example). 

Helps you learn portion control and educates you about the "hidden" sugars/ carbs/ calories in your food.

Cons:

Cost - at roughly $3/serving (and you eat 5 a day!) it is more expensive than eating at home. But it is cheaper than eating out and/or if you buy a bunch of junk.

Repetition - If you had a LOT of weight to lose and/ or were on this program a long time I think it would get boring. It also limits a large number of foods (like fruit!), which could become difficult over time.

Overall, I'm glad I'm not on this forever! Am I learning anything new? Not really, BUT it is teaching me (yet again) about weighing, measuring, portion control, choosing foods wisely etc. I'd love it if it would stick, but honestly, given everything going on right now I'm not beating myself up too much about it. I still kept off the bulk of my loss (and T kept off a huge chuck of his as well) so I know we can be successful long term when we come off this.

Take care, Happy Halloween, have a good weekend!

So far so good.

 We did our week 1 check in with our coach last night. I typically record my weight on Fridays, bu we started this on a Tuesday (T had the day off and thought it would be easier to start then). In one week he dropped 16 pounds and I dropped 6. Granted the bulk of that is water weight since we are doing a low carb diet, but we are both feeling better already.

The food isn't too bad and it's help me get back to the discipline of not mindlessly eating or eating for reasons other than hunger. I've made some really excellent dinners. T used to turn his nose up at cauli rice & that sort of thing and now he's eating it without complaint!!

You guys, I had been hovering around 160 for a while and then skyrocketed up to 182. I felt miserable and completely out of control. I can give you a list of reasons but one of the big ones is I was tired of going it alone. I am so thankful we are doing this together, I can't even tell you. 

Take care of yourself. I know it's hard, believe me. Big hugs to you all.

What we're doing (and why)

 I have regained a good chuck of weight since the end of March, and my husband has as well. It hasn't been a straight trajectory - I've made an effort. But the combination of no gym, no dress code, no social interaction, and every kind of stress imaginable has made it an uphill battle.

He finally indicated a readiness to lose weight. We aren't always on the same page, but this is something I wanted us to do together. For that reason I told him to pick a diet and I would do it with him for at least 30 days. My rationale was that even if it wasn't the diet for me, at least I would understand how to feed him. Part of our challenge is his schedule at work coupled with the fact that he works in a restaurant. It would actually be a health code violation for him to take home prepared food in! So that meant packaged food for him during the day. 

You guessed it - we're on Medifast (only now it's rebranded Optavia). He has used it in the past and lost 80 pounds. He regained a chunk after he & his ex split, then lost a good chunk, then (with me during covid) regained some. But he knows it works, is doable with his job, and he knows what to expect. Like I said, I agreed to try whatever he wanted for 30 days. We're on day 4. My energy is beginning to make a comeback but I'm still hungry. Having said that, I'm NOT starving and miserable. I will keep you guys posted!

Oh, and I am trying out the local CrossFit gym - I gotta do something for my sanity!

Vacation Recap Part 4

 Day 7 was T's most anticipated day - an airboat ride through the Everglades! After breakfast at Cracker Barrel (don't judge, it was right next to the hotel) we made our way almost all the way across the state on Hwy 41 to Everglades City. Yes, we saw 2 alligators during the ride. It was pretty fun! We grabbed some lunch in Everglades City (I of course had to order alligator!). On the way back we took a road marked "scenic drive" (and it was, but it took longer than expected. lol). We did stop in for a short visit to Big Cypress National Preserve but then made our way back so we would have time to hit Schnebly winery in Homestead. All of their wines are made with locally grown tropical fruits and they are amazing and unique! So that was a blast. I have to say the overall experience wasn't as fun as the last time we went. I think a large part of it was that it was near the end of the day, there were only a couple of people there, and the employee was more interested in his phone than the customers. So bummer. I think this was the night we ate at the Italian place in Homestead (or was that the day before and this was Pollo Tropical??) and then we pretty much crashed out.  It doesn't sounds it, but it was a busy & long day!

Day 8 was tough. Our intent was to see some of Everglades National Park. And we did do a little bit but there is a lot of road construction so we didn't see as much as I had hoped and spent a fair bit of time stopped. We headed out to make a noon lunch date in Sunrise at the beloved Sunrise Pita Grill where we saw a guy my son went to high school with down there. It was great to catch up and we met his lovely 1 year old daughter! Then the plan was to drive to Savannah - a long drive but manageable. We hadn't counted on all the time in the car at the park, the off & on from the turnpike to the restaurant, and then a missed turn left us stuck on the turnpike until practically Orlando! We stopped for a quick bit at a random Panera and pushed on until we arrived in Savannah - tired and CRANKY. We went to bed but we were both so wound up it took quite a while to actually fall asleep.

Day 9 was supposed to be sigh seeing in Savannah, but at this point we were so over tired & ready to be home. So we got up, ate breakfast, and headed home. I kissed my dogs (but not the ground), but man it felt good to be home!

Vacation Recap Part 3

 Days 5 and 6 we didn't have anything booked in advance. We wandered over to the sister property for breakfast, chilled out at the hotel's beach, walked over to El Siboney for an amazing Cuban lunch, then did the trolley for a while. We had dinner at a place called Salute! right by the hotel (again, walking distance for the win) and then did the haunted Key west trolley tour, which was loads of fun!

The next day we lolled around the pool & beach of the Waldorf (the rooms were mediocre and the overall property felt like it needed from refurbishing, but the beach & pools rocked) until time to check out. We stopped in Marathon for another Cuban lunch (not as good but still good) and made our way up to Homestead where we were spending that night. Dinner was Pollo Tropical which is a fave of mine.

Vacation Recap Part 2

 Day 3

I had booked a glass bottom boat tour at John Pennekamp State Park for the afternoon. That morning included a trip to the sandal outlet for shoes for T. Of course I ended up getting a pair as well. :-) Lunch was a sub from Winn Dixie so we could scoot over to the park. The glass bottom boat was awesome! It was a lot of fun, although T did started getting a tiny bit seasick. Dinner that evening was at a Mexican place in Key Largo.

Day 4

This was (for me) the most anticipated day. We headed down to Islamorada to Robbie's for lunch and SNUBA diving (very much like SCUBA but no certification required). Since T isn't certified I thought this would be a good way for him to try it out and see if he liked it. Unfortunately he had a panic attack in the water. :-( It was really a shame since the conditions were perfect. Not only that, but there was a professional photographer on board and he made a short video for us!! After the dive we headed down to Key West, checked in at the Waldorf, and ate an incredible diner on the beach. 

Vacation Recap

 We're back and had a lovely time!!

We thought long and hard before we decided to pull the trigger and take a vacation. I was able to use points & vouchers for all our hotel rooms, which kept costs down. Because the Keys have been very strict about masks & safety and our activities were largely outdoors, we decided the physical risk of potential exposure was outweighed by our mental need for a break

Day 1 of our trip was boring driving. We left home, stopped in Columbia for lunch at a place a friend recommended called Henry's. Sadly she was in quarantine so wasn't able to meet us. After a yummy burger we pressed on, stopping for dinner in Jax at a Cracker Barrel. We had hoped to make Merritt Island and have dinner with my step sister, but it wasn't to be. We didn't even get to her place until nearly bedtime! She is an interior designer and her home is a really cool contemporary design that is reminiscent of art deco - lots of curved walls and glass block. She has some art that is reminiscent of Florida in the 30s and 40s - all in all a lovely and unique home. We had a brief visit before crashing. It had been a long day and what I thought would be the single longest day of driving.

Day 2 was breakfast and a nice visit with Tracey before we pushed on to Morikami Gardens in Del Ray Beach for a lovely stroll and Japanese lunch from their restaurant. Then we were off to Coral Springs to do a drive by of my old house, stop at Costco for booze, and a long visit with my dear friend Ellen. After that we were off to the Mai Kai -- longest running Polynesian show in the US! And while it is a bit cheesy, the band and MC were all from Polynesia and the dances were very well done. It was truly special and a unique experience. After that it was about an hour and a half to our hotel for the next 2 days - the Hampton Inn in Key Largo.

Great buy

 The best money I've spent so far this year is definitely my inflatable hot tub!! Our yard is small so there isn't a place for a traditional hot tub. We are seriously enjoying this one!

"Guests"

I love the term guests. Lol. Yeah, technically. The couple worked for Tim's company and found themselves rather suddenly with no place to stay (they had been staying with a relative). They were trying to save up for a deposit and we agreed they could stay for a week. Then my stepdad died and we were out of town so we asked them to stay on so the house wouldn't be empty. So 7 days turned into 28. I didn't know them until they moved in. They certainly aren't bad people, they are just very different form us. It was hard and let's just say I learned from the experience.

We are going to the Florida Keys. I have a Hilton American Express, so I earn points with my spending. I generally get a free night per year, but I was allowed to roll my last one so I am using 2 free nights plus points for 5 others, then staying with my step sister on the way down. It won't be a cheap trip, but since we aren't paying for any accommodations it won't be super expensive either. I'll post pictures!

I started walking the dogs again and I am slowly getting back to a routine. This year has been so crazy.

Have you guys seen these people on youtube? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmohanMEufw They live about an hour away, but I can so relate! It reminds me that I'm not the only one going slowly insane in the privacy of their own home.

You guys take care.

Baby steps

 Besides my stepdad passing away, work being all over the place, T going to physical therapy, the angst of quitting my beloved gym - did I mention we had a family of 3 staying with us for the last 4 weeks? It was difficult and I may have lost my mind. And liver. 

They moved out Sunday and I am slowly working to reclaim my house, my routine, and my sanity. We are leaving for vacation a week from today. I need it. So very much.

Back

 Well, I am back home and back at work today. I have to figure out a new routine. Between the weather change and the realization that my beloved gym is no longer between work and home, I have to find a new "normal".

Loads to say, but honestly just don't have the focus to write it all out.

Take care. More later.

Friday

 My stepdad passed away last night. He rallied the night before enough to have a crab cake for dinner. :-) That seems perfect. He was an amazing grandpa to my son.

Ugh

I'm using Chrome, so not sure about the not being able to comment thing. It seems to have started with the new interface. Gah.

So my stepdad has been given 48-72 hours to live. I am sitting here in a holding pattern waiting to find out details about service etc. We thought my great aunt was in her final stages, but she got up and started eating and talking so who knows????

I've probably gained a million pounds this week and I don't care. Whatever.

Thanks, and an update

First, thank you for the comments and well wishes. His doctor is running a ton of tests and mentioned things like thyroid, arthritis (RA is an autoimmune disorder!), etc. She's being very thorough and she also took him off his (new-ish) cholesterol medication just in case it was the culprit/ contributing factor.

Yesterday he reported feeling less stressed (I think I mentioned they've changed his responsibilities at work in the event he ends up needing to go out on FMLA), so he has less on his plate there and I think that alone is helping. Yesterday he had to run some supplies over to the Archdale unit since the manager there had forgotten to order to go supplies. T said that made him feel better in a way "Maybe I'm normal and everyone is forgetting stuff!" I told him I was sure there is some truth to that - we are ALL under an incredible amount of stress and just because we are all experiencing it doesn't make it any less real or scary.

For some reason when I go to other people's blogs and want to comment in only says "google account" but won't let me choose me. SO I can't comment on a lot of other folks accounts which I really hate!

I hope you all have a good weekend.

Oh! I was down a pound this week. I'll take it!

Take care.

Change

Well, they sent out the company wide communication regarding our department's re-organization. It said "effective immediately". When my boss left for vacation last week the timing was still TBD. So, the cat is out of the bag. We'll see what happens. I don't expect anything drastic in the short term.

This morning at breakfast T said he didn't remember the details of yesterday afternoon. Y'all, I am scared.

Take care.

Hanging in there

Thanks Paula - I so appreciate your comments! Do you have a blog?

Our new exercise bike arrived! T asked "Did you order this from Ikea?" Lol. Yeah, maximum assembly required. Eh, we'll figure it out.

Here is a picture:

My pictures don't really show a difference, but I can tell you that after drinking a gallon of water (straight water) every day for a week I am feeling a lot less bloated! I also began using a fiber supplement that I really love (it's from a company called Melaleuca) and lets just say I am more regular than I have ever been.

We've figured out a couple of dessert type things for T in the evening to satisfy his sweet tooth (The orange flavored fiber, a cup of pineapple juice, frozen mango. Vanilla protein powder with almond milk, ice, PBFit powder, and then 1 T each of pb and chocolate chips). His diet is getting overhaued as well. And after the doctor visit Monday he is on board. I am back to packing him an afternoon snack and sending a protein shake to work. He may not be making the healthiest choices there, but that's 1 meal a day and he's at least portion controlling.

Take care of yourselves - you only get one body.

Dr visit

My husband's doctor visit yesterday was a mixed bag. The good was we talked about what was going on (brain fog, short term memory issues, and his knees). Yesterday they did an x-ray of his knees (to rule out bursitis) and we have an appointment with mom's ortho for next Monday. She took about a gallon of blood for various tests (including covid antibodies and thyroid).

The not so good: she ran an EKG and he has an enlarged heart. Next week she is doing an ECG to figure out what is going on there. She is also doing a CT scan of his brain to rule out micro strokes and dementia. I'm not gonna lie, I'm concerned. But at least we're getting somewhere.

Please send some good energy our way.

Take care of yourselves.

For the better

Look at me, posting on a Saturday!

Our company bought a bunch of smaller, not doing so great companies. Which would normally make sense but now there are cash flow issues due to that + Corona. The CFO left back in March and I think the board wanted someone more conservative, hence the thing with the CEO. I actually am taking this as a good sign. The re-org will mean some changes to my job I'm sure, just not quite sure what or how. My boss will be the same at least. Not many companies are really hiring right now anyway it seems (at least here), but I'm willing to stick around a while & see how it goes.
I am more concerned about my husband's health issues. I am going with him for his doctor appointment Monday and we'll walk out of there with a plan of action or on the market for a new doctor. She's been blowing this stuff off for months and its only getting worse.

You can read about 75 Hard here if you are interested. I think it has helped me physically - I have cleaned up my diet and I am getting more exercise and water, but its also given me 1) something to focus on and 2) a sense of accomplishment.

Things are not great, but I am feeling a bit more myself at least. I'll take it.

Have a great weekend and take care of yourself.

Happy Friday

I'm not gonna credit drinking a gallon of water with changing my attitude, but I'm sure it helped. They announced the major re-org of our department yesterday (I had advance warning). Oh, did I mention that our CEO was invited to see his way out the door earlier in the week?

And have I mentioned we can now add brain fog to the mysterious leg/ knee pains my husband has been experiencing?

Yeah, TGIF.

Need a change

Y'all, I have been stressed. I don't want to get into all the details, but let's just say I am feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. I need to do something to help me feel like I can control some things, and be successful at some things.

I decided to do 75 Hard. This is more of a mental toughness challenge than a fitness one, although I am quite sure it will improve my health. Again, this is less about the scale and me feeling like I can persevere with some of the stressful stuff in my life right now. 

More to follow.

Yeah, I'm here

 

It's just been stressful. My work, my husband's work, my husband's knee injury, and I just reached a point where it's just been .. too much. I checked out for about a week. I'm scared to get on the scale. I talked to my doctor about getting some medicinal help and I am hopeful that between that and other measures I can get leveled off and back on track.

TGIF

 

Boring title but it's all I got. Weight was up a half pound - we did go out last night so maybe water weight or what I ate or maybe I'm really up. Oh well, that's not bad at all. 

We didn't get much from the hurricane and mom & the boy came through just fine. We have had several thunderstorms this week and the back yard is just super mushy, making mowing pretty difficult.

I'm glad it's nearly the weekend! I've made good progress on my guest room drapes. I'll post pictures when they are done.

Take care!

Hate the new interface

Well blogger put me back to their new template. I really don't like it. Whatcha gonna do?

That was T this morning. To say his work is stressful right now is a massive understatement. I'm doing my best to take care of stuff here so he can unwind as much as possible.

To that end, we bought a hot tub. Because we have a small yard with limited space to actually set one up, we bought a small inflatable one. We got in last night after dinner and it was really nice! I am hoping that will help him relax and help with the stiffness & soreness of standing all day.

My weight has fluctuated some this weekend and I'm still up a pound from Friday, but I lost 2 pounds last week and 1.5 the week before. So my covid 15 is down to the covid 9.

Take care of yourselves. We're expecting to get some bad weather from the hurricane.

When every day feels like Wednesday

Yesterday I woke up and the first thought in my head was to try & figure out what day it was. Especially because my husband has rotating days off, the days really all run together for me. This week he is off Thursday and Friday, so today is his "Friday" and my "Wednesday". It's both nice and frustrating.

Anyway, took care of some boring stuff around here, saw mom off yesterday, and I finished hemming the new curtains for my guest room. Now I need to make the pleats. It's a 50s room so it gets pinch pleat drapes, what can I say? :-)

Anyway, things are going ok. I've started adding an evening walk, which I am really enjoying.

Take care.

Doing ok

Good morning. Just checking in. I'm doing okay - just the same old same old. I have a very long period (5-6 days. Ugh). So when I dropped 1.5 pounds overnight I was relieved that there was a cause for me staying the same even though I had cleaned up my snacking.

Mom came up for a couple of dr appointments, it's been really nice having her here.

Take care!

Where I'm at

Not too much to report. This week has been less crazy so far. Busy, but less crazy. Work has said we're home and they will evaluate again in September. Salary decrease remains in place. :-(

I'm working on new curtains for my guest room, so that's exciting. It's hot here.

Take care.

What a week

Saturday my mom called, Jan (ex MIL) had fallen and been taken to the hospital. She'd forgotten her phone. Could I drive to Kernersville, get her keys, go to her apartment, and take her the phone? Then Sunday she needed a ride home from the hospital. Also Sunday found out a friend had a massive stroke Saturday. Ed died Wednesday. Also Wednesday T was going to make dinner (pasta carbonara). He was stirring it all together in a bowl and it slipped and it all ended up on the floor. We went out for Mexican and Dos Equis - my weight went up 2 pounds and hasn't gone back down.

How has your week been?

Frustrated

I feel like my stress level is part of the issue. Despite making many positive changes, the weight is just stuck. I have not been as consistent as I should be, but I've certainly been doing much better! In any case, that's where I am right now.

Stress

T's job is just a huge source of stress right now (lots of ridiculous employee drama). The weekend just pretty much sucked, neither of us have been sleeping well, my snacking has been out of control, and I am exhausted. I'm down to 2 pair of shorts and he has none. So it's time to get a grip and start doing the things I know I need to do to help me feel better. Yesterday I packed up all the wine and put it in time out. Lol

It's a start.  Take care of yourselves.

Life's a beach

Wow - I haven't posted in 5 days???? Things are fine - I hustled to get stuff done around the house so that we could come down and spend a couple of days with my mom. It's been awesome! Last night my son and his gf came over to mom's, as well as my old boss and his wife. I haven't seen Rich since February! It's hard to go from seeing someone every day to hardly seeing them at all. When he left he said "I'd rather be your friend than your boss" - I'm glad we've been able to stay friends even though we don't see each other much. He & his wife, T and I all get along wonderfully. We don't have many couple friends. It was awesome to see them both.

We are headed back home tonight. I can't wait for the 3 day weekend!!!

Oh yeah - I agree that having a tub in a house is important. Besides the fact that we actually both enjoy soaking in a bath from time to time, i figure having a tub will be good for resale. Our other bathroom has a tub - but no shower! Lol

Take care.

Random

So just some random stuff.

Bathroom is done (well, their part!). They removed the old tub & walls surrounding it and replaced that with the new step in shower. Since we were getting new shower fixtures, we went ahead and got a new faucet for the sink so it will match. We also replaced the floor since the old one was beige/ tan and went with nothing in the bathroom. They also repainted: walls, ceiling, and trim.

Now, my part! We need to rehang pictures and stuff (obviously), but I am also going to replace the knobs and hinges on the vanity as well as repainting it. That way the whole bathroom will have gotten a refresh. The floor is vinyl. Tile would have been lovely but a lot more expensive. We live in a nice neighborhood, but the houses are generally older and more modest, so we didn't want to sink a bunch of money into the remodel knowing we wouldn't get much of it back when we go to sell in a few years. I feel like what we spent (just under $5K) was reasonable - we will enjoy the bathroom and the update will help us sell the house when it comes time.

My mood is picking up a bit. Elle (at the gym) loaned me a 35 pound kettlebell - I haven't been able to find one anywhere. That will really boost my home workouts!

Other than that, same old stuff. Oh! I read a wonderful book yesterday: "The Whole Town's Talking" by Fannie Flagg. Highly recommend! It was the perfect feel good book for some much needed escapism.

Take care.

Things are different, so am I.

I realized today that my life is very different than it was back in March - I've made some pretty fundamental changes. One obvious one is my daily routine. I used to work out at lunch or after work - with no gym and no commute I have reverted to a previous (preferred) pattern and generally work out first thing in the morning. I walk my dogs nearly every day.

I'd say we are eating at home about the same amount - we didn't used to eat out very often either. I feel like I cook more, but it may be that I am simply prepping less in advance since I am at home. Tim's commute is shorter as well and he is helping around the house more.

My mindset has changed as well.  I'd been unhappy with my commute (although I didn't realize how much!) but hadn't really said anything. A couple of weeks ago I talked to my boss and basically told her I had no interest in ever going back to commuting as frequently as I used to. I think our whole organization has had a mindset shift in this regard, and I don't foresee going in to the office less frequently will be an issue.

My marriage is better. MUCH better. It wasn't "bad" before, but we were both busy with demanding jobs and long commutes and just weren't communicating effectively. Being in the same house for 5 weeks will rip that scab off, pour on the lemon juice, and then grind some salt into it for good measure. Which is to say it wasn't easy - and sometimes it was downright painful, but we held fast to the love we felt and worked our way through to more open and honest communication. Our relationship is the best its ever been and we are committed to putting in the work needed to keep it that way.

I find myself more generous, and more willing to extend grace (for the most part). I also find myself feeling far more protective of my family and immediate circle. I am more willing to let go of unintentional slights and misunderstandings, but more willing to cut you out of my life for toxic behavior.

This pandemic has been a crucible. Things like speaking up for what I wanted with my boss weren't easy, but weirdly enough I feel more willing now to take risks to get what I want and need. There are so many things outside my control - I guess I'm unwilling to voluntarily give up my power over the things I can control.

Lunchtime fail

I planned to do a kettlebell workout at lunch - I made 2/3 through before I stopped. I was outside and it was just too darn hot.

I wish I had positive news to share - just hanging in there. But I guess that's pretty good.

New shower & floor:

Nice birthday

So Sunday was T's birthday and by a happy alignment of the starts, he had the weekend off! We had a lovely time, got together with his family, and found a good balance between getting stuff done and relaxing. It's supposed to rain here all week and be really chilly for several days. Yuck.

Work continues on the bathroom and it's starting to come together! My husband cannot wait to take a shower!!!! Lol

Take care of yourselves.

Blah

World's slowest weight loss plan. Down a half pound. Gah. Consistency is the key, I hope I can find it soon!

Coming soon

They are going to start on the bathroom tomorrow!!! That makes me very happy!

Life's a beach

After a lovely Saturday with my husband, I drove down to mom's yesterday morning. T had to go back to work, but I brought along the daughter of a friend so she could enjoy some beach time and their family could get a break from each other. :-)  It was nice having a traveling companion.

I'm only staying until Wednesday - they are starting on the bath remodel later this week, plus T's birthday is Sunday and we have plans with his family.

Have a good day!

Ugh

Well I had stayed the same, but we ate out 2 nights in a row so now I'm up a pound for the week. Blech. Headed to the beach Sunday to hang with my mom for a few days.

Take care of yourselves.

So this happened

Yeah, that's the wall in our only shower. We do at least have a bath tub in the other bathroom. So we're doing a partial bath remodel.

Better, and what I wanted to post

I figured out how to revert - thank goodness! But I still can't post photos. What the actual heck blogger???

crap

I made the mistake of switching to the new version of blogger. Now it won't let me post pictures. :-(

Monday already

This weekend went by super quickly! Saturday I went to the park and worked out - which felt so amazing! Saturday afternoon I was really feeling down in the dumps. A friend came over and we talked and I rode with her to get potting soil, then I called a good friend in Alaska. It helped so much. I was exhausted and by the time we were ready for dinner I had nothing planned so we ordered pizza. We did get light cheese and double grilled chicken, so it wasn't too off plan. 

Sunday was a much better day! I shopped, dropped some stuff at church, tried out a new mask design for T (which he likes better), mowed the yard, did laundry. It was a lot but I paced myself so I didn't feel too worn out. When T got home we relaxed for a while and then made a really nice dinner: steak with sauteed mushrooms, baked potato, and wilted spinach. It was awesome.

My weight held steady over the weekend so even though I would like to be losing more quickly, I'm calling that a win on the health front. I did not feel like running this morning so I just went for a nice, brisk walk in the cool morning air.

Take care and stay safe.

New Blogger, new hope

I am trying out blogger's new format. I guess I will get used to it.

I lost another pound this week. I am finally beginning to feel some hope that I can relearn my good habits and turn this around. I kept plugging at it, but I will admit I was begin to feel pretty nervous. It was feeling overwhelming.

Things have been tough. My husband has been having a rough time - he's finally back at work, so he's feeling better. It's been emotionally exhausting. I am feeling more positive today.

Take care.

Re-opening for business

So our state is starting to gradually re open. I have mixed feelings, but T is going back to work next week. And he will be the manager of the restaurant here in town!!! So his commute goes from 30 minutes to 5. Especially since he does have to go back some evenings, this opens up a whole new world of his being able to go back to band, maybe rapier practice, the gym, and more time at home.

I am so happy for him - and me! :-)

No mountains

Well, the mountains are still closed. Lol. He wasn't able to stay with a friend and hotels are only open for essential workers, so he is home. It worked out well though, we've had some really heartfelt conversations and I feel like we're pulling together rather than apart in this difficult time. I love my husband so very much - he is such a good man even if he doesn't always see it. I know this is a difficult time for him - as it is for all of us. Sometimes I'm just not sure how to help.

I seem to have turned my weight gain around and have seen some slightly lower numbers. Fingers crossed for me! I'll let you know when I log my weight on Friday.

In other news I am doing the world's longest couch to 5k, because I'll opt to just walk for a week, or I'll miss a run and repeat the week. Good thing I don't have an actual race date! Lol. But I am determined to finish the darn thing!!

Take care.

Home again, home again

We are back home from the beach. It's good to go, but it's good to come home. My bed here is more comfortable :-) I think the change of scenery did us both good and T is looking forward to a couple of days in the mountains.

It sounds like he may be headed back to work soon and I am grateful. This has been TOUGH for him and he has been using food for emotional support, and a couple of evening drinks to relax. My husband doesn't drink regularly - and when he's working he can't on work days. Neither of these are good habits. Luckily he had a doctors appointment today. His knee is tendinitis (he was worried he might need surgery). It isn't anything serious, and his doctor gave him some stretches and chided him for the weight he has put on. I hope it is the nudge he needs. I don't want to harp on him, but I'm concerned. I assured him I would help support him however he asks.

Take care of yourselves!

Recharging

I took tomorrow off work and plan to help mom paint her bathroom. The weather has just gotten better every day, and I've walked on the beach every day but one. I think when we get back home T is going to head up to the mountains and stay with a friend for a couple of days. That is his "recharge" place. We are obviously being very careful, but are trying at this point to balance mental and physical health. NC has reopened somewhat, so there is a bit more flexibility - we are trying hard not to abuse that additional freedom.

Take care.

No shoes, no shirt, (no scale), no problem

Good morning from the beach! Despite a dead car battery (which thankfully happened in town Friday before we left), we arrived safely at our destination Saturday afternoon. It's been a pretty good visit. I am working, but it's so nice to have a change of pace. Not sure it's helping my husband as much as it's helping me, but I do think it's helping.

It was so nice to be down here for Mother's Day. I am so grateful. Other than that, it's basically the same old same old. I am not weighing since I don't have a scale down here, but I can tell you my eating is 1000% better than it was at home. There is an open air produce stand near my mom's house as well as a seafood market. So yummy, fresh & healthy food! Plus some special treats in moderation.

Paula asked whether or not the nutritionist is worth it - I think that depends on you & the nutritionist you see. I firmly believe you can learn something from everyone! It's mainly the extra accountability for me, but having someone review my food log is always helpful. I may know a lot about nutrition, but having someone experienced say "I've seen people have success when they try X" is good - they may see things you don't just because you're too close to it. Hope that makes sense.

Take care of yourselves!

This is hard

We are having a very difficult time. My husband is really depressed. Being a fairly extreme extrovert, sheltering in place is so hard for him. Add being furloughed and he feels he has nothing important going on in his life. I've tried to push him to do stuff here, but I'm afraid it's come across as nagging. We're both stressed. The up side is we are leaving tomorrow to go to my mom's. The state is lifting some restrictions, and we've been super careful over the last 2 weeks so we could go stay at her house and be fairly confident we aren't going to expose her to covid. I'm hoping a change of scenery and pace will help us both mentally.

My weight is up 0.2 pounds this week, which frankly I consider a major victory. I did go back to Lori (nutritionist) Wednesday evening. She said a lot of patients are coming in with 20 pounds weight gains. I stopped mine at 11. It may not fall back off, but I'm hoping that extra boost of accountability will help me. Look if I have to pay $75 a month to have someone look over my food diary, I'm willing to if it helps. My health is worth it.

You guys take care.

Back to what works

For quite some time I was visiting a nutritionist every 2 weeks. After a time it felt silly - do I really need that extra accountability? Right now the answer is yes. She is still open and I have an appointment for Wednesday. I also signed up for Rich Froning's daily workout. I've asked my husband for support.  As Barney Fife would say, I need to "nip it in the bud."

Take care - do what you need to do to take the best care possible of you & yours.

Big virtual hugs.

Fail fast

This has been a super rough week emotionally. I have made poor choices, and have felt a tremendous amount of shame and self loathing over those choices. That is a terrible place to be. Instead to hiding those feelings, I have said them out loud. I have started fresh every day even if the day before was a shit show. I feel like a plane that's been on a trajectory toward the ground. The last 3 days I've begun to pull out of the dive. I can't say I've been wildly successful, but each day has seen some improvement. Right now that may be my definition of "wildly successful."

There is a difference between giving something time to work versus realizing it isn't working and doing something different. I tried to start tracking on SparkPeople and it felt like punishment. Instead of tracking half a day & giving up every day (or just plain giving up), I'm going back to my paper tracking. Right now I need the accountability - even if all I do is write down everything I eat. That will help me take a moment between the desire & the act of shoving something in my mouth.

Last night T wanted a milkshake and Susie and I rode in the car with him. I was afraid that if I were home alone I would binge while he was gone. Secret eating/ drinking - those are really scary behaviors. It's been a long time since I felt the need to eat or drink in secret. If that means I can't be in the house alone right now, then so be it.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourselves.

It is what it is

The good news is my husband is feeling better. But the doctor told him to stay home another week anyway and he ended up getting furloughed. So now we have to figure out benefits etc. What a mess. He is really depressed about it and we are both struggling emotionally. Well, it is what it is. All we can do is move forward, be grateful we live in a state where the governor has a lick of sense, and hope for the best.

Take care of yourselves.

Gah

Weight is up, husband is stuck home because he has a low grade fever (maybe flu, almost certainly nothing else). He isn't getting paid. Will he get to go back to work? My pay was cut, his pay was cut. This sucks, I'm stressed. Like everyone else.

Good grief!

I didn't mean to fall off the side of the planet! My birthday was fine. T is at home for 14 days of self isolation. We don't know if he will be furloughed or just not paid and get to go back or what. So that's pretty stressful. My work is very busy and of course focus is a challenge. Some days are good others are tougher - just like everyone else I suppose.

Anyway, that's all I got. Headed out for a walk.

Take care.

Random observations

I really miss my gym. It's been years since I've run outdoors, but I started a C25K program because I need some challenging cardio. I'm on week 3. I'd forgotten how much more difficult cardio feels when you are dealing with weather and hills and pavement. OTOH I am enjoying it in a masochistic way. I always listen to music at the gym. When I run I either count or sing jodies. No music, just the quiet and me, singing or counting (very quietly). I am enjoying the quiet a lot more - sometimes I turn on Pandora but a lot of times I'll just listen to the birds or wind while I work.

Susie isn't sure what to make of 2 walks a day. Sometimes she seems excited, sometimes not so much. Generally Jordan only goes for 1, but other days she surprises me and wants to go again. We always take her stroller so she doesn't get too tired out.

I've started a new (very large) project at work which includes a systems architect. Let's just say that hasn't gotten off to a smooth start.  T is adjusting to a new routine at work. His business is way down, but his store remains open while a lot in the chain have temporarily closed. So that's a mixed blessing. We've both taken pay cuts, but we're still working when so many are not.

Some days my eating is on point and some days not so much, but it does seem to be smoothing out some. My birthday is Sunday and I ordered myself a couple of books, some nice bath wash, flowerdy keds, and Twin Peaks on Blu Ray. I'm going to try not to feel too sorry for myself - birthdays are a big deal in my family and normally I would be at the beach with my family. Oh well, this isn't forever.

Take care of yourselves!

I'll leave you with a picture of Susie that always makes me smile!

Better

Good morning. Yesterday was a lot better. I did my C25K run, swung my kettlebell 500 times, took the dogs for 2 walks, made dinner. It wasn't perfect - I had insomnia, and I had a snack at 2 AM as a result. That's not good, but I'm trying. Each day is a new one. So I got up at my usual time (no sleeping in and messing up my schedule), walked the dogs and did my swings. Dealt with some work issues first thing, so hopefully that will lead to less stress and better sleep tonight.

Take care.

Easter kinda stunk

I started the day off really sad, was better for a while, and ended it really sad.

Today is better.

Take care of yourselves. This is hard. That's okay that it's hard.

What does TGIF even mean???

In the days of working at home, the days do tend to run into one another. Having said that, there are several things I want to accomplish this weekend so I am looking at some time off work. Work has been very busy, so even though I am home it's not like I don't have plenty to do!!

Weight is still bouncing a bit, I am up 3 pounds on the year. Not the way I want to go, but I'm coming back down and seem to be doing a bit better. Right now I just want to focus on the day to day choices and staying within 5 pounds of where I'd gotten to. If I can do that then I'll feel like I've stayed on a fairly even keel. Maybe that's enough to expect right now.

Stay healthy!

Good morning

I'm still here. Last week was fairly rough for me mentally, but for now at least I seem to be on an upswing. The good weather is helping I'm sure. I know these posts are boring, but so is my life. Lol.

Over 2 years ago I printed a PDF off of Sparkpeople called "30 days of quick and healthy lunch ideas". I'd been struggling to come up with some different ideas - especially since we're all having to get creative based on what we have or can get. The page has been stuck on the side of my fridge ever since I printed it. Sunday I pulled it off and actually looked at the recipes (I've used some before, but it's been a while). I'm sure the page itself is probably gone, but I searched the recipe section and found the tuna and white bean recipe (it's called tuna and white bean salad), which I made using some fresh herbs from a friend's garden. It's really good and a nice change!

I remember about half the time to make myself overnight oats, and dinners have varied. I'm trying to make a snack tray for the afternoon when T gets home. He showers, then we sit on the porch and have some light appetizers to hold us over until dinner. It's been a nice ritual. I usually have a deviled egg, pickles, olives, carrots, grapes, yesterday I had a dab of guac made from a stray half an avocado (not all of that at once!). It lets him unwind, gives us a few minutes together, and I try to make it somewhat healthy.

Tonight I'm doing oven fried chicken with boneless skinless thighs, rice a roni (Don't judge me!), and roasted okra.

I'm not helping with lunch at church on Sunday, but T is making the dessert (a sort of a tiramisu trifle) and I am making fresh yeast rolls. Unfortunately it's supposed to rain, so I don't know what sort of turnout we'll get. :-(

Hope you have a good day - stay healthy.

Getting stuff done

I organized a small area in our barn over the weekend. It's open-ish to the outside, so it was pretty full of dust, pollen, etc. Anyway, I have a pile of stuff to go to Goodwill when they reopen. Other than that, pretty much same old same old. I did go to the grocery for a few things but tried to be very careful, which is hard. other than that I'm just at my house.

Take care.

Could be better, could be worse

Today there were lay offs at work. While I am still employed, a dear friend of 20+ years is not. Two people on our team were let go. My husband's scheduled vacations are cancelled for ??? long. Times are really bad in a way that I can't really wrap my mind around. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and getting through. 

Thankfully we are the types to have an emergency fund and live beneath our means. Our goal is to get to the point that we are able to live off only 1 income. We aren't there yet, but that's what we've been working toward for a time. Now that T has taken a 25% pay cut, we are thankful for our lifestyle!

Take care of yourselves!

The show must go on

While I am very grateful and thankful that I am able to work from home, but I admit it can be difficult to focus. I mean, there are always distractions, but add the current situation and yeah, focus in on the day to day minutiae of work can feel difficult.

I am trying to create structure in my day: AM dog walk then settle in to work, take a break at lunch and turn off the computer, then in the evening a walk to workout post work to signal that part of the day is done. That part is working pretty well - it's the staying focused that feels like a challenge! My son has been deemed essential by the Army Corps of Engineers (their boat yard supports some military and coast guard vessels), my husband has been deemed essential (restaurant manager), and I have a mom that's older. Thankfully my family members are all taking this seriously and being careful.

We are all powerless in the face of this - there is only so much any of us can do. It's hard to shut off that part of your mind and worry about setting up a Sharepoint site. :-) Hang tough, one day at a time, blah blah blah. Thanks for reading my little corner of the internet. It helps me just typing it all out.

Big virtual hugs.

30 days to break a habit

I read the other day that it takes 30 days to break a habit. Also, my birthday is in April (no beach trip this year). So I decided that for my birthday I am going to give myself the gift of breaking my evening snacking habit!!  I will be at home - I can make a nice meal and even a little something if I want a bite of something sweet after. But after that I am going to pretend the kitchen is CLOSED! Calorie free beverages only after dinner is over!

Congrats Paula for hanging tough in spite of a longer work day!! That's awesome!

You guys take care of yourselves.

Stress eating

Yeah, it's happening. I'm struggling. Doing some things well - really the day is going well. It's post dinner stress eating that is tough. I've asked my husband to help. Bringing ice cream and chocolate bars into the house isn't the way to do it. OTOH, stress baking probably isn't it either.

OTOH, trying to give myself a little grace.